Thread: Costume Ethics - Borrowing OK?

Okdokey - Here's the question - Is it OK to borrow a costume for a performance? What about for a competition? I'm not a professional dancer so I can't buy the most fancy costumes. (and in all honesty don't know of anyone my size to borrow from) I was mostly curious because I would like to try a Meleya Leff sometime but would end up buying a costume that I would only wear once. I just want to know if it would be bad to borrow one - especially for a competition.
Thanks a bundle!

I am curious about this too. What about borrowing a costume for a paid gig? I have had friends request to borrow some of my beauties for paid gigs that I was not invited to do (2 people always do the gigs but in this instance I was not one of them). I mean, if you aren't gonna ask me to dance with you I'm not about to loan you my expensive costume that I worked my butt off for! Get your own lol (in this case-not talking about you KelsNasim). SOMETIMES I don't mind lending but it has to be for a special purpose/emergency. What does everyone else think? Am I a scrooge?

I think it is probably ok to borrow a costume but..

Who would you borrow it from? Do you have someone you know who would let you do this?

Would that person mind you wearing a costume and sweating in it? Not to be gross but you may want to clean it after it is used.

What would you do if the costume gets damaged or stolen? Just make sure that whoever you borrow it from, you make sure you explain your intent and what you would do if it was damaged. I know someone who borrowed a dress for a party. Long story short, a party go-er threw a drink on her. It ruined the dress and she could not replace it.

Other than that - I see no issue in it though I have a few costumes that I would never ever loan because they are unique.

imo absolutely.
if the "a" list stars can borrow red carpet gowns, why not borrow a competition costume?

oh, we can have our own belly dance version of rachel zoe! how awesome would that be?

A competition is about how you present yourself right then, not about whether you own what you're wearing, have worn it before or will ever wear it again. I see no ethical problem at all in wearing a borrowed costume.

It is important however, really important, that the costume should fit well. A costume malfunction due to poor fit is not good at any time, deadly in a competition.
Rosette

Thanks so much. You guys rock.

I told my best friend "no" once, but it was something I had never worn before and she was totally capable of getting her own, which she did. Now that I have worn it, I wouldn't have a problem loaning it

Another friend and I wore the same size and we swapped all the time. But we had that type of relationship and our costumes were washable skirts and Costless belts with bras that could survive a nuclear blast.

With my very expensive pieces, I doubt I would loan them because if something happened to the costume, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't want to hurt a friendship.

Kelly, in your situation, I think it's ok to ask, since it is a specialty thing, but don't feel bad if they say no.

Maybe buy one but then sell it?

Originally Posted by SandraDances

I told my best friend "no" once, but it was something I had never worn before and she was totally capable of getting her own, which she did. Now that I have worn it, I wouldn't have a problem loaning it

Another friend and I wore the same size and we swapped all the time. But we had that type of relationship and our costumes were washable skirts and Costless belts with bras that could survive a nuclear blast.

With my very expensive pieces, I doubt I would loan them because if something happened to the costume, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't want to hurt a friendship.

Kelly, in your situation, I think it's ok to ask, since it is a specialty thing, but don't feel bad if they say no.

Maybe buy one but then sell it?

Yeah see my issue was, these people didn't have costumes I could swap with (they didn't even own professional costumes). They have since set about procuring their own....

a friend of mine is the same size of me and we borrow each other's costumes all the time. But I don't have any super expensive ones and neither does she. We see it as a great way to wear more costumes than keep buying more.

I have no problem loaning out costumes, or jewelry...but I've learned ONE thing... lay down some ground rules.

i.e. Please don't spray perfume/hair spray directly on the dress, jewelry, etc.

I had a beautiful designer necklace marred by hairspray, sprayed directly on the piece (soaked in to the lacquered gems), and when I got the garment back...brown stains...again from the spray, thankfully it washed out.
I don't think that's asking too much.
I still loaned (same person) stuff. Just asked her to cover herself from the neck down before she started going nuts with the sprays.
:-)

For an alternative view...

I have loaned costumes for a show. Theoretically, they were to come back to me the instant the dancer completed her set. In reality, however, it's been 18 months and I haven't gotten any of the 3 I loaned out back. I have seen them on the dancers in question, but the ladies disappear when they see me coming with my hands out for my own possessions. Basically, I've now given up on them.

This is not to say that I won't loan again, or haven't since, but I'm much, much, MUCH more careful about where they go. I've even considered asking for a fee - give me $$ which I shall hold for you until I get my baby back. As a borrower, you might want to consider that option in advance?

Originally Posted by Zeevah

For an alternative view...

I have loaned costumes for a show. Theoretically, they were to come back to me the instant the dancer completed her set. In reality, however, it's been 18 months and I haven't gotten any of the 3 I loaned out back. I have seen them on the dancers in question, but the ladies disappear when they see me coming with my hands out for my own possessions. Basically, I've now given up on them.

This is not to say that I won't loan again, or haven't since, but I'm much, much, MUCH more careful about where they go. I've even considered asking for a fee - give me $$ which I shall hold for you until I get my baby back. As a borrower, you might want to consider that option in advance?

That's terrible

Originally Posted by Zeevah

For an alternative view...

I have loaned costumes for a show. Theoretically, they were to come back to me the instant the dancer completed her set. In reality, however, it's been 18 months and I haven't gotten any of the 3 I loaned out back. I have seen them on the dancers in question, but the ladies disappear when they see me coming with my hands out for my own possessions.

.w.:,f::,m::.p::

that is horrid!!!!!!!!!!

that's awful!

I have loaned costumes out on several occasions. Once it took me a while to get it back, but the others jsut flow back and forth.

It works.

{{{HUGS}}}

I don't think there's anything at all *wrong* with borrowing a costume, even for a competition.

But *asking* to borrow someone's costume is really putting someone on the spot, and I would never, ever do it. Costumes are expensive, they're fragile, and we tend to be VERY emotionally attached to them.

If someone can't afford to buy a costume, how could they possibly afford to replace one if something awful happened?

The only time I would borrow a costume is if someone offered it to me. I would never, ever ask.

ok, i don't have any of those multi-hundred $$ lovlies you girls are talking about.
but personally, (and this i apply not only to costumes, but to anything i hold dear) i only lend out to my close friends, the people i know best, people i KNOW will take as good care of my stuff as i would. if i have the slightest doubt, i don't lend it.
the 'receiver' might not be able to offer me the same favor in return, or whatnot, but i trust that my treasure is in good hands, and that i will get it back in perfect shape and in due time.
to me, that's all that matters.

Agree with Lauren, as usual. I hope that no one ever asks to borrow one of my costumes - it would be hard for me to say No but I would want to say no. Speaking of nicer expensive costumes. I could lend out a pair of Melodias or a trumpet skirt without a problem - and have.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it but I never lend anything other than circle skirts or hipscarves myself, and even that is rare. It's the same with all clothes - I seldom if ever lend anything, and similarly I seldom if ever borrow.

only borrow/swap costumes if you are BFF's. NEVER loan anything out to a non-BFF or else you run a serious risk of never seeing it again.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Costumes are expensive, they're fragile, and we tend to be VERY emotionally attached to them.

I wouldn't loan out a costume, and have been asked before and said no without hesitating. A costume is a little too personal for me to have someone else wear - as if they are asking to borrow an intimate item from me. (An intimate item that costs $800 brand new. No way.)

Maybe I would loan out a folkloric costume, a melaya dress, something that maybe was not as expensive and that I do not use all the time ok - like, I have a khalegy dress and I would loan that out. It is very pretty, but not a fancy super expensive one.

When I was a noob teacher, I loaned costumes to all my students for their first hafla performance. Amazingly, I had stuff that would fit each of them!

Then, when one student was ready for her first solo, I loaned her my most expensive costume, my one and only pro costume, a Pharonics. Luckily that went OK.

But a few months later, I was plunking down 6 months worth of scrimping and saving for a new costume, and that student was present. I was leaving the vending table with my new pretty, hadn't even worn it yet, and she asked if she could borrow it.

That was the end of me loaning. It has to be offered, from the heart. When people ask, or worse, start assuming, it takes all the fun out of the lending.

I still lend skirts, scarves, tops, etc. but not costumes.

Thanks so much for your input. I would never ask anyone to loan me a expensive costume... I was thinking more the kind that are very specific ( and that I could afford to replace if something happened). Or even maybe go in halfsies (sp?) if we were similar sized. Being 5 feet tall makes it a mute point for me personally. I know women in my troupe who are all very similar sized and BFFs. In their situation I think it could work.

I think for me the hardest thing is that I'm sized very differently than many of my dance friends, and in many cases I've put a lot of work into altering my costumes to fit me perfectly. I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone moving hooks or removing padding, even if they offered to put everything back when they were done.

I'd offer to lend to my meleya dress, Kels, but I don't think you'd be able to get "the twins" in there. ..l;,

I'm glad to hear some of you say it's OK to decline if someone asks to borrow.

Years ago someone asked me to lend something. Her request wasn't entirely inappropriate; it was a costume for a troupe number that I normally was in, but not for that particular performance. But I had just gotten it, it was quite distinctive in appearance, and I paid what was then for me a lot of money for it. I just didn't have the heart to let anyone else go on stage in it before I had ever worn it myself. (I actually wouldn't have minded lending it to her later.)

Afterwards I felt like a selfish person for saying no, and I've thought that way about it for all these years. But maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Lending things has gotten me burned many times, so there are very few people I'd lend a costume to, and I would never ask to borrow anything.

I do have some skirts, veils and hip scarves set aside for student haflas, but that's not the same as a pro costume.

Why not buy the melaya dress and resell it when you're finished?

One of my teachers would lend (offer) things like circle skirts or harem pants if we needed to fit in with the student troupe, and she would hire out bedlahs.

Personally, I've lent friends coin belts, skirts, harem pants, cholis etc. (for costume parties and the like, I have no close BD friends), but I wouldn't lend out my one and only (inexpensive) costume except to a very close dancer friend, who knew how to care for them.

I wouldn't ask to borrow an expensive costume, I'd be so worried about something happening to it.

I constantly have people asking me for costumes for Halloween....flat out no, and then if they pester, I say what if you get a drink spilled on it and suddenly owe me at least $300...then they shut up

Ask yourself this, I guess...would you ask your best friend if you could borrow her $800 diamond necklace? If you would feel comfortable with that, then it's okay to ask. If not, then don't!

Hmmm, we need bellydance costume rental ..g.: