Thread: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

Originally Posted by Michelle75

Don't forget that it could be the angle the photos were shot from IF by chance they were from below, TWIGGY could look like a bloated whale.

that is also a very good point ... you should have seen my shock the first time I saw pictures of myself that were taken from below .... that's a HORRIBLE angle!!

Originally Posted by Doozer

I just had another observation to add: this weekend my dearest and I went to a bellydance show. One of the comments he made was that he didn't like the dancers that didn't 'do much,' in reference to a few that looked perfect but were static. The women that danced their hearts out had his (and my) admiration. How cool is that?

I'd call that coolest - and call him a keeper!!

Originally Posted by portiaangel

see jessica alba or angelina jolie when? when they first wake up in the morning and look in the mirror at a bad angle? when they are on their period and bloated and wearing sweats and feeling like crap? when they are made up and feeling good and paying attention to how they are presenting themselves? when they are caught mid dance in a strange position? ... at what point? those two actresses have both had rather large noticeable ranges of weight / size / shape over the courses of their career ... at which point are they stunning? at which point do you find them stunning - one, the other, both? so what standard is the real perfect?? ... and I'm not saying you wouldn't find them stunning - but they would be stunning just like any other pretty woman - complete with flaws that we tend to overlook in others. do you think they look at themselves and see the same thing you see? I doubt it. I also see women every day who aren't angelina jolie or jessica alba both that do and that do not fit that 'ideal' that I find stunning and there are other women who look at me and at times find me stunning - usually when I do not ... that's the thing ... it's all individual perspective and we tend to look at others and see beauty and look at ourselves and see flaws.

yes, yes, yes!!! As I've always believed and said "each of us is her own worst critic!". I still have to remind myself after decades of seeing myself in print or on film/video/DVD that I'm my worst. Portia, your last sentence really sums it all up for me.

Sometimes I remind myself what my body is for--because I have some pretty down days that rob me of joy, simply because I am bummed about some physical attribute I don't like. I try to remember that I am really strong, I can move things, run, climb things, carry my kids, walk the dog, dance, etc...

When I broke my foot a few years ago, it made me really appreciate just the simple gift of being able to walk while carrying something.

I also try to recalibrate my brain by thinking about the women I know---not in a critical way, but just in a realistic way. The women I know in real life are complicated an beautiful creatures--more than just the sum of their beautiful and not so beautiful parts. They are funny, smart, caring, clever, nurturing, strong, etc.--and their physical beauty is kind of...irrelevant in a way.

Our physical bodies are gifts--for all that they can do to help us live our lives.

I have bad times and bad days, too. Sometimes, my own words would make me roll my eyes. I think we can all relate to what you feel.

What I am saying is that photo shopped or not, those women (and countless other "hollywood" starlets) are gorgeous and also what a lot of the public bases their standard of beauty on. That is the reality. I am sure they all have unflattering photos taken from time to time, go through insecurities, have a "fat" day, just like the rest of us. However, since that is the standard that our society has set for what is beautiful, it is no wonder that we all have days where we feel completely craptastic. Also, can I just say that I would rather have a craptastic fat day while looking like Jessica Alba, then as myself....lol!

Originally Posted by Doozer

The women that danced their hearts out had his (and my) admiration. How cool is that?

That's VERY cool.

Originally Posted by stardancer

In my view the media images are reality in the sense that those ARE the standards that we and the public judge a person's appearance by. Photoshop-ed or not. Also, I think that despite the fact that we all like to think that photo shop made these women into barbies, I seriously doubt that any of us would see Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba and think they are less than absolutely stunning in person.

Agreed. But I think, like the person who put this youtube clip together says, they're beautiful, but it's not the *unattainable* standard of beauty that appears in their more carefully-lit, fluffed-and-coiffed moments.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM_6ARkzeDw]YouTube - Stars without makeup[/ame]

LOVE the video!

You are not alone with the extra few pounds....I'm amazed my stuff still fits...oy.

But I remember Faith Hill
Photoshop Of Horrors: Here's Our Winner! 'Redbook' Shatters Our 'Faith' In Well, Not Publishing, But Maybe God

and Jamie Lee Curtis:SF Gate: Jamie Lee Curtis, before a three-hour makeover that invol... Multimedia (image)


and then I feel a little better. (but I'm still going to henna my gray hair)

All I can say about that youtube thing is that if I was one of them, I'd probably hate it -

That and Pam Anderson is frightening looking.

Halle Berry is still gorgeous.

And on that happy note;
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Who's hungry, eh?? Ya know, all things in moderation; including feasting, and body image self review............

I'm not a stick-insect; won't be ever. I'm good with that, especially with family and great food and lots of laughter around the table.

Hey, the last man that said to me, "oh, you're a belly dancer, you must work out, huh?" (it made me think of that California/Happy Cow commercial........"hey, you work-out?".)I told him, "yeah, but I also have to have something to shimmy"....................his eyes popped out of his head........Aaaah-ooooo-gaaah!..................yeah.he'll be back ..g.:

Thanks for sharing all the great ideas about what to do on those "craptastic" days! I'm going to use some!

I struggle with the fact that when I'm thinner, I am also a lot more flat chested and kind of...deflated...which makes me sad. I like the look of some areas better than others depending on my weight!

Originally Posted by mish_mish

I struggle with the fact that when I'm thinner, I am also a lot more flat chested and kind of...deflated...which makes me sad. I like the look of some areas better than others depending on my weight!

That is why there is padding!!! ..l;,..l;,..l;,

probably the photographer hates you, or he/she is crappy. i watched your veil dance on youtube. you look perfect!

[QUOTE=_Sarai_;297448]I have those days too. Days when you think "OMG, these pants fit me LAST WEEK."

Dancing is beautiful in its fluidity. There is no part of it that can exist outside the context of the move without looking odd.




Sarai,
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You just gave me one of those "lightbulb moments!" I always cringe when I see photos ("Darn! I thought I looked cute that night, but I looked like a pudgy troll!") Now, I'm just going to keep your comment in mind and figure that I was cute to the people watching.

yeah - whenever I do shows (not as a dancer, but as a singer - I'm still a beginning dancer, but same principle) we always get both video and pictures taken ... the video ALWAYS looks better than the pictures ... some pictures are good, some are not as good, but people just flat out look better within the context of their movement, the situation, the emotion of a performance, etc.

Originally Posted by damiena

That is why there is padding!!! ..l;,..l;,..l;,

I am not really worried about it for costuming...more literally just for pure naked vanity!!! Who wants to look at a 34 B long when you can have a 34 C..g.: with bounce?

Originally Posted by mish_mish

I am not really worried about it for costuming...more literally just for pure naked vanity!!! Who wants to look at a 34 B long when you can have a 34 C..g.: with bounce?

..l;,..l;,..l;,

I know exactly what you mean :-p

Awesome thread, and very timely because I've been feeling crap-tastic, myself.

You might want to remove some stimuli if you find yourself continuously having those awful, unproductive inner monologues about how you don't measure up to the latest model or celebutard. Turn off the TV, ignore the Cosmo mag when it comes in the mail, just take a step back from airbrushed imagery for as long as you need, and use that time toward more positive pursuits. You'll amaze yourself by how much extra free time you gain and how much better you'll feel.

For me, modeling was the stimulus I cut out - the self-loathing over not being 5'10" and a D-cup got out of control. Ever since I stopped goofing around on Model Mayhem, I've freed up about 2 hours of my day to be spent - you guessed it - getting back into dancing again!

Also, spending time with only positive people is KEY. Maybe you might want to take fewer shopping trips with that friend who's always bitching about her weight (or, worse, other people's weight). Do hang out with people who can teach you something, or inspire you, or make you feel better on those crap days.

If all else fails, go straight to Bhuz....where else can you get this kind of support at the click of a mouse?

Whenever I feel really crappy about my age/shape/size/undereyebags/cellulite/saggy boobies/whatever, I take a look at bellydancers. Especially the ones I love the most. Orit comes to mind immediately. She has thinner months and heavier months, or years, whatever. She is pretty real when it comes to bodyshape. But it is ALWAYS her dancing and expression that I remember, never that she is heavier in this picture/youtubeclip.
And there are others - Dondi is stunning, Lulu, Dalila, Viginia, Lucy, Aziza.... I could go on.
I hate those days or weeks that I have body issues. Photo's can be cruel and confidence destroying.
Shems, you are a fabulous dancer. Forget the photo. Dance past it. ..g.:

hmmmmm... I just re-read my post -I hope I havn't been unintentionally offensive. I can see I may have been. What I meant to say was, these women are all beautiful. Voluptuous and gorgeous.
Right. Retreating.....

I wasn't offended khalilaNZ.

Actually all these posts have been pretty helpful and interesting at times. I think these are the things that I've gotten out of this:

a) I need to realize 98% of it is my transferring my stress emotions onto my body image, not that my body has changed much, if at all

b) Nobody is perfect

c) It is difficult to catch the true elegance of a dancer in motion

d) Sexy comes in different shapes

e) I could do with a little extra me time a little more often - a facial, a good swim or run, a nice stretch

f) Bhuz is really quite a good place to find a friendly word

Thanks everybody.

Originally Posted by LauraLevana

Sarai,
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You just gave me one of those "lightbulb moments!" I always cringe when I see photos ("Darn! I thought I looked cute that night, but I looked like a pudgy troll!") Now, I'm just going to keep your comment in mind and figure that I was cute to the people watching.

i'm so glad! I'm positive you ARE cute to those watching. What we need is those photos from harry Potter, where the subjects can smile and wave around.