+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 53



  1. #1
    Master BHUZzer shems's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Baltimore, MD, USA
    Posts
    4,542

    Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Yesterday I got a few photos back from a show I had been in recently. It had already been a stressful and overwhelming day and then seeing myself in those photos, I think I've put on a couple pounds, or maybe I just am unlucky in photos, but I just started feeling really down on myself, on my body and everything. I was wishing I was more slim, more perfect, I'm sure many of y'all know the feeling.

    But I really want to snap out of it. I'm doing the best I can for now to take care of myself and I just want to accept and love my body. How do I do that? How do I keep from getting so down on myself for what I see as my imperfections?

    What do you guys do when you are having craptastic body issue days?


  2. #2
    A journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single post. Lauren_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    St. Louis, MO, USA
    Posts
    14,550

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Go to the nearest WalMart. Look around.

    Seriously, I'm not kidding. We tend to subconsciously compare ourselves to the unattainable airbrushed perfection of models on billboards and in magazines and catalogues, even though we know better.

    Having a look around at some real human women, at the grocery store or the post office, puts things back into perspective quickly for me.

    Although... I live in the Midwest, where they film all the 'Obesity Epidemic' footage for the news. It's probably different in LA and New York -- all the pretty girls from here move there to compete with each other.


  3. #3
    Established BHUZzer Mayliz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    776

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Not look at the mirror or those photos for a couple of days...Seriously, sometimes it's a bad angle, especially when you're dancing. If you didn't feel like that before the show, I'd say let it go for at least a day. Personally, I'd get on the scale right away and check. Checking my weight once or twice a week keeps me aware of my actual weight and not what I think I look like. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Oh, crap, I must've gained like five pounds in the last week" but then the scale corrects me. I might've put on one pound because I stuffed myself the day before or whatever. The body fluctuates on a daily basis. If you had a meal before the show or if the photographer caught you while you weren't tucking in your stomach, you might get an unflattering image.

    I hate repeating myself....but I just want to stress that sometimes you have to not obssess over static photos that don't take in the whole of you...

    Hope this helps!


  4. #4
    Mega BHUZzer david's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Posts
    2,900

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Use photoshop when I get the pictures from that shoot :) hehe


  5. #5
    Advanced BHUZzer KelsNasim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,745

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I hate those craptastic days... especially when you have unflattering photos to keep you there. I had been given the gift of stretchmarks all over my belly, hips & thighs as well as the extra 20 pounds. But, I also know that no amount of weight loss will change the stretchmarks so I look at them as God's way of making sure I don't get obsessive about my weight.
    I agree with Lauren in that you need to look around you - even at other bellydancers. The dancers here on bhuz come in all shapes and sizes - and are all beautiful. Instead of focusing on whatever you don't like in your photos... look at your face - what emotions were you conveying? I'm sure those watching your performance were caught up in the beauty of everything your were in that moment and that can never be captured in a still photograph.
    We are always our harshest critics. Put on your favorite outfit, do your hair and make-up, and/ or pamper yourself in any and all ways that make you feel good to be you.
    Take care!


  6. #6
    I could get used to this! Emeraude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    57

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Photos don't count! There are people who consistently look good in photos. These people are called "models," and they're handsomely paid for their strange ability. (And then, of course, their images are manipulated to a Barbie-like impossibility, but that's another issue.) The rest of us are at the mercy of a given lens, and some lenses are just plain unfair. More importantly, there's a lot to beauty that a camera doesn't always see: intangibles like motion and spirit and joy (the stuff that takes a hit when you're hating on yourself).

    When I feel ugly, I figure I'm having a bad mirror day and move on. If that's not enough, I look at the offending image in the mirror, say "I adore you" three times, and move on. If that doesn't work, I look in the mirror and force myself to appreciate aspects of my beauty, especially any "bad" parts. I try to come up with like five things. I find this so exhausting that by the time I'm done I'm more than ready to think about something else.

    And when all else fails, I know I can go down to the newsstand and get an Enquirer or other tab that shows photos of beautiful women looking bad!

    Hope this helps!


  7. #7
    Official BHUZzer portiaangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    256

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    this may sound like mumbo jumbo or psychobabble, but your 'weight gain', 'bad angle', and especially bad body thoughts, etc may actually have nothing or little to do with your actual body and everything (or MUCH more) to do with your emotions / state of mind ... often as women especially we transfer our negative emotions into bad body thoughts for many reasons one of which being that that's something tangible that we can focus on and attempt to change rather than sitting with uncomfortable emotions (and you said you had had a stressful and overwhelming day which are exactly what often can still trigger bad body thoughts for me) - (now I HAVE dealt with eating disorder issues, so my case will be more extreme / pronounced, but this is not only women with eating disorders who experience this - it just gets to the point where it controls / distroys their lives) ... to deal with them I remind myself to trust that my body is fine and healthy and does not have to conform to society's arbitrary (and often unhealthy and unattainable and certainly unneccesary for many) definition of 'perfect' - which doesn't even exist ... of all the far more important things in my life I am taking energy away from by focusing on this ... and that if the problem is indeed emotional in the first place (which it 99.9% of the time is) that focusing on my body actually takes me farther away from the actual solution to the original discomfort that caused it.


  8. #8
    Official BHUZzer portiaangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    256

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by Emeraude View Post
    If that's not enough, I look at the offending image in the mirror, say "I adore you" three times, and move on.
    I love this ..g.:


  9. #9
    Official BHUZzer arielarielariel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    227

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I try to remember that performance pictures sometimes capture me at my worst angles. It's just the luck of the draw. And the camera adds pounds, don't forget.

    When I'm feeling crappy about my body I treat myself nicely. I spend extra time pampering myself with fun beauty products, or dress nicely so that I feel more attractive. I eat something healthy (a salad, a smoothie) that makes me feel better. I go for a walk and experience the outdoors. I go out with a friend. I paint a picture, work on a choreography, create something beautiful. I remember that society has unrealistic expectations for female beauty.


  10. #10
    I could get used to this! Emeraude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    57

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Oh, and there's a beautiful scene in What the Bleep Do We Know? that deals with this very thing.


  11. #11
    Mega BHUZzer Doozer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Oregon!
    Posts
    2,032

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    You can post your photos here so we all can admire your unique beauty...you might be surprised that other people find what you consider flaws beautiful!


  12. #12
    Ultimate BHUZzer danidance's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    9,317

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Lately, I've been doing a lot better on the self-criticism without forgetting that I need to be fit for my long-term health. It's fine to grouse and have "come to Jesus" moments - just keep it real. Sometimes it's a bad photo; sometimes it's because you've gained a few pounds and a particular costume is unforgiving; sometimes it's bloat; and sometimes it's just cause you're in a bad mood and no one is gonna look good ..l;,

    What's resonating with me big time right now in many many ways is the recent accidental death of a friend who was in her early 30s. I don't mean to be cliche, but seriously, we all have to remember it could be over at any moment, and it's far better to be a little more accepting of ourselves while still balancing the things we aspire to or the expectations we hold for ourselves. Perspective! what a concept.


    (Want to reiterate based on comments I've received in the past that just because you get down on yourself occasionally or have "come to Jesus" moments, doesn't mean you're a self abusing fanatic. It's good to keep oneself in line and have goals.)


  13. #13
    Master BHUZzer shimarella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    3,076

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Its tough during the holidays as well. I kind of agree with Lauren. A reality check is sometimes all we need to remind ourselves to stop getting so down on ourselves. I also use it as a moment to check-in with whether I have been keeping up with my fitness goals ( not to beat myself up though)


  14. #14
    I could get used to this! _Sarai_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    182

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I have those days too. Days when you think "OMG, these pants fit me LAST WEEK."

    But I will let you in on a secret: I do model on occasion, so I have a body awareness that comes from being photographed. I know how to turn, when to suck in, what angles make my body look good. When people take photos of me while dancing (actually dancing, not posing in costume like I might be dancing) I NEVER look good. The reason? Dancing is beautiful in its fluidity. There is no part of it that can exist outside the context of the move without looking odd.

    You can pose and be hyper aware of how you look when doing a maya and then adjust your body... but if you are ACTUALLY doing a maya the lift of your hip is going to cause your skin to roll and your body to appear squat.

    that is why you have to take dancing photos with a grain of salt. Use them to check you posture or to see if your arms and hands are sloppy. But don't judge your body on that. The people in the audience see the WHOLE move, those photographs are static and are always out of context.


  15. #15
    A journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single post. Lauren_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    St. Louis, MO, USA
    Posts
    14,550

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by Emeraude View Post
    Photos don't count! There are people who consistently look good in photos. These people are called "models," and they're handsomely paid for their strange ability.
    ..l;,..l;,..l;, LOVE this.


  16. #16
    Official BHUZzer susuabdo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    207

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I too have a lot of those days when I wish I was thinner etc. All my adult life I weighed 130 pounds, then illness forced me to have a hysterectomy and become menopausal at 32 years old and with that came extra weight. My body changed. No longer did I have hip bones that stuck out or a flatter abdomen. All this weight arrived to stick on my front. aaaaaaaaaagggggggh. I turned from a twig to an apple.I have learned to live with it, that is my body type. This dance has made me stronger physically and mentally. So I have learned to like the body I am in. I am not going to starve myself back to thin. Anyway...one of the nicest compliments I rec'd was from a chap who does some of our videography. He has a wife who is a bigger girl. He said he thinks it is awesome that we women with more typical body types (sizes 12-14) are incentive to people like his wife to show their inner beauty through the dance or just feel comfy in their own skin too. Some photos end up great, some videos do and sometimes not.
    Try not to focus so much on the photos. It is when you are actually dancing that your intense inner and outer beauty shines. People watching you see your beauty live in person while it is happening. Don't let photos bum you out. We are really too hard on ourselves folks.


  17. #17
    Master BHUZzer Sonja2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tennessee, USA
    Posts
    3,143
    Blog Entries
    2

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by _Sarai_ View Post
    I have those days too. Days when you think "OMG, these pants fit me LAST WEEK."

    But I will let you in on a secret: I do model on occasion, so I have a body awareness that comes from being photographed. I know how to turn, when to suck in, what angles make my body look good. When people take photos of me while dancing (actually dancing, not posing in costume like I might be dancing) I NEVER look good. The reason? Dancing is beautiful in its fluidity. There is no part of it that can exist outside the context of the move without looking odd.

    You can pose and be hyper aware of how you look when doing a maya and then adjust your body... but if you are ACTUALLY doing a maya the lift of your hip is going to cause your skin to roll and your body to appear squat.

    that is why you have to take dancing photos with a grain of salt. Use them to check you posture or to see if your arms and hands are sloppy. But don't judge your body on that. The people in the audience see the WHOLE move, those photographs are static and are always out of context.
    Oh I'm so glad you said this, most pictures of me mid-move always look terrible.

    I can sympathize with this post, Shems. I have lots and lots of days when I look at photos of me and all I can think is "oh my neck is getting flabbier and my crow's feet are getting bigger and I have a double chin and my eyes are closed AGAIN and why the heck did I have that expression on my face!" I feel awful about 80% of my photos (especially candid shots). So, I delete that 80%, and try to look at the 20% that look pretty good, and remind myself that I'm healthy (important!) and blessed (I have a job, a husband, a house, food) and I love to dance.

    Then I go to Walmart and gawk. Okay, I had to admit it. I do that, too. .w.:.w.:


  18. #18
    Halima-Dances
    Guest Halima-Dances's Avatar

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren_ View Post
    Go to the nearest WalMart. Look around.

    Seriously, I'm not kidding. We tend to subconsciously compare ourselves to the unattainable airbrushed perfection of models on billboards and in magazines and catalogues, even though we know better.

    Having a look around at some real human women, at the grocery store or the post office, puts things back into perspective quickly for me.

    Although... I live in the Midwest, where they film all the 'Obesity Epidemic' footage for the news. It's probably different in LA and New York -- all the pretty girls from here move there to compete with each other.
    So true. I also visit WalMart when I am questioning my parenting as well...

    Guaranteed to help one's self-esteem!

    ..l;,


  19. #19
    Mega BHUZzer Gia al Qamar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Posts
    2,466

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I too have gained a VAST amount of additional 'fluff' this year and feel positively GHASTLY, disheartened and honestly very upset when I see photos of myself...My body has changed, not only in weight, but in many ways that I hadn't seen in last year's mirror.
    After a recent show, half a dozen positively GORGEOUS YOUNG dancers dashed, en mass, backstage to congratulate me after a particularly good show...their kudos turned to giddy worship after they began enumerating all the things that I could do with my body that they had yet to achieve.
    I told them how I admired their beauty and one gal responded by saying that she would trade whatever beauty she had for the ability I possessed. Then they applauded her...and me.
    So I have come to realize that youth and beauty are, indeed, skin deep and fleeting...but to do what we do and do it well enough to move people...that's the real beauty...
    Last edited by Gia al Qamar; 11-25-2008 at 11:58 AM. Reason: oh spelling...my eyes are going too...


  20. #20
    Advanced BHUZzer joanneraks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Sacramento, CA, USA
    Posts
    1,581

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I can definitely commiserate. I have these days all the time, actually I think I've had a couple of years feeling like this with small bursts of relief here and there. Working on that. :)

    There are so many good ideas here that I'll bookmark this thread and be keeping it handy.

    One thing that is a guaranteed cure for me is to listen to a report on NPR about some of the horrors going on in the world. Instant cure and re-focus. It also helps me to step away from visual stimulation for a while and do something more outwardly interactive - like calling a friend who's down, or something physically distracting - like housework or working out.


  21. #21
    Official BHUZzer portiaangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    256

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    well, as long as the going to walmart thing is to remind you that women come in all shapes and sizes ... not to pump yourself up by putting others down ... I don't think it ever honestly helps a womans body image or self esteem to pick apart other womens bodies (the models or those on the other end of the size spectrum)


  22. #22
    Established BHUZzer yaalini's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    993

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I honestly think I am the reverse of photogenic most of the time. My best pictures are sans glasses, in dance or theatre makeup. Very few pictures in normal everyday wear come out nice.

    I once considered Lasik just so I would look better in pictures, ha ha!

    I usually think I look fine in the mirror. It's the camera that makes me look bad!


  23. #23
    A journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single post. Lauren_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    St. Louis, MO, USA
    Posts
    14,550

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by portiaangel View Post
    well, as long as the going to walmart thing is to remind you that women come in all shapes and sizes ... not to pump yourself up by putting others down ... I don't think it ever honestly helps a womans body image or self esteem to pick apart other womens bodies (the models or those on the other end of the size spectrum)
    EXCELLENT point. I go to remind myself how few women are that perfect size 2, to remind myself that the media images aren't reality and don't represent an achievable goal for most of us. Because the body, hair, face, etc. that I have in my head as an image of how I would like to look don't come from the real world.

    I have to do the same thing with hairstyles. I'm always wishing I had the hair from a certain actress or model, but of course they're spending HOURS in a chair and then getting fluffed/primped literally every 5-10 minutes by a TEAM. When I'm thinking about getting a new hairdo, I try to 'shop' in the Oprah audience instead of the onstage area... it's a whole different world out there where real people live!

    Quote Originally Posted by Halima-Dances View Post
    So true. I also visit WalMart when I am questioning my parenting as well...

    ..l;,
    That made me laugh because it's so true... then it made me really sad.
    I've had to leave a whole cart full of groceries behind and just go home because I couldn't stand to be in the grocery store any more.


  24. #24
    Mega BHUZzer gothique's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    2,590

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    You're GORGEOUS!!!

    I LOVE YOUR ICON!!!

    AND YOUR VIDEOS (especially the veil routine)!!!

    Be kind to yourself!!!
    Last edited by gothique; 11-25-2008 at 01:46 PM. Reason: viel = veil


  25. #25
    Established BHUZzer TediThomas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Carbondale, Illinois (extreme southern Illinois) U.S.A.
    Posts
    784

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    One thing I do (usually either in rehearsal with my troupe mates or in between our classes) is to jiggle the ah.... "offending" body part (my belly mostly) at one of my partners. It never fails to elicit a squeal of delight and some hand clapping (as the one partner in particular absolutely loves to see my jiggley belly flesh jiggle). I've always strived to not take myself too seriously when at all possible.


  26. #26
    Official BHUZzer wayauwohali's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    295

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I actually have to do the opposite of Wal-Mart watching. I have to look in the mirror and literally make myself not compare, just look. When I can really back away from what others expect and what I expect, that's a more realistic view. Also, for everything you don't like about yourself find something you like. My tummy isn't flat and I don't like that but I have a waist and I like that.


  27. #27
    Advanced BHUZzer stardancer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    1,966

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren_ View Post
    the media images aren't reality and don't represent an achievable goal for most of us. Because the body, hair, face, etc. that I have in my head as an image of how I would like to look don't come from the real world.
    In my view the media images are reality in the sense that those ARE the standards that we and the public judge a person's appearance by. Photoshop-ed or not. Also, I think that despite the fact that we all like to think that photo shop made these women into barbies, I seriously doubt that any of us would see Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba and think they are less than absolutely stunning in person.

    I totally had one of those gross blubbery days when I was dressing for my show this weekend. I felt like my belly was a bowl of jelly. I joined the gym 2 days later. I think the 2 year hiatus from working out really has taken it's toll on my shape. I set a goal to be kick ass again my the summer. ..g.:


  28. #28
    Official BHUZzer portiaangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    256

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    see jessica alba or angelina jolie when? when they first wake up in the morning and look in the mirror at a bad angle? when they are on their period and bloated and wearing sweats and feeling like crap? when they are made up and feeling good and paying attention to how they are presenting themselves? when they are caught mid dance in a strange position? ... at what point? those two actresses have both had rather large noticeable ranges of weight / size / shape over the courses of their career ... at which point are they stunning? at which point do you find them stunning - one, the other, both? so what standard is the real perfect?? ... and I'm not saying you wouldn't find them stunning - but they would be stunning just like any other pretty woman - complete with flaws that we tend to overlook in others. do you think they look at themselves and see the same thing you see? I doubt it. I also see women every day who aren't angelina jolie or jessica alba both that do and that do not fit that 'ideal' that I find stunning and there are other women who look at me and at times find me stunning - usually when I do not ... that's the thing ... it's all individual perspective and we tend to look at others and see beauty and look at ourselves and see flaws.


  29. #29
    Master BHUZzer Michelle75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    3,729

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    Don't forget that it could be the angle the photos were shot from IF by chance they were from below, TWIGGY could look like a bloated whale. Action pictures are hard to catch a nice angle as well. Don't be too hard on yourself.


  30. #30
    Mega BHUZzer Doozer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Oregon!
    Posts
    2,032

    Re: Body Issues - how do you deal with your craptastic days?

    I just had another observation to add: this weekend my dearest and I went to a bellydance show. One of the comments he made was that he didn't like the dancers that didn't 'do much,' in reference to a few that looked perfect but were static. The women that danced their hearts out had his (and my) admiration. How cool is that?


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Statistics
  • Threads 41,126
  • Posts 594,281
  • Members 38,129
  • Welcome to our newest member, asad20


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200