Thread: I see thin in the mirror!

I have an interesting scenario. When I look in the mirror, I see thin. Like bikini thin - good shape thin - thin! The issue - I am not. I have a large stomach and thick thighs. I am not a size 0 but a 10. I have had several people make comments about "are you pregnant" and "when are you due?"

I try not to let the comments hurt me but they do. Now - I am realizing that I may not be as thin as what I see in the mirror.

How do you change to see the "real you"? The only time I see the real me is in pictures!

I can TOTALLY understand. In my minds eye I am still smaller than what is really there. I just came back from a cruise and when I reviewed my pictures I had to go and cry in my room. I was really devistated. I'm 5' 6" and I went from a 130 to 187. I've always been between an 8-10 and now I'm in a 14. I just NEVER realized that gradually the lbs. crept up. I don't know how to make myself see what is really there either.

OMG! I am not alone. Well - I take comfort in knowing that others feel like me ;-)

I read in a bodybuilding book for women that the best way to evaluate your shape is to look at your shadow (sillouette) not in the mirror. Try going into a dark room and turning a light on behind you and look at your shadow on the wall. It might give you a better idea of what's good and what could use improvement.

p.s. Shame on anyone who makes a pregancy comment like that to someone. Were they raised in a barn!?

that is really hard to deal with. i'm really skinny and always have been, but at one point in time i went from being about 115-120 to 135....and i have a small frame. so everyone i hadnt seen in a while had comments about my weight...(also got the pregnant questions as well). it hurts a lot, i dont care what anyone says....its very hard to ignore hurtful comments.

you can spend a lot of time being upset about it (thats the first step). the second step is to try and do something about it. its really hard to try and lose weight or tone up but sometimes hearing these hurtful comments make u get motivated to actually do something. we all look in the mirror daily and see ourselves and we want to be happy with what we see. it makes us feel better about ourselves in general.

so my question is: what can u do to start easing into the process of toning up? i gave up pop and that helped me drop at least 5 lbs. i tried working out more...challenged myself with harder dancing (it's fun at least!), tried to eat better...or i tried to gradually eat less. the small things help and can add up to some results. it helps to have a supportive friend/partner to help you thru it.

good luck to everyone going thru this struggle...i tend to carry weight in my stomach area and have gained about 3 lbs recently. so now i'm a whopping 120 (eyes rolling) and the other day a coworker asked me if i was pregnant! so i truly feel ur pain. this isnt the first time i've been asked that either! grrrr

Okay, for the record, a size 10 is soooooo not fat.

I don't really have any advice except that in order to look your very best, it is important to buy flattering clothes in your REAL size, not the size you used to be or wish you were. Doing that can make you instantly look thinner and more confident....more like the real, beautiful person you are! Clothing that is ill fitting can cause unattractive bulging even on thin people.

I have the opposite problem, actually. I see FAT! in the mirror, in pictures, etc., even when people tell me otherwise.

I understand what you all are saying!

I always thought of myself as fit and thin-as a youngster I was tiny. I have little hands and feet, too. But recently I've seen some pics that I am not happy about (THAT'S what I look like? kind of deal), but a lot of it is bone structure.

I've just come to the conclusion that I'm of the athletic build, and though I could maybe use a bit of toning up, I'm never gonna be the Bellydancer "Ideal" of a curvy hourglass figure. Oh well. Still can be the best I can be for me, I guess!

Of course health is most important.

i think it's a good thing that we arent all curvy hourglass figured dancers. it's interesting to see the way different moves look like on different body types. ive seen a few dancers with athletic builds and they are super strong. i envy that! :)
we all have some advantages to being the sizes that we are

Okay, ladies. There is a real phenomenon that explains some of this. If you are looking at yourself in a full length mirror (any another other mirror) that is tilted you will appear thinner and longer than you really are. So that doesn't discount body dismorphia in either the fatter or thinner than perceived direction, but it does help when evaluating your figure.

Some of the mirrors you look in are "thin mirrors", they distort the image to make it look thinner, so that you will buy the dress you are trying on, eat the food in the lovely restaurant, or enjoy dancing in the studio.

I think there is a possibility that you are actually thin. Size 10 is a nice size :-) Sometimes with a thin frame, the food has to go somewhere, so perhaps after a meal, a thin person can look like a bird that has swallowed a plate for a wee while until it's digested.

Caroline.

I just feel like the movie Shallow Hal sometimes. When I look in the mirror, I see a very thin and slim person.

I found this picture that is the perfect interpretation of what I see. I see the thin but in pictures, I am more the fat

Originally Posted by bellydancechic

I have an interesting scenario. When I look in the mirror, I see thin. Like bikini thin - good shape thin - thin! The issue - I am not. I have a large stomach and thick thighs. I am not a size 0 but a 10. I have had several people make comments about "are you pregnant" and "when are you due?"

I try not to let the comments hurt me but they do. Now - I am realizing that I may not be as thin as what I see in the mirror.

How do you change to see the "real you"? The only time I see the real me is in pictures!

Honestly, I think most full-length mirrors are made so that they stretch the viewer out a little bit. People like how they look in the mirror, so they buy it...l;,

You could take a lot of pictures of yourself to get used to how you look. A friend of mine did this to get used to his new face and body after weight loss. Although why worry about seeing the "real you"? As long as you are dressing in flattering outfits and are healthy, you don't need to spend extra time meditating on your current degree of fatness/thinness. The mirror should be a tool, not a mental torture device! Of course I always use full-length mirrors to see if something is flattering or not (always when I buy a purse, I'm smallboned but overweight, and the wrong bag really can make me look fatter than I am).

IMO, thick thighs are a good thing...that usually means lots of muscle. If you don't have visible muscle tone in your thighs, you could work out enough so that you get it (not super-muscley like a body builder, just that vertical line on the outside of your thighs, it makes thighs of any size look so much better) This usually results in a little less padding around the thighs and midsection, too. Maybe you won't have to change your mental image at all, then? (hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, it just seems like spending time telling yourself that you're overweight won't make you happier, or be beneficial at all.)

Originally Posted by Bellydancingcaroline

Some of the mirrors you look in are "thin mirrors", they distort the image to make it look thinner, so that you will buy the dress you are trying on, eat the food in the lovely restaurant, or enjoy dancing in the studio.

I think there is a possibility that you are actually thin. Size 10 is a nice size :-) Sometimes with a thin frame, the food has to go somewhere, so perhaps after a meal, a thin person can look like a bird that has swallowed a plate for a wee while until it's digested.

Caroline.

lol that would be me for sure. except it doesnt really disappear unless i drink tons of water and cut back on meats/carbs

If you are a size 10 then you are not like either one of the pictures you used as an example. If this is a real issue with you and causes you sincere distress then perhaps you need to seek counseling.

Originally Posted by bellydancechic

I try not to let the comments hurt me but they do. Now - I am realizing that I may not be as thin as what I see in the mirror.

Here's my question for you - is it that you

(a) are so comfortable and happy with your current size that you like the way you look in a bikini, whether or not it fits the current waifish ideal for american women

OR

(b) are not seeing your direct reflection in the mirror, but are seeing a reflection filtered through what you are hoping you look like

If it's (a), and you are healthy and happy where you are, then no change is required. If it's (b), then I wonder if you can change this by being more mindful and "there" when you look in the mirror. You can't get to (a) and accepting and loving yourself as you are until you really do see yourself.

Originally Posted by Souzan

If you are a size 10 then you are not like either one of the pictures you used as an example. If this is a real issue with you and causes you sincere distress then perhaps you need to seek counseling.

I disagree

10 is subjective. I gain all my weight in my belly. I have someone - at least once a month - ask me if I am pregnant. For real!

When I look into the mirror - I do not see it. I see a very thin and great body!

If anything - I think some women would see this as an amazing +

not something that requires therapy...

Originally Posted by khalisah

Here's my question for you - is it that you

(a) are so comfortable and happy with your current size that you like the way you look in a bikini, whether or not it fits the current waifish ideal for american women

OR

(b) are not seeing your direct reflection in the mirror, but are seeing a reflection filtered through what you are hoping you look like

If it's (a), and you are healthy and happy where you are, then no change is required. If it's (b), then I wonder if you can change this by being more mindful and "there" when you look in the mirror. You can't get to (a) and accepting and loving yourself as you are until you really do see yourself.

A A A A!!!!

I just hate that everyone thinks I am pregnant!! Also - it causes me to sometimes chose clothing options that are - well - not so flattering. I look in the mirror and see awesome. Later that night, I see a digital picture and wonder who that it in the picture.

So when you look in a mirror at yourself you think - wow, I look great. Then you look at a photo of yourself and think, wow, I don't look great. That's a really interesting phenomenon.

It seems like there may be a few things going on here: 1) mirror may be thinning you, as others have mentioned, 2) pictures may be different angles/lighting, 3) somehow you get a clearer view of yourself from a photo than a mirror.

Whatever is causing this, it might be interesting to do the following experiment. Have a friend stand where the mirror is and take a photo of you in a front and a side pose. Stand in front of the mirror with the photos and look at the photo then mirror, and figure out what's different.

Originally Posted by shahla

I read in a bodybuilding book for women that the best way to evaluate your shape is to look at your shadow (sillouette) not in the mirror. Try going into a dark room and turning a light on behind you and look at your shadow on the wall. It might give you a better idea of what's good and what could use improvement.

p.s. Shame on anyone who makes a pregancy comment like that to someone. Were they raised in a barn!?

You should have a friend help you do this, trace your outline onto paper; and hang it up in your closet as a reminder of the "real" you.

I had someone ask me once when I was due (when I was bigger)....I started crying and had to tell them "i'm not pregnant I'm fat"

A size 10 is not fat but like someone else mentioned, maybe you are dressing wrong for your body type?

I'd agree with the ladies who suggested you are dressing wrong for your shape. It sounds like you are an apple shape wiith a tendancy for the upper body to be larger and the place where you gain any weight. Most women are pears, with a smaller upper body and larger lower body. try googling "dress for apple shape"

Bellydancechic, Welcome to Bhuz. I haven't seen you post before.

Okay, I won't tell you my size but it's small, very small, and I have the same thing happen to me. When I look in the mirror, I know I am thin - not very thin but toned - but then someone takes a picture of me while I wasn't posing for the camera, say, while I was dancing, and forget it, my stomach will look like I'm in my first trimester (I've used this term twice today...hmm).

Anyway, I think some digital cameras just don't do justice because they take static shots and sometimes the photographers don't know your best angles. My frame also tends to look top heavy with broad shoulder so in some pictures, especially if they're from the boobs up, I will look way bigger than I am.

I guess the phenomenon that we're talking about is that photography doesn't necessary imitate life. And I've had the pregnant question, too, which I find innapropiate. "Are you pregnant?" Gasp. My response: No, you dumb ass, I just had a burger.

You haven't told us anything about how tall you are, bone structure, weight. If you are 4'9' and small boned but are a size 10 then maybe there is something going on. If you are 5'5" and average structure a size 10 is pretty normal. You may just be out of shape and soft and squishy. Or as someone mentioned, you may be an apple shape and hoarding any body fat in your middle. I can relate to that. All the women in my family are apples. You can be thin everywhere else and still have a belly.

You can dress to minimize a tummy. Spanx shapewear does wonders. So does chosing styles that draw the eye away from the middle.

As far as costumes are concerned there are lots of options and many dancers perform very pregnant and still look lovely!

I don't see the problem with this. Rather than a negative body image, you have a positive one.
You're hot and you know it!

I would just like to add that I have been getting asked if I was pregnant since the age of 12. Most of the time the person who is asking as the nerve to talk. Just my two cents about the pregnancy comment. I would totally brush that off.

You have to realize the camera adds ten pounds.

Originally Posted by SandraDances

I don't see the problem with this. Rather than a negative body image, you have a positive one.
You're hot and you know it!

I thought the same.
Girls with eating disorders will see themselves bigger than they are in the mirror, especially after having eaten something, and then only on some photos realize they look horribly thin. And then brush it off immediately "oh well, since that picture was taken I gained SOO much weight! I trust the mirror."

So I think your body impression is a pretty healthy one!

bellydancechic - I think I know where you're coming from. I seem to have a similar issue - there is no arguing that I'm overweight. I see it on the scale, feel it in my body and clothes, and no, I don't like how I look in the mirror. But the way I look in the mirror is not horrendous. The way I look in photos and on video IS. The size of my clothes IS.

I've discovered that my mirror is accurate, though. I have a large mirrored wall in my dance room/office. I had my husband stand next to me. I looked at his reflection and at mine. He looks accurate in the mirror, so therefore I look accurate in the mirror. I videotaped us. I looked like a whale and he looked like he had gained 25+ lbs on the video. So the video isn't accurate. Same with photos. With the generic settings on my camera - images get flattened so that all the fat that would normally be spread out in 3-D gets splatted out like a pancake in the picture. Instead of shadows and shape, my face looks like a flat fat pancake. :)

There *is* a pyschological element going on though. I know there is a distortion. It sounds like you know it, too. I look at the mirror and I think I focus on my best features. I can only see straight on, and I actually look best straight on. It's the side or back view that I can't fully grasp.

And size. I don't think size 10 is bad at all, in fact, at 5'1" - I looked pretty good at a size 10, myself. But of course, as everyone has mentioned, size only says so much, muscle to fat ratio is going to affect appearance more than anything. I was just walking in the park and saw a woman that was probably a size 18 - and she was almost completely toned, with gorgeous tan, smooth skin. I thought she looked fantastic. For me, tone has way more to do with how attractive someone looks than size. She was also proportioned nicely, with slender limbs and more of an hourglass shape.

So anyway - what I've learned is that under poor lighting conditions - photos and videos can be inaccurate. Size is relative. Muscle tone makes a huge difference. Body dysmorphia is real and works both ways. And, finally: the one thing I *can* rely on is how I feel and my clothing. I hold a pair of jeans up and it's pretty obvious that they are not being worn by a healthy, attractive body. I get winded and it's pretty obvious something needs to change.

shaabichic - I like your post. Keeping it positive is the best way to improve ourselves. (Slowly learning this the hard way!)

good luck.... you're not the only one who has a hard time "seeing". But I totally agree with the poster that said spending time convincing yourself how bad off you are is not really the way to happiness. :)

I work in a baby supply store & I really have to watch it! I have definitely learned some tips in diplomacy while trying to start a conversation about babies with people who may or may not be even thinking about being pregnant...

reading through the posts, this sounds kind of like my choreography issues- looks great in the mirror & I get the video back & think "wha...???" so now I video my rehearsals- I can just see mounting a video camera next to my bathroom mirror so I can get a truer image... but that might be scary.

the video thing is completely normal.
looking in the mirror you focus on certain body parts. also while dancing your concentration is partly off to the music and movement.
the video is brutal in that it gives you the "full picture" in every sense of the word!

Originally Posted by Souzan

Spanx shapewear does wonders.

I don't see how that stuff can possibly work. Whenever I've tried on any 'control garment' all it does is squish the fat out to the edges. Then I have an unnatural, lumpy looking roll of fat at each opening in the garment.

Originally Posted by Darbla

I don't see how that stuff can possibly work. Whenever I've tried on any 'control garment' all it does is squish the fat out to the edges. Then I have an unnatural, lumpy looking roll of fat at each opening in the garment.

I thought the samething until I hesitantly purchased a pair of Spanx. They have been a God send since that day. I will not wear certain things without my handy dandy Spanx.