Thread: ~*~A matter of concern: weight & stretch marks~*~

Hello, I am 19, and have been fooling with belly dance for a little while, and i am in a class now at the college, and I LOVE it.

I have a couple questions. 1) I am a new mommy, And at 5 months pp, I still have a lot of baby weight. 5'2" at 139lbs... Is that alright?? my belly is relatively flat (well, not flat, but normal) and i am posting a pic...I am not too big for it am I?? I don't want to be ashamed...but I am not a twig...so it makes me a bit self conscious. I have a naturally curvy figure, I cant help that...I dont want to look like a fool for embracing my figure- its rare to come by these days since most women think they have to be twigs....I try to convince myself that in order to belly dance you must have a BELLY- and that I have my friend, that I have...HAHA

2) I have some stretchies (as you can see) from the pregnancy, and I am NOT ashamed of them, I love my stretch marks because I went through hell and back to keep my little princess going, and I am proud as hell of that, and she is well worth the stretch marks on my body. But, is it alright to have stretch marks when you belly dance??





Thank you...

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...x/14WksPP1.jpg

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...x/14WksPP1.jpg

Hi, Acey! Congratulations on your baby.

Over the next year, your stretch marks will fade from red/purple to silver. If your belly is fairly pale, they'll be nearly invisible. It takes time, but it will happen.

From just seeing the picture of your belly, it looks like you have a juicy, hourglass shape with a full womanly roundness.

Bellydance is for all women, of all ages, shapes and sizes. In the Middle East, grandmas and grandpas and little children all bellydance and no one worries about having the right body for it. It's an expression of joy and a celebration.

Bellydance classes in the US are the same way. Most of the classes and student shows and parties I've been to are open to all women, and are welcoming supportive environments. I love that aspect of this dance.

Professional bellydance is another matter, of course. If you have dreams of someday going pro, then having a face and body that are conventionally beautiful certainly opens doors. It isn't impossible for women who are much older, heavier, thinner, shorter, taller, etc. to carve out a professional niche for ourselves -- but it's certainly more difficult!

Either way, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I've seen dancers curvier than what you're showing in this pic make successful careers for themselves.

I have them even worse. Mine are so bad that a netted body stocking would not even cover them. I actually received mine 14 years ago, so I have gotten use to the fact that they aren't going anywhere. A tummy tuck won't even remove the majority of them, I had a consultation a couple of years ago.

You stomach actually look like it is in great shape! IMO. And they even look like they will fade to your skin, because they aren't so large and wide like mine. I found that Bio Oil has helps my newer ones (I just had another baby in April) and they have faded already! CVS had $2.00 off this month and their website sells it for cheaper. I don't know it worked for me, on my teeny weenie ones. I have become creative and made belly covers just to cover the areas where I do have stretch marks. It doesn't' have to involve using a body stocking. For example, I don't have any that are noticeable on my back or side of my waist, so I can make a partial cover.

Furthermore, I recommend this website she has great tips and ideas on costuming for all body types! All About Belly Dancing! Exploring The Art of Middle Eastern Dance! Learn About Belly Dance!. And the costume goddess as well. Dina's Bellydance Costume Galleries. Plus, there is a thread on here called Vintage Bellydance Costumes, I have found some ideas on there as well.

If you want to wear costumes that do not have fabric covering your stomach, you can always get stage makeup to minimize your stretch marks. The high-quality brands aren't especially cheap, but they conceal and set better than the cover sticks sold at the drug store. Someone with more makeup expertise than I have can probably give you recommendations....

I would never be able to be a professional, I'm not pretty enough for anything professional- I don't blend in with the standard of beauty in America today, and I have gotten over it. I just cannot understand why something for ALL women has been made in professional places as being something for women who HAVE NO bellies...it doesn't make any sense.



But nomatter what, I love doing this, and I hope to one day be in a troupe....I would be content just working in Tennessee & NC &SC, places like that. I will never be a twig, and I have come to terms with that- it will never change, its just not in my genes to be a twig. LOL But it is still amazing to me that the hollywood standard has even put a weight requirement on for something that is made to embrace ALL shapes and sizes....

I am pretty sure mine will fade eventually, im VERY pale, as you can see, Im not much for the sun, LOL, so I am pale as the moon, but hopefully, they will at least shrink down a bit, and some of the fat in my belly will go away. Im trying to get it off, but I am having a hard time....I dont know what else to do to make my belly flatter.

Originally Posted by XOAceyOX

I would never be able to be a professional, I'm not pretty enough for anything professional- I don't blend in with the standard of beauty in America today, and I have gotten over it. I just cannot understand why something for ALL women has been made in professional places as being something for women who HAVE NO bellies...it doesn't make any sense

Oh dear...you won't get anywhere in life talking like that
I have seen women who would be considered 'average' (whatever that means!) in everday life completely transform when they perform. Done well, this dance makes anyone radiate beauty.

The belly thing is a non issue as far as I am concerned. From what I can see you have a lovely figure. The idea that a dancer must be thin with a flat belly to perform is as untrue as the notion that a bellydancer HAS to have a curvy belly to bellydance. NO MATTER WHAT the shape or size, if you have the raw talent and the dedicaton to excel in this dance form, you can dance professionally. The most radiant beauty in the world cannot become a professional dancer if he or she doesn't have this.

Thats just my 2 cents.

Originally Posted by XOAceyOX

I have a couple questions. 1) I am a new mommy, And at 5 months pp, I still have a lot of baby weight. 5'2" at 139lbs... Is that alright??

2) But, is it alright to have stretch marks when you belly dance??

Darling the more you do bellydancing the more you will fall in love with your body. I'm 5'2" and currently 180lbs and spent my life hating my body and my stretchmarks - and mine are only from overweight, not babies! And now I adore my body. The last comment was spot on, when you're confident and you FEEL good when you dance you will radiate beauty and have magnetism. Good luck, enjoy it and yes, it's ok to have stretchmarks!

For starters, if you are not aspiring to be a professional, much of your performing will be for other dancers--the majority of whom have never worn a beauty queen tiara on their heads. The general public has some misconceptions of what dancers look like. Other dancers don't. Expectations of model/actress standards of beauty and body are not an issue here--and we don't subscribe to the unrealistic idea that most women can have a perfect, washboard stomach after having had a baby. (Movie stars often have tummy tucks after they give birth to get those flat stomachs. It is a rare, rare woman who can have a baby and return to her pre-baby body without a lot of help.)

Furthermore, when you are looking at pictures of famous people, remember that those pictures are usually so photoshopped they might as well be digital drawings--and not anything that originated from a camera. Normal people don't look the way famous people look in magazines--and famous people don't look like normal people under working circumstances. There are tons of professional photo retouching artists who post before-and-after galleries of their work online--google a few of them and amaze yourself at how lumpy, frumpy, blotchy, and saggy those "perfect" celebrities are before the computer works a little magic on them.

Finally, if you are just starting out on your dance journey, you don't know where it will end. You may find after a while that you really want to perform, perhaps not at the pro level, but don't restrict where you can go with this. You say that you have "gotten over [being outside the standard of beauty]," but your posts still sound so self conscious and defeatist that it is disheartening to read them. Please don't close your own doors!

What tourbeau said. It's a total non-issue if you're not thinking of going pro. Among the dance community, we don't give a damn what you look like in any way. We just want to see you dance!

Originally Posted by XOAceyOX

II just cannot understand why something for ALL women has been made in professional places as being something for women who HAVE NO bellies...it doesn't make any sense.

Gentle correction -- all *people* not just women.

As far as why.... well, singing is for everyone. I'm not even good at it, but I do it in my car and enjoy myself tremendously. No one better EVER tell me that I'm not pretty enough to sing in my car, or with my girlfriends. But very few singers -- especially females -- make it as pros if they're not also attractive.

My point is just that this isn't a bellydance thing. It's a professional performer thing, both here and in the Middle East.

I totally agree that over time the dance will change your relationship with your body, and in the best possible ways. I also agree that some very plain women become radiantly gorgeous when they dance, I've definitely seen that magic happen.

ETA: Also -- everyone has a belly. They come in many shapes and sizes, including flat and 6-pack and yes, even hairy man-bellies. We want to embrace everyone, not just shift around who is being hurt and excluded.

I'm 51, have had 3 caesarians (producing 3 larger-than-average babies), and I have a big belly, making it look like I'm still 5-6 months' pregnant. I started dancing when I was almost 45. I never dreamed for a second that I would ever perform in public, nor could I ever have imagined myself exposing my belly to public scrutiny. I was one of those people who wore long, baggy tops to hide my belly. Now I dance in 2 troupes--one "cabaret" style and one tribal style. Many of the dancers I most admire in my city do not look like Bellydance Barbie. And while I've heard the odd negative comment (i.e. from a female coworker who's never seen me dance), most of the time I find that, not only is the bellydance community very accepting and supportive, but the gp is as well. My cab troupe usually performs at a bi-annual event called The Woman's Show, and I've had numerous women come up and talk to me after our show, expressing interest and admiration. So, I think even the majority of the gp is happy to see women of all shapes, sizes, and ages getting up there and dancing and having fun and loving their bodies. The ones who are critical, in my experience, tend to be dealing with their own insecurities and body issues.

Edited to add that I intentionally use the word "women" here, because I find that women tend to have more expectations put on them regarding body type and more hangups about their bodies.

You know,I am also a baby belly( instructor just called us that last night. So Im happy to use it now) I have almost the same problem. Very pale. 3 c- sections, Stretchmarked all to heck and overweight. 5'5 230. I almost didnt let myself have the the fun and joy of bellydance in my life. I told myself that people would laugh at me... blah blah blah. On my way to the first class I almost turned the car around and went home. I talked myself out of it and I have the best time in class. I so look forward to our first Hafla! The costuming aspect does make me nervous, but there are so many options. Stretch marks be Damed. Im gonna have a great time.

Pesonally though I have found that in my teens and twentys I didnt really have much confidence. In my thirties I have come to love myself more. Feel I deserve(?) more... Does this continue thru life ladies? I really hope so!!

Originally Posted by Leedah

I almost didnt let myself have the the fun and joy of bellydance in my life. I told myself that people would laugh at me... blah blah blah. On my way to the first class I almost turned the car around and went home. I talked myself out of it and I have the best time in class. I so look forward to our first Hafla!

I'm soooo happy that you didn't turn that car around!

Originally Posted by Shalimah

most of the time I find that, not only is the bellydance community very accepting and supportive, but the gp is as well.

I agree with this, too. I've found that some venues are very accepting of my student group, with our wide variety of shapes, sizes, etc. Women's shows and charity events are the best.


I know that seeing our group has inspired women who would never have dreamed about coming to a bellydance class to come on out! And seeing the repertory group members dance in spite of [insert perceived defect here, we've got em all] is totally inspiring to the beginners.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

What tourbeau said. It's a total non-issue if you're not thinking of going pro. Among the dance community, we don't give a damn what you look like in any way. We just want to see you dance!





Gentle correction -- all *people* not just women.

As far as why.... well, singing is for everyone. I'm not even good at it, but I do it in my car and enjoy myself tremendously. No one better EVER tell me that I'm not pretty enough to sing in my car, or with my girlfriends. But very few singers -- especially females -- make it as pros if they're not also attractive.

My point is just that this isn't a bellydance thing. It's a professional performer thing, both here and in the Middle East.

I totally agree that over time the dance will change your relationship with your body, and in the best possible ways. I also agree that some very plain women become radiantly gorgeous when they dance, I've definitely seen that magic happen.

ETA: Also -- everyone has a belly. They come in many shapes and sizes, including flat and 6-pack and yes, even hairy man-bellies. We want to embrace everyone, not just shift around who is being hurt and excluded.

HAHA Hairy man belly...Sorry...That made me giggle. :) My mom's bf was joking about starting...he and I are trying to get my mom into it, I hope she does it

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

.......

Finally, if you are just starting out on your dance journey, you don't know where it will end. You may find after a while that you really want to perform, perhaps not at the pro level, but don't restrict where you can go with this. You say that you have "gotten over [being outside the standard of beauty]," but your posts still sound so self conscious and defeatist that it is disheartening to read them. Please don't close your own doors!

Well, I did want to be famous at one time, I have been told over and over again that I should get a recording contract (I am a singer most of all) and I dance as well, and I always wanted to be famous, on Broadway, or anywhere where i would actually have people tell me they like me and that i am worth it, but I cant be famous, so I have just had to put it out of my head. I thought belly dancing was a good way that i could get out there, but it cant be for me since i have seen maybe 1 or 2 average sized women like me in the industry...and that is very distressing to me...I was not blessed with the looks required to be famous for anything, so I have just been trying to make myself happy with belly dancing since there is nothing else for me to do. And I LOVE belly dancing, I feel better with it, but i still have a lot of issues that I don't think I will ever overcome.

I mean, I had the exact measurements that Kim Kardashian listed in some mags recently...and after seeing so many comments about her- we are pretty much the same exact size/height/same measurements...and everyone calls her fat....and it just makes me see the reality of it, that unless i am a size 00 I cant get into anything other than locally, so, I am trying to just be content with that. So i can overcome it...I know this area wouldn't be judgmental at all of me, and I know most places wouldn't, but I was scared to death to even join my class because i was afraid there would be girls way skinnier than me in there, and prettier...and if that were the case, i would have just walked out the door, But i changed my mind once i got there and stayed...and im glad i did....but the image thing mixed with the never being famous thing is always going to eat at me.

I am trying very hard to be happy with what God gave me...but when the world constantly bashes normal average women, it sort of kills your spirit and your confidence...for me, its like trying to resurrect the dead...I just cant do it.