Thread: Costume separation anxiety - how to get over it?

I fully recognize and acknowledge that I have more costumes than I need. I've recently received some swap meet acquisitions that I really love, and I feel like I really ought to sell a few costumes to make up for the recent purchases. At the same time, I get really depressed at the prospect of letting any of my costumes go! Each costume has it's own "niche" in my wardrobe that makes it unique-- the minidress, the costume with sexy cutouts, the costume with that "classic bellydancer" look, the irreplaceable Pharaonics that they don't make anymore, the costume that my friends tell me I'm not allowed to sell, the costume that was once owned by a very famous dancer, etc.

There are a few costumes that I have either worn a few times, or haven't reached for in a while, so they would seem like the logical choices to be first to go. But I think about letting them go, and I know I'd miss them! The second I put them in a box I'd be wanting to give the buyer her money back so I wouldn't have to send it away. Or it happens that I tell my friends "I think I'm going to sell X costume," and I am greeted with a chorus of "Nooo! Don't sell it! I love that costume!/It's great on you!" or "Don't sell it; you might need it later!"

I need to get over it! Any advice?

I seriously dont think your alone in this. Its really hard question to answer. The way I see my costumes is the same way you do-they each have there own "niche" in my wardrobe. Perhaps one you performed your first solo in or one you ordered after a particular dance or personl milestone in your life. In my opinion there is no reason why you cant hold onto a costume if it holds a special place in your heart and then get new ones.

I dont think its something you can just "get over" you really do have to be ready to let a costume go One thing I do is make sure I have performed at least once and gotten some photos in it.That way I kind of have it with me always.

There will always be those costume selling regrets (I had a GORGEOUS Teal Venus that I still to this day regret) but you do get over it and its always nice to have a new sparkly come to your door to replace it :)

For financial reasons I was forced to sell everything I could, and while it was difficult, I surprisingly felt liberated too. Now I try and sell something if a new purchase comes to me. Keep what you love and sell the rest!

Unless you live a very ascetic lifestyle, you have more stuff than you need, and it doesn't apply only to dance costumes. Sometimes people collect things just because they like them. If you want to keep your whole wardrobe of costumes because it gives you pleasure to have them, look at them, and remember when you used them, no one can stop you. Holding onto your costume collection isn't any different than some other person with a curio cabinet full of out-of-production Precious Moments figurines or a whole room of their house dedicated to Thomas Kinkade paintings. If you can afford it and it makes you happy, whatever.

OTOH, if collecting costumes is becoming a financial issue for you or causing you anxiety because you feel guilty about having expensive things you don't use often enough, then perhaps it is time to move on and let go of some of them. There are lots of helpful spiritual writings on the discipline of freeing oneself from materialism. Remember that you have not held onto the whole memory, only a piece of it. If you associate a costume with a particular moment, think of all you didn't save: the sound of the music in the room, the feel of the floor, the smiles on the audience members' faces, the sound of the applause.... You can't recreate any of those aspects. All you have is the shell, not the priceless intangibles--but you carried the memories. You could carry the memory of the costume, too. Our lives are full of dear moments without physical souvenirs. And if it is a costume you know you really won't wear again, perhaps you could take a different pleasure out of knowing that you passed it on to another dancer who would be making her own happy memories out of using it.

It's your choice. Don't worry what your friends say.

First of all, I agree with Tourbeau that if there's no financial need for you to sell your costumes, you don't need to be ashamed of holding on to them. I personally had to get ride of a lot of costumes over the past two years, because I could not afford to buy any more unless I funded the purchase by selling off some of what I already had.

I decided what to get rid of by first selling anything that didn't fit right or that I felt was slightly unflattering on me. I had a basic gold bedlah that was a fantastic workhorse - fringy, versatile and the GP loved it. But the cups were a little big for my small frame, and it chafed under my arms. On to the swap meet it went. I had an L. Rose turquoise lycra set that had gotten a bit tight on me and the shiny fabric really showed the pulling in the front. Buh-bye. I figured it was better to have less costumes and have all of them make me feel spectacular, rather than have an enormous selection with only a few special pieces.

I also got rid of anything that I had not worn in over a year. I figured if I hadn't pulled it out in that long, I probably wouldn't miss it too much if it weren't there at all. I did make an exception for my Meleya dress and a folky galabeya, because they're so specific to a style I might only do occasionally. But any cabaret costumes that hadn't seen the light of day in a while had to go to make room for new beauties.

i can relate :)

just think..parting with one makes space for another..

Thanks everyone for your responses so far. :)

Originally Posted by laura 2

I also got rid of anything that I had not worn in over a year.

There actually isn't a costume in my collection that I haven't worn at least once in the past six months, so it's not like there's anything I'm hanging on to for purely sentimental value. I've already sold the first four professional costumes I owned (I've gotten better since then about picking styles that fit and flatter me better than those did), and I didn't feel too sad about that. They were ones that I hadn't worn in over a year. I suppose that looking at it that way helps.

Originally Posted by laura 2

I decided what to get rid of by first selling anything that didn't fit right or that I felt was slightly unflattering on me.

There's really only one costume that I tend to shy away from because of fit issues. The bra on my silver Great Loop tends to gap a bit, and it bugs the h*ll out of me. I've taken it to my seamstress twice now, and it's still wonky. I bought it for $350, but it'd cost $100-$150 more than that to replace it (and there's no guarantee that a new one would fit better), so I kind of have to hang on to it for now because a silver bra/belt set has kind of become the unofficial troupe costume for the troupe that I am in. So while I don't wear it at the restaurant, I need it for troupe stuff.

Wow, that was quite a tangent. I guess in short, everything else I have fits and flatters quite nicely, as far as I can tell. I have a bitchin' seamstress, and I've figured out who my Bhuz body doubles are. :) If anything looks bad on me, I'd hope that people would tell me!

I guess a lot of my issue is just guilt over having all these costumes when my money could be better spent on more useful/practical things (like making more than minimum payments on my student loans, maybe). My boyfriend doesn't hassle me about it because he's a techie and a musician, so he says he can't fault me when he has as much money tied up in tech toys and gear as I have tied up in costumes. I still feel uncomfortable whenever a new box shows up on the doorstep and I have to explain it, though, LOL...

I'm a natural born clotheshorse (I take after my mom in that respect) and a lover of costumes (I was hugely into cosplay before I got into bellydance, and I used to be on the theater costume crew in high school), so I guess it just follows that just as I enjoy having lots of clothes to choose from, I enjoy having lots of costumes to choose from.

I guess I can kind of look at them as the "savings" that I would never have the initiative to actually save up on my own, LOL. It is slightly reassuring to know that if I ever need car repairs or something, I can sell a costume or two and have several hundred dollars at my disposal that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Maybe I'll just go with that... ..g.:

I have been tempted so many times to PM a Bhuzzer I sold a costume to and ask to buy it back!
I just tell myself that I sold it for a reason and that a better one will come about that won't have the same problem (bra too big, skirt too small/short) that the last one had.

*sigh* I'm going through the same thing. I'm unemployed and on a quasi-budget, yet I still want to buy new costumes. My circumstances have forced me to sell a lot of old faithful costumes, but what a learning experience.

It's amazing how much spiritual baggage we attach to lycra, chiffon and rhinestones. I acquired a lot of my costumes right when I was coming into my own as a dancer, so a lot of them had special symbolic meaning to me. In reality, however, there were a few that weren't the right color, or just didn't suit my style of dancing. Those were the ones I let go.

Plus, now that my website's up and I'm getting a lot of work, I'm beginning to see a necessity for more versatile costumes that I can wear for all different types of general public audiences, rather than edgy-sexy costumes I can only wear for nightclub gigs.

I don't think any of us fully get over it, but we can cope by thinking of the joy our new costumes will bring us, and the happiness our old favorites will give other dancers.

As long as I can get photographed in each costume at least once, I know I can send it off in peace - and if I REALLY get costume seller's regret, I can always contact the designer to have a new one made

you're gorgeous girl!!! I'm sure I told you before :)
I love that white costume at the page entrance!
And from the gallery one of the first pics, the blue cut out costume, you standing on a rock near the ocean.. that one's GREAT!!
ps I LOVE that song too!!
And can't wait for the video, sure it's breathtaking:
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmkTEobiidI]YouTube - Shakira - She Wolf (Music Video) 20 Sec Preview[/ame]

:-D

sigh, i'm the same, i have a ton i should sell, it's also the whole taking pictures, answering questions, guessing the postage costs, etc, that keeps me from it.

I also have a bad case of costume seperation anxiety, but by now I'm getting used to giving up one costume to purchase another. Sending a costume off to a new owner makes me feel good, because I think they're better off with their new owner who will love them just as much as I did!

several years ago, i had to give up a huge lot of costumes. i still think about them and my heart bleeds. and reading through this thread hasn't helped.

recently though, i sold a costume to a friend because it just fit her better than it fit me. however....there was a clause attached to it. If ever I wanted to buy it back from her, she would sell it back to me. That's the advantage of selling a costume to an understanding buddy.

I also have more than I really need, and can't justify having the money tied up right now. I'm a single mom, my ex is laid off and not paying any child support, money is SOO tight!

I just hosted a yard sale at my studio. I brought out almost every costume I own (besides one basic workhorse and my favorite dress, which they'll have to pry outta my cold dead hands). I marked them with reasonable prices and seriously tried to sell them. I swear, I really tried!

But only one sold. I was so happy to pack the rest up and bring them back home!!! I would've been heartbroken to lose more of my babies. I should really photograph them, measure them and put them on the swap meet... we'll see.

Even worse than costumes are my veils! I couldn't even bring myself to offer more than two for sale. Just couldn't do it.

It takes a lot of self discipline. Says she who just definitely packed away 7 of her costumes and will bring them to the studio bazar tomorrow while advertising them widely on the Internet at the same time. (plus one sold already)
If I should sell them all I will be down from 14 to 6 costumes! Plus some folklore dresses that one just needs in the repertoire.

Then I will go to Istanbul and have two new ones made with the money. ..g.:

I have sold many costumes over the years, including some that I thought I would NEVER let go. But if I can convince myself that it's just not the right color, doesn't fit my body shape etc. it's easier.
If you look long enough you should find something bad about nearly every costume :-)

One factor is also that I wear them at stage shows - and yeah, you can't wear the same costume twice on the same stage ..l;,
It's not like weddings where you can wear the same costume to 50 weddings because nobody has seen it before.
Once it has been photographed enough, been seen on 5 stages in 3 different countries and put up on YouTube, it's easier to let it go...

I have one costume that I like a lot right now but might sell in about 2 years (and I have already had some people express their interest). Watch the Swap Meet page in 2011 *LOL*

MEISSOUN

Zobeida - I still haven't found a costume like your green one, sigh.

As to the thread, I've just picked up a few costumes from the swap, I realize way more than I probably need and have made justifications for each, and then I've tried to look at my closet and really can't seem to part with some things. I totally understand. I still have my first costume, which now that I know better isn't even a "real" costume. It's a great beginner's costume and or set that is good for a day outside, have I used it since I've acquired what I'd now consider a costume, no, have I sold it yet, no. It's frustrating. And the hubby, blass his soul, thinks everything looks good on me, so keep it.

Just hang on to them. If it makes you happy to collect them, then keep them all. ..l;,
I have 26 costumes stored in plastic boxes that are stacked up to the ceiling and I don't even dance professionally. I have only ever sold one of my own costumes, and that's because it was an A cup and I wear a C. I sold it just last week actually...but I had to really think about it before selling it. I thought about it for like 3 years until I decided to let go of it. I just bought one from the swapmeet board last week, and I'm working on a new purple costume even as we speak.
I also collect porcelain teapots, I have about 50 of them...and I NEVER drink tea.
Collecting is fun.

Regards
Priscilla

You are not your costume.

It is not a piece of you that you are selling, but merely an assemblage of glass, plastic, and elastic.

Whether you keep them or sell them, that is all they are essentially.

Originally Posted by Azhia

You are not your costume.

It is not a piece of you that you are selling, but merely an assemblage of glass, plastic, and elastic.

Whether you keep them or sell them, that is all they are essentially.

I love this.

I'm not selling right now because the market is flooded and I don't think I will get a good price for my used costumes...I do need to get off my butt and sell more locally where the market isn't as saturated.

this isn't a huge problem because my ability to fix-up and make is keeping me in good costumes at a low cost.

The hardest thing about the flooded market is that it prevents me from selling the only items I have hard time parting with, the ones I have made. I know the costumes I've purchased are just collections of fabric and bling...but the creations I made are just that, my creations. It's harder to part with an item that I didn't simply buy, but invested the time to make.

Originally Posted by ozma

I know the costumes I've purchased are just collections of fabric and bling...but the creations I made are just that, my creations. It's harder to part with an item that I didn't simply buy, but invested the time to make.

I can see that. I thought that as well when I considered selling the costumes I made and to which I attached sentimental value (costume I hand made for my wedding, costume I handmade in which I won competitions, etc.). I've come to the conclusion that nothing is ever really "mine" "me" "my." When I do this I create angst for myself. I'm not saying I wasn't happy in the process of making these things and have acquired a sense of pride in my work.
But still, stripped of all that we imbue into our creations, they're still the assemblage. My point is that it's another way to think of it when considering selling costumes. The basic, bare bottom truth: they're glass, plastic, elastic.