Thread: Could this be post-surgical depression, need a group hug! :o(

Hi lovely Bhuzzers!

I don’t know what is happening to me, since about a month, I feel like my emotions are on a roller-coaster. ..c::

One moment I feel happy and strong, still pretty for my age (I’ll turn 50 next April), want to start projects, etc. and the next moment I wish I could go back home crawl into bed and cry my heart out into the pillow.

Last March I went through surgery (sub-total hysterectomy). The only abdominal surgery I experience before was my appendectomy 3 years ago, and I was back on my feet in 3 weeks, fresh as a daisy.

So I was telling myself: everything is going to go well, maybe recovery will be a bit longer, but hey! Come on, piece of cake! Those big fibroids will be out of you belly and you will feel like a new women.

Well it wasn’t so bad for a few months, but lately I’ve been having those ups and downs, and now they are more downs than ups. Honestly, the thing that’s bothering me the most is the body issue:

During the recovery I gain 12 pounds… Ok… 15 pounds! I did, and still try to do my best to get back into shape and eat right but nothing works. I get tired very fast. And the discomfort from the post-surgery scar tissue/adhesion is not helping. I’m not able to dance like I use to. I go to classes 2 or 3 times a week and now I dance in the back hiding behind my dance troupe mates, b/c I hate seeing myself in those big mirrors. (Those f$%&*?ing mirrors are all over the place!)

I have a lot of pretty costumes I can not wear anymore, they just don’t fit. (It’s the same with street clothes to).

My dance mentor and troupe mates are wonderful and understanding and they know something is going on. But every time one of them comes close to me and ask: “Are you ok? You look tired? You seem very quiet, something wrong? Etc. I’ll I just turn into a fountain and burst into tears and say "I don't know, it's so strange and stupid" ..cr.:

All is well at my day job and in my life with my man. He and I are going to take a few days to go to New York next month, this could only help, maybe I just need a brake away from daily routine…even dance?

Anywoo, just writing this will probably help to. Any suggestion, shared toughs or experiences, good vibes, will be appreciated.

Love

Qamar

Hang in there girl. We love you on bhuz!

I'm sorry to hear that you are down. Depression can be quite a rollercoaster. Focus on everything you have to be thankful for and as you force yourself to think more positively - life starts to look a little brighter. I have found books by Dr. Wayne Dyer very helpful with my personal struggles. He says "If you change the way you look at things, the things you are looking at change" Love yourself, pamper yourself, indulge yourself in NY!! Didn't realize we are the same age.

I had a surgery years ago that left a horrible bikini-line scar which left me unable to feel my lower ab muscles - and then there is the belly blob that hangs over the scar. I was horribly depressed about it for quite a while - massive change to our person takes time to heal and get used to. I finally made my peace with it and feel like an attractive woman who has lived life and has stories to tell. I think it just takes time.

Awwww, Qamar - I'm so sorry you're feeling low.

My partner's mother had a complete hysterectomy after they discovered a cyst the size of a melon. It took her a good long time to get over just the physical surgery, and she says herself (and her two sons agree!) that she was just massively emotional after the surgery - tearing up at the slightest thing. So if that helps at all, it sounds like a normal part of the recovery process - there are big hormonal changes which affect your emotional state and make you feel a bit like a crazy person, and that's before you get into the kind of odd emotional baggage we have about what makes us women and how our personal identity shifts or suffers as a result of hysterectomy and mastectomy. I think even when we KNOW a surgical route is for the best, and we've never previously put stock in our lady bits to reassure us of femininity, surgery leaves us with this terrible mixed bag of feelings that we didn't expect to deal with.

I have no experience myself with any of the above - just my feelings from chatting with the women in my life who've been through those procedures. It's definitely A Big Deal and not something you can spring back from quite so easily as an appendectomy!

Now the weight issue... boy, I have experience with that. ,r:;,f:: It seems like such a small issue, almost just a vanity issue, and other people who don't have any weight problems don't really understand the horrific emotional impact it can have. I've gained a lot of weight and am in the process of getting it back off (slowly... dagnabbit), and I can wholeheartedly sympathise. It affects my dancing hugely - because I don't feel as confident in my own skin, I don't WANT people to be looking at me, and I have this horrible feeling of... wel, shame, I guess, that I let myself get this way again. It overarches everything and makes me feel utterly defeated at times - it's the reaching for a chocolate bar and crying that totally doesn't help. It's so hard, but you have to try for perspective - yes, you've gained a little weight. Yes, it totally sucks and you feel horrible about it. It's heartbreaking that your costumes and your favourite clothes don't fit, just soul-destroying. BUT! It's only temporary. Don't get defeatist and think you're always going to feel this way - you'll get the extra weight off again, be back in your clothes and costumes with a new appreciation of how much that means. For me, I've written down exactly how I felt when I was slimmer, what it means to me to be fit and active, and the things I'll do and value when I get back there. When I feel down, I read all that stuff and it helps me get focussed back onto where I want to be.

... damn me and my verbosity! Had to make a wee snip...

No-one else who looks at you feels the way you do - everyone else in your life still thinks you're the gorgeous woman they love. Make sure you value yourself like they do, and work towards where you want to be back to - it's so difficult when you feel down and defeated, but visualise where you want to be, and more importantly how you WANT to feel, rather than letting how you currently feel overwhelm you and become a self-sustaining cycle. You will feel good again, I promise!

Sorry to hear you are down.

Sometimes it can take quite a while for bodies to recover from something as major as abdominal surgery, particularly as we get a little older. On top of that, you have changes in hormones from having the baby-making parts removed.

When I had a pulmonary embolism last year, it took months before I started to feel really good again. I was well enough to go to work and do some everyday things but it was 6 months before I started to feel healthy again.

Don't beat yourself up about the weight gain right now. Do what you can but don't stress about not being instantly back to where you were.

Sell a couple of your least favorite costumes and buy a bigger one for right now. You can always pass it on later!

Qamar - been where you are a year ago. Had a ruptured appendix, big ovarian cyst, diverticulitis. I was a big old mess. So you said sub-total hysterectomy, so does that mean you still have your ovaries? Since you're 50, you are most likely in menopause.

Has your doctor tested you to see how your hormones are doing? I was taking anti-depressants and my doctor tested my thryoid, which was not operating as well as it should. She has me on synthroid, which appears to be helping.

Maybe I was never really depressed, but my situation at home is enough to drive anyone over the edge. Sick husband who is unemployed. Older dog that is sick ( my puppy is my baby ). So I somehow rally each day to keep them going. Doesn't always leave enough gas in the tank for me, but I believe that you are only given as much as you can handle.

Enough of my problems. If you have a follow-up with your surgeon or your primary doc, mention the all over the place emotions.

Originally Posted by andalee-oriental

Hang in there girl. We love you on bhuz!

Exactly! Line, please take a little comfort in knowing that this is really is part of the recovery process--Make sure you tell your doc during follow-up visits/check-ups, so he/she can check your hormone levels. I had major abdominal surgery when I was 29 to remove 11 fibroid mostly-golfball-sized tumors, but the largest & highly-vascularized one which was the size of a grapefruit--and believe me, I was off-the-charts emotional! The good news is that it does "level" out... I think it's wonderful that you and your Sweetheart are getting away for a little bit :)

Hi!

I am going to ask a few questions which may help to give you some direction.

1) had you gone through mentalpause ;-) before your sugery?

2) If you had, had you reconciled any feelings about no longer being a "woman"

3) If you hadn't, have you taken the time to think about any attachments and identity you might have to having "female parts" and being a woman?

I am only asking this because it has been my experience that many women when they go through menopause and / or have a hysterectomy / breast cancer / etc. develop a certain amount of depression because they have on some level identified their womanliness with those body parts. Whether this was conscience or not.

The other issue is simply chemical. If you are going through menopause, you will be on a roller coaster until it is over or you have gotten the correct medications / foods / herbal balance.

Hope this helps and I wasn't too intrusive! Meanwhile, just dance and

{{{HUGS}}}}

Tahira

You have obviously gone through a monumental experience, so go easy on yourself. Not only have you had abdominal surgery, you have had a hysterectomy, which is bound to affect your hormones more abruptly than a typical experience with shifts in the cycle of life. While the surgery was very necessary and you were very positive about it, (and this is going to sound silly) you may still need to mourn your uterus.

I haven't had a hysterectomy, so I can't give direct advice, but I do really like Dr. Christiane Northrup for all things health-related, especially for health of women. Her latest book and lecture tour (including appearances on Oprah, Rachel Ray, and various other shows) has the theme, "The Wisdom of Menopause". You might look into her books, website, etc. for info on hormonal shifts. (She has even written about bellydance in her newsletter and authored the forward for Belly Dance: Celebrating the Sacred Feminine, which makes me like her even more. )

Sending hugs to you!!!!!

Je t'embrace, mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!
La prochaine fois que tu veux sortir, dis-moi, ma belle...

Gros Calins!!!

Seems like hormones playing on you...

Oh, dear! I was going through a similar thing after having endometrial ablation about two years ago -- only it lasted until just this spring. I'm 48. Here's what I've done that has helped enormously (I'm really MUCH MUCH better):

1.) Vitamin D. Have your doctor check your levels. Even if it is "normal", you can safely take 4,000 units a day. It makes a remarkable difference in emotional stability, because it is a precursor to many hormones. It also helps achy joints and reinforces your immune system.
2.) Fish oil -- reduces inflammation and helps balance your hormones. I take 2tsp. daily.
3.) Get enough sleep -- at least 7 hours a night.
4.) Four hours per week of strenuous exercise -- strength training! It is hard to make that happen, but you will feel SO MUCH BETTER it will be worth it. Your body has likely acclimated to the level of effort in your dance classes and you need to challenge your muscle groups with different movement patterns and weight-bearing exercise. Start with two, half-hour sessions and work your way up. You will find you will lose weight much more easily (I've lost nine pounds since spring -- doesn't sound like much, but I'm also seeing a positive change in contour -- I keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat ..l;, )
5.) Don't freak out. You WILL feel better. You have a wonderful sweetheart who is loving you through this, you have your dance community (both physical and virtual) supporting you and you are a strong, capable, beautiful woman!

<virtual hugs> -- maia

I agree with Tahira's advice. menopause is pretty much puberty in reverse--remember how tough puberty was? Yikes. Hugs for you right now.

Big Hugs.

Your emotional reactions to all you've been through do not sound disproportionate at all. You have been through a lot, it is taxing and draining, you are not over reacting.

You're going to breakdown and cry and not know why, but have faith that the people who care for you really care for you.

It's always better to hold someone you love who is crying, even if you can't fix it, then to learn later that you didn't know how how emotionally overwhelmed they'd been feeling. Remember that you can let it out with some people, even if you don't know what "it" is all about.

I wish you the best.

You are very beautiful, sweetie and I am sure that 15 lbs heavier you are still beautiful. I second the suggestion of strength training. Good ole' heart pumpin' sweaty exerise to get her endorphins going. Talk to your doctor about depression. I am not too proud to admit that I have chronic depression. My enemy is negative self-talk. Mostly I can keep things under control with meds, exercise, and always having new projects to work on.

The other thing to consider, as others have mentioned, is menopause. If you still have your ovaries, chances are you are in some stage of that transition.

A couple of years ago I went through a nasty stretch of depression and all I wanted to do was crawl under the blankets and make the world disappear. All the self-doubts came out and I could no longer go to dance class without breaking out in tears. So I came up with something I still do today. Got myself some motivational brainwave CDs (music and ambient sound that stimulates brain waves that simulate calm focus). I listened to the CDs long enough that I could feel that calm focus stage take over and recognize the feeling. Then I paired that with a fragrence that was very unique, mysterious, and sexy and wore that perform while I listened to the CD. It didn't take long before just smelling that scent put me immediately into that state of calm focus. I started putting the fragrence before going to class and listening to the CD as I drove. I verbalized to myself that I was beautiful and strong and capable. Then if I started feeling wobbly, all I had to do was sniff my wrist and I was back in business.

Take care. Talk, talk, talk, Accept hugs and dream big dreams.

Souzan

Originally Posted by Azhia

Je t'embrace, mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!
La prochaine fois que tu veux sortir, dis-moi, ma belle...

Azhia, ma précieuse amie ,r:; (Maybe future dermathologist doctor) your friendship is like Botox to my wrinkled heart! ..l;,

Originally Posted by maiaraqs

Oh, dear! I was going through a similar thing after having endometrial ablation about two years ago -- only it lasted until just this spring. I'm 48. Here's what I've done that has helped enormously (I'm really MUCH MUCH better):

1.) Vitamin D. Have your doctor check your levels. Even if it is "normal", you can safely take 4,000 units a day. It makes a remarkable difference in emotional stability, because it is a precursor to many hormones. It also helps achy joints and reinforces your immune system.
2.) Fish oil -- reduces inflammation and helps balance your hormones. I take 2tsp. daily.
3.) Get enough sleep -- at least 7 hours a night.
4.) Four hours per week of strenuous exercise -- strength training! It is hard to make that happen, but you will feel SO MUCH BETTER it will be worth it. Your body has likely acclimated to the level of effort in your dance classes and you need to challenge your muscle groups with different movement patterns and weight-bearing exercise. Start with two, half-hour sessions and work your way up. You will find you will lose weight much more easily (I've lost nine pounds since spring -- doesn't sound like much, but I'm also seeing a positive change in contour -- I keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat ..l;, )
5.) Don't freak out. You WILL feel better. You have a wonderful sweetheart who is loving you through this, you have your dance community (both physical and virtual) supporting you and you are a strong, capable, beautiful woman!

<virtual hugs> -- maia

Thanks you Maia, for those advices, and thank you all ladies for your support and encouragements. I'll need to see my MD next month anyway, and I'll try to stay positive.

It's almost 9 pm (in Montreal) I took a shower and serve myself a hot cocoa and I'll go to bed early.

Thanks also to Surida, my cosmic twin sista!

Good night all!

Qamar

oooh big hugs to you! I'm not as eloquent as all the other ladies who've posted advice, related similar experiences and suggested treatments/supplements....but I'm a good hugger! : ) Feel better soon.

Qamar, I wish you the best and have to agree with most of what everyone else has already said. I know this is a difficult time but you will get thru it.

Originally Posted by maiaraqs

Oh, dear! I was going through a similar thing after having endometrial ablation about two years ago -- only it lasted until just this spring. <virtual hugs> -- maia

I had the same thing about a year and half ago and had problems after wards. While I feel I came thru it fairly well, it took some time to get my hormone levels back to where I felt 'normal' again.

Sending good vibes and hugs, Patricia

Hugs to you Line and I hope you and your hubby have a great time in NY!! You are most likely a bit depressed from the aftermath of the surgery and the physical changes it has caused. Having been through some of that myself from cancer I highly recommend making yourself get outside (with hubby if he has time) and go for long walks, kick up the fall leaves or dance in the rain. Thank God or fate or ??? that surgery was an option to correct your problems and acknowledge to yourself that you are worth the time and effort it will take to overcome the issues you now face. Listen when your hubby/family/friends tell you how much they love/need/value you, embrace yourself when you need to cry, scream when you need to let off steam, and know that day by day you can change the things that are bugging you now. And share with your husband what is in your heart...I found that saying it all out loud to someone very close to me made it all seem a lot less threatening...not saying my husband had a clue about how to help but he was great with the hugs and kisses!!

Because I don't have experience with body changes affecting how I can perform, but I wanted to be able to comfort you somehow, I dug into an email from my dad:


It came home to me last night when I was sitting in with The Lonesome Rogues (I play with them when their banjo player is abroad--he is Irish or at a conference--he is a physicist). The band is in their 30's. To them I must seem like some fossil or insect suspended in amber. The guitar player, while on stage, said they wanted to play the Monroe instrumental "Wheel Hoss". He asked if I knew it and had a doubting look on his face. I just shrugged and told him to go ahead. We did it. I didn't tell him that I'd known the song for decades and it was on the first Liberty Prairie Album.

That wasn't the resonant moment for me. What it triggered was a memory of learning the song because Mark Kreitzer knew it and remembering putting the track down in the studio. I had brown hair then. I was a 30 something player trying to come to a greater execution of my art, trying to find an expression of the song, and trying to entertain a bit.

Now I'm gray haired and still trying to do the best with the material and the instrument, despite hands that hurt a bit, and ankles that hurt a bit (I have some arthritis in them). I think you will find that any limitations to your art consist, first of physically learning the art, then (after learning) training your mind to let the physical skills you have take the art farther, then seeing how age starts to limit your physical skills (and changing your performance by necessity while still expressing the emotions of it all).

Remember that even if this is a point where you can feel your range of physical skills changing, all the physical skills you worked at got you to that second point where your mind steps in to take things to a deeper level. You've got the ability to express your emotions and to think about the process...you'll find a way to work with your changing body.

Part of that mental process might mean a physical break, you'll figure that out.

And, you've also got the great sewing skills to create (and change existing) costumes that will make you look and help you feel beautiful in where ever your body decides you are going to go.

Ozma, your dad expressed it so well. Hats off to him. These are the thoughts that rumble around in my head a lot these days. Body doesn't always cooperate but the emotions are still intact, that God I can still feel!

Originally Posted by Souzan

Ozma, your dad expressed it so well. Hats off to him. These are the thoughts that rumble around in my head a lot these days. Body doesn't always cooperate but the emotions are still intact, that God I can still feel!

Ozma, God bless your father, he is a wise man. ,r:;

Merci beaucoup, precious Bhuzzer!



Qamar

I hope you get to feeling better soon!
(((Hugs!)))

So sorry to hear you are going through a down period... been there and still struggle with it on occasion, So a BIIIIIIIG BEAR HUG.

And, ladies/girls, after reading all your posts, you all have made me feel better about myself! There are so many pearls of wisdom here. Thank you all.