Thread: Costume dealmakers and deal breakers

This is a spin off from the WTF Eman thread.

None of what we do in this dance is standardized, but because many of us also profit from the dance as performers and teacher, we have constant threads discussing what we feel are the minimum requirements/what we expect from a dancer who wants to: start teaching, start performing, start calling themselves a pro, release a DVD. We similarly talk about the complexities (emotional, legal, physical) in new stages of dance.

I wonder, with so many professional costumers/veil makers/accessory vendors on Bhuz, if it might not be time to start talking more about what we expect from professionals in costuming. What are deal breakers? What do and don't we expect from custom orders and how does that change when we are placing them with individual designers instead of through Dahlal/Audrena...or when the individual speaks our language as a first language...

So, when it comes to ordering costumes:
-What are your dealbreakers: (Things that have or will prevent you from ordering)
-What are your dealmakers? (things that you’ve been impressed with in construction, collaboration or customer service that made you say “Heck yeah, I’m ordering again and recommending to others)
-What do you look for when you commission a costume or a veil?
-How do you learn about customer service and quality before you order? (Do you ask around, make threads about it, check things out with your own eyes, contact past customers privately?Ebay scores?)

Please think about leaving names out when talking about negative experiences in detail. There are many dancer/costumers who are also well known to us (Tempest, Melodia, Geisha Moth...as well as staff at many of the importing companies that facilitate special orders) ...I'm not saying we can't talk about them, but that we should have tact.

One of my deal breakers:
I think people know how I personally feel about glue use in the external decoration of costumes. I’m ok with what you do with a glue gun in the privacy of your own house (but I probably don’t want to know about it…I’m squeamish about things) and I’m even ok with the way Sahar may be using hot glue as a part of how she builds up a cup (where glue is being used for structure, not joining things that could be stitched)…but if I buy a costume that I am not intending to do major fixer-up work on and there are glued on items? Or glue marks around hot-fix items that could have been more cleanly executed?…I am a very unhappy camper and will probably not buy from that source again. I will also make strange noises involuntarily.

Still, I know some people are ok with some designers who glue, it can pass the muster at a distance, it can bring the price down, and sometimes the design is so spiffy/new/in-fashion they let it pass.

I’ve never commissioned a veil (I put two feelers out once, but they fell through and I wasn’t desperate enough to push) or a costume.

I do have a small number of dancers I’ve been commissioned by for original work, but I waited until I could do some test costumes to see if I could the work at a reasonable price and still maintain my usual standards. I don’t rely on costuming as a primary income source, so I can afford to limit my self to a handful of people. I limit orders to people in my size range or to those who live near enough to me so I can do a fitting, because I am not sure of my skills when it comes to scaling construction to larger and smaller body types. In original designs I work with dancers who I know well (and visa versa) so we already have certain expectations, trust, and issues of artistic freedom settled. Eshe knows I will ask questions up to a point, say no to other things, and will then run with the idea how I see fit…and be available for alterations and fixing if needed. There have been questions from people aboard about commissioning me, which is part of why I started this thread (although I am happy with the few I do locally a year)…but mostly I am curious.

I do buy used…and while I’ve been thinking about placing some custom orders in the next year, I’ve been asking past customers privately for feedback about the experience….in part because I know if I am unhappy, I’ll probably blather all over my blogs about it and DRAMA will ensue…and I’d like to avoid that but I know myself.

Anything that really falls apart quickly would be a dealbreaker for me.

Dealmakers? Great customer service counts for a lot. I've recently had experiences with L. Rose and with Dahlal, and in both cases, they went way above and beyond my expectations in ensuring that my costume would be correct, fit correctly, etc. Also, their delivery was much faster and less expensive than I expected (especially given that I'm in a different country). I will certainly deal with both those companies again and recommend them to others.

Originally Posted by Shalimah

Anything that really falls apart quickly would be a dealbreaker for me.

Dealmakers? Great customer service counts for a lot. I've recently had experiences with L. Rose and with Dahlal, and in both cases, they went way above and beyond my expectations in ensuring that my costume would be correct, fit correctly, etc. Also, their delivery was much faster and less expensive than I expected (especially given that I'm in a different country). I will certainly deal with both those companies again and recommend them to others.

Costumes that shed and shred: bead and sequin strands not tied off often enough (so if one goes...they all go) fringes not individually tied off or not tied tightly enough. Seams not properly finished...have I missed anything?

My experiences with L.Rose have been wonderful. I was most impressed with the fact that they double checked my height and my given measurements for the trumpet skirts and explained to me common measureing mistakes and how they felt a different length would work better and why...they took time to try to eliminate customer-error on my part. THAT is impressive.

Deal breaker - heavy cigarette smell, I ordered something and when it came it the smell was overwhelming. I was able to get the smell out but everytime I wear I'm reminded how bad it smelled when it arrived.

Originally Posted by ozma

Costumes that shed and shred: bead and sequin strands not tied off often enough (so if one goes...they all go) fringes not individually tied off or not tied tightly enough. Seams not properly finished...have I missed anything?

My experiences with L.Rose have been wonderful. I was most impressed with the fact that they double checked my height and my given measurements for the trumpet skirts and explained to me common measureing mistakes and how they felt a different length would work better and why...they took time to try to eliminate customer-error on my part. THAT is impressive.

Very impressed with L. Rose customer service. I had a similar experience with the beledi dress I ordered recently.

Oh, and shedding costumes? I tried on some Sharifwear pants today, looked at the trail of glitter around me in the dressing room, and quietly put them back on the rack. ..c::

Hmm, I should add that I also bought some Sharifwear pants today... Not knocking them.

Originally Posted by bintbeled

Very impressed with L. Rose customer service. I had a similar experience with the beledi dress I ordered recently.

Oh, and shedding costumes? I tried on some Sharifwear pants today, looked at the trail of glitter around me in the dressing room, and quietly put them back on the rack. ..c::

I've never met a glitter fabric that didn't drive me crazy with shedding, be it on a Sahar or the ever reliable L.Rose, or fabrics I have purchased myself and tried to work with. That's a fabric issue. I've parted ways with that fabric but would happily order from places that use it....on orders other than my own.

Originally Posted by ohio_laura

Deal breaker - heavy cigarette smell, I ordered something and when it came it the smell was overwhelming. I was able to get the smell out but everytime I wear I'm reminded how bad it smelled when it arrived.

I don't enjoy the personal ethics that have to come into play if you can't return stinky items...they are no fun to resell because you don't want to snooker someone else but you do want to minimize the financial damage "Hai! Wanna get what I paid for! Hope you don't have a nose!"

As much as I love Pharaonics, these are the issues they have that I'd really like to see go away:

Plastic beads with paint that flakes off
rhinestones set in prongs that snag other parts of the costume
costume put together in such a way that basic alterations can't be done, e.g. beadwork done through hipband elastic.

Prong settings that are too short and cause stones to fall out. These settings also catch in the fabric and cause snagging. On stretchy fabric, heatset flatbacks that fall like rain by just trying the costume on, never mind actually dancing in it. Cups that are shallow, have no depth whatsoever (even a B needs some depth/shape!). Currently spoiled by Sahar bras--cleavage for the first time in my life. Skirts that are 8" too long where shortening them would eliminate the beadwork or ruin how the skirt falls. Strong perfume/other smells.

These are all dealBREAKERS. DealMAKERS -- longer list, lol. Too many temptations. Need another post, will come back later. Maybe more dealbreakers, but it's getting late here .... fuzzy brain .....

...

Originally Posted by ssipes

As much as I love Pharaonics, these are the issues they have that I'd really like to see go away:
costume put together in such a way that basic alterations can't be done, e.g. beadwork done through hipband elastic.

That's driving me crazy and not just on Pharonics. I understand that it takes longer to bead with care prior to elastic but part of what I look for in a costume is the ability to easily make slight adjustments for the weight fluctuations (for me and so I can resell).

Originally Posted by ozma

That's driving me crazy and not just on Pharonics. I understand that it takes longer to bead with care prior to elastic but part of what I look for in a costume is the ability to easily make slight adjustments for the weight fluctuations (for me and so I can resell).

I agree! I buy most of my costumes used or new but not custom, so I usually have to do alterations. It's nice to be able to shorten straps or change an old zipper (had to change the zipper on a bella and some of the beadwork was over it, but at least she didn't bead over elastic or anything else like that so it didn't take too long to redo the beading) without having to undo and redo beadwork that has been done over them. I also really dislike hotfixed and hot glued stones. Bad customer service is a real dealbreaker for me. Also, not properly describing an item's condition when I get it in unusable (or stinky) condition in the mail is a deal breaker.

I like solid beadwork, sturdy costumes, glitter free fabric, skirts without work on the bottom (so this barefoot dancer can shorten them a little!), and good customer service most of all. I really appreciate it when a seller is friendly, gets back to me quickly, and is reasonable.

AARGHS

all of these have happened to me. i wont say which designers as all of those i later DID have better experiences with the same.


- custom made costumes, no matter how beautifull, that DONT fit. even though you TOOK my measurements!! or i send them to you exact.

- custom made costumes that use a different type bra/differently constructed than the other stuff i have from same designer and where suddenly the shape doesnt work for me. where i was expecting the SAME style bra or ordered it, and a different one was used.

- costumers that dont listen to my interpretation of LONG skirt. Yes, too the floor! yes, that's right, that's the measurement i want. and no, not one or two inches shorter cause you like that better. that's NOT a designing choice, this is how I wear costumes.

YES YES YES

- nice asseccories. two different sets of gloves or of headbands. i LOVE nice accessories, and i love having the choise between wristbands/gloves or sleeves, depending if i'll be doing veil or not

- a little bag of replacement stones/beads. even on the best well made costumes accidents happen

- a nice storage bag

- sturdy big size professional hooks already sewn in, and/or, just give them to me. and please, give me a spare set of hooks so i can add a second set rather than having to move the ones you put in. I change almost a full cup size depending on time of the month, and it's HARD finding a female hook fitting the male hook you put in at the end of the bra so i end up needing to remove all the hooks and put in all new ones. AND It's much much harder for me to buy/find good hooks seperately...!

1. Costumer service
2. Receiving costumes in a timely manner. If seller post or say it will be completed by a certain time, they should make sure it is delivered in GREAT quality on time. Many of us count on that item to be there on time for a performance.
3. Quality of workmanship. They should have pride in their work.

Originally Posted by ozma

That's driving me crazy and not just on Pharonics. I understand that it takes longer to bead with care prior to elastic but part of what I look for in a costume is the ability to easily make slight adjustments for the weight fluctuations (for me and so I can resell).

Yes, and there is also the fact that elastic contains rubber and rubber breaks down eventually, even faster when exposed to sweat.

Deal breaker: Obvious construction flaws that were not disclosed during the buying process.

-What are your dealbreakers:
wishy-washiness when discussing an order (like not being willing to give me a price), bad communication, a poorly made product

-What are your dealmakers?
good communication, good response time, strong construction and a good eye for lines and design.


-What do you look for when you commission a costume or a veil?
I have to have seen their work in person before and been impressed. Next they have to be willing to work with my drawing. If I'm custom ordering I want them made to my design specifications.

-How do you learn about customer service and quality before you order?
If I'm familiar with the product, I'm willing to build my own relationship with the maker, (taking note of wishy-washiness, politeness, communicativeness, prompt response, if I don't feel totally comfortable, I don't place an order) but naturally I'll take note if there are a lot of negative complaints about anyone I'm considering ordering from. I've never attempted to special order from anyone without an established reputation.

I assume we are talking strictly about professional costumers who take commissions or create costumes specifically to sell, right? I have a different set of expectations for a professional than for a layperson's homemade costume. When I buy a homemade costume from someone, I don't expect professional quality - thrilled if I get it, but I don't expect it.

For a professional - someone who specifically makes costumes to sell:

Dealbreakers

1. Poor construction: Pieces falling off, edges un-hemmed (unless requested that way), wrong fabrics used, loose threads/beads/sequins, missing stones
2. Poor design: Bra not shaped correctly for the size ordered, crotch tassels, design elements that look lewd, changes in beading style/colors that are not cohesive to the overall design
3. Poor service: Custom costume that isn't even close to the measurements given, long delays beyond the initial finish date, inability to quote price accurately, adding cost once the project has already been started (not for additional design items), lack of communication

Dealmakers

1. Good communication: If you are willing to communicate freely and openly throughout the process, then you are more likely to get repeat business from me.
2. Great construction: Costumes that are still in great shape after a couple of years of use and hold up to actual dancing.
3. Design above/beyond: If you initially told me that the price would get me 15-20 big rhinestones and I get the costume and it has 30 because you got a great deal on them or you readjust the design to fit my body, then you have my vote. Any time a designer walks through the why of the major design elements with me it also earns you massive points because I can hear how much thought went into the design and I feel more secure about it.
4. Honesty: About everything. Seriously.

For me it's usually the bra that ends up being the dealbreaker. I might have a unique view on this because although I don't do revamps anymore it was big part of my business so dancers would come over and basically complain about other designers and I'd have to fix it all and make them happy.
But here's my list and then I gotta go to work. It's trumpet skirt day!
Dealbreakers:
1.Costumes should be hemmed. ALWAYS. Eman is a bad one for this dealbreaker.
Just because it is no fray spandex doesn't mean you should get a rough edge.
2.Street bras that aren't modified and properly lined. Don't just cover a street bra in fabric and then not make proper sides and straps. It has to be lined and tagged and hooked.
3.Poor quality lycra that is too sheer or actually runs! I had this experience once and had to send it back. If you can see your hand details through the fabric then it is too sheer and must be addressed.
4. Mardi gras beads are not appropriate in my book. They do last forever but they look tacky and cheap.
5. Chinese prong set stones that catch on the costume. They are cheap metal that's why this happens. They fall out and we all know about how much they snag. In this case you have to buy swarovski every time.
6. Beading through the elastic waistline. We all know this one sucks.
7. Designers who make me feel like I don't have the body for their costumes or who look down on me for being curvy.
Dealmakers and things I don't care about:
1.Don't care about glue. Not at all. Just don't use it in the construction. But glue on stones are fine. I know enough about rhinestones to know you will never escape this.
2. Don't care about serged or finished seams. I have never actually found a pro costume with french seams and such but I have found some american made ones that have that and it's a nightmare to do alterations on that.
3. Well fitting full coverage bras with actual sides as an option.
4. Soft elastic or elastic that is easily removable so I don't get muffin top.
I like to be able to mess with the waistband.
5. I like bras that have some give not hard as a rock.
Most important for me is that I hate designers who think their ideas are better than everyone else's. There is nothing worse than that hard sell. Or designers who bash others. This happened to me in egypt and made me pretty uncomfortable. You should want the dancer to work with someone they really like and it's different for everybody. There is enough drama in belly dance as it is. I often refer people to others whom I think can serve them well. For example I don't do turkish costumes, tribal costumes, revamps, gypsy outfits or troupes. But there are many great costumers out there who do.
So when you are writing/reading this thread maybe pass along some good links to people we don't know about. That could be fun!

Originally Posted by ozma

I think people know how I personally feel about glue use in the external decoration of costumes. I’m ok with what you do with a glue gun in the privacy of your own house (but I probably don’t want to know about it…I’m squeamish about things) and I’m even ok with the way Sahar may be using hot glue as a part of how she builds up a cup (where glue is being used for structure, not joining things that could be stitched)…but if I buy a costume that I am not intending to do major fixer-up work on and there are glued on items? Or glue marks around hot-fix items that could have been more cleanly executed?…I am a very unhappy camper and will probably not buy from that source again. I will also make strange noises involuntarily.

I'm not a big fan of hot glue myself. I work with a group that makes crafts for an annual charity bazaar, and hot glue is what we use when we're making things that aren't "heirloom quality." Hot glue certainly has its place, particularly for holding things that would be difficult to clamp until conventional craft glue could dry, but otherwise, it's seen as a bit of a cheat. I wouldn't personally use it on a costume unless it was the sort of thing I was "throwing together" with no expectation of long-term quality or preservation. IMHO, well-made garments are sewn, not glued.

As far as contributing content to the rest of the thread...I really look for some amount of washability in my costume pieces. I don't expect it to be able to survive a trip through the washer and dryer, but I do look for some minimal amount of ability to resist moisture without being destroyed. Particularly with veils, I want something that I can at least hand wash. Maybe I'm unfortunate this way, but I seem to end up with footprints, makeup smears, dance-bag stink, and all sorts of random dirt as a result of contact with floors that aren't exactly pristine on my veils, and I'm grossed out by the idea of wrapping all that crud around my body, especially when I'm wearing a can't-throw-this-in-the-washer-either costume that would be expensive or time consuming to replace. Consequently, I don't have much use for veils that hemorrhage color in water or pucker up and do weird things when washed. (I'm looking at you, Lurex-striped fabric with mysterious rayon and/or cotton-blend fiber content....) By extension, that also means I'm not a big fan of costumes with cheap sequins and beads, and "sensitive" fabric that turns to garbage when wet.

So, when it comes to ordering costumes:
-What are your dealbreakers: (Things that have or will prevent you from ordering)
Poor quality.
Rude vendors. If the vendor is rude at the sale, how much worse will they be if there's a problem later??
A poor reputation or bad feedback MIGHT stop me from buying -- BUT a lot depends on who said what & where. Some people just hate everything.
Price far above Value. Somethings are worth every penny of their very high cost. Other things are not.
Outrageous shipping costs. I understand the vendor does not set shipping costs, and that packaging etc., does cost money. But please don't expect me to pay double or triple what Fed Ex is charging you.

-What are your dealmakers? (things that you’ve been impressed with in construction, collaboration or customer service that made you say “Heck yeah, I’m ordering again and recommending to others)
Good Quality.
Prompt Service.
Sincere Communication. This means a true attempt to communicate honestly. Language can be an obstacle, but a sincere attempt to overcome that obstacle means a lot, as does honesty and truthfulness.

-What do you look for when you commission a costume or a veil?

I make most of my own costumes, I make costumes for others, and I dye silk. So, when I commission a costume or veil, the first question is always - Is it something I am able/want to make?

If the answer is No, I start shopping around and evaluating my options.

If the answer is Yes, the next question is ... Price. Yes, I know it's a dirty word but it's true. How much will it cost to make it myself, in terms of time and money, and how much will it cost to buy? I buy my 25 yds skirts and such from India Bazaar. They make everything custom, for less than my cost (time and money) to make them myself. My Egyptian bedlahs were bought used, because I don't like doing that kind of bead work and the price was worth it to me.

-How do you learn about customer service and quality before you order? (Do you ask around, make threads about it, check things out with your own eyes, contact past customers privately?Ebay scores?)

All of the above. But, I don't always accept it at face value. One bad, or great, rating can be meaningless. Fifty great ratings from a dozen different places means it's a good vendor.

Bitching about OTHER costumers really gets on my nerves ("her stuff falls apart"). Really. Even when they are RIGHT, I do not want to hear that.... (same goes for bitching about other dancers).

I find it hard to work with people on a business level that I find rude/unpleasant on a personal level/that do not share my own business ethics. completely independent of the quality of the product they deliver (be that teaching, a costume, other services).

I heart this thread. Thanks for everyone's honesty...

-What are your dealbreakers:
For custom-made costumes it comes down to fit and communication.

1. I can skim over a missed deadline or two if that means the costume is taking more time because it is being done really well...however, if it takes an extra long time and it's not done well, then that is a deal breaker.
2. Back to fit. It has to fit and the maker has to listen to your needs regarding fit. I will not reorder from someone who specializes in custom costumes, but is unable to make their costume fit their wearers. I might as well buy off the rack!
3. I don't tolerate rudeness at all, especially from vendors/costume designers.
4. Poor construction. Anything that looks half-assed is out.

-What are your dealmakers?

1. Quality and speedy communication. I love promptly returned e-mails. Phone calls are nice too. The vendors that I have the highest regard for are the ones who usually return e-mails or phone calls within 24 hours. If I have to wait more than 48 hours...Dealbreaker!
2. Originality! Especially for customs. Although most of you know I prefer popular Pharaonics style costumes, but if I want something made my way, then I want it my way!
3. Speedy shipping. Gotta have it!
4. Someone who caters to larger sizes and who won't charge me more for it.
5. Those who are friendly and kind
6. Those who are willing to fix their mistakes.
7. Those who go above and beyond expectations, whether it be a free gift, extra bling or even just update e-mails.

-What do you look for when you commission a costume or a veil?

1. Someone who I believe can execute my idea or needs.
2. Someone who has a nice portfolio with beautiful photos.
3. Someone who is willing to take special requests. For instance I ordered a standard design veil and asked for heavy on the orange. She said that would be no problem.
4. Someone who speaks English fluently (I'm serious!)

-How do you learn about customer service and quality before you order? (Do you ask around, make threads about it, check things out with your own eyes, contact past customers privately?Ebay scores?)

• I have to be honest here, usually it's trial and error. I do a little bit of research, but not a lot. I have not usually asked previous customers about their experience until it was too late. This is when I usually find out errors. The vendor/buyer concerns thread is a nice place to start, as well as other threads here on bhuz. However, I am going to start researching more before I buy, by sending PMs to former customers. I did this before I bought the veil I mentioned above and I am glad I did. I am very grateful to bhuz and other media networks because they good places to start researching. (Oh and for ebay, I look for a high rating and I almost always try to buy from US shippers unless the overseas shipping is free.)

My Deal Makers:

1. Customer Service first and foremost. If you don't answer my emails in a timely manner, than it's gonna give me second thoughts on placing another order. Even if you make the most comfortable costume imaginable, I need communication to know how things are going.
2. Proper fit, especially for bras.. but also hips and length, and if it's a dress, making sure the torso isn't too long for me.
3. Getting my costume in a prompt manner. If you tell me it'll be done by a certain time, than I will expect it at that time.
4. Flexibility in modifying a design. Work with me and make me happy, and I'll order from you again.
5. Extra beads and material. Sometimes costumes don't end up exactly right. I'd like to be able to modify it and make it match the rest of the costume.

My Deal Breakers:

1. Dishonesty. Don't lie to me. If there's a delay or you forgot to order the costume, tell me. I had ordered a Pharaonics costume once that took me a YEAR to get. I was told that the reason for the delay was because Mme Amira couldn't find red mesh..... I'm not believing that one.
2. Shoddy construction. We all know what I'm talking about.
3. Marking up the cost. Usually it's the other way around when costumers find out who my hubby is... but there was one atelier in Cairo that actually raised the price when hubby joined me to give his opinion on a costume design.

There are some ateliers I'm giving a closer look to right now because they communicate very well with me. I can work with Egyptian bras, so that's not a problem. Sure, they're not Mme Amira or Sahar, but their costumes are sturdily constructed, and I can give them an idea of my vision and they'll create it. If I don't like it based on photos, I don't have to buy it. When I go back to Egypt, I'll probably order a few costumes from them.

I'm not really a veil person, so I don't have an opinion about that.

Customer Service:
I'm an emailer. I see how long it takes for my emails to be answered. Ordering straight from Sim, Bella and Mme Amira are the worst because they take a loooong time to answer emails. Hannan and her hubby are great. Raqia Hassan's atelier is also very prompt (though I haven't actually ordered from them yet).

Sometimes email is good in the beginning, and then not so good later. This is also something I keep in consideration.

---Thanks for starting this thread, it's great!

Deal Breakers-
1. Improper fit, I've yet to find a costume bra that actually fits the way I want it to. (I'm like a #6 cup on a 32" band...so it's tough.)
2. Poor Quality. I like nice beading, nice fringe and flattering designs.
Deal Makers-
1. It fits!
2. It's high quality!
3. It's unique!
4. Price is fair for the quality of the costume.

After reading all of these - which is great and I certainly have my own I also leave with the feeling that it is truly impossible to please everyone. Really truly impossible. You can only do your best and hopefully improve as you go but I sure don't envy Eman or Amira or any of them. I am ready to give everyone a break at this point.
So you won't see me participating in this thread anymore although I think it is generally helpful and I am not even going to to mention what other designers do that I don't like on bhuz or blogs or online anywhere.
Everyone else can do it if they want and are all entitled to their own opinions and reviews but having been on the other side now for a while and experiencing some interesting takes on things I think I am just going to keep on keeping on in my own way. It's all getting too much for my taste. I also deeply regret being critical of Madame Noussa when I had a custom made for me and didn't like the skirt and I feel bad for all the criticisms I've made towards Eman and Raqia.
I am just over it. Completely over it.
It seems like all belly dance has turned into these days is less about growing as a dancer and person and more about criticism. Just my take and opinion.

Is there something specific in what people have listed that sounds troubling? I re-read the thread after your comment, and I don't see much bashing of designers or even harsh criticism - just a consensus that no one wants to pay for poorly made, ill-fitting custom costumes from rude vendors. That seems like pretty basic business sense, honestly. The great vendors who deliver wonderful products and listen to their customers are all following the dealmakers' set of guidelines already. In business, not everyone will always be happy (for whatever reason), but basic quality/value/communication guidelines still seem like a pretty positive thing to me. I love custom costumes and have been fortunate enough to have almost entirely positive experiences from it, but when it goes bad, it can really go bad fast.

No nothing troubling. Like I said it is great to read everyone's dos and don'ts and I certainly take them all to heart. I've had a lot of frustration recently in belly dancing that is my own issue and I'm having problems not taking things personally so I am just looking at myself and seeing how I am perpetuating the things I see that I don't like and trying to change myself from the inside. I think I have gotten caught up in a lot of discussions on bhuz and am going to give myself a break.