Thread: "Reverse" body-dysmorphic issues?

I really don't mean to demean anyone who actually suffers from anorexia or body dysmorphic issues where they look in the mirror and see something fat or ugly that really isn't there.

But when I look in the mirror I see somebody who's not terribly fat or overweight. I see somebody with a little extra weight, but not a LOT, ya know?

So then I get pictures back, and I'm thinking WTH? WHO is this fat chick? Where did the Pillsbury doughboy get a costume like mine?

How do you learn to judge what you see in the mirror ACCURATELY? I'm so frustrated right now that I totally don't want to dance again unless it's in an oversized gallibiya.

That's because most cameras and/or videos add about ten pounds to our images which is why film stars have to stay so thin.

well, for one thing, cameras and vid put on 10 pounds, no joke...not an old wive's tale....my S/O directs/production manages a local pageant, and these ladies look heftier on vid than they do in person. so take that into consideration first.....

the next, (and most annoying prospect) are you sure the costumes you use are the most flattering for your body type? for example, i LOVELOVELOVE mermaid skirts, but when i wear them i look like a squat, glitzy spoon, but in the flowy belt/skirt combos i look tall n curvy. thanks to 3rd parties, i discovered the sahars i like, just DONT work for me

here's the scary part, aside from investing in a 'what not to wear' 360 mirror, find someone you KNOW will be honest (productively so) to help you with looks and costuming....especially someone who knows how to CORRECT flaws and play up assets......my mentors and S/O are REALLY good at that, and in time, i started recognizing what worked and what didn't, and got past my own preferences and personal dismorphia.

and the 3rd party HAS to be trustworthy, someone who will tell you what you NEED to know, and not cut you down, just be honest.....

I have the SAME thing.

besides the camera adding 10 pounts (how many cameras were pointed at me last time I danced? Sheeeesh), I think part of it is awareness.

I put on an outfit or costume and stand in front of the mirror. All looks good. But I think in front of a mirror we're on our 'best behavior' without realizing it. Great posture, chest lifted, etc. Walk away from the mirror and the ribcage drops into the belly, boobs droop, belly squirts outward, chin(s) drop into the neck. etc.

love yourself as you are today, and go through your costumes with an honest buddy as the other ladies have posted to make sure yours highlights your best body features. Then don't worry about it, just have fun!

I was at a Yousry Sharif workshop about a year and a half ago. During the dance event (show) in the evening, I saw a thin dancer (horrible), and a lovely plus size curvy dancer (fantastic). It was the curvy dancer's attitude, skill and love of the dance that brought tears to my eyes she was so beautiful.

You know, I practice with a pulled in tummy and long extended lifted arms and pointed feet. I make a conscious effort to do so, because we ARE what we practice. And then it all goes to hell the minute performance adrenaline kicks in. :(

I am vowing now to do 2 nursing home performances a month for the rest of the year just to PRACTICE performing with a more body-conscious approach. Maybe that will help.

10 pounds added with camera? I think it's closer to 30, but I'm short.

Same thing happens to me. And not just with weight, once I was looking at family pictures and wondered - Who is that chick with WHITE hair? - then realized - it was me! LOL!!

If you feel comfortable with your weight on a daily basis, you're fine. The mainstream media worships skinny. But when I worked in a department with 21 men, they all agreed that most women on TV are too thin! So, what real people think and like isn't necessarily what you see on TV or in magazines.

A well chosen costume can make a difference. For example, the horizontal lines of a 25 yd skirt makes anyone look a little shorter and chunkier; vertical panels on a circular or A line skirt will make anyone look a little taller and slimmer.

In other words, wear what looks good on your body, and don't worry about what is "trendy" or not. Professional dancers choose costume that make them look good, the rest of us need to do the same, instead of just wearing what everyone else is wearing.

Check out Dina Lydia's book Flattering Costumes for Belly Dancers, she has lots of suggestions!!

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I put on an outfit or costume and stand in front of the mirror. All looks good. But I think in front of a mirror we're on our 'best behavior' without realizing it. Great posture, chest lifted, etc. Walk away from the mirror and the ribcage drops into the belly, boobs droop, belly squirts outward, chin(s) drop into the neck. etc.

Yes! We totally pose ourselves to look our best in the mirror, same thing in photo shoots. We look great because we've pulled in, lifted, tucked, and have time to prep. Keep in mind that photos taken during dancing aren't always the greatest because we're in constant motion. Lifting a hip up can create back lines and belly sag; getting caught mid belly roll and you look 20 pounds heavier or preggers, an awkward camera angle when you're arm is moving and all of a sudden you've got monster arm.

Something I've come to realize from my (awesomely supportive) friends is that NO ONE is looking at your rolls and pudge. They see your graceful movements, your beautiful emotive face, and the sheer joy you get from dancing. And bottom line: they're AMAZED that your body (no matter what shape or size) can make those movements and damn, the more jello when it comes to shimmies, the better!

I like to emphaSIZE on what I enjoy on my body. I have a bit of belly but nice curves at the waist so I like dresses or high waisted costumes. I love my boobs so I wear a nice fitted bra and a hint of glitter in the clevage. I love my legs so I enjoy high slit skirts and I have a nice smile with pretty olive skin so I keep my teeth white and skin glowing. I don't wear items that give to much attention to my belly or smaller butt. Show off the great parts and your favorite curves and remember we all have horrible pictures sometimes!

Oh gosh I have this issue! So nice to know one is never alone...

I also have the Superman/Clark Kent effect - I'm not photogenic in "real life", only in full makeup and costumes ;-)

I'm fine with myself as long as I'm not shopping for street clothes. Then it sucks - I'm too small for plus size and too big for everything in stock!

At least dance clothes I can find something I feel good in, fairly easily (Dresses seem to suit me...as long as I don't turn sideways, lol).

Originally Posted by ruta21030

the next, (and most annoying prospect) are you sure the costumes you use are the most flattering for your body type? for example, i LOVELOVELOVE mermaid skirts, but when i wear them i look like a squat, glitzy spoon, but in the flowy belt/skirt combos i look tall n curvy. thanks to 3rd parties, i discovered the sahars i like, just DONT work for me

hehehe, i'm exactly opposite. of course the place i work loves the classic full skirt look, and i love spinning in them, so i accept that im short. (although i love a trumpet skirt too)

when i comes to evaluating weight, go with what's healthy. im short and have a tinny frame, so even when im 20lbs overweight i don't look it to most people, but my hormones sure know it! if there's a college with an exercise science major near you you might be able to get your body fat percentage for free and that tells you if you're in the healthy range for your age or not, something height and weight charts aren't very good at because of the variability between people.

Something that became painful aware to me was getting pics back from a show that had full stage lighting. I wore a dark cobalt blue fringe dress that I thought looked lovely. I had many backstage compliments but when the photos came back I looked like a huge round silver ball with skinny legs. The light reflected off the fringe and off the blue fabric. It was awful. My sister took a picture of me the same night in natural lighting and it was entirely different. But I am not sure I will ever want to wear that dress again.

Honestly just look at all the posts. I pretty much have a body thats as in shape as possible and there are some cameras where i look so shortened and stout and i know thats not what i look like because with other photographers and regulare cameras as well i look perfectly fine. Sometime photographers like to use those curved lenses i dont know what they are called but they are super fancy and meant for outdoor shots, but unfortunately they just dont translate well for people sometimes. So dont judge everything form the photo. Know that you are beautiful and that a picture can be deceiving especially with that curvy lense lol!

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I put on an outfit or costume and stand in front of the mirror. All looks good. But I think in front of a mirror we're on our 'best behavior' without realizing it. Great posture, chest lifted, etc. Walk away from the mirror and the ribcage drops into the belly, boobs droop, belly squirts outward, chin(s) drop into the neck. etc.

My teacher does something really cool to help combat problems like this (and costume malfunctions). Our last rehearsal before a performance is always a dress rehearsal, and she brings along her video camera and a little TV. She records us doing the choreo a couple of times, and then we all sit down and watch it. Not only does this give us a chance to make sure our cossies "feel" good, but we can see what they look like while we're actually dancing, too.

Check your poses too - sometimes certain poses/movements/angles add weight on camera...like extra rolls where usually there aren't any, or a widening affect if you're caught "straight on" - my teacher is working with me like crazy on dance angles, and trust that the better angles/lines skinny-up the dancer!

Originally Posted by jordonezbellydance

Sometime photographers like to use those curved lenses i dont know what they are called but they are super fancy and meant for outdoor shots, but unfortunately they just dont translate well for people sometimes.

The longer telephoto lenses will actually thin you out. Now, a wide-angle is very unflattering. Unless someone is right in front of you or working in a small space, they are probably using a telephoto.

Bad posing and bad lighting is a really effective trick use for doing before and after photos of dieters. This is how you lose ten pounds:

Take your photo directly facing the camera, arms at your sides, with a flash. That's your before photo. Make sure you relax so you're slightly slumped.

Now, turn your hips slightly, position your arms so there are spaces between them and your body, and light yourself at about a 30-45 degree angle from the camera. Then lift your chest and turn your head slightly. Congratulations! You lost 10 pounds.

The problem is that you can't really dictate the angle that people photograph you while dancing, the lighting conditions, or if they happen to snap you right in mid-undulation. Some bad shots are going to get by. It takes a whole lot of photos to get a really good one... this holds true for all shapes.

Don't beat yourself up for it. I've taken thousands of unflattering photos of people and have had plenty taken of me. In fact, I have started a 'must improve my posture' campaign after some particularly horrifying photos.

If you want to look skinny in all photos you'll have to do the model thing and stop eating. You won't look good dancing at that point...

Here we go, one hugely fat Aziyade:
My Jillina impression... - tribe.net

I had this problem after I gained a bunch of weight. My internal body map was still based on the healthy weight I had maintained for years, and only in photos and videos did I really see the extra pounds.

I lost the extra pounds and haven't had too much in the way of body image problems since then.

hookah bar conversation where I dance:

Owner: "you need to wear more revealing costume, you're too covered up" (I was wearing a lycra choli and skirt set that did cover quite a bit)

Me: "Well I am working on my back fat, I'll lose it soon"

Owner: "NO!!! Do not lose weight! I saw your fat roll when you were dancing it's very niiiiiice" (say this with a heavy arab accent - lol)

Me: "What? My fat roll?"

Owner: "yes, you have very nice fat roll and we arabs like a women with more fat on her body. You have the best body of all the belly dancers. The others are too skinny, but you, you have nice fat"

Me: "ok, I think that is a compliment?"

Owner: "yes, yes .. next week wear a bra and belt costume"

I wear it the following week and make more tips showing off my fat roll. He complimented it again last weekend. All the arabs were loving the extra fat. It's not like I'm a big person but I have gained quite a bit since I got happy (finally!)

I'm still trying to adjust to the mindset that they like it. I guess the American guys like it too as I got tipped phone numbers with dollar bills. HA HA HA......I brought them home to my husband and said "look at all my tips and phone numbers!" He was laughing.....he said "I told you the men like a women with some curves and meat on their bones" --- I have been very self conscious and my husband kept reassuring me that men like the extra lbs. The women at the hookah never seem to care or give looks. They usually want to be in pics with me all dressed up.

http://lenaregina.zenfolio.com/img/v9/p244828274-3.jpg
I'm wearing the orange costume. Camera def. put 20 lbs on me. I only wear a size 9/10 but when I compare them to older photos I see "fat" because back in the day all you could see were ribs.

Here is a photo of before I gained weight...I was actually even skinnier than this.
http://lenaregina.zenfolio.com/img/v5/p884647573-5.jpg

Take photos of yourself in each type of costume silhouette, turn the photos UPSIDE DOWN and hold side-by-side. Your eye will be more objective and the differences in which does a better job of flattering your figure will be easier to spot.

-Devora

Originally Posted by ssipes

I had this problem after I gained a bunch of weight. My internal body map was still based on the healthy weight I had maintained for years, and only in photos and videos did I really see the extra pounds.

This, I think. I'm almost 40. I'm perfectly content to love my body at 145 pounds, but I do think I still see myself as the ballet dancer at 110, 120 tops. There's a disconnect between what I feel and what I see in pics -- and I think I just need to learn to look critically at my costume choices to find a more flattering silhouette for the 145-pound me. I do want to lose a little weight, but I can't get too hung up about it. And I don't want to quit eating!! LOL.

You all have great ideas and thanks for the support!

Originally Posted by ssipes

I had this problem after I gained a bunch of weight. My internal body map was still based on the healthy weight I had maintained for years, and only in photos and videos did I really see the extra pounds.

I lost the extra pounds and haven't had too much in the way of body image problems since then.

ditto, it wasn't until recently that i started seeing the fat (and now i've lost a bunch of it) seeing it has been good for my hormones and blood sugar, but not for being happy. not a bit. (it doesn't help when your dad thinks Michelle Joyce is fat- i use this example because everyone and their blind grandma can see that she's not- and pokes your belly and says "what's that?" T_T)

Originally Posted by raqFariha

(it doesn't help when your dad thinks Michelle Joyce is fat- i use this example because everyone and their blind grandma can see that she's not- and pokes your belly and says "what's that?" T_T)

Jeez! This is what makes me angry about our dance.

You get the Arab restaurant owners like LenaRegina's previous example, and like a couple of restaurant owners I know personally, who act like you're scary-skinny unless you have that perfect softly curved hourglass bod. One local hookah lounge/restaurant owner physically grabbed me and asked if something was wrong with me, just because I'm naturally thin - WTF, dude? That's when I started patronizing a different falafel joint where I could eat in peace without getting badgered about my weight ..c::

Then, you get people like your dad (and many of my "civilian" friends) who would see a dancer with that specific body type and make facetious comments about how all belly dancers are too "thick."

Sometimes, it feels so impossible to make everyone happy. So I guess we should all stop trying, and just be happy with who we are. Those who aren't happy with the way we look can just go shove it ,r:;

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

Sometimes, it feels so impossible to make everyone happy. So I guess we should all stop trying, and just be happy with who we are. Those who aren't happy with the way we look can just go shove it ,r:;

excellent way to put it ^_^

Originally Posted by maurazebra

If you want to look skinny in all photos you'll have to do the model thing and stop eating. You won't look good dancing at that point...

Here we go, one hugely fat Aziyade:
My Jillina impression... - tribe.net

You could pull it off! ..l;,

Originally Posted by lenaregina

hookah bar conversation where I dance:

Owner: "you need to wear more revealing costume, you're too covered up" (I was wearing a lycra choli and skirt set that did cover quite a bit)

Me: "Well I am working on my back fat, I'll lose it soon"

Owner: "NO!!! Do not lose weight! I saw your fat roll when you were dancing it's very niiiiiice" (say this with a heavy arab accent - lol)

Me: "What? My fat roll?"

Owner: "yes, you have very nice fat roll and we arabs like a women with more fat on her body. You have the best body of all the belly dancers. The others are too skinny, but you, you have nice fat"

Me: "ok, I think that is a compliment?"

Owner: "yes, yes .. next week wear a bra and belt costume"

I wear it the following week and make more tips showing off my fat roll. He complimented it again last weekend. All the arabs were loving the extra fat. It's not like I'm a big person but I have gained quite a bit since I got happy (finally!)

I'm still trying to adjust to the mindset that they like it. I guess the American guys like it too as I got tipped phone numbers with dollar bills. HA HA HA......I brought them home to my husband and said "look at all my tips and phone numbers!" He was laughing.....he said "I told you the men like a women with some curves and meat on their bones" --- I have been very self conscious and my husband kept reassuring me that men like the extra lbs. The women at the hookah never seem to care or give looks. They usually want to be in pics with me all dressed up.

http://lenaregina.zenfolio.com/img/v9/p244828274-3.jpg
I'm wearing the orange costume. Camera def. put 20 lbs on me. I only wear a size 9/10 but when I compare them to older photos I see "fat" because back in the day all you could see were ribs.

Here is a photo of before I gained weight...I was actually even skinnier than this.
http://lenaregina.zenfolio.com/img/v5/p884647573-5.jpg

Boy, now this sounds like a conversation where you can't do anything wrong!

I know why I look fatter in pics. There is this chick that looks just like me and follows me everywhere. Whenever a camera comes out, she jumps out in front of me. I can't prove it cause she is quick, but dammit, she is there......

I have this same problem as well. I like to look at my pics and yell at myself to "suck it in!" Action shots are just hard because you are moving and by the time your friend says "that a cool move" and hits the button, you are half way out of it and looking like a beached whale fighting for the water. (Not YOU, generic you)

My husband has this disorder FOR me.

I'll explain: I am pretty heavy. I think I am pretty heavy. My doctor thinks I'm pretty heavy. No illusions there.

My husband and I have been watching Celebrity Fit Club 7 on TV. One of the stars is Tanisha Thomas, who is a little shorter than I am. They were showing her statistics. I sighed. "She started out heavier than I am, but now she's thinner," I said.

"What!?" exclaimed my husband. "You don't weigh as much as she does! You are much thinner!"

"No, dear," I explained, "I just carry my weight differently than she does. She's more of an apple shape and I'm a pear."

"Well," he huffed, "you don't look that big."

Let me tell you... having a husband who does not believe you are fat is a WONDERFUL THING.