Thread: Hair help, please!

So, if my hair looks like this

after putting it up in a towel after washing, does that mean it's naturally wavy?

I like it pretty well when I blow it dry,


but this

is really what it looks like for most of the day.

Notice the flyaways across my forehead and above my head, causing it to look rather messy. Notice the pronounced cowlick on my right (your right, too, actually, because of the mirror) that makes that side flip out. Will that go away as it gets longer? I actually don't know, because I cut my hair short in 7th grade and it's mostly been above shoulder-length ever since.

I want to grow it out long and am looking for a style that will lend itself well to daily wear and, of course, glamming up for belly dancing! It's quite fine/thin and obviously I have a high forehead, which always seems to compound the already-flat-looking-hair business, so I have a hard time just picking a picture out of a magazine because it never seems to turn out the same way on me.

Would encouraging the natural waviness help or hurt? It seems to make the cowlick worse right now, but maybe that will work itself out as the hair gets longer? It's also kind of frizzy when I let it air dry (I have blown it dry daily almost without exception since cutting it short in 7th grade), but it also gets greasy SO easily, so I have a hard time knowing which products to use. I have a problem with flyaways whether I air or blow dry.

I don't mind using mousses, sprays, and the like, and I don't mind using the blow dryer, but I'm not too keen on curling irons, hot rollers, etc. I just don't have the time for them on a daily basis. Whatever my daily hair routine is, it's going to have to happen in about 20 min a day from start to finish. I'm willing to spend more time for special occasions (future dance performance, perhaps?)

Oh, and I also prefer somewhat nontoxic stuff like Aveda. I've tried the totally natural stuff and it didn't work too well for me.

In any case, I'd love to hear any suggestion you care to throw my way!

did you try the curly girl method? here are some links for threads. it helped me a lot with my fine and thin hair. i don't use shampoo anymore, switched to baking soda/conditoner mix and rinse with a apple vinegar mix. my hair feels so much better.

http://www.bhuz.com/forum/belly-danc...ny-others.html

http://www.bhuz.com/forum/off-topic/...irls-book.html

I can throw a few possibilities your way :) If you must use shampoo, try diluting it 50% with water so it's not as strong. I used to have to shampoo my hair every day so it wouldn't get super oily. I diluted my shampoo and went down to washing every other day because the harshness of the shampoo was what caused the oiliness. Now I use Deva Curl products which means I clean my hair with conditioner and I only have to wash twice a week. My hair is curly and fine.

1. dilute shampoo or use cleansing conditioner
2. Don't use a terry cloth towel! Use a t-shirt or sarong. The loops fuzz out your hair
3. use a light hold gel or pure aloe to help with frizzies
4. put aligator clips in hair along the hair line running back to lift the hair off the scalp. It'll dry with more volume

Bangs. Nice fringy bangs? I have a rather high forehead, so I use bangs to balance the height of my face.

I grew my hair out from chin length to (now) bra band length. It reminds me quite a bit of yours.

In my experience, I hated my hair from the time I let my short coif start growing out until it was below armpit length. I just gritted my teeth and tried not to think about it.

My advice is: don't get your hair trimmed any more than once every 3 months or so, and when you do get it trimmed, make sure you get a trusted stylist who will "dust" the ends off (e.g. a quarter inch trim). Expect stylists to not take your "I'm growing it out" claims very seriously, or expect them to tell you that your hair shouldn't be long because it is too fine or thin or whatever (which is total BS IMO -- fine and thin hair can look gorgeous long). Minimizing the trims will help you get past the awkward "not short not long" phase. If you continue to trim every 4-6 weeks as you probably have with short hair, growing it out will take forever. Especially if you give the stylist free reign to "shape it up and get rid of the damage".

Figure out something that doesn't involve heat styling -- as in blow dry on warm only and never ever ever straight iron. not even once.

I agree with the idea of emphasizing the waves instead of trying to beat it into submission.

I like your high forehead. I would vote for no bangs. Bangs will subtract from the volume of your hair. Your hair looks to be on the fine and thin side, as mine is, and I decided I just didn't need to lose what volume I have to to bangs.

Also, I just prefer the look of long hair with no bangs with respect to the dance persona. Bangs on a lot of people (not everyone) look really school-girl-ish or office-y. I had bangs all my life because I thought my forehead was unattractive. I grew them out finally (in my 40's) and I am SO SO SO glad I did. I will never go back to them.

FYI, I recently posted some "hair growth" pics on facebook, and I'll share some here, because you are in a very similar phase as where I was 3 yrs ago (having short hair, wanting long hair)

in my mid 30's, short w/ bangs. Cute, just very very not belly dancer-y.

2007 (41), short, bangs grown out:

summer 2008: strange weird layers. Basically I hated my hair at this point but I resisted the urge to chop:

2010 finally long -- 3 yrs of growth.

For dance performances turban style headbands are very glamorous and since you don't mind occasional curling with an iron my vote is for the turban style headband/curly locks look. Since my hair is fine and poker straight if I want a curl to stay (when it's long enough to curl that is as it's usually pixie short) lightly spritz a section of hair with hair spray, let it dry, then curl. Don't such said curl until it totally cools! Lightly finger comb through curls to separate them, back comb the crown a bit for height, and respray for staying power.

I have the oddball cowlicks too...double crown (bleh) that pretty much forces the faux hawk issue and one side that goes flippy when my hair grows out. Not until my hair was very long did those issues become nonissues so I can't help you much with the in between lengths. That was when I usually plastered the heck out of it back out of the way in a chignon roll, and I had bangs.

You look lovely without bangs, by the way and your hair color is pretty!

OMG, we have the EXACT same hair!

Mine is thin and fine, not quite straight and not quite wavy. When I towel dry it, it brings out the natural wave. You can work with this by spritzing in a curl-defining spray or a bit of mousse and "scrunching" your hair as it dries to encourage the curl. I get a natural-looking, slightly messy wavy look that I like with this.

It's nice to work with the natural wave in my hair rather than trying to fight it and it adds volume around the face which I bet would look really cute on you.

Air-drying straight does not work for me either. I get flat, flyaway, unkempt looking hair with this.

I can also twist my hair up into a bun while it's wet and let it down when it's dry for an easy way to get a nice looking wave.

My hair is also longer than yours, has been maybe 3 inches above bra strap to 3 inches below using these. I also find my hair much easier to work with since I got long layers. I have no bangs either.

Good luck, hope that helps!

Wow..just three years! That would have taken me 6 years.

I think bangs would be great on you, due to the high forehead. Your hair does seem to have a tendency to waviness.

Given your face shape, I would -love- to see you with some pretty curly hair. Pincurls would be fab but since you aren't into setting (I'm not either, actually), how about flat ironing in some curls? With a good flat iron, this looks fantastic, without flyaway frizzies. GHD is the best iron but expensive. A narrower plated (1" or less) Chi would also work.

Also, second what was said above about shampoo stripping out your hair. Look for 'poo that doesn't have "sulfate" in the ingredients. And look for conditioner that doesn't have any words that end in "-cone." If you don't use -cones, then you don't need the harsh sulfates to strip them off. I like L'Oreal Vive Pro because it works great and is cheap. And find a smoothing serum that works for you (also cone-free) to tame those secondary hairs that cause frizzies.

Originally Posted by ssipes

FYI, I recently posted some "hair growth" pics on facebook, and I'll share some here, because you are in a very similar phase as where I was 3 yrs ago (having short hair, wanting long hair)

in my mid 30's, short w/ bangs. Cute, just very very not belly dancer-y.

2007 (41), short, bangs grown out:

summer 2008: strange weird layers. Basically I hated my hair at this point but I resisted the urge to chop:

2010 finally long -- 3 yrs of growth.

Wow, what a difference. Definitely love the long hair on you.

Originally Posted by SpicyThai

I think bangs would be great on you, due to the high forehead. Your hair does seem to have a tendency to waviness.

Given your face shape, I would -love- to see you with some pretty curly hair. Pincurls would be fab but since you aren't into setting (I'm not either, actually), how about flat ironing in some curls? With a good flat iron, this looks fantastic, without flyaway frizzies. GHD is the best iron but expensive. A narrower plated (1" or less) Chi would also work.

Also, second what was said above about shampoo stripping out your hair. Look for 'poo that doesn't have "sulfate" in the ingredients. And look for conditioner that doesn't have any words that end in "-cone." If you don't use -cones, then you don't need the harsh sulfates to strip them off. I like L'Oreal Vive Pro because it works great and is cheap. And find a smoothing serum that works for you (also cone-free) to tame those secondary hairs that cause frizzies.

I have to say that flat ironing is about the worst thing ever you can do to your hair if you are trying to grow it out. To have long healthy hair, you have to make each hair strand last for years and years! Flat ironing won't just cause the very ends to split, it tends to cause damage and breaking several inches up from the end of the strand --- this can look like splits or white dots, if you pull on the end of the hair strand it will break at the white dot. This kind of breakage will massively eat into your length gains, not to mention leading to damaged looking hair that makes you want to chop it all off again.

If you ARE going to heat style, cones will help protect your hair. Different hair reacts differently to silicone ingredients. Trying with and without cones is a good idea, but then choose what works best for your hair. Personally, my hair does much better WITH cones. Without cones, it breaks more easily because it is fine and fragile.

Originally Posted by SpicyThai

Wow, what a difference. Definitely love the long hair on you.

Originally Posted by anala

Wow..just three years! That would have taken me 6 years.

Thanks! My hair grows at a very average rate -- about 1 cm per month. (I know because I can measure the root growth between henna applications)

I trimmed my own ends for a long time. Seriously, stylists think that a quarter of an inch is about two inches. They'll cut away 90% of your length gains if you let them.

I have hair that grows at that rate..unfortunately, it ain't on my head.

Originally Posted by ssipes

I have to say that flat ironing is about the worst thing ever you can do to your hair if you are trying to grow it out. To have long healthy hair, you have to make each hair strand last for years and years! Flat ironing won't just cause the very ends to split, it tends to cause damage and breaking several inches up from the end of the strand --- this can look like splits or white dots, if you pull on the end of the hair strand it will break at the white dot. This kind of breakage will massively eat into your length gains, not to mention leading to damaged looking hair that makes you want to chop it all off again.

If you ARE going to heat style, cones will help protect your hair. Different hair reacts differently to silicone ingredients. Trying with and without cones is a good idea, but then choose what works best for your hair. Personally, my hair does much better WITH cones. Without cones, it breaks more easily because it is fine and fragile.

If used injudiciously, this could be true. I always use a heat protector on my hair, and only flat iron every 5 days or so. A good flat iron will give you results that last until you wash--and you don't have to wash so often if you don't use cones.

Anyway, it works for me. My hair is uber-thick, uber-healthy, and past my waist. :)

Originally Posted by ssipes

FYI, I recently posted some "hair growth" pics on facebook, and I'll share some here, because you are in a very similar phase as where I was 3 yrs ago (having short hair, wanting long hair)

in my mid 30's, short w/ bangs. Cute, just very very not belly dancer-y.

2007 (41), short, bangs grown out:

summer 2008: strange weird layers. Basically I hated my hair at this point but I resisted the urge to chop:

2010 finally long -- 3 yrs of growth.

Thanks for posting all the pics! I was at the weird layer stage and going nuts a while ago and had decided to grow my hair out again. My hairdresser told me that at age 50 (my age) I would just look like a 50 year old with long hair trying to look young. In a weak moment I let her cut it into short layers. Oh what a mistake!!! I hate my hair - the style is cute - but it is not ME! So here I am growing out even shorter and weirder layers. I figure it will probably take me 5 years before I get to the length I want. But your pics give me hope that I"ll survive the growing out and it will look fabulous.

Originally Posted by Surida

My hairdresser told me that at age 50 (my age) I would just look like a 50 year old with long hair trying to look young.

Aaarrgghhh!! I think people who say that need to be lined up and shot. Seriously, I think it shows a deep deep misogynistic streak in our culture, not to mention a complete lack of brains. I'm so so sorry that you had to hear that and be influenced by it.

For what it is worth, I'm 44 and I'm NOT cutting my hair, and anyone who shares the above opinion within my earshot is going to get verbally shredded.

,m::,m::,m::,m::,m::,m::,m::

More variations of the bull sh*t:

Fine hair shouldn't be kept long
Thin hair shouldn't be kept long
Long grey hair is ugly
Long hair over (fill in meaningless arbitrary age) drags your face down
Long hair over (fill in meaningless arbitrary age) is lackluster
Long hair is unprofessional (even more so if curly/kinky)

Can you tell this riles me up?

I think anyone growing their hair out needs to be aware that they will NOT get support from the majority of the stylists out there. They need to be prepared to enforce trim lengths and hear drivel about how they shouldn't have long hair for whatever stupid inane reason.

Anyway, as belly dancers we are automatically exempt from such stupid rules.

Wow! So many helpful replies! THANK YOU so much everyone! I have lots of food for thought. First up, I think I'll try reading Curly Girl more carefully, as I actually own it already! I bought so I would know how to care for my baby girl's ringlet-type curls. Never thought about using it for myself for some reason! Guess I didn't think I was curly enough or something.

Sedonia, your hair is beautiful! A lot of your advice really resonated with me. I haven't had a haircut/trim of any kind since March or so. It would probably help to get it "smoothed" out along the edges a bit, but your comments about hairdressers taking too much off is exactly the reason I've been avoiding it! My mom knows the basics of cutting hair, so I'm thinking of having her do it next time I see her as I know she'll be cautious not to overdo it.

Asra, how heartening to find someone else with hair so similar mine! The pictures on your website are lovely! It gives me so much hope that long hair could actually work for me! I kind of imagine some long layers are going to work best for me to add volume like you said, but I guess for now the focus is just on grow, grow, grow! I love the bun tip, too. I remember as a little girl my mom would braid my hair when it was wet and I just loved the way it looked when I took it down dry.

Originally Posted by ssipes

Long grey hair is ugly

My mom has the most beautiful long, gray hair I've ever seen! Actually, it isn't gray at all, it is literally a metallic, shiny silver. So pretty! She gets compliments everywhere she goes.

She wouldn't be too happy about me posting this one of her with braces (yes, in her 60s), but it was the best one I could find showing her hair.

That's beautiful. When I am an ..older... woman I will have a Brunhilda braid to my waist draped carelessly over my right shoulder, no matter what color!

That is beautiful!

Hello Alexa! I have had my long, super-thick hair straightened with the japanese treamtment for almost eight years now. I do love it, but now there are so many great products to take care of wavy/curly hair. There's no going back for me (without a ridiculous, not-pretty outgrowth process) but I would say ambrace the wave! JessiCurl and Ouidad make amazing products for curly girls. You'll have some tough times while it grows, but it will be so versatile in the long run.

Sedonia what a beautiful hair journey! Alexa your mother has my dream hair. Soemday I want it long, full, and beautiful silver.

Originally Posted by Alexa

Wow! So many helpful replies! THANK YOU so much everyone! I have lots of food for thought. First up, I think I'll try reading Curly Girl more carefully, as I actually own it already! I bought so I would know how to care for my baby girl's ringlet-type curls. Never thought about using it for myself for some reason! Guess I didn't think I was curly enough or something.

Sedonia, your hair is beautiful! A lot of your advice really resonated with me. I haven't had a haircut/trim of any kind since March or so. It would probably help to get it "smoothed" out along the edges a bit, but your comments about hairdressers taking too much off is exactly the reason I've been avoiding it! My mom knows the basics of cutting hair, so I'm thinking of having her do it next time I see her as I know she'll be cautious not to overdo it.

Asra, how heartening to find someone else with hair so similar mine! The pictures on your website are lovely! It gives me so much hope that long hair could actually work for me! I kind of imagine some long layers are going to work best for me to add volume like you said, but I guess for now the focus is just on grow, grow, grow! I love the bun tip, too. I remember as a little girl my mom would braid my hair when it was wet and I just loved the way it looked when I took it down dry.

Yes, the braid trick works for me, too! Especially if I french braid it so the top gets some wave as well.