Thread: Amazons unite?

Hi,

Lately I've been feeling a bit more like a giant than I like. Not just in the weight sense - the overall-body sense. I doubt that any amount of weight loss will do much. It's the height plus being generally 'big-boned'.

Anyone else feel the same way? Not sure what I'm looking for here, exactly. I think it's that whenever I'm around other dancers I think 'she *looks* like a dancer'; I feel rather ungraceful.

Oh trust me, I have those days when I feel as though I am about the size of one of my Grandfathers barns. The big one, at that. I find it's usually a combination of things, few of them having to do with my actual size and weight.

When I am feeling particularly ginormous, I sit down and look at what is going on in my life. Am I PMSing? What have I been eating? How have I been sleeping? Have I been dealing with stress levels? Have I been sick? What beliefs have I been dealing with which are either changing or simply being challenged? Where do I feel out of control?

When I start looking at those questions, I can usually put things into a better perspective.

And if that doesn't work, I go have a little bit of chocolate. The endorphin rush helps.

{{{{HUGS}}}

I feel the same way Brea... I'm more of an amazon build than a lean build, but I'm fit and not fat, so I'm happy. Plus I was raised on a farm and have always had the strong girl ethic hammered into me, so I'm happy that I'm big and tough and physically built rather than lean. I actually kinda try to channel that when I'm dancing. Sure I've got the grace bit of it (and I really have to focus on that to make it come out in my dance), but I also have a very energetic and strong style.

Tahira, Lesedi - I was also brought up in the 'strong, tough' girl way - and I'm proud of it too, most of the time! I suppose I just get a little disappointed in myself when I'm around very slim, small dancers, as I know that there's no way I'll ever be their size.

Brea--you know I'm right there with you! (as you well know)
And it never helps when people make a comment like you are so
tall because sometimes I feel that hidden meaning. But I do have a good
comeback, because I truly am the shortest person in my family (at 5'9")
so I usually respond with "Oh? I've never felt that way, because I'm the shortest
person in my family"

My mother always emphasized to me & my 6' sister how lucky we were to be
so tall, and other women were probably a bit jealous. And she raised us to
never be ashamed of our heights. I try to remember, but when you're having
a bad day it can be tough.

The other thing that helps me is the time when I hadn't been dancing long,
and a doumbeck player friend of mine who is Assyrian told me that I had the
perfect body for a belly dancer--womanly--not like these tiny skinny girls
that look like children. "That's an American image" he said.

Sometimes when people ask me "How tall ARE you?", I'll say, "Oh 8 or 9 feet I think" with a sweet smile. And I know they don't even mean it in a bad way, often it is in fact admiringly. I just can't help myself [devil grin]...
What you're hearing about your size - and comparing to others - it's just that little demon whispering on your shoulder to mess with your mind. We all have it sometimes. We are comparing our outsides to someone's else's outsides - pointless. Then I remember I am ME in all my glamazon glory, and, I love to dance! I know you do, too! :-)
And, what Tahirah said too. Check your barometer.

Not so much an Amazon as a giraffe, but I do feel either huge and lumbering or just ungainly with long flailing limbs compared to other dancers sometimes. I once danced a duet with a girl who isn't much over 5', and I'm just over 6'... The photos of that look downright strange, especially when I'm closest to the camera.

Originally Posted by BreaMorgiane

Tahira, Lesedi - I was also brought up in the 'strong, tough' girl way - and I'm proud of it too, most of the time! I suppose I just get a little disappointed in myself when I'm around very slim, small dancers, as I know that there's no way I'll ever be their size.

It can be about perspective. When I worked in a drapery factory with a bunch of tiny little Latinas, I felt like a beached whale! I wasn't. But I was an average of 3" taller, 2 dress sizes larger, and a white girl!

When I worked with a bunch of actress / model types who were all tall and slender, I felt like a short chunk. I wasn't. Most of the time I was only an inch or two shorter and while I carried probably 10 lbs more, I was definitely not as huge as I felt I was.

I finally decided that it didn't matter what THEY looked like. It mattered that I learned to accept the body that I am in, today. Understanding what my possibilities and limitations are. I am never going to grow 3". But there are some great shoes! Nor will I my waist ever lengthen, but you know what? I have amazing legs that I am quiet proud of and don't mind showing off!

So, while I completely understand where you are coming from, and please know you are not alone in your feelings, this might be a great opportunity to start looking at some of the underlying misinterpretations of reality which keep you feeling this way.

And yes, you should have known sooner or later I would have suggested that!

LOVE YOU!

{{{HUGS}}}

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

this might be a great opportunity to start looking at some of the underlying misinterpretations of reality which keep you feeling this way.

What an excellent point! Thanks.

Oh, do I understand. I'm 5'11" with long arms and broad shoulders, and sometimes I feel like I've walked into the land of Lilliput when I walk into a dance class. I just try to remind myself that normally, I'm very happy to be tall, and that shouldn't change just because I'm surrounded by tiny dancers.

Thanks, Tahira. I think I have a problem with mixed-identity messages - if that makes any sense?

I have nothing against slim, small dancers either; I don't feel that making them feel bad/putting them down is the answer. However, I often feel like I've wandered into the wrong club. I think I still think of myself as a fighting, rough and tumble pirate, and when I am going to dance there's a voice that says 'What do you think you're doing?' in my head. I kind of feel like I'm in drag, or that someone is going to notice I'm not one of the 'real' bellydancers, silly as that sounds.

And frankly, like it or not, in an image-driven job like this one...being the kind of girl with the 'imposing' figure isn't going to be as popular as the ones that fit the Hollywood aesthetic. It's just the way things are - not just with bellydance, with life. I can't count the times when I've been out with my slender, graceful, model-esque friends and watched men fawn all over them. And me?

I'm the bodyguard. *sigh*

I can't count the times when I've been out with my slender, graceful, model-esque friends and watched men fawn all over them. And me?

I'm the bodyguard. *sigh*

This doesn't appear to have stopped you having boyfriends and even being married IIRC.

So it can't be that offputting.

Hehehe, Zum. It's not really the thing about guys that bothers me; I've never felt particularly unlucky in that sense. What concerns me is not fitting into the 'dancer' image, and I was using that as an example of how I think the GP views women in general.

I am very tall and all I can say is.... Celebrate tall! You're not gonna get shorter so charish it!
I am tall all my sibs are tall and I am very used to it.
Funny though the young ones coming up make me look the right size! LOTS of girls are very tall now!
Sometimes I wear high heels just to be taller for fun!

Yes, I have noticed that a lot of younger people are a lot taller! It's very surprising.

I was just talking about the difficulty of fitting women's clothes to large upper arms and shoulders. This was why I initially tried to take up sewing.

I'm a big bird too, at 6' and around 160lbs. I like being tall, but I sometimes think our troupe looks a little odd as we vary in height by a whole foot!
A lot of young girls are much taller now, when I was young I was often told by complete strangers that I was tall (gee, thanks for that, I never realised!) now it rarely happens. And I can buy 36" inseam trousers pretty easily now, whereas 20 years ago only one shop sold them and they were a bit frumpy.

Yah, I'm 5'9'' but people who ask how tall I are always supprised and say I look a lot taller. About a week ago a guy asked me why I looked taller than I am. I said it might be my wide shoulders, and he said it wasn't that cause I looked taller than his daughter and she is my height and has broad shoulders. I have trouble not slumping. I got in the habbit to fit in and now I'm trying to break it. Well, I had a short guy come up to me at a club and yell "You're huge!" and dance with me. Have to just learn to embrace it.

Iám 1.78 and when I was at ease with it, I started to bellydance. When I am in class I am the tallest one, surrounded with very petite slender girls. I feel my dancing look never the same as the rest. All long arms, always sticking out the line. I have my second crisis about my length.
In Nederland is still difficult to get clothes of good size, my sleeves and pantalons are always to short. Only denim is in the right size.
And I was brougt that is was ok how long I was and I look good, it's all in your mind, I find smaller girls just more elegant.

I've always been the tallest in my dance classes, and I always seemed to be paired with the shortest in the group!
But, at a smidge under 6' tall, I've realised that I'm not getting any shorter, I might as well enjoy it!
I'm also a big girl, and in a way, I'm lucky, because I don't look as big as I am because of my height (I look more proportional than anything else) but it's also the reason i started making my own costumes, because I found it so difficult to find clothing that was both plus size and tall.
I find it funny, though, because it's forrced me to try and be more elegant, because I have a tendancy to stand out in a crowd of shorter, thinner ladies.