Getting Back Into It--But How?

[mish_mish]

The background:

Started dancing in '03 and was hooked. Hooked, I tell you. Took a lot of classes and workshops and started doing paid gigs in 2005. This continued for about a year, but after getting really frustrated with the bad dance mojo in this town (due to some notorious undercutting), taking on a very demanding job and not finding a teacher I really "clicked" with, I stopped dancing in fall of '06.

I haven't taken a class or done a gig since. I really miss *just* dancing. I want to take a class and be a student and not worry about paid gigs. I'd love to be part of a not-too-busy troupe or dance at festivals, haflas, etc., but there just isn't anything like that where I live. I can't even find a decent class that is really up to par.

And I'm getting fatter (put on 10lbs since I stopped) and older and I'm feeling really down on myself right now. I need a physical/artistic outlet, but this time, I swear I won't let my over-achieving self get roped into thinking I need to do this professionally.

What's a girl to do? I don't want to do private lessons; I want to be IN a class with other students and just have fun with, yannow, people.

[Azhia]

I hear hear hear you ferrrr sherrrrrrr...

No teacher or class with whom you jive in your area?

[mish_mish]

Those teaching regular classes are styles (fusion or cheeseball mystical bullsh*t melting pot cabaret) that I Just. Don't. Like.

I am totally intimidated in private classes. I don't learn well because I'm not Tupac (don't want all eyes on me :)). I am picky as hell. I'm looking for classy, Egyptian style improv teaching. I'd love to learn to dance to live music.

[Athallia]

Are you willing to travel?? I'm sure there has to be a teacher that fits your criteria in the surrounding areas. Or if you miss the class environment so much, how about a drumming class?? Or another dance form to keep you in shape and that could be helpful to your BD once you get back to it.

[mish_mish]

I was looking for a drumming class, but no luck. I am very close to SF and I may need to look at making the drive a couple of times a month to take a class with someone there.

Another dance form is a great idea...just to stay moving and motivated.

[joanneraks]

The title totally grabbed my attention, because that's what I'm really feeling too. I am picky about who I'll take from, just like you. Picky, picky, picky. I don't especially want privates right now, either. I'm more in the market for some repetitive foundational drilling and stuff.

I'm dying for some dance buddies who love to talk dance as much as I do, but who are also willing to put some time in to participating in community events, classes, and just plain ol' dance-hang-out time. Like the good ol' days. Seems everyone is just not into it as much anymore.

Here are some things I've been "meaning to do", but haven't gotten around to. Don't know if your looking for the same stuff I am, but I'd love company if you're up for it.

-attend classes in bay area
-I have lots of instructional videos I want to study at home and now I finally have some space. There are 3 really good basic ones I had planned on starting with.
-attend dancer shows in the greater Sac area and make field trips to the bay

I'd also be up for sharing semi-privates with ya, if there is someone we are both into.

And, of course, I'll just be happy to hear what works for you if you post it here on bhuz!

[Azhia]

Static trapeze, corde lisse, aerial stuff is amazing, fun, motivating, great/challenging work out, empowering, absolutely wonderful for any kind of dancing.

It's good to be picky and know exactly what you want. Even if it takes you awhile to find your teacher/class, you'll find what you're looking for, Mish.

[Adishakti]

Is there anyone a reasonable distance from you that you could travel to do classes with? What about putting together your own troupe and only keeping it as active as you would like it to be? Or what about hosting haflas periodically for people to get together and dance? Joanne's suggestions for semi-privates might be a good idea, too?

Surround yourself with positive people and let the rest do their thing... dance is supposed to be fun, and if it's something you are passionate about, don't let anyone ruin it for you.

[mish_mish]

The title totally grabbed my attention, because that's what I'm really feeling too. I am picky about who I'll take from, just like you. Picky, picky, picky. I don't especially want privates right now, either. I'm more in the market for some repetitive foundational drilling and stuff.

I'm dying for some dance buddies who love to talk dance as much as I do, but who are also willing to put some time in to participating in community events, classes, and just plain ol' dance-hang-out time. Like the good ol' days. Seems everyone is just not into it as much anymore.

Here are some things I've been "meaning to do", but haven't gotten around to. Don't know if your looking for the same stuff I am, but I'd love company if you're up for it.

-attend classes in bay area
-I have lots of instructional videos I want to study at home and now I finally have some space. There are 3 really good basic ones I had planned on starting with.
-attend dancer shows in the greater Sac area and make field trips to the bay

I'd also be up for sharing semi-privates with ya, if there is someone we are both into.

And, of course, I'll just be happy to hear what works for you if you post it here on bhuz!

I think I need to send you an email.

[Mosaika]

Sounds perfect Mish_Mish & Joanneraqs, you both seek the same, get together and chill out dancing also the get together with a few others and dance to your own drummers so to speak just may work.

If I was closer , a whole lot closer I would join you! <smile>

[mish_mish]

Joanne--the great thing is that I think we may be seeking the same style of dance.

[SatinWorship19]

Girl, I feel your pain. This post could have been written by me.

I, too, went an entire loooooong year without attending a class or a workshop. I took up only 2-3 private gigs during that span (and really wasn't feeling them the way I normally do), and dropped off the face of my local community without telling anybody why.

I had to do it, though. In my case, the pressures of conforming to the perfect "belly dancer" image had begun to snowball out of control....especially when a former instructor told me that I shouldn't pursue professional work due to my petite stature and non-"exotic" looks. Add some undercutting, a new crop of 6-week wonders and "instant professionals" (thanks to the aforementioned teacher), and some questionable ethics to the scene, and *poof*....instant bellydance burnout. Furthermore, I had to distance myself from all the "looks-ism," having been through an eating disorder already. The risk of a scary relapse wasn't worth that short-lived sensation of being a local rock star, or the paltry weekly sum of $75 (for 2 sets) and a kefta kebab, or an ounce of my time, or a breath of my energy. Throughout the entire span of my early career, I felt not unlike a recovering alcoholic would feel working in a liquor store.

Sometimes, you just have to take some time out. Nothing is worse than dancing because you feel like you have to, and not because you want to. Negativity does terrible things to your dancing: it robs it of passion, makes you clumsy, and communicates clear to your audience that you don't give a flying f*ck.

But when you get back into your game, you're unstoppable. In the course of the last 3 months, since I got back into it, I've already taken 8 workshops and purchased 3 costumes ..g.: .

Workshops helped me, as did finding the right teacher. When I started studying regularly with Aszmara of NYC, she exposed me to all kinds of things that none of my previous instructors taught me: how to dissect a clarinet taqsim, how to make every beat of the music count, and how to rise above the urge to be merely marketable, and to be a true artist. Sometimes, you need to find somebody who will fill in the missing links....and it'll take you some time before you find the right person.

Re-inventing your image and your dance style helps, too. Do some crucial self-examining: what costumes suit you best? How does your real life personality come across in your dancing, and how can you enhance it? What kinds of music move you the most? And what's your *killer* prop or skill? Strive to be bigger, badder, bolder, stronger and truly be larger than life.

(to be continued)

[SatinWorship19]

(Continued)

Also....and this mentality gets me into trouble....distance yourself from your local community if you absolutely feel you have to. Obviously, not in a mean "f*ck you!" spirit. Still be cordial, support the going rates and play by the unspoken laws of the land, and don't wish harm on anybody. And definitely cultivate any and all positive relationships you have with other local dancers, because it's never fun to go at it alone. But if you're not the "grand sisterhood" type, or if you don't really connect with many of the locals (Let's be realistic: it happens), or if the undercutters are really bringing you down, nobody says you have to attend every hafla, or every local event, or the restaurants that feature dancers. Hearing about what everybody else is doing can be tiring, and sometimes all the huggy girly giggly energy can be rather chafing....especially when non-sisterly events are occuring in your local community.

And finally, buy some killer new costumes. Sell your old ones if you need to rationalize new purchases or purge old energy.

Good luck. I'm pulling for ya!

Lisa

[Lauren_]

Mish & Joanne, I know of a group in a fairly small city who used to meet weekly for practice sessions and once a month paid an instructor from a neighboring city (just over an hour away) to come and teach them. I don't know if they took turns leading practice on what they'd learned in between or not...

But maybe you can find a few more Egyptian-hungry students and get a group together and hire in the teacher of your choice once or twice a month?

[mish_mish]

I am looking at options in the east bay/SF or possibly taking drive up to Aracata and checking out Shoshanna.

I need to learn new stuff.

[joanneraks]

SatinWorship19 - I love what you are saying about distancing yourself from negativity (whether it be people or situations that are personally dangerous or just plain stuff that doesn't inspire) - and then energetically scouring for positive influences. It's always good to hear someone reinforce that if you keep looking, you'll find what you're looking for. This is something I am forever doubting. I get hopeless quite often. (Or I know what I want but it's too far away or too expensive...)

It's amazing to me how much old or bad energy is tied up in possessions or paths/habits. All this talk about purging costumes or old expectations is making me itch to do something crazy. ..g.:

One thing that cripples me from getting back into it - is my perfectionist expectations for myself. Don't know if this ever affects you, Mish Mish. Sounds like you are ready to shed the crap and just have fun, which is a good place to be.

[mish_mish]

Oh, man. That perfectionist thing is terrible for me. It's the main reason why I hate private lessons--I don't want the teacher to see me at my worst, trying to work through things a zillion times. I like to do that in a class where I'm not the only focus. Right now, I don't even want to see the people who've seen me dance or taught me because I have gained a little weight (it's not even that much, but it still makes me feel like a failure).

[sumayasaahir]

Mish Im with you. I cant attend regular classes, but Id love to! So I travel to do privates, solo or with a good dance friend (waves toLaura2). Do you have a dance friend you can take pl's with?

I also stopped dancing professionally for a while, deferring gigs to dance friends. Im just not into that so much anymore, and dont feel like I need a gig to be a bellydancer. Im just working on self improvement and weight loss while I finish my masters degre right now.

Salsa lessons are starting at a studio near me in the summer, and I cant wait. Meanwhile Im taking an adult ballet class thats fun and kicking my ass technically. Whew!

[SatinWorship19]

Joanne, it's great to see somebody else on the same wavelength! I think there should be a support group for burned out BDers everywhere. Getting back your mojo after a bad burnout is such an awakening, and such an invigorating feeling. For me, the reward of striking out on my own and finding my own voice has been a thousand times greater than the false security of getting gigs handed to me because I'm part of the right clique.

I think part of the jadedness that people like you and I battle with stems back to the popular credo that bellydance is about sisterhood. It is a lovely sentiment, and it actually does exist in some communities, but in a different social climate, it can create fake friendships, two-sidedness, and a sense that you have to "support the sisterhood" or people will brand you as weird, rude, or threatening.

Perfectionism is a HUGE problem for me, too. I used to beat myself up because the six-week wonders were getting tons of gigs handed to them by certain instructors, and I was having trouble getting work on my own. Now, I take things at my own pace. It might take a year or so for me to finally start breaking even....but I know that when I succeed, it'll be entirely on my own merit. I'm taking time off from teaching and from actively pursuing gigs, and enjoying all the great learning opportunities that come my way.

Get rid of those costumes, girl! I'm planning to sell a number of mine on the Swap Meet, and it's been quite a liberating feeling. (If you have any old cossies in a size 00, let me know ..g.: )

Keep dancing, and keep that chin up!

Lisa

[je_ateek]

You know, I needed this thread too. I've been out of regular classes for 2 years (jeez maybe even longer) and I've taken 3 workshops in that space of time too. They were great workshops, but I am dying for a good group class- I live in Vermont and everything is tribal up here or I just don't click with any of the instructors. I also live at least an hour away from most of the events, so I'm getting tired of getting emails promoting events that I'm not invited to be a part of other than as an audience member ("come see our beautiful sisters dance!"). It sucks, I travel an hour or more just to go to some event (which is pretty teeny tiny anyway) and feel like an outsider. Other than Surida and another dancer who's name escapes me, I haven't really gotten the warm and fuzzies from anyone. Maybe it's just New England... Blah.
I think, in my case, I need to move.
Thanks, I just needed to vent.

[mish_mish]

I live in CA, so you'd think I'd fall down and hit multiple instructors, but nope.

I am not a mystical sisterhood type, either. I want to dance, not convene with anyone or anything!

A group class. A decent group class. That's what I want, exactly!!

[Adishakti]

You know, I needed this thread too. I've been out of regular classes for 2 years (jeez maybe even longer) and I've taken 3 workshops in that space of time too. They were great workshops, but I am dying for a good group class- I live in Vermont and everything is tribal up here or I just don't click with any of the instructors. I also live at least an hour away from most of the events, so I'm getting tired of getting emails promoting events that I'm not invited to be a part of other than as an audience member ("come see our beautiful sisters dance!"). It sucks, I travel an hour or more just to go to some event (which is pretty teeny tiny anyway) and feel like an outsider. Other than Surida and another dancer who's name escapes me, I haven't really gotten the warm and fuzzies from anyone. Maybe it's just New England... Blah.
I think, in my case, I need to move.
Thanks, I just needed to vent.

Cliques... I swear, some people never grow up or must have had social issues in high school.

Bobby McFarrin was a genius. "Don't worry, be happy"!

[joanneraks]

You know, I needed this thread too. I've been out of regular classes for 2 years (jeez maybe even longer) and I've taken 3 workshops in that space of time too. They were great workshops, but I am dying for a good group class- I live in Vermont and everything is tribal up here or I just don't click with any of the instructors. I also live at least an hour away from most of the events, so I'm getting tired of getting emails promoting events that I'm not invited to be a part of other than as an audience member ("come see our beautiful sisters dance!"). It sucks, I travel an hour or more just to go to some event (which is pretty teeny tiny anyway) and feel like an outsider. Other than Surida and another dancer who's name escapes me, I haven't really gotten the warm and fuzzies from anyone. Maybe it's just New England... Blah.
I think, in my case, I need to move.
Thanks, I just needed to vent.

vent away! It makes me feel better, anyway! It'd be interesting to find out how many bhuzzers are disillusioned with their current dance network/opportunities/involvement level. And those that have been, and are finding rays of hope.

[SatinWorship19]

Maybe it's just New England... Blah.
I think, in my case, I need to move.

It could very well be a New England thing. There's lots of weird clique behavior in Connecticut, to a point where attending local events just makes me feel extraordinarily out of place. The fakeness and the tension are virtually palpable, but I often get the sense that I'm the only one who sees through it. When I go into NYC for classes and workshops, I feel an enormous weight off my shoulders: everybody's so much nicer and more down to earth. There's no odd huggy girl-bonding crap....just cool people getting together to dance.

I'm planning a move to Cali sometime in the next few years. On many levels, not just BD, I've just never felt at home in New England.

Lisa

[SatinWorship19]

Cliques... I swear, some people never grow up or must have had social issues in high school.

Yes. And their parents probably took away their Barbies at too early of an age. Hence, the gravitation toward dressing up in sparkly costumes.

Poor maladjusted belly bunnies.

Lisa

[Jaseena]

I know what you mean. I live in Pleasanton Ca and I don't want to take beginning belly dance and I don't want to pay out the big bucks to private teachers because my funds are limited at this point. I just want to dance with a group of dancers where we can challenge each other and form a small troupe that does festivals. I moved to the Bay Area about 7 months ago and thought there would be some fantastic teachers that I could work with but it seems they are either out of range (I have no car and rely on mass transit and BART) or 1-2 hours away from.

Oh, and not to mention that it seems to me that you pretty much have to be IN a class in order to participate in most haflas.

[mish_mish]

I'm old and cranky. I have little time and I want to dance, not talk about spiritual bullcrap or suffer through hacky instruction.

[Jaseena]

With ya on that one. I imagine that I will be with this for another 10 years and then I'm retiring from this "hobby".

[Souzan]

Sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone in your frustrations. Sounds like maybe MishMish and Joanne can perhaps work together to their individual and collective benefits.

I passionately wish for a "dance partner"--someone who shares my middle eastern dance interests in the same sort of intellectual, curious way. Learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut and not ask too many questions or get too excited in public about anything new I had read or share anything I had learned in a workshop. And although it was extremely painful to learn that most of the local dancers I know couldn't give a flip for the things about this dance that I find so fascinating, I finally found strength and peace to seek out the teachers I want to learn from and find a way to make it happen.

Now, performance opportunities for dancers who are not so young and not so slender...that's next on the agenda.

Souzan

[Lauren_]

S
Now, performance opportunities for dancers who are not so young and not so slender...that's next on the agenda.

Souzan

*whispers in Souzan's ear* Build it and they will come... produce a reguar monthly or bi-monthly hafla... do it do it do it do it...