Thread: What to do when reality sets in :(

OK so tonight my usual teacher (who is fab and a great dancer but I never get to see her "perform" and dance so she sets a great example but doesnt rub our faces in it. A great teacher/pupil relationship) was not there so we had a lady run our class who I have been told is one of this countrys best ME bellydancers. They was right....she was so good. This was my 6th lesson and boy oh boy what a lesson. The lesson hit me hard that I have so much more futhur to go than I though before Im half decent at this dance. She taught us but more performed and we copied so it was hardcore!!! Our lessons are usually quite gentle and really focus on technique and basics.

I was feeling good about my progress and how I was getting on until miss fab (and to make matters worse she was lovely!!!!!! hehe) taught us and now I realise I am a million miles away from being any good.

Now im going to see my teacher perform on stage next week and i know ill feel even worse after seeing the lady who teaches me in all her glory.

sob sob

Try not to get discouraged. I think even long-time dancers have those "reality moments" every now and then... I know that I do!! If you've only taken 6 classes, you have no reason to expect you're be as skilled as someone who is "one fo this country's best ME belly dancers." All you can do is keep at it.

I also can't help but wonder if this teacher was really doing the class a disservice by doing the "I'll dance, you keep up" exercise for such newbies. I'm sure you weren't the only one in class that felt overwhelmed....

I tend to agree with aazura...don't feel discouraged. I am not certain if the follow-along is great for such a new class. I still have my moments of oh..oh crap. ..l;, Don't be too discouraged. Feeling that way tends go hand in hand with performance arts (or any arts), I've found. I'm a writer, too, and whenever I read something like Lord of the Rings I want to throw away my pen forever.

Still...I always get a new pen! The thing about art, performance or otherwise, is that the passion takes hold of you and you really have no choice but to keep on doing it. That's what I love about it all.

You shouldn't feel so discouraged. Your teacher has done the best she can, and you are advancing... that is something to be grateful for and proud of. That said, if you are able to take regular classes with this awesome teacher you mention - why not go for it?

We all have humbling experiences. If anything, it shows us all that our dance can be. Why not use this as a tool for motivation?

If you stick with MED, for sure you'll have reality moments like these from time to time. I remember someone on Bhuz saying "just when you think you know what you're doing, you realize you really know nothing at all." In my relatively minor 5+ years experience, it's been totally true over and over again.

While it can be kind of overwhelming to realize how much there is to learn and master, the bright side is that you can do this dance forever and really never get bored or run out of challenges. In order to not get discouraged, set short term goals for yourself and really celebrate when you reach them.

All the posts you have posted so far - the things you have gone through - we have all gone through them. Just keep at it.

It can be really inspiring to look ahead and see how much further we have to go. It means we'll never get bored!

i much prefer my teacher because she teaches much more clearly. I just felt totally out of my depth but thanks for the encouragment girls...im off to bed feeling sorry for myself with a kit kat heheh

I took a workshop this weekend with Aziza and I felt like a total clod. Not only was she just fantastic (beautiful, funny, inspiring, great dancer) but the people there were also quite experienced. I felt like a little kid playing in her mommies clothes and dancing around.

I guess that although it does show just what I don't know, it is also nice to have someone to look at and say "in 10 years....I will be able to do that". I did get some nice words of encouragement (Thank you Jewels!) from others tho.

Keep at it. The only way to get there is to do it!

Originally Posted by Linnyg

I took a workshop this weekend with Aziza and I felt like a total clod. Not only was she just fantastic (beautiful, funny, inspiring, great dancer) but the people there were also quite experienced. I felt like a little kid playing in her mommies clothes and dancing around.

I guess that although it does show just what I don't know, it is also nice to have someone to look at and say "in 10 years....I will be able to do that". I did get some nice words of encouragement (Thank you Jewels!) from others tho.

Keep at it. The only way to get there is to do it!

I took a couple of workshops with Aziza in 2006, then again just a few months ago. Although I enjoyed the earlier workshop (because she's fab at teaching all levels in a workshop), I was able to grasp and absorb so much more of what she was teaching this time around, especially the more conceptual stuff. It really did make me realize and appreciate how much I'd grown in the couple of years between.

Originally Posted by Fatinah_bellydance

This was my 6th lesson and boy oh boy what a lesson. The lesson hit me hard that I have so much more futhur to go than I though before Im half decent at this dance.

Am I reading this right? This was your 6th lesson?

Please confirm or set me straight!

Thanks!

Deborah

Originally Posted by Fatinah_bellydance

i much prefer my teacher because she teaches much more clearly. I just felt totally out of my depth but thanks for the encouragment girls...im off to bed feeling sorry for myself with a kit kat heheh

Yes she is a truly wonderful dancer and was there for me at a the last moment when I was called to look after the grand daughters as all being well my grand son is about to make a rather earlier than expected arrival.
That's the sign of a good friend who can drop everything and help me out at an hours notice and hey this gal has 12 years dancing under her belt so don't be phased. You have just been with one of region's best performers if not nation's..w.:

You'll see us both next weekend all being well.
Another snippet all tickets have gone to Sat show and the thursday one has a handful left! Ooooer

I've been dancing five years and this weekend I had the exact same feelings after a wedding-gig. My first paid job actually. Went fine, but in all a very humbling experience.

Originally Posted by lizajuk

Yes she is a truly wonderful dancer and was there for me at a the last moment when I was called to look after the grand daughters as all being well my grand son is about to make a rather earlier than expected arrival.
That's the sign of a good friend who can drop everything and help me out at an hours notice and hey this gal has 12 years dancing under her belt so don't be phased. You have just been with one of region's best performers if not nation's..w.:

You'll see us both next weekend all being well.
Another snippet all tickets have gone to Sat show and the thursday one has a handful left! Ooooer

Well the little chap who made me miss teaching my class tonight has just arrived..Connor Luke!

Congrats, Lizajuk!

awww congrats Liz!!!!

by the way just wanted to say my initial post looks like I was whinging about our stand in teacher but i sincerly wasnt i thought she was great!! She and her mum seemed to of really rallied round and made us all feel very at ease. It was an enjoyable lesson and does people good habving different teachers every now and again. Makes you like your own lessons all the more :)

I don't think you need worry too much after your 6th lesson.This dance takes years to learn-theres a long exciting way to go yet.Enjoy!

Hi Fatinah

I totally hear what you are saying and I can tell that you are keen to throw yourself into the dance and progress. Good for you sister! Your enthusiasm will reward you.

What you have just experienced and felt is something you will repeatedly experience and feel over the years with this art form. I still consider myself a baby belly at 6+ years and I experience these feelings in pretty much every workshop I take.

I agree with Brea that this is an 'arts' thing in general but it can be particularly acute with bellydance for what I believe are 2 key reasons:

1) This is an individual and interpretative art form. Therefore every time you do see someone new perform/teach they should seem different/to have something new - that's the mark of a good dancer - and of course you will spend ages trying to figure out what it is that they are doing that you can't.

2) This is a dance that matures (like wine or maybe a cheese!). It can take years to master some of the subtleties of it, both physically and emotionally. As a result, if you search back threads you will find plenty of rants from teachers about students who think they've mastered it after 6 weeks and also posts from people who have been dancing for 30 years who are still experiencing that feeling of discouragement when seeing/being taught by someone new.

On the flip side, I think that these elements of the dance are what keep many of us gluttons for punishment coming back for more. ,r:;

Its also easy to get very into one particular teacher's headset, whoever that teacher is (and I know yours). This is not a bad thing but it can mean that different ways of conducting classes will throw you off just as much as new moves/style/wow factor. I got invited to go to a workshop with the lovely Kharis last month and realised that I felt out of my depth, not because I couldn't understand/have a go at what was going on but because I am used to my regular teacher's way of doing stuff and I just kind of anticipate it, whereas I couldn't second guess anything in a new situation.

AWW Thanks Khadiya once again great words of advcie thanks chick xxx

Originally Posted by lizajuk

Well the little chap who made me miss teaching my class tonight has just arrived..Connor Luke!

Congratulations - lovely name too. Awwww pictures, pictures.

Fatinah - don't be discouraged. Wow you like to go fast eh? You remind me of me.

Yes we all have these moments, and they often take us by surprise, and sometimes make us feel "oh perhaps I should just give up now".

I remember being about 2 years into the dance and going to a dance night at a local Lebanese restaurant. There was this dancer there that my friend and I hadn't heard of previously (because she stays off the scene), and we introduced ourselves before her set and she said "oh, I'm just self-taught, it's really all about wiggling your ass isn't it?". So we sat down to our food and thought "dear me, what are we about to witness?". She came on, in her inexpensive looking but effective costume, and proceeded to blow us away for the next 30 minutes. Incredible. We wanted to crawl under the table, and she then asked us up to dance with her. Could have died lol!

We both wanted to give up the next day.

I have met her a few times since and she IS self taught. I think she only said the ass-wiggling thing in case we thought she was no-good or something.

Anyway Fatinah, you'll never be the best, because there's no such thing. All you can be is the best you can be at any given point in time. And that is enough. Don't beat yourself up about it not getting there as quicly as you'd like!!

View it as inspiration, rather than feeling "I can't do that" desperation.

xxxx

Originally Posted by khadiya

Hi Fatinah

I totally hear what you are saying and I can tell that you are keen to throw yourself into the dance and progress. Good for you sister! Your enthusiasm will reward you.

What you have just experienced and felt is something you will repeatedly experience and feel over the years with this art form. I still consider myself a baby belly at 6+ years and I experience these feelings in pretty much every workshop I take.

I agree with Brea that this is an 'arts' thing in general but it can be particularly acute with bellydance for what I believe are 2 key reasons:

1) This is an individual and interpretative art form. Therefore every time you do see someone new perform/teach they should seem different/to have something new - that's the mark of a good dancer - and of course you will spend ages trying to figure out what it is that they are doing that you can't.

2) This is a dance that matures (like wine or maybe a cheese!). It can take years to master some of the subtleties of it, both physically and emotionally. As a result, if you search back threads you will find plenty of rants from teachers about students who think they've mastered it after 6 weeks and also posts from people who have been dancing for 30 years who are still experiencing that feeling of discouragement when seeing/being taught by someone new.

On the flip side, I think that these elements of the dance are what keep many of us gluttons for punishment coming back for more. ,r:;

Its also easy to get very into one particular teacher's headset, whoever that teacher is (and I know yours). This is not a bad thing but it can mean that different ways of conducting classes will throw you off just as much as new moves/style/wow factor. I got invited to go to a workshop with the lovely Kharis last month and realised that I felt out of my depth, not because I couldn't understand/have a go at what was going on but because I am used to my regular teacher's way of doing stuff and I just kind of anticipate it, whereas I couldn't second guess anything in a new situation.

In total agreement - well said.

If anything I have decided its a good thing because its made me realise im trying to rush stuff. I think its because I put too many expectations on myself.

Thanks freddie for your words...AGAIN :)

I am not going to try to be the best...only the best I can be.

I would hate to be the best i just like doing what I do to my own ability. I just have high expectations on my ability hehehe

My mentor told me dance is a journey and that really stuck wtih me. Your feelings and attitude will change and develop over time so just grab on and try to enjoy the ride.

Originally Posted by Fatinah_bellydance

i much prefer my teacher because she teaches much more clearly. I just felt totally out of my depth but thanks for the encouragment girls...im off to bed feeling sorry for myself with a kit kat heheh

You can know a lot, and yet, there is still so much more to learn--this is the way with belly dance.

I think of your situation like this: I have two smart elementary school students who excel in their respective grades, but if someone suddenly put them into a high school calculus class they would be overwhelmed. At some point, they will likely be ready for that--but not yet. You got thrown into belly dance calculus before you were ready! (I'm not ready for belly dance calculus either!)

You'll get there, Fatinah! Don't be discouraged.

Originally Posted by Fatinah_bellydance

If anything I have decided its a good thing because its made me realise im trying to rush stuff. I think its because I put too many expectations on myself.

Thanks freddie for your words...AGAIN :)

I am not going to try to be the best...only the best I can be.

I would hate to be the best i just like doing what I do to my own ability. I just have high expectations on my ability hehehe

glad u see that..........

after 6 lessons, you're still VERY new..........noone can assume you'll rock the house after only 6 lessons..........while some can take to it quickly, it STILL takes years, YEARS to master.....and the analogy of cheese? a great one! the best dancers are the ones that have devoted a couple of decades to it.....so no worries, you've got PLENTY of time to get there ..g.:

hell, i've been doing it over 20 years and i'm STILL learning.........ever the student, no matter how long......

Whoah- what happened to Fatinah!?!?!

Welcome to the DanceLife, my friend.

If you're doing it right, you'll find that you feel a little more like a baby-beginner each and every day. This is not a sign of inexperience, but the hallmark of humility and your receptiveness to all of your instructors and the dizzying array of things they have to teach you.

It's easy to forget, when you're experiencing growing pains, to see past the pain and remember that you're growing. As you can see here on Bhuz, the learning curve impacts ALL of us, from beginners to pros. The goal is to embrace it, tough it out, keep your eye on the prize, and not let these normal setbacks get you down.

The way I see it, the day I stop learning is the day I've stopped dancing. If you're "too advanced" to keep attending classes, workshops, or seminars, or if you're just too cool to admit that you can still afford to learn a thing or two, you may as well hang up the bedlah for good. There is always something new to discover or an established theme to improve upon - even if you've been doing this for 30 years.

Love what everyone has said and I am on the same page as them. Let me add that when you are starting out technique is everything. You have to train your body to do what your spirit asks of it. Your regular teacher has been doing just that. It is a slow process and one that you will continue for your entire life in dance.

The second teacher came in and gave you a taste of poetry only you didn't have the words or the grammar yet to speak it they way she does.

Two different approaches.

But you know more what power can be had. But after only 6 lessons all this WILL seem out of your grasp.

It is a journey, not a destination. Keep traveling with a light heart and an open mind.

Souzan

Oh, I just LOVE what Souzan has said! Beginner, teaching grammar...later on, poetry. Lovely.

I changed to Emma_Jayne....thats who I am...I feel to be me in the dance I should use my name and be proud of my plain jayne name :)