Thread: Eager Beaver alert!!! How do you control it???

I have been dancing now for 2 months and Im still as passionate and as keen as the day I walked into my first lesson and my teacher completely re-lighted my passion for dance.

However....in alot of my posts I have bene told to relax or calm down and just enjoy my lessons etc and not too stress.

Am I a complete freak who is addicted and wants to commit 100% every day and lives and breaths dance or does anyone else get the same responses?

Im now under the impression Im maybe a bit "too keen". Is there any thing as being too keen?

I feel a bit sad now for spending so much time and money (classes, cds, dvds etc, shows) on dance and for becomming so attached so soon.

Did anyone else have this reaction...does the hunger for it fade....Im really feeling like jacking bellydance in because of so many mixed reactions and feelings...one minute it can be a bitchy thread...email...gossip...the next I feel Im being a pyscho obsessive student....just need some opinions xx

I think it's lovely that you've fallen head over heels in love with this dance. Don't feel bad about that.

No such thing as 'too keen'! It is awesome you love this dance, and I am sure most of us can relate to your passion.

I can't lie: I am glad the internet did not exist when I started belly dance classes. :) I was an eager beaver as well, but it translated into having to go to the dance studio all the time to get my fix. Oh, and waiting for Habibi magazine to show up in my mailbox!

If you post for advice, you'll get replies you might not like. But you have the power to ignore! ;)

Thanks girls :)
Im glad im not alone in feeling so obsessed.
Im already used to getting negative responses but I take them all with a pinch of salt :)

Originally Posted by fatinah_bellydance

Thanks girls :)
Im glad im not alone in feeling so obsessed.
Im already used to getting negative responses but I take them all with a pinch of salt :)

Please don't take comments to pace yourself or slow down and enjoy as negative...burnout happens and we want you in this for the long haul!

~~Kimahri

Originally Posted by fatinah_bellydance

I feel a bit sad now for spending so much time and money (classes, cds, dvds etc, shows) on dance and for becomming so attached so soon.

Did anyone else have this reaction...does the hunger for it fade....Im really feeling like jacking bellydance in because of so many mixed reactions and feelings...one minute it can be a bitchy thread...email...gossip...the next I feel Im being a pyscho obsessive student....just need some opinions xx

Oh yes! In my case, it hasn't gone away. In fact, if I hadn't stumbled upon belly dance five years ago, there's a good chance my children would be running around in a back yard right now instead of pent up in a second-floor apartment. .w.:,r:;

I haven't seen the negative posts to you, unless you are talking about the posts advising you to wait before spending a bunch of $$$ on a costume, as you would probably be dancing with a troupe (at least at first--even most cab students don't go straight into soloing, in my area, at least), and you will need costuming that fits with what the troupe is wearing. I don't see that as bitchy, but as solid, realistic advice.

If you are independently wealthy, then, hey, go crazy. But if you are like most of us and have to watch your $$, then wait. How do I know this? Because I have a pile of stuff that I eagerly bought but can't really use, because they don't fit with what my troupe is wearing. Now, I tend to be more cautious when I spend my $$ and make sure it is something I'll actually have the opportunity to use.

The costumes are great fun and are certainly part of the appeal, but they are there to support and enhance the dancing. The style, colour, etc. should fit with the dance and music. The costume should also allow for specific types of movement when called for in a dance (e.g. floorwork--which often means wearing pants or pants under a skirt). So, posters aren't trying to be negative, but are trying to help you avoid wasting money on items you won't really use.

As for feeling passionate and keen about the dance? Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! Why do you think we're all on here talking about it, when we're not actually doing it?

So far, I've spent my Sunday getting up early to make it to a 9 a.m. tribal drills class. When that ended at 10:30, I went straight to the other studio to meet a cab buddy who wants to start working on a duet with me. We chose a piece of music, decided on an overall theme (based on how the music spoke to us), determined that the music called for a veil, and danced to the music a bit, sketching out an opening. Then I came home and came onto bhuz. Later, I'll probably hem a veil to go with a new (to me) costume I got recently and plan to wear in a July 30 show. Then, I may do some zill drilling.

So, yes, others here are keen and passionate, but we also know (sometimes having learned the hard way), that it can be a waste of time and money to start buying costumes so early on in the game.

Welcome to the obsession.

Originally Posted by Shalimah

I haven't seen the negative posts to you, unless you are talking about the posts advising you to wait before spending a bunch of $$$ on a costume, as you would probably be dancing with a troupe (at least at first--even most cab students don't go straight into soloing, in my area, at least), and you will need costuming that fits with what the troupe is wearing. I don't see that as bitchy, but as solid, realistic advice.

If you are independently wealthy, then, hey, go crazy. But if you are like most of us and have to watch your $$, then wait. How do I know this? Because I have a pile of stuff that I eagerly bought but can't really use, because they don't fit with what my troupe is wearing. Now, I tend to be more cautious when I spend my $$ and make sure it is something I'll actually have the opportunity to use.

The costumes are great fun and are certainly part of the appeal, but they are there to support and enhance the dancing. The style, colour, etc. should fit with the dance and music. The costume should also allow for specific types of movement when called for in a dance (e.g. floorwork--which often means wearing pants or pants under a skirt). So, posters aren't trying to be negative, but are trying to help you avoid wasting money on items you won't really use.

As for feeling passionate and keen about the dance? Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! Why do you think we're all on here talking about it, when we're not actually doing it?

So far, I've spent my Sunday getting up early to make it to a 9 a.m. tribal drills class. When that ended at 10:30, I went straight to the other studio to meet a cab buddy who wants to start working on a duet with me. We chose a piece of music, decided on an overall theme (based on how the music spoke to us), determined that the music called for a veil, and danced to the music a bit, sketching out an opening. Then I came home and came onto bhuz. Later, I'll probably hem a veil to go with a new (to me) costume I got recently and plan to wear in a July 30 show. Then, I may do some zill drilling.

So, yes, others here are keen and passionate, but we also know (sometimes having learned the hard way), that it can be a waste of time and money to start buying costumes so early on in the game.

Welcome to the obsession.

Im not refering to anything on bhuz...other sites sorry I should of made that clear.

the bitchy thread comment was not about costuming

You know, I think all of us have had the "Is MED really worth all this aggravation?" moments..c::... the bottom-line, when it comes right down to it the answer is "Yes! MED is absolutely worth all the snark & snarl -- just to be able to dance!". Now if you can really toss it in after some comments by people who have no real power over you then you are not as passionate as you say... but you'd not be able to really quit... I dare you to try..g.:! Seriously, most of us here have similar stories to tell about how the music & movement grabbed us... then we get to glam up to ?! What's not to love? Psycho-obesses away, you're in fine company..l;,!!! Oh, and hey, fret not about the bitchyness of others... seriously, they have no real power over you!

I don't think there is any reason to squash your enthusiasm, just channel it into the most useful places.

For example, the $300 you might spend on a costume... I would suggest spending it, for example, like this:

- 1 pair L Rose Jazz pants - $40-$50 (depending on fabric and cut)
- 1 super-glam, makes-you-feel-awesome hip scarf - $40-50
- 1 set of rhythm CD's, there are a number of fantastic sets available - $30
- about half a dozen oriental CD's - Maybe some from Jalilah's Raks Sharki series, or the Sharifs' Wash ya Wash CDs, also "10 Songs Every Bellydancer Should Know" - $80-90
- also about half a dozen tribal CDs - I don't know enough to suggest titles, perhaps someone else knows better. - $80-$90
- a good drill DVD, such as Michelle Joyce's Drills!Drills!Drills! - $20
- Maybe another DVD or two if you've got money left.

Those investments should put you in a great position to get the most you can out of your first year or two of dancing. :)

Hey, why not enjoy it? The best love affairs are the ones where you feel like you can just let yourself go and embrace it. :)

I was totally hooked when I started bellydancing, too. Now I'll be celebrating my 3 year "belly-versary" this week (3 years to the day since I took my first class), and I'm still in love with it and still get as much out of it (if not more) than I did back then.

When I had been dancing for two months, I took some digital videos of myself practicing. It might be fun for you to do the same. It's really a trip to watch those videos now--part of me wants to cringe, but mostly I feel happy to see how far I've come, and it makes me feel happy for having stuck with it.

i ate, breathed and slept bellydance for years. Quite literally. The first thing I thought of when I woke up, and last thing before going to sleep, was usually dance-related (costume ideas, choreography ideas). I compulsively trawled the internet for information when I should have been doing other things (though in those days there were only a few sites, thank the internet GODS for my pal Shira!!)

Flash forward to eight years later -- I now have my own studio where I offer 9 different classes! I don't perform as often as some, but that's not because I don't want to, it's because I'm older and heavier than some and have to be well-matched to a venue. I still perform most weekends (did a bridal shower yesterday, THAT was a blast).

I'm in love with EVERYTHING about this dance. The music, from Omm K. to Turkish Romani. The costumes. The musical interpretations of all the various styles. I love whiz-bang dancing with props and simple, soulful Egyptian styling. I love performing, even in restaurants and at birthday parties where it's more entertainment than art (but also at stage shows where it's art). I love producing shows. But above all I love teaching, watching my students fall in love with the dance, noticing that moment when they look in the mirror differently because they're more interested in what their body can DO than in what it looks like any more -- they've forgotten to hate themselves. I love watching each student blossom over the years and develop her own style of dance, watching their stage personas bloom and watching their daily lives change.

*sigh*

And I still obsessively trawl the internet for information.

I'm not allowed to have hobbies any more.

Lauren, awesome post.

i hope when people tell you to 'slow down', that you not take it as 'bitchy'.....often, people try to get you to realistically assess, based on their own experiences, which more often than not, leads to 'burn out'.....which i think you recognize, or you wouldnt have started this thread :D

when u dive in whole hog, it's hard to keep perspective....it's always a good idea to pace yourself, time, energy and money....

too many dancers burn out after 2 years....many come back, but some dont

the advice given above is awesome, and yes, keep taking classes, go to workshops, as you progress, take privates, invest in your education, and music as well as yummy cossies.....

i was lucky in my newbie days to be told in no uncertain terms to pull back a smidge......i've been lucky and haven't experienced burn out, ruts maybe, but not burn out.......

so yes, dive in with both feet, just pace it out and keep it going til, as morocco puts it 'til six weeks after you're dead', before you stop...........

Originally Posted by Lauren_

that moment when they look in the mirror differently because they're more interested in what their body can DO than in what it looks like any more -- they've forgotten to hate themselves.

This was what I loved and still love about belly dance.

Originally Posted by mish_mish

Originally Posted by Lauren_
that moment when they look in the mirror differently because they're more interested in what their body can DO than in what it looks like any more -- they've forgotten to hate themselves

This was what I loved and still love about belly dance.

this was the most amazing (and unfamiliar) feeling I'd ever had in my life - and I wish every woman in the world could experience it (be it through bellydance or any other means)!

... and as to the OP, add one more to the list of people who agrees you're not alone in being totally addicted to bellydance!

Keen is awesome! What is not awesome is "old hands" who are too lethargic to practice and stand in the back of haflas, arms crossed, scowling and bitching! You may well be encountering these guys. Pay attention to the experienced dancers who are still head over heels in love!

Slowing down though is also good. It would be incredibly frustrating for you to try and "run before you can walk" then hit a wall where you couldn't progress properly because you hadn't had the patience to lay a really strong foundation. I like the analogy with a long term relationship, get to know the dance really well before you move in and start a family!

I have also just spent the equivalent of a shiny costume on a weekend away taking workshops with some absolutely brilliant teachers, I will probably post more about that elsewhere, but although I can't hold that in my hand and marvel about its shinyness, I have grown as a dancer so much more, and I would rather watch a beautiful dancer dance in pyjamas than a less proficient dancer in a Bella!

I have also just spent the equivalent of a shiny costume on a weekend away taking workshops with some absolutely brilliant teachers, I will probably post more about that elsewhere, but although I can't hold that in my hand and marvel about its shinyness, I have grown as a dancer so much more, and I would rather watch a beautiful dancer dance in pyjamas than a less proficient dancer in a Bella!

Amen!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with keen, though it can totally burn you out if you don't pace yourself a little bit. Expecting instant results is where things go wrong as opposed to being keen (and I'm generalising here).

I think a lot of people who've been dancing a while have encountered students who started keen but then translated that too much into 'Want it now!!', got stroppy and frustrated and stopped dancing.

In a nutshell: keen will keep going and tide you over, whereas, 'I want' is riding for a fall; Keen can cope with those 'reality bites' moments, 'I want' is brittle and will break under the strain.

To give a personal example: I hired a dance studio for a private practice last week and was utterly appalled by the state of my arms and hands. I've been working so hard on them and my teacher says they are better but <gulp> if this is better, what were they like before? Sure I felt crestfallen, but I'm 'keen' enough to accept that its time to go back to the drawing board.

Originally Posted by khadiya

Amen!

To give a personal example: I hired a dance studio for a private practice last week and was utterly appalled by the state of my arms and hands. I've been working so hard on them and my teacher says they are better but <gulp> if this is better, what were they like before? Sure I felt crestfallen, but I'm 'keen' enough to accept that its time to go back to the drawing board.

Oh I feel for you on that one. I thought my arms were ok, then I took a workshop with Ariellah ..c::

It comes as a shock when you find out bellydancers are like everyone else with ambitions, jealousies, insecurities, delusion and inflated egos as well as being sisterly, supportive, colourful, interesting and creative.
I've nearly given up more than a couple of times after bitchy remarks to my face and behind my back by other teachers and students.And things are going to change as I only do what I want to do! And I can only do them the way they are!
Things could upset me:
I can't do floor work:too old and infirm-shrug,lots of other moves
I can't do flirty and coy:too old -shrug and do "tongue in cheek"
I can't wear the costumes I'd love to:too old :get a shrug or a gelebeya


I could spend a lot of time angishing over the fact I discovered this dance at 50 instead of 25

Originally Posted by lizajuk

It comes as a shock when you find out bellydancers are like everyone else with ambitions, jealousies, insecurities, delusion and inflated egos as well as being sisterly, supportive, colourful, interesting and creative.
I've nearly given up more than a couple of times after bitchy remarks to my face and behind my back by other teachers and students.And things are going to change as I only do what I want to do! And I can only do them the way they are!
Things could upset me:
I can't do floor work:too old and infirm-shrug,lots of other moves
I can't do flirty and coy:too old -shrug and do "tongue in cheek"
I can't wear the costumes I'd love to:too old :get a shrug or a gelebeya


I could spend a lot of time angishing over the fact I discovered this dance at 50 instead of 25

I cant believe people have blatantly bitched to your face...and students! Thats just dead bad!
You wore pretty fab sexy costumes on Thursday and looked good to me and I didnt hear any of the fellas complaining about what anyone was wearing :)

Girls you have all been really good. I know I will calm it down a little and just enjoy learning.
I am very lucky that I have a fabulous teacher who I know will show me how to dance and who doesnt suffer fools gladly so hopefully she will tell me if my eagerness gets on her nerves hehe.
God I have missed dancing this week as I missed last Monday due to having a cold..I still have a sore throat and im a bit lethargic but if I miss this week too I shall scream!!

Originally Posted by lizajuk

I can't do flirty and coy:too old -shrug and do "tongue in cheek"

Age is no barrier to flirtatiousness. One of the flirtiest women I knew was my grandmother, who was as girlish at 86 as she was at 16 (I'm guessing!). But however much she (entirely unknowingly) flirted, she was besotted with my grandfather and had eyes only for him.

I've been an eager beaver for the last 11 years. I consider this dance a fun, social, healthy obsession. As Bon Jovi says: "I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd. . . It's my Life. . .!" (my other obsession) If this dance speaks to you and makes you feel glorious, go for it - do it for you!

Originally Posted by beafarhana

Age is no barrier to flirtatiousness. One of the flirtiest women I knew was my grandmother, who was as girlish at 86 as she was at 16 (I'm guessing!). But however much she (entirely unknowingly) flirted, she was besotted with my grandfather and had eyes only for him.

My problem is Bea, I have never been able to flirt
And I was always so lazy..I always let the guy do the chasing. I know I give off an awful "can't be bothered " aura. I'd never find a bloke these days ..l;,

Originally Posted by fatinah_bellydance

I cant believe people have blatantly bitched to your face...and students! Thats just dead bad!
You wore pretty fab sexy costumes on Thursday and looked good to me and I didnt hear any of the fellas complaining about what anyone was wearing :)

Girls you have all been really good. I know I will calm it down a little and just enjoy learning.
I am very lucky that I have a fabulous teacher who I know will show me how to dance and who doesnt suffer fools gladly so hopefully she will tell me if my eagerness gets on her nerves hehe.
God I have missed dancing this week as I missed last Monday due to having a cold..I still have a sore throat and im a bit lethargic but if I miss this week too I shall scream!!

Yup to my face at haflas...who did I think I was wearing a "proper costume" when I am just a hafla dancer ( and I was by no means the first either at the time or before that to don..in this case a dress ...I had bought cheaper than practise wear.... in Cairo).
And folks criticising your own efforts at haflas not in a constructive way which is why I am changing the approach and managing to exclude some of the problems..g.:

That is so unreasonable....why cant people wear what the hell they want. Its such a shame people have to attack others when they are jealous or insecure. It just annoys me....bitter people in petty arguments which have sod all to do with dancing.

I'm with Liza. I am not a professional dancer and perform mainly at haflas, galas and workshop stage shows. If I am performing with a troupe, I wear what the troupe wears. But for solos I wear what is appropriate for the song and the dance regardless of how much it cost and who the designer is.

You know, it is a bit like a love affair (relationship with this dance I mean...sorry started sentence in the middle of conversation with myself,r:;). And some people around you will be *jealous* of you *being in love*. That in itself can be enough to piss people off.

Then add on top of that the sort of attitude you (I would love to say occasionally, but in truth) frequently come across - i.e., bitchy - I think Liz's examples are things we've all come across at one time or another - and I can see why it would all feel a bit much!!

Please don't give up just because a few people have been horrible. Also, be aware that on these boards and others people are going to disagree with you (hopefully constructively) - try and take those disagreements in the spirit they're meant!

addicted?

Well, this is my 34th year in bellydance and I'm still not planning to take the cure!

Enjoy. Pin Antimony's list up on your refrigerator and start checking off those BD essentials!