Thread: Vent: slow learner frustrations

I'm feeling a bit of a need to vent. I am soooo frustrated with myself right now, in particular with the pace of my learning ,m::. For the first time, in the last year or so I've had the money(ish), the time and the health to truly work on improving my dancing as I've always wanted to and I have made, I think, substantial progress. However, I'm getting increasingly cross with myself because I am such a slow learner.

I'm not a natural dancer and until I took up belly dancing 7 years ago I was fairly fit from regular exercise but I had never attempted such a level of physical co-ordination. Most of the fact that I have progressed beyond lesson two is due to gritted teeth and a reasonable level of musical ability.

One of the things that I like so very much about this dance is that a belly dancer is as Buffy once said 'cookie dough', that is you are never done, but I'm beginning to get very angry with myself that it still takes me so long to get anything new (and even some of the basics - did anyone mention a shoulder shimmy ,f::).

Don't get me wrong, I love the new challenges but I do find it demoralizing sometimes that I takes me so long to assimilate new moves and combinations. I'd also get more performance practice in if I didn't need about 2 months of persistent preparation between each one in order to feel confident of my material.

I used to think that I'd get faster at picking stuff up over time, but this just doesn't seem to be the case and as I'm very intolerant of my own mediocrity I just get so cross with myself. I *know* I can do better

I suppose nothing that's worth doing is easy

Sigh. Thanks for the venting space.

Nothing natural about me as a dancer except I love to listen to music. Not a natural sportswoman either, no competative spirit. Hopelessly unco ordinated have always found transititions/balance difficult. Just have to work hard. yes there is nothing like a challenge.
But you also reach plateaux in your dancing and hic-cup "Oh I ain't going no where,mate " so you slog away and suddenly realising a few months on...ah yes there is another aspect to my dance..however small. My happiest moment came with the realisation.mmm yes I can remember group choreos after all!
Once you have got the basics under your belt and you can just get up and bop(the big moment!!!), things fall into place bit by bit s-l-o-w-l-y.
Relax!

some moves like shoulder shimmy DO benefit from INTENSIVE practise in odd moments. I kept thinking I'll never get this, then I found myself at the top of the stairs with a cup of tea in my (till then) shakier hand and realised I had shoulder shimmied up there.

such moves often feel forever like you aren't getting them when you try hard and practise, then suddenly you realise that you can do them on autopilot (but still maybe not sometimes when you try)

What I'm trying to say is, sometimes are going into automatic mode (which is where you want them) although you don't realise.

do you have anything that you used to find difficult but haven't touched for a while. When I first got IHeartbeat of Bellydance I couldn't even do the beginner choreo. Was inspired to get it out recently after a year and found I could do the intermediate no probs. I knew I had improved, yes, but not how much.

I completely sympathise. I know it doesn't help to hear this, but we all have 'plateau' periods where learning just seems to be 'stuck'. The best thing to do (I find) is to just KEEP GOING, and trust that the plateau period will pass, which it will.

Perhaps you could keep a dance diary of what you find hard and what you've achieved each week. Hopefully, in a few months time, you'll be able to look back and realise that you can now do some of those things that were a challenge before. You're probably achieving all the time, but if you immediately focus on the next thing that you want to achieve, you may forget to look back and applaud yourself.

Originally Posted by jewelbellydance

Hopefully, in a few months time, you'll be able to look back and realise that you can now do some of those things that were a challenge before. You're probably achieving all the time, but if you immediately focus on the next thing that you want to achieve, you may forget to look back and applaud yourself.

I totally agree with this!

,f:: I guess I am pretty intolerant of my own success as well as my own mediocrity.

I'm terrified that if I let up for one moment and rest on my laurels that I will lose all momentum.

Originally Posted by khadiya

,f:: I guess I am pretty intolerant of my own success as well as my own mediocrity.

I'm terrified that if I let up for one moment and rest on my laurels that I will lose all momentum.

I absolutely get what you mean. There's such a legitimate concern that we must never feel like we're "done" or "accomplished" in BD, else our ego will take over and we'll stop the learning process entirely. The problem is, getting frustrated with yourself can also cause a loss of momentum - there have been times where I've thought "This is as good as I'm ever going to get. Why even keep trying to get better?"

It's hard to straddle that line between being tough with yourself, while still being kind to yourself, isn't it? I struggle with it myself all the time, so {{{{hugs}}}} to you!

Kinesthethic learners often take longer to initially learn a movement, but they retain it better than other learners. Once you GET a combo, I'll bet you never forget it, right?

Some moves are difficult for people because they carry tension in their bodies in the areas of movement. Like shoulder shimmies. I have one BEAUTIFUL student in every other way, but she carries her tension in her upper back and shoulders and so her shimmies are tight and stuff and uncomfortable. You might want to assess where you are having the most difficulty, and think about doing some active relaxation, or massaging that area a little? Keep the tension out of it?

I absolutely get what you mean. There's such a legitimate concern that we must never feel like we're "done" or "accomplished" in BD, else our ego will take over and we'll stop the learning process entirely. The problem is, getting frustrated with yourself can also cause a loss of momentum - there have been times where I've thought "This is as good as I'm ever going to get. Why even keep trying to get better?"

It's hard to straddle that line between being tough with yourself, while still being kind to yourself, isn't it? I struggle with it myself all the time, so {{{{hugs}}}} to you!

Thank you. That is exactly how I feel. Like if I even let up slightly I will become one of those Susie Nippletassel or Arrogant Diva types that we all hate and that it is somehow wrong for me to pat myself on the back.

Kinesthethic learners often take longer to initially learn a movement, but they retain it better than other learners. Once you GET a combo, I'll bet you never forget it, right?

Yes! I was identified as a Kinesthethic learner during my A-levels. It takes ages, but unless there is a physical problem it doesn't go. I am also a very, very quick intellectual learner and I fairly whiz through most complex ideas that just require Mr Brain so I get doubly cross when it takes longer 'cos my body is involved.

I've been working on the tension thing since last year (wont bore everyone with the long saga of my shoulders *again*) but I have seen quite some improvement, all things considered.

Its just not enough improvement to meet my high standards.

Originally Posted by khadiya

Its just not enough improvement to meet my high standards.

Aha! You've struck the nail right on it's little head!

Deborah

The other thing about plateaus and high standards is that the more dance education you get, the more critical an eye you have when you watch yourself moving. Progress can become invisible that way. But it's still there.

I don't have a lot to contribute that others haven't already said. I'm the King of Klutz myself, it takes me 1.2 forevers to learn anything. But one of my instructors had a wise saying: "You have to break down before you can break through". Meaning, if you're getting frustrated, you're about to break through to a brand new level!

I've found this to be true.

Could it be the longer you study belly dance the more you realize you have to learn and the more picky you get?

One of my "ah ha" moments was when I realized some of the dancers I really admired started their intensive training as 13/14/15 years old. At this point they could already dance to a level many of us would admire - then they spent the next two years in class every day after school plus weekends. Only after this did they start performing in public.

For most of us, starting later in life, probably not as talented, and thinking a practising a couple of times a week (often without feedback from a teacher) is pushing it, don't reach the level we aspire to. It isn't surprising. Don't stop the practice - but don't be too hard on yourself if you can't match your idol.

It sounds like you're doing everything right, if you're not willing to celebrate your success than celebrate your persistence & dedication. Find something to celebrate though or you'll become a bitter cynic, and IMO that's just as yucky as a Suzy NippleT anyday!
Change your mantra to "Progress, not perfection".
Also, don't beat yourself about shoulders. Maybe they just aren't going to be your signature move. Everyone's body has limits and its up to you to maximize your strengths and accept your limits. Don't push shoulder shimmies at the risk of injury (physical or emotional).
{{{{HUGS}}}}

It sounds like you might be being too hard on yourself. Perhaps you don't realize how much progress you made getting the big idea and are now trying to get the little details.

My teach is always talking about what a slow learner she was. She said that in every dance class she was the last one to get the move. When I see her dance, I don't see any of that. All I see is a beautiful and experienced dancer. She still talks about how there are things about her dancing she doesn't like and is constantly working on.

We all have moves that come natural and ones that are a constant boil on the butt. Keep at it. You will get it.