Thread: Preconceived Notions

When I first started dancing, I always knew that I wanted to be an entertainer and that has always been my goal- right? I thought I knew FOR SURE that I wanted to do restaurant gigs and FOR SURE I wanted to do private parties.

But lately, I've been noticing that I've become rather picky about venues I choose to dance at and everytime I hear the phone ring or get an email about potential gigs...I recoil with thoughts and feelings that seem more like work, than pleasure.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE PERFORMING, but the little cookie cutter ideas I had about what a professional belly dancer is "suppose" to do isn't cuttin' it.

Funny though, I don't feel like less of a professional dancer because I expect to dance in a nice, clean place, and I'm not throwing myself in the path of every opportunity, and I'm not anxiously awaiting gigs.

Lately, I've been content getting better acquainted with my new TX BD sisters, doing local events, and happy to be branching out going to events in other parts of Texas. Gaining the respect of fellow dancers is more important to me right now, than dancing for the GP. And I'm really enjoying teaching too.

I guess I'm going through some sort of BD identity crisis, trying to figure out what I really want out of it and reworking my expectations to fit what I want to do now, instead of trying to fit into a particular mold of what I thought a dancer should or could be.

Is any one else going through something similar?

Not quite, but I have sort of been there. I was pretty much "successor" to my teacher for professional work, NOT because I was "the best" but because I was able and largely unattached - I don't have to find babysitters etc. So, with her encouragement, I took out an ad in the Yellow Pages and made some business cards. I didn't really pursue a lot of work, but I did some, and I enjoyed it well enough. But it's hard. I'm not a go-getter, create-business-opportunities type. I'm also not young, and not thin. Some work, like restaurant work, is tiring, ****ty and not well paid. I mostly did these gigs alone and it was lonely. I started pricing myself out of the market on purpose. I still had the odd gig but, I figured, since it wasn't my career, I could afford to charge too much. If people really wanted me, they could pay for me. If not, that was OK.

I can't remember whether this happened once and for all before or after I cut off my hair, but I ended up deciding that I wasn't going to pursue pro work at all, unless it interested me. I would concentrate on teaching and performing at school events. I felt a lot more comfortable then. That's not to say that I don't sometimes feel that I should be doing more, producing more, being more "relevant" to my dance community (so I can be SPECIAL ME ME ME ME ME) - but I feel good about the amount of involvement I have at this point.

we all go through burnout, this appears to be what you are going through. me and my fellow dancers go through it all the time. what once seemed glamourous and glitzy now just seems ho hum. it passes, but usually i find that i need a new venue or new workshop to spark my inner passion. good luck!

I know how you feel, it's not new and exciting sometimes and I feel like oh man got a gig tonight, wish I could just stay home. But it's like that with any job and being pro means it's a job. I have to say that I don't drive a long way anymore, to much time, so I guess when I had my identity crisis that was one thing to go.
I do still get excited about performing though, it just seems more normal now.

Originally Posted by AnnaTX

I guess I'm going through some sort of BD identity crisis, trying to figure out what I really want out of it and reworking my expectations to fit what I want to do now, instead of trying to fit into a particular mold of what I thought a dancer should or could be.

Is any one else going through something similar?

Anna,
This is something I've been going through. I started realizing a while back that my primary focus in Middle Eastern dance is teaching, and while I love performing, the only types of performances that I really enjoy at all are stage shows, like workshop shows, arts shows, and the like. I'll do gigs like private parties and what not when they come my way, but I don't make a huge effort to get those kinds of bookings.

In my community, though, there is a mentality that real professionals dance out at restaurants. So I sometimes have feelings of inadequacy, like I'm not a "real" professional because I'm not dancing out at a restaurant every week and I should be pounding the pavement to get a restaurant gig or more party gigs. But when I DO get these kinds of gigs, while they are fun in their way, the hassles just outweigh the fun for me. AND (and this is going to sound snobby, or narcissistic, or something, but it's how I feel) I want to dance on a stage where people really appreciate the dance (and my skill) and where I'm not competing with falafel for someone's attention.

So I've had to mentally shake myself back to reality, constantly remind myself of what my personal goals are, and also remind myself that the path I've chosen is just as valid as the path chosen by a dancer who performs at parties and restaurants every night.

Nisaa

Also...I've run up against an attitude that dancers like me who choose stage over party/restaurant dancing do so because they are not good "entertainers". I kind of resent that because I feel like I am an entertainer...I just choose to do my entertaining in a different way, in a different forum.

Nisaa...you explained completely how I'm feeling.

Re: entertainers: would actors be less entertainers for being selective about what they wanted to do? If they preferred theater to commercials, wouldn't that be just as valid?

I say it's all good...just personal choice.

As others have mentioned, I'm not at all suffering from burnout. I'm actually very involved in my dance community, happy, practicing a lot and loving it. Just what I thought I wanted isn't what I want anymore regarding how and where I perform.

Sounds to me like you're choosing gigs in consideration of 'occupational health and safety' ie; nice and clean places to dance.

Definitely nothing wrong with that as it's part of being professional and there are times when it feels more like 'work' than pleasure because the GP are becoming more and more demanding of not only what they expect you to do but demand that you do it for less then act all offended when you don't wanna come to their 'party', drape your veil over birthday boy playing the sultry Arabian slave dancer to the 'sultan of I survived for 50 years and am still breathing so show some leg-tit for me sweetheart oh and do you strip? No? Oh I thought you would' and accept that big pay reduction 'because we can't afford you, we've spent 5000 on the party already'.

Probably way off base, but I usually waffle on eventually, lol.

Choosing wisely always pays off in the end :)

hugs

AnnaTX, I understand completely what you're saying. I gave up doing "belly grams" years ago b/c they do nothing for me in terms of artistic satisfaction. I'll take them occasionally, but only when I'm looking to make quick cash--in, out, done. But other than the moola, I am really tired of doing a 10 minute shimmy shimmy for Uncle Ed's 50th birthday. I feel like I've grown past this professionally.

Don't get me wrong. I think grams are a great business and they taught me a lot about entertaining and performing--as well as dealing with the unexpected. Just at this point in my career, I choose not to do them anymore.

I see nothing wrong with being picky about where you perform. I think it's part of "growing up" as a dancer.

Hey Anna,

I don't think what your going through is unusual. I think every dancer goes through a redefining period as to what is important to us. This is not an uncommon occurrence for artists in general. In-fact I think it is a necessary stage of growth and actually defines the word professional.

I have friends that dance in the upscale restaurants. They are quite skilled and entertain the GP, but their dance IMO has become stale. They dance the same as they did a year or two ago. Some dancers I can just about tell you what move they are going to do next based on their previous move cause they have not grown. They take classes and workshops but I don't see them integrating the knowledge into their dance. They are not doing anything new. I found that I am guilty of the same thing so I've stopped performing.

I want to break out of the rut I'm in. I found that I dance the same old mediocre way when I perform in the places I've been dancing at for the last two years. I also discovered that when I do dance in new venues my dancing totally changes and I am able to dance to my full potential and put out those oooo's and aaah moves. I haven't figured out why I dance mediocre in one place and spectacular in another. .w.: I think I need dance therapy ..c::

Today I am focusing on other artistic goals along with improving my dance. I want to produce ME music so I'm studying my Maqams and saving money for one of those fancy electronic keyboards with multiple memory. I want to produce three songs under my own label by end of 2009. 2010 I want to have a performance DVD produced. So I am choreographing several dances for that. I am concentrating on my dance classes, producing my own events and sponsoring workshops.

So don't see this as an identity crisis, think of it as a stage of growth. A chance to redefine your inner artist....

Originally Posted by AnnaTX

Nisaa...you explained completely how I'm feeling.

I'm just glad it's not just me!!! ,r:;

Originally Posted by nisaasaintlouis

Also...I've run up against an attitude that dancers like me who choose stage over party/restaurant dancing do so because they are not good "entertainers". I kind of resent that because I feel like I am an entertainer...I just choose to do my entertaining in a different way, in a different forum.

Might it be that these dancers feel like dancing in restaurants, etc., is a form of paying one's dues? That someone should have to sling through the trenches (or in this case, tables), before they belong on a stage?

I'm not disagreeing with you, Nisaa. I have no interest in dancing in restaurants. I actually find the idea much more terrifying than dancing on a stage. I'm just wondering if others in the dance community feel that you need to do one before the other. (I'm also curious because I'm not far from where your dance community is).

Originally Posted by rachelw

Might it be that these dancers feel like dancing in restaurants, etc., is a form of paying one's dues? That someone should have to sling through the trenches (or in this case, tables), before they belong on a stage?

I'm not disagreeing with you, Nisaa. I have no interest in dancing in restaurants. I actually find the idea much more terrifying than dancing on a stage. I'm just wondering if others in the dance community feel that you need to do one before the other. (I'm also curious because I'm not far from where your dance community is).

I dunno. That's an interesting thought though. I think that kind of thinking might be the legacy from earlier generations of dancers. But I think in our current situation, it's just that students come up through the ranks being taught (not necessarily directly, but by observation) that restaurant dancing is *the* goal of a working professional dancer. The place that students see pro dancers performing most commonly in this area is in restaurants. Not very many dancers in this area seem to aspire to anything else.

Angela re: what you said- Do you think some dancers that have gigs, tend to get apathetic about growing, because they may feel that they have reached the goal and don't need to bother growing?

There was a time where I ate up restaurant shows and gigs, but I guess one of the reasons I'm not finding much joy is because my reason for doing it isn't an issue anymore. I use to have terrible stagefright and I used doing those gigs as a way to overcome them, but now that fear isn't much of an issue anymore, I'm feeling the need to work on other things that GP gigs don't offer me. So, they just seem superfluous..I suppose.

I've changed focus to my vending business and networking with regional dancers. Maybe doing competitions.

Most of us "pay our dues" in some way.

In hindsight, I can see how my view of "due payin" was quite myopic.

What is y'alls opinion on advertising? Should I remove my booking page on my website or keep it up just in case there is an occasional gig I want?...Knowing I'll rarely take it...

Originally Posted by AnnaTX

Angela re: what you said- Do you think some dancers that have gigs, tend to get apathetic about growing, because they may feel that they have reached the goal and don't need to bother growing?

I think for some dancers this is true for the short term. They made it to dancing in the top restaurants and their living their dream. Nothing wrong with that, but I think in time they will soon tire of it and then seek something else or again maybe not.

What really is the determining factor IMO? How big can you dream! Me, I'm a big dreamer and I refuse to let my age limit my dreams, I refuse to let my in experience limit my dream. I can grow, learn and achieve along the way.

I feel that we make excuses for what we cannot attain and don't look at the possibilities of what we can obtain.

There was a time where I ate up restaurant shows and gigs, but I guess one of the reasons I'm not finding much joy is because my reason for doing it isn't an issue anymore. I use to have terrible stagefright and I used doing those gigs as a way to overcome them, but now that fear isn't much of an issue anymore, I'm feeling the need to work on other things that GP gigs don't offer me. So, they just seem superfluous..I suppose.

Yes, I've had big issues with stage fright. It has destroyed friendships and opportunities in my life and I'm still paying the price for it. [/quote]

I've changed focus to my vending business and networking with regional dancers. Maybe doing competitions.

Heh, ..g.: I am all for competitions. I think they if you go into for the right reasons they can be beneficial to improving your dance, but you need to have a thick skin and take the comments with a grain of salt.

Have you thought of or do you have a dance mentor? Mine is leading me away from what I usually like to dance to. She is spreading my wings and having me do things I would not normally do. She is making me keep an open mind and not limit my dance to any one particular style. I am finding some excitement and possibilities in doing so.

I know this may be off topic, but now I'm beginning to listen to hip hop and R&B. Expanding my universe and may start taking hip hop and jazz classes. Just because we start out in belly dance does not mean we cannot be another dancer. My former Instructor began taking hip hop then came up with new belly dance combinations that were inspired by hip hop. No it was not a fusion it just opened her imagination to developing new belly dance combinations.

Thanks so much for the advice Angela.

I'm definitely thinking along the same lines you are!! Taking new classes, trying something new, working hard and striving for that brass ring!

Ditto this whole thread. I've been dancing solidly in restaurants for the past 6 years. And I realized this past summer that I'm just about done with that. I recently stepped down from scheduling for two locations of one restaurant, and I've cut back on my restaurant schedule in general - to two or three times a month. And I'm still feeling that icky "why do i have to work" feeling about it - I'm scheduled to dance tomorrow night, and I've already got a knot in my stomach just thinking about it.

Take it from someone who's been there: restaurant and club dancing is not the be-all end-all. It makes you good at a lot of things, but a lot of them have nothing to do with presenting a beautiful dance to an appreciative audience. If this is what makes you happy as a dancer, then pursue those opportunities, and don't trouble yourself too much about not dancing in restaurants if that's not what interests you.

Personally, I'm looking forward to achieving better life/bellydance balance in the next year, and making each performance more meaningful, rather than filling my schedule with performances.

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

Take it from someone who's been there: restaurant and club dancing is not the be-all end-all. It makes you good at a lot of things, but a lot of them have nothing to do with presenting a beautiful dance to an appreciative audience. If this is what makes you happy as a dancer, then pursue those opportunities, and don't trouble yourself too much about not dancing in restaurants if that's not what interests you.

Personally, I'm looking forward to achieving better life/bellydance balance in the next year, and making each performance more meaningful, rather than filling my schedule with performances.

Tamrahenna, exactly!!! And Anna, thanks for starting this thread. I didn't realize how much I needed this kind of discussion.

I think that we all realize at some point not only what kind of dancer we CAN be, but what kind of dancer we WANT to be...it's just up to each of us to make it a reality.

I love dancing in one particular restaurant and I keep doing it because it makes me happy and gives me joy. But I stopped pursuing other restaurant gigs because I didn't want to deal with owners who made me uncomfortable, or getting a knot in my stomach of anxiety before I went each time. (Say that you hear the owner got rid of someone because she was fat - then you are petrified to look fat, for example. Just not fun.)

Same with private gigs - I just have too much social anxiety. I did two of them - and each time, I did a good show and gave a good deal of entertainment. But the night before, I wouldn't sleep at all imagining all the things that could go wrong.

So I just decided I wouldn't be that kind of dancer. It's not for me. There are dancers in this town who survive only on dance income. So it's no loss for anyone if I don't do the things I don't enjoy.

I think if you're good enough, no one would say that you're not professional because you don't work in restaurants. And I think working in a restaurant can be limiting unless you work to expand outside of it. Like, whenever I imagine dancing, it's that particular space I'm thinking of. There are a lot of movements I can't do due to space. I definitely can't "fill the space" without getting into other people's space. So when I do dance on a stage, I really have to work hard to overcome the tendencies I've developed from a restaurant venue.

I'm not sure if there's a cookie cutter idea of what a professional is, hence all those threads. I think you're best off doing what you are comfortable with; many of the international stars don't do restaurants anymore, do they?

My preconceived notion about professionals dancing at restaurants, belly grams, and large shows; it's suppose to be enjoyable. Something we look forward to. Reality is: it's work. After a while, it feels like work. Paying taxes on it, drives the point home.

I deliberately stopped doing Uncle Bob's birthday party, because I didn't feel the same joy and excitement. Cut down on my shows at the restaurant, for the same reasons. Now when I dance there, I look forward to doing so. There are few large shows in the area, so that's not an issue.

Still consider myself professional, just seeking a redirect.

ps...it feels odd when my preconceived notions meet the audience's preconceived notions.

If dancing in a restaurant was a measure of how "good" you are or how much of a "pro" you are, we wouldn't get Suzee Nippletassles dancing at George's Kabob Hut, or good dancers removed from the schedule due to age, weight, height, etc.

Originally Posted by Safiyah

If dancing in a restaurant was a measure of how "good" you are or how much of a "pro" you are, we wouldn't get Suzee Nippletassles dancing at George's Kabob Hut, or good dancers removed from the schedule due to age, weight, height, etc.

Totally agreed.

My "job searches" in the BD realm were about 100x more challenging during the summer when I went out on a lark and dyed my hair blonde than they were when I went back to brunette a few months later. It all opened up the possibility that dance ability might not have as much to do with getting hired as I'd wanted to believe.....w.:

Thank goodness I don't stress myself out with the restaurant circuit anymore. I'm sooooooo done.

Another thing...there are some dancers in my town who do the restaurant scene who are sooooooo good, and I can't help but think, why the hell are you wasting your time here? You could be a national bdance celebrity! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!! But then I step back and remind myself, everyone has their own reasons/motives for what they do. If I don't want people judging my professional path, I shouldn't judge theirs either. But it sure is hard to see a great dancer slogging it out at a local restaurant with audience members ENTIRELY missing how good she is.

Originally Posted by AnnaTX

Funny though, I don't feel like less of a professional dancer because I expect to dance in a nice, clean place, and I'm not throwing myself in the path of every opportunity, and I'm not anxiously awaiting gigs.

Lately, I've been content getting better acquainted with my new TX BD sisters, doing local events, and happy to be branching out going to events in other parts of Texas. Gaining the respect of fellow dancers is more important to me right now, than dancing for the GP. And I'm really enjoying teaching too.

I guess I'm going through some sort of BD identity crisis, trying to figure out what I really want out of it and reworking my expectations to fit what I want to do now, instead of trying to fit into a particular mold of what I thought a dancer should or could be.

Is any one else going through something similar?

To me it sounds like you're getting MORE professional in that your standards have become higher. You've paid enough dues to know about the hard work side of gigs such as restaurants and nightclubs. You are recognizing that it's more rewarding dancing on a stage for an audience who came to see the show, not just eat, drink, socialize and have the belly dancer as a side attraction.

Around here there are very few restaurant gigs within reasonable driving distance. The pay is low, so if the fun factor begins to go away, what's left? I wouldn't expect to be a restaurant dancer at my stage of life, but I do perform in restaurants and clubs with my band. That is really hard work, too, for never quite enough pay, so it has to be FUN. Try schlepping a ton of gear and instruments into the van, driving a couple of hours, unloading, setting everything up hours before the public and the dancers arrive, dealing with all the last-minute requests from dancers who couldn't be bothered to contact the band sooner, playing for a couple of hours, breaking down, loading, driving home, unloading, collapsing! You have to be very motivated to do all that! And we are. If the gig is right. We've gotten a lot more selective over the years, and it's more rewarding this way.

As a dancer I enjoy dancing at events hosted by other dancers, usually not for pay, but with more amenities like dressing area, stage, lights, good DJ, appreciative audience, etc. And I love the camaraderie with other dancers. So I'm not a "professional" dancer, but I dance frequently and enjoy it and feel that it keeps me still growing in my dance after almost 33 years. OMG I can't believe I've been dancing for that long!

A good thread, Anna. Thanks for posting. I think your "bellydance identity crisis" is a wonderful opportunity for growth and it sounds like you are taking advantage of it. Good for you!

I spoke to a career counselor at my university some years ago and she equated the creative process to the seasons: Spring is a time of activity with lots of growth, Summer is a bit of a relaxed plateau, Fall is the harvest with lots of work and Winter is a time to be still and turn inwards. According to her model, the artist returns to winter more frequently than others, because it is through turning inwards that we uncover and rediscover the essence of what we aim to express as artists. From here we can move into Spring and progress through the cycle.

Maybe you're having your Winter. Enjoy it.

ps - Speaking of Winter, Seattle is having it's worst snow storm is 16 years. Be glad you moved to Texas when you did.

Manon: your analogy rings so true.

It's interesting how growth is so cyclic.

I really miss my Seattle sisters. Though moving to Houston was one of the best things that happen to me in regards to dance. It forced me to put on my "big girl" bellydance pants - so to speak.

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

Totally agreed.

My "job searches" in the BD realm were about 100x more challenging during the summer when I went out on a lark and dyed my hair blonde than they were when I went back to brunette a few months later.

Ugh, I'm feelin ya on the blonde thing! Only I refuse to dye my hair brunette to make some restaurant owner happy. Instead, he makes me wear a wig. ,m::

That is crazy!! Some restaurant owner said I was too short and wanted me to wear higher heels; I figured as soon as he bought me a pair or gave me an extra $100 I'd go out and buy higher ballroom shoes. As if an extra inch would make much of a difference anyway! (I already wear 1 1/2" shoes and am only 4'11")