Belly Dance Blahs - a Venting Thread

[danidance]

Have we had an "I'm done with belly dance" thread on new bhuz? (I don't think I've complained in at least 6 months ).

I'm feelin' the summer time blues. It's getting hot; major onset of ennui where dancing is concerned...yadda yadda. I figured a nice vent and get it all out thread might be a good thing to exorcise the doldrums.

Most definitely, I just don't feel that "I HAVE to dance or I'll be incomplete" passion that so many people seem to have. Should that be a sign?

Can you tell I'm grumpy and don't want to practice? ..g.: I'm also feeling like I'm not improving at all after 4.5 years, it's not any easier, performing still makes me uncomfortable and I think it's ridiculous to spend so much time on something that lasts 5 minutes. My knee is also really bothering me lately - totally stiff and inflexible. What the hell is the point?

Anyone else need a little vent?

[nitara]

Yeah, I'm feeling tired and uninspired. I need to come up with two routines for Wiggles of the West in two weeks, and literally, nothing is working. I might have to recycle an old restaurant set that uses John B.'s "Jemilleh", which literally ten other women will be dancing to as well, I'm sure. Oy.

I usually try to shake this feeling by buying something, and as great as some of the stuff in the Swap Meet has been lately, it's all been too small. Which then in turn triggers the "why am I doing all these crunches and eating salad if it's not going to work" woes.

I was on fire after the Fifi workshop, and now, I'm just burnt. I think I need to spend some quality time on my couch, knitting and watching Aziza on DVD.

[vilia]

YES! Dancing has been a major part of my life since I was a kid and I was obsessive with it when I was in my prime as a belly dancer. But now I don't have that passion anymore and it bothers me. I think it's a combination of several things:
1. AGE
(a) have to wear bodystockings now and they're uncomfortable and a pain to get into. Costuming has become an issue now, whereas it never used to be.

(b) not the dancer I used to be 'cos I can't do a lot of the things I used to do without hurting something, which means I can't express myself to the fullest anymore...cr.:

2. BELLYDANCE POLICE.p::
Everybody seems overly concerned with the "correctness" of things these days. I never caught any flack from anyone regarding what I did, in fact ME'ers seemed to like my style, but nowadays it seems to be the Americans that are policing the appropriateness of everything and vocalizing it. Even though I've not yet been the victim of this policing, it feels like a major damper on the creative juices and makes me not want to bother. What's the point? The joy has been sucked out of it

That's my vent.

[danidance]

Age is an interesting aspect. My body is definitely not as cooperative as I wish it was and it takes a while to feel better if I torque my knee or anything.

RE: the police - well, we certainly hash things out plenty on bhuz, but in reality we're just yapping away because it's a chat board. I've yet to notice it affects anyone much in their dancing - there's still plenty of non-traditional, traditional and in-between stuff going on whether or not people like it, and there's always someone who likes whatever someone is doing.

Apparently, the police exist in all dance forms. My flamenco teacher said the flamenco police are horrible.

[danidance]

I think that sounds yummy - the knitting and just watching belly dance. I'm going to take a little break, whatever that means.

Yeah, I'm feeling tired and uninspired. I need to come up with two routines for Wiggles of the West in two weeks, and literally, nothing is working. I might have to recycle an old restaurant set that uses John B.'s "Jemilleh", which literally ten other women will be dancing to as well, I'm sure. Oy.

I usually try to shake this feeling by buying something, and as great as some of the stuff in the Swap Meet has been lately, it's all been too small. Which then in turn triggers the "why am I doing all these crunches and eating salad if it's not going to work" woes.

I was on fire after the Fifi workshop, and now, I'm just burnt. I think I need to spend some quality time on my couch, knitting and watching Aziza on DVD.

[resullivan]

I get the blah's every 4 - 5 months or so. I'm only a little over 2 years of bellydance class in, and it is already getting me. I have an addiction to shinny things, especially coin bras, as well as sewing. So I also get the "I am spending way too much on this hobby". Sort of "all dressed up and nowhere to go". But I just keep reminding myself that is it supposed to be fun and it is ok if I am never the best one in the class, or the second best one....and so on. ,f::

[AngelaDiCaprio]

If you were to chat with me a couple days ago. I was down and uninspired.. I think I would label it competition drop. Worked hard, practiced hard did the competition. cryed about my awful performance and then what? yep thats it... done and over..w.: ..c::

Kinda feel like I was standing in the desert looking around and there was nothing but sand in every direction....

This may not be a rant, or a vent but I sure hated going through that experience.

It wasn't til thursday night that my spirits lifted. I thought about all the stories I read on bhuz about the negative conditions other dancers experience. Changing to costume in bathroom, closets, drunk men drooling over them and things of that nature. So there I was in this stanky bathroom that had such a strong urine smell in that I almost lost my cookies. Afraid to touch anything in there as I changed into my costume. It was really gross. Then there was the drunk man in lobby where I waited for my set who was ooogling and googling all over me... Then an epiphany hit me as I smiled back at him politely answering his dum questions. I thought to myself I've made it! Stinky gross bathrooms and drunk men.. Wow I'm a belly dancer!!! ..l;, ..l;, ..l;,

[antimony]

Most definitely, I just don't feel that "I HAVE to dance or I'll be incomplete" passion that so many people seem to have. Should that be a sign?

I feel like I'm a broken record, but I feel it's really it's ok to just have dancing be your hobby. You don't have to make a career of it, and it doesn't have to be your driving passion. I've never felt "I HAVE to dance or I'll be incomplete" - I feel that way about math, but not about anything else in my life. *shrug*

I have been going through a fair amount of burnout lately, so I've cut back to one class a week instead of two (I dumped the larger more chaotic one that I wasn't enjoying) and have been knitting more, and catching up on writing letters, and other stuff like that. I made the conscious decision a long time ago that I could get a lot better a lot faster if I worked harder and put in more time, but I don't want to do that, so I'm ok with slower progress. And right now, I'm going even slower than usual, that's ok too.

[danidance]

Antimony,

Bingo. I'm sure I can save all the things I love about BD without going the total black v. white route. I just spent 2 hours in the garden digging and planting and I already feel my spirits lifted.

I think the combination of a strict diet, being tired, post-partum school depression and stress at work are just coloring my fun life into a very gray tone.

[jessedan]

I hear you. I never thought I'd be un-excited about dancing, but I have been lately. I don't practice as much as I used to, and I'm listening more and more to country music these days rather than arabic tunes.
I'm tired of ridiculously expensive costumes, I'm tired of new videos, I'm tired of local bellydance teachers who have taken all of six months of classes before they begin to teach, I'm tired of bellydance police. etc etc....the joy is pretty much gone.
It doesn't help that my own teacher will be leaving for Lebanon in three weeks and she most likely won't be back til next year. So I'll have no teacher for a good while either. Just the thought of having to practice on my own is enough to make me not want to.
I started my latest quilt about three years ago and haven't touched it since then because embroidering swarovski stones and sequins on costumes has seemed more important, ..c:: But I've been thinking more and more about finishing it. I was watering my orchids this morning & noticed that they have tons of little bugs on them which made me think, maybe I should spend more time in my garden too...

Regards
Priscilla

[naiyahayal]

If you were to chat with me a couple days ago. I was down and uninspired.. I think I would label it competition drop. Worked hard, practiced hard did the competition. cryed about my awful performance and then what? yep thats it... done and over..w.: ..c::

Kinda feel like I was standing in the desert looking around and there was nothing but sand in every direction....

This may not be a rant, or a vent but I sure hated going through that experience.

It wasn't til thursday night that my spirits lifted. I thought about all the stories I read on bhuz about the negative conditions other dancers experience. Changing to costume in bathroom, closets, drunk men drooling over them and things of that nature. So there I was in this stanky bathroom that had such a strong urine smell in that I almost lost my cookies. Afraid to touch anything in there as I changed into my costume. It was really gross. Then there was the drunk man in lobby where I waited for my set who was ooogling and googling all over me... Then an epiphany hit me as I smiled back at him politely answering his dum questions. I thought to myself I've made it! Stinky gross bathrooms and drunk men.. Wow I'm a belly dancer!!! ..l;, ..l;, ..l;,

..l;, ..l;, brings up so many memories which didn't seem funny at the time. You just put it all in perspective. Squeezing and threading your way to the changing room (yes, often a restroom) or tiny closet or restaurant owner's "office" (the other name for a restroom or tiny closet) trying to avoid the hot plates of food they are carrying (or the hands that are carrying the plates) from getting on your costume. Trying not to look at the floor as you are changing because you know if you do, you won't eat at that restaurant anymore. Trying not to look at the ceiling because in your paranoia you think that might be a tiny camera up there. Trying not to look at the walls lined with the jackets of the owners or employees because their stuff is none of your business. Trying very, very hard to keep that sneaky thought that "I deserve better" from sabotaging you. Trying to get your heels on before your bare feet touch that floor (it's so much cleaner outside of that space, you're fine once you're past the kitchen). Then you are dressed, check in that 2" x 2" mirror they have provided you for all your needs, and then you make eye contact with the first Middle Eastern customer, you are acknowledged by a smile, and you're on -- it's ALL worth it. Like a rite of passage. Yeah, you have arrived, my friend. Enjoy! (it will get better in terms of $$ and changing areas, but the excitement of those first gigs are special)

[Nepenthe]

I'm having some burnout too. Trying to pull back a bit before it really becomes burnout - right now, it's just warning signs. I just got three new CDs from Hollywood Music that have me fired up.

Strangely I'm all done with buying costumes. Good thing because that was costing me a lot of money! I still love to dance but I don't feel the need to do it every day all day right now.

I know it will come back - as it's been my passion for years now - but I want to give it a breather so that I can keep it alive. I used to love boxing and I got so into it that it became a chore, almost - I felt guilty if I didn't go to boxing practice three times a week. That got me to the point where I wanted to be free of it, to have my weekdays back. Now, I'm not a boxer at all - I felt sad to leave my boxing buddies but... I got burnt out on it for good. I don't want that to happen with dance - I plan for dance to be my lifetime passion!

[danidance]

I do tend to do the whole hog thing and burn out. I really haven't done the maximum with BD because I'm unwilling to put the hours into practicing and dealing with all the performance stuff.

One thing is for sure, if it wasn't actually for the bhuz community - I think I would have quit long ago. So, I'm not sure if that's good or bad......l;, ..g.: .w.:

[katinabd]

I have been feeling the same way lately. I am so uninspired and unmotivated, but the problem is I want to be. I need too many things new music, new pictures, new website. It all gets so discouraging, but I remember that I do this because I love dance. I have been dancing since I was three years old and that is all I have ever done. The more I try to get away from it the more I want to come back to it. Lately I have been trying to do other things sew, read, write, but I find that I am constantly looking at Bhuz or doing something belly dance related. I just cant stay away.

[katinabd]

I meant I am am so uninspired and inmotivated but I dont want to be. I want to be inspired and motivated

[Andrea2]

I think burnout is totally normal. Not to be too corny, but for me dancing is a lot like relationships. I have to work at it, and some times aren't as shiny as others. During the dull times I slow down. No purchases at all - video, music, scarves, costumes. The one thing that I have to do is go to class once a week. I know myself, and if I decide to take a one month hiatus it can get dangerous. I'll get used to not going, and then it's easier to just slip away. For me, burnout doesn't mean I despise it, it just means that I'm tired of not having a balanced life. Dancing is my hobby and interest not my life. I'm perfectly OK with being an intermediate dancer, and I go to class for me - not so that I can rise to the top and be sought after. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not dogging anyone with ambitions to be seminar teachers or known performers or whatever. I just know that for me the best thing is to enjoy what I have. I think the big difference is that I'm not driven to dance I just enjoy it. Going to a seminar will usually get me out of a funk. If the teacher is good I walk out refreshed and inspired.

[danidance]

I was trying to remember the last time that I actually really was just having "fun" at this. It's been awhile. It's been a chore for a really long time.

I think the most fun I've had dancing lately has been flamenco class and that's prolly because it's a shiny new penny.

I talked to a friend tonite who told me she'd quit BD on and off over the years - taking a 5 year hiatus even at one time. Strangely, that made me feel a lot better and not like such a big flake.

[Lauren_]

I think the most fun I've had dancing lately has been flamenco class and that's prolly because it's a shiny new penny.

I think it's because you haven't found the Flamenco discussion site yet!

Nothing takes the fun out of a hobby more than hanging out with the instructors & professional dancers, hearing all about their career problems & Flamenco politics & backbiting, having to form opinions about creativity vs. authenticity, studying and discussing every nuance of each style, cataloging the attributes of perfection and snarking at the less-than-great...

Try to put on some music, bop around and have fun with all that swimming around in your head!!! .p:: ..c::

Those clueless college dorm kids boppin' to Shakira in their underwear on youtube are still having a great time!!

[danidance]

"I think it's because you haven't found the Flamenco discussion site yet!"

Ha ha ha! (psssst...I found it, it's just in Spanish )

No, I think it's actually because I was sweating buckets & it was helping the weight loss plus it was a shiny new penny.

If I decide to bop around in my underwear on youtube though, I'll definitely send you the link! .p::

BTW - re: the hanging around with other dancers, yapping endlessly, snarking and such - no question it's much simpler to be blissfully unaware, hipdropping along through a song, not knowing a saidi from a sandwich, and cheerily dancing around in a cheapie costume. But that approach would never have worked for me long term.

[Lauren_]

I keep wanting to say thing like 'take a break and you'll come back,' but that's just selfishness talking, wanting to keep you around as a friend.

Truth is, there's nothing wrong with moving on. Learning new things is good for our brains and our bodies in ways that learning more about the same old things isn't. I think dabbling in something new every few years keeps us young.

And you might find that you want to come back. Or you might not. Either way, you're stuck with me as an e-mail diet buddy!

[Mirabai]

Great discussion. Thanks for having it. It's interesting to get everyone's take. I think ... hmmm ... I'm a Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde dancer : )
Three years ago I had my first "I'm done with this" thought.
For 13 years I'd been a hobbyist in belly dance. Poetry and travel were my passions - taking me around the nation and the world - taking me to graduate school. Then, just as I ended graduate school, I met an incredible dancer, Angela Palmeri-Davis, in Las Vegas. She was so inspiring it set me off on this huge obsession. I went for a year and a half solid, egrossed in the dance - learning as much as I could - everything I'd been half paying attention to all those years as a hobbiest. Then I was exhausted and disenchanted ... nothing specific ... just wore myself out.

But then ... by then I found I had a community ... and ever since then, whenever I think I'm going to quite or "take it easy" or step back for a bit ... then some new project or adventure comes along. It astounds me.

I'm not sure where the b-dance trip ends. I'll be excited for the new things that I can move onto when the b-dance stuff mellows out. But, b-dance has given me a community of girlfriends that I wouldn't have otherwise had ... and the network stretches and stretches ... and I'm amazed by it. Regardless of the snippy things that happen here and there (which I've heard of, but haven't experienced myself), I love the creative, brave women I get to meet and hang with because of B-dance ....

So this is my Dr. Jekyl /Mr. Hyde experience ... I'm ready to leave, most of the time ... ready to start something new ... but I also can't leave ... because there are so many different things going on here ... and I guess at least one of them is always beckoning me ...

[Gwoofer]

Meh, don't be so hard on yaself - getting out of school is HUGE. Your whole life is rearranging.

I'm another one to go full torpedo and crash but it's just my process and I'm going to somehow deal with it. I think we (mostly) expect ourselves to always feel the drive and look at it as a passion and therefore we want to do it, always. It's just not true for most people. Sometimes no matter how much you may want it down the line getting there is a pain in the arse, practice is a pain in the arse, even classes seem a pain in the arse.

And the age thing. It's a *****! We know we aren't ever going to be in the same place as the younger up and coming dancers so we have to find other things about it to make it worthwhile.

My vent right now is definitely my body issues and things that I feel I should totally be on top of ; wondering what the heck I'm ever going to be able to accomplish and what I'll do with it when and if I get there ..c::

Maybe it's just full tilt summer malaise.

It'll get better, right!

I do tend to do the whole hog thing and burn out. I really haven't done the maximum with BD because I'm unwilling to put the hours into practicing and dealing with all the performance stuff.

One thing is for sure, if it wasn't actually for the bhuz community - I think I would have quit long ago. So, I'm not sure if that's good or bad......l;, ..g.: .w.:

[danidance]

Mirabai,

Your post sums up my feelings exactly!

It's okay to just dabble is the message from all, it seems, and I think you're all right on with that. Also, I reached my 4.5 year mark with belly dance and I guess part of me just thinks it should be so much easier by now, particularly to block out a frikkin 5 minute song and not get verklempt the minute I have to dance in front of someone. There should be joy in it - not a feeling like I have to scrub toilets.

I've been thinking back to the time when I most enjoyed belly dance - back into that space before self-imposed peer pressure to perform. (Guess that's my competitive side coming out.) Back to when it was just a good outlet during the week for some creative energy.

There's a mindset change needed here on my part and you guys are the best - thanks for the support!

[sumayasaahir]

Wow, I havent heard this rant in so long! I dont have anything really inspiring to say, because everyone has said things so nicely already, but Id honestly be so sad if you left us.

I personally really enjoy your dancing. But I know how being on Bhuz makes you want to reach for the stars in terms of perfecting your performance (hello bhuz youtube project) becaue you put yourself out there for criticism good and bad.

Sometimes I wonder where Im going with bellydance, too. I don't want to quit my dayjob for bellydance (tho watching my peeps all around me do so makes it SO tempting- but shoot if I quit my dayjob, I couldnt afford to bellydance)

But I want to get better and better, and I wonder what is the point? Especially out here in the boondox. Oh well, Ill just keep at it until I figure it out. Im not sure where this post is going anymore either...? :)

[danidance]

This was not a "good bye cruel world" thread.

It was a venting/frustration thread ..cr.: - a belly dance crisis thread. I am opposed to good bye cruel world threads because they never end up that way.

But I am a fan of letting out the frustration ,m:: and getting some input!

I'm not sure that bhuz makes anyone try to reach for the stars - if anything, I think it gives you community and no need to reach for the stars. I've never got the impression from bhuzzers of "be a star or forget it."

I do read be educated about your dancing and don't just shake your bum - but that's a far cry from the other.

[sumayasaahir]

No, not reach for the stars or forget it! But it does make me want to be a better dancer when I see what everyone else is doing!

[danidance]

Ah, well that's okay then. Being a better dancer if you're performing and teaching seems mandatory - just like any other profession really - you gotta keep growing.

I wonder if some of the belly dance frustration that I feel and that I've heard from others off board is a symptom of overload. So many events, so many dancers, so many videos, more more more more. And, by the way, the dance changing - some will call it progress, some will consider it to be not so great - with the influence of all the other directions. There's someone teaching at AWS this year from the States who is a mind blower in terms of, "wow - is that what people are wanting?"

That may sound snarky (sorry, Lauren!) but it's more of a question for me of what is belly dance heading toward, at least here in the U.S.

[laura 2]

This thread brings up an interesting thought that I've never had before. There are opera afficianados who don't sing, ballet lovers who don't dance a step and people who attend every gallery opening but can't draw a straight line without a ruler. Is there a reason why Belly Dance shouldn't be the same?

It's obvious, Dani, that you have a great interest and appreciation for this dance form, else you'd be bored to death by us nattering on about the minute details. Where it seems to get frustrating for you is that, due to a multitude of perfectly vaild reasons, the act of dancing *yourself* isn't a rewarding experience for you. Could you not take the pressure off yourself by saying, "I'm not going to dance, but that doesn't mean I can't be a part of the Belly Dance community." I think it's okay, especially if you don't have professional asperations, to make Belly Dance be whatever you want it to be for yourself. There's no need for you to keep up with the Joneses, so to speak. If it means continuting to take classes/workshops and being greatly involved on an acedemic/suppoprter level - great! If it means going to the occasional show and taking class one a week - great! If it means not taking class at all and watching the occasion DVD with a glass or two of wine - great!

Even if you never danced another step, I believe that you would still be an amazing contributor to this forum, and much missed if you left us. I hope that the above makes some kind of sense, as reading it back it seems a little murky. Maybe I need some more coffee, but hopefully you will get the gist of it.

[mish_mish]

It's nice to read these posts, because I feel lost in the belly dance world, too. Things in life--including my age and other interests--mean I do not practice or perform or go to class--so where the heck do I fit in? I'm not sure if I'll ever dance again for anyone--then the other night I put on music and I just danced at it was so much fun. GRRR. It's like trying to break up with a guy even though you still kinda like him.

Sometimes, I wonder why I still go to Bhuz since I have so little to contribute to the technical day to day discussions.

These different perspectives have been really helpful to read.

[danidance]

Mish Mish -

It is like breaking up with someone but staying friends!

Laura2 - it's a performance issue for me. I like dancing socially a great deal. I'm just not a stage personality. period. Which of course is one of the original reasons I wanted to do this - to bust that performance anxiety stuff wide open. I think I waited too long to do it. Old dog, new tricks and all.

I was a shy and rather quiet child believe it or not! .w.: