Thread: Ok, I had to rant about this. . . (Xpost for DC and Baltimore)

Some of you here know me, I go by Basina and Hurayrah in the SCA and for dance, and in real life my name is Jenn. I live in Maryland, in the Baltimore/DC area. A few people here might have also heard of my past travails with a mentally ill neighbor (diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic). That neighbor abruptly left her husband and moved almost 2 years ago I think, but something recent has come up and I feel I need to let the community be aware of it and possibly help stop anything before it becomes an issue.

This woman is living now in the Owings Mills area and has printed business cards for several people (me, my BF, an employer from 10 years ago and her enstranged brother) and leaving them in appartment buildings and possibly other places. The cards she printed for me state that I give free bellydance lessons AND free stripping lessons (I dont teach classes at all, except the occasional baby beginner lesson at an SCA event). They have my full name and home phone number on them. That isnt so bad compared to those for my BF, who apparently does free auto repair and teaches Ghost Extermination Classes. . .

We found out about this only because the woman who was our neighbors former employer has had cards put out for her that state that she gives free sex magic and she has started this weekend to get a number of calls. She tracked down one source of the cards (Briarwood appartments near Owings Mills MD) and had the management pull the cards from their common area.

I would really appreciate that if anyone in the area sees or hears of these cards that they remove them from boards or common areas, or let me know where they are so that I can take care of this. I am rather mortified, but we are also concerned because my BF holds a govt clearance (as does the former employer) and that kind of thing can always get sticky. This situation is SO surreal, and I finally thought it was past. . .

Jenn/Hurayrah/Basina

wow! No words! Im sorry you are going through this hun.

that is just insane!
so sorry this is happening to you. no way to track her down and put this to an end? sue her?

Unfortunately, you have to be careful when dealing with this disorder. I am more than familiar with it as one of my cousins has it, one of my dearest friends son's has it, and another aquaintenace has a son with it. Were she someone else, I would already be looking into a lawyer. But she perceives things differently than we do. . . and she has "friends" and she has "enemies". Her husband has become the enemy in her own mind, and what she put HIM thru before she left, was unreal. The stuff of nightmares (mental and legal), but there was never enough "threat to harm" from her that allowed the courts to force her back on medication (she is a nice woman when medicated. . . I used to visit her and have tea, and lend her bellydance vids and even took her to see BDSS for her birthday one year).

The last thing I want is to move from the "friend" to "enemy" category. I actually used to worry when she lived next door that she would decide the "evil" was coming from my house (she left a few phone messages saying she was worried about the black mold on the roof, and it was going to come in and corrupt the house), and she would do something to "cleanse" it, like burn it down.

So, as awful as it sounds, I am silently hoping that this can somehow resolve itself, or that she will find another pasttime that doesnt harm people or their lives.

oh wow totally forgot she was schizophrenic when i put that. sorry! i compeletly understand, it is hard to deal with the disorder. why isn't she on her meds though? who does she live with? doesn't this give someone enough reason to admit her to someplace or with someone that could take care of her, make sure she's taking her meds?

That's awful. I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I would suggest that you still contact a lawyer. If the situation worsens, you have already taken the first step in protecting your reputation & rights. Your lawyer may also be able to work with her case manager or social worker to remove the cards & prevent further distribution of the materials. If it gets worse, you may be able to get a restraining order or some other protection that could help prevent other incidents.
Its great that you're so compassionate, but legal action can help set some boundaries.

Um... posting flyers about things that you do not do... is libel... and CAN be prosecuted by law (schizophrenic or not) Be careful it doesn't escalate into something bigger before you take action.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

If I came across a card like those with 'free auto repair', and some of the other 'services', I would have thought it was a joke.

It's a pain, but can you change your phone number? Or, leave a message on your machine that it's a hoax?

You are right to tread lightly on this matter!

I really feel for you!

Well the baby beginner lesson at the sca event if not given for a fee would be considered free lessons and therefore not a libel statement and she could state the free stripping teasing lesson was just a misunderstanding. Libel also has to be proven with intent to harm.

Those would not be considered libel..

Originally Posted by AngelaDiCaprio

Well the baby beginner lesson at the sca event if not given for a fee would be considered free lessons and therefore not a libel statement and she could state the free stripping teasing lesson was just a misunderstanding. Libel also has to be proven with intent to harm.

Those would not be considered libel..

Ah... well.

Wow, I had a paranoid schizo roommate in college...it can get very bizarre very fast. I understand what you are going through. My former roommate told half our neighborhood that I was out to get her... Something that resulted in more than one physical threat. Thank heavens she gas been out of my life for many years now.

Wow...I am so sorry you're going through this. Not much more to say than that. I know from past experiences that dealing with a mentally ill person can be very difficult--even if intentions are good. Also, on one hand, you never want to see someone escalate to the point of truly bodily dangerous, but on the otherhand, there's a lot of damaging territory before that threshhold. You have my sympathy.

In the meantime, be sure to surround yourself with good people and check/reinforce your *own* support system, and perhaps get some professional advice/counseling yourself for how to deal with this situation. Pain in the butt though it may be, changing your phone number (to an unlisted number...) may be one of the things to do as well.

I am so sorry this is happening. Best of wishes for a peaceful resolution, and I (as I think many of us will) will be sending "get back on your meds quick" energy your former neighbor's way.

Thanks everyone :-) We are treading lightly, and while I know that we could take legal action for her putting the cards out, that would actually further inflame a situation thats already not good. In her mind, she is doing us a favor by promoting our, um, services. lol If I bring it to court or to the police, then we are "bad guys".

Her husband had tried to have her committed just prior to her leaving him, but she has not threated to kill anyone, nor has she actually harmed anyone in a physical manner, so they state will not step in and force her back on her medication (and her retaliation towards the husband for his attempt, was just awful).

Not really looking for a solution, but wanted to vent and also make the local community know that if they saw those cards out there, that it really ISNT me promoting those services ;-)

Thanks everyone for the support!

Basina, I'm so sorry to hear this. I have experience with a similar situation, and the dynamic is just awful. I hope it's resolved quickly. I'm in Alexandria, not so far from you, and will let you know if I hear anything.

I'd suggest actually that you may want to add a request for help or a geographical area to the thread title so more people will take a look. Some people skip over anything marked "rant" -- not us folks, obviously! Given what's going on, it's probably best for you to attract as many eyeballs and alert as many local people as possible.

As an aside, just in case you do eventually need or want to take legal action, I wouldn't assume this doesn't amount to libel or even a form of identity theft depending on the laws in your area.

Best wishes and tons of sympathy!

Suzana Nour

Originally Posted by nayastrance

Your lawyer may also be able to work with her case manager or social worker to remove the cards & prevent further distribution of the materials.

That is an excellent idea--if there is a case manager or social worker involved with her, that person should know what is going on, if not already aware. That's both for your sake and for the sake of getting this woman more effective care. (my husband is in social services and has occasionally had to handle clients who are harassing others)

There IS not case manager or social worker, unfortunately. And her husband tried to have her committed, but until she actually DOES something physical or actually threatens someone, the state/county is not stepping in. Unfortunately.

I am hoping to have a conversation with her husband soon, however, and see if he has gotten any further with trying to get her some type of help. Its a really sticky situation, and I feel bad for her, but also slightly fearful of ending up on her "bad side".

I am so sorry this is happening. Best of wishes for a peaceful resolution, and I (as I think many of us will) will be sending "get back on your meds quick" energy your former neighbor's way.[/QUOTE]


I've had to deal with one than one paranoid schizophrenic in my life and one of the biggest problems is that they frequently do not stay on their meds, fearing they are being "poisoned" by doctor, or some other delusional thinkikng. Of course, once off meds, they quickly spiral downward in their ability to cope with everyday life resulting in all sorts of "crises". And, sadly, unless they are on a "gravely disabled hold" they cannot be forced to take their meds.

My advice is to consult both an attorney and a psychologist or counselor if you are having to deal with this - do not try to advise the person yourself without a solid backing of support. Also remember that although they have a serious mental illness, they are not inchoherent, in fact are very intelligent and do understand consequences. When I got a restraining order to prevent further theats from one very ill person, she understood it enough to know the consequences of continuing to harass/threaten me or my family and kids so she stopped.

It is sad and heartbreaking to have to do all this, but even sadder to err on the side of not doing enough to protect oneself in this situation.

Originally Posted by basina

. Its a really sticky situation, and I feel bad for her, but also slightly fearful of ending up on her "bad side".

Being on the "bad side" of someone who has an imbalance is REALLY not fun. I hope she gets on her meds soon.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It's just insane!
About 15 years ago I had to deal with someone who thought I was out to get them and it was just so surreal! It was someone I worked with. I was lucky it ended when I left that job. She wasn't anywhere near as bad as this lady sounds though. I hope you can do something about it.

Well that sounds awful...kinda of been there myself...but slightly different....amd I was *really* slandered

I just qualified as a primary school teacher, but a couple of years ago, my mental mother, also a complete control freak...decided out of the blue to accuse my father and brother of downloading child pron.

Now I was on teaching practice at a local school at the time and she and her BF drove 20miles so they could give the school a CD-R of what had supposedly been on my brothers computer (he didn't live with her or speak to her for over 2yrs!) then another to the nursery where my younger sister was working...then another to the police.

We had our house raided by 4 very insulting officers....I had to abandon my teaching practice for that year.

10 months down the line the police gave all the stuff back, didn't even apologise. It was only after we found out they had gone and raided my mothers house too and she and her boyfriend had been put on the sex offenders register.

I was really lucky with how understanding my university were and how supportive they were. I finished 3 months after everyone in the same year group as me, but I finished!

People who can seem ok to others often put on fronts, I know my mother was one of them, could be polite etc to strangers but was as evil as could be behind closed doors. My mother judt decided one day that she wanted to "get" my father and brother...

Even now they have things being said about them by some of my younger half-sisters friends. I've even had a 14yr old girl scream at me down the street that I am a rape victim...hmm I'd like to know when??? We were open able it with our immeadiate neighbours and luckily had no trouble

Sorry...I digress from my point.

You need to distance yourself from it, or be up front and get it out there that these business cards are a load of rubbish, local paper if you have to or local radio.