Thread: Private Lesson Awkwardness

I know we've all felt this at some point whether from a student standpoint or as a teacher who is observing.

Why is it so weird to take private lessons? Maybe that's another thing only those of us who are less inclined to perform feel - but I think I've read others discuss this on bhuz.

I've only ever taken lessons from people I adore and am comfortable with - but as soon as the attention is all about me - FREEZE - Can't dance - Can't smile. Feel weird. Ack! I remember the first time I had to dance for Tamra-henna I was shaking so hard you'd think I was cold. With others it's an attack of shyness.

What's up with private lesson trauma? Kinda silly really isn't it?..l;, ,f:: .w.: What do you teachers do to put students at ease?

i prefer privates. tina

I prefer them as well, but it doesn't remove the awkwardness of it for me. I suppose I'm just unique.

Originally Posted by danidance

I prefer them as well, but it doesn't remove the awkwardness of it for me. I suppose I'm just unique.

I think this is a common problem -- and can come from both sides. Certainly, there are students who sort of flummox me when I'm giving the private lesson, while others it just seems so easy. As an instructor, I feel a little awkward when I'm having trouble getting a student to understand what I want his/her body to do -- I go though the analogies, the breakdowns, the "what muscle moves it", the endless repetitioms and still the student looks at me like what-the-heck-are-you-talking-about and I feel like an instant failure! I just keep moving through it -- sometimes it takes moving away from the problem move/combo/whatever and on to something else. Then when we return to the problem, understanding seems to have sunken in over the interim!

From a student's perspective, I think it's just an extension of the "the pressure's on" feeling one has to excel. It's one thing to do something not quite right when a student is one in a group of 20 and quite another when the instructor's eye is totally and unmistakably on just him or her! I think everyone just has to remember that every movement, every combo, every style, every nuance of the dance is new to all of us sometime in our careers -- you know, that feeling you get at a workshop where, even though you've been dancing for over three decades, you feel like a newbie because the material is just presented differently than you've experienced before or the step or combo is one that you're not too familiar with. Instant back-to-square-one feeling. :Aconfused:

I think it's a natural feeling that we all experience in some area of our lives!

Originally Posted by danidance

I know we've all felt this at some point whether from a student standpoint or as a teacher who is observing.

Why is it so weird to take private lessons? Maybe that's another thing only those of us who are less inclined to perform feel - but I think I've read others discuss this on bhuz.

I've only ever taken lessons from people I adore and am comfortable with - but as soon as the attention is all about me - FREEZE - Can't dance - Can't smile. Feel weird. Ack! I remember the first time I had to dance for Tamra-henna I was shaking so hard you'd think I was cold. With others it's an attack of shyness.

What's up with private lesson trauma? Kinda silly really isn't it?..l;, ,f:: .w.: What do you teachers do to put students at ease?

It's awkward when you have to dance in front of them, but I definitely prefer privates irregardless. I just think less about performing and soaking up the knowledge from them...

It's easy to scrutinize every mistake. If you're self-conscious, it's easy to feel that way.

Originally Posted by danidance

I prefer them as well, but it doesn't remove the awkwardness of it for me. I suppose I'm just unique.

I don't want privates at all. I like to have a teacher show the class what to do and then I like to have time to work on it while she works with the rest of the class. This gives me time to play around with a movement w/o feeling like the teacher's eye is on me the whole time. It makes me nervous. I like it when the teacher checks in with me, but I don't want undivided attention.

I almost crapped myself when I went for a PL with Dahlena. She is intimidating in a class full of students, let alone when you're her only focus. We went over my posture and breathing for a good oh...20 minutes, and that was me just *standing* there, I hadn't even moved yet !!!!!!! .w.:

But it was worth every uncomfortable minute, because I know she wants her students to be better dancers, and I feel my posture has changed due to those 20 minutes

And then there were the semi privates with Saadiyah. When I was a crappy little baby dancer (well, so now after 5 years, I'm what? a crappy little intermediate dancer?) and you had to get up in front of her and 2 other students and start improv-ing.

I feel most comfortable with Sabah, even when she is like, one foot away from my hips scrutinizing my technique to see if I'm using the right muscles. I love it!

i've had 2 teachers who made students dance for them/the class & one was fahtiem. she just sat there with her hand on her chin STARING!!?? eep. so having teachers scrutinizing my dancing is not just something i've experienced in privates. tina

It is good to hear that others feel awkward during private lessons. When I have had private instruction before I was so busy being in the brain stem that I almost didn't learn anything. I thought I was the only one and wondered why I was so foolish. Good to know I am not alone.

EM

So private lesson for you then is preferable if it's structured like "class for one" rather than specific "let me see what you're doing and what we need to do to get you to xyz place..."

BTW, I've had some great private lessons - it's definitely not about them (the teachers), it's a self-consciousness barrier. Hey, maybe if I can break through that one I could get past performance anxiety.

Originally Posted by tattood1

i've had 2 teachers who made students dance for them/the class & one was fahtiem. she just sat there with her hand on her chin STARING!!?? eep. so having teachers scrutinizing my dancing is not just something i've experienced in privates. tina

Oh how I feel you!! I am exactly like that, the shakes, I stop breathing, I blank. I have had one private so far, well semi private as my best friend came with me (I was just not game to go by myself!) and heck was I nervous! But I want more, and I want her to tell me everything that's wrong with me and how to see things I am not seeing when I look at myself.

I cant wait for my next private!!

Dont even get me started on improve.... Talk about 10x worse. How does anyone get over that shyness?

Amity, I don't think you get over it, you just do it anyway and get used to it.

I think the hardest part is performing in front of the instructor. Two reasons - first, when I perform in front of an audience, there is an amazing adrenaline rush, I put myself into a "performer" space and somehow fill my mind and body with energy and confidence. The more people in the audience, the easier this is to do for me. In a class setting, I just can't access that feeling. I don't have any energy or confidence, I just feel limp and silly. I think it has something to do with the number of "audience members", but it's also just simply the environment. I don't feel it. Maybe it's no costume and no makeup and no energy or anticipation from the "audience", as well. The other thing is it's instantly crystal clear to me where all my problem areas are. As soon as I'm doing it in front of famous dancer X, I suddenly realize every moment of the song that I've messed up, every part of the dance that I haven't mastered (or even scratched the surface of.) So then I want to stop what I'm doing every 6 seconds, and explain that I know I did that part wrong and why I know I need to work on that. I find it hard to do it without talking over my performance and without doing it half-a$$ed.

It's still worth it, though. :)

I didn't realize this was so universal - I suppose these instructors we love and admire so much know exactly what it's like to be in the student's shoes. When they see us freeze up, I bet they've been there and are aware of how we're feeling.

What Kat said. I couldn't put it any better.

As a teacher, with some students I feel more comfortable than with others. I won't even teach privates to beginners any more, that's just too awkward.

As a student, I'm more comfortable with some instructors than others.

I think the best comfort level happens when there's a clear goal for the session, and that goal is well-communicated, so the student & instructor become a team working together.

Originally Posted by kat

you know, that feeling you get at a workshop where, even though you've been dancing for over three decades, you feel like a newbie because the material is just presented differently than you've experienced before or the step or combo is one that you're not too familiar with. Instant back-to-square-one feeling. :Aconfused:

I think it's a natural feeling that we all experience in some area of our lives!

LOL! You mean I'm not the only one who goes into a workshop situation and suddenly becomes a walzting elephant?

I guess I'm one of the odd ones out tonight. I am more comfortable in a one on one situation over a group/workshop situation. While it's a bit un-nerving to be the total focus of someone's total attention to your tecnique, personally I find it much easier to take critique and correction when it's one on one, over in front of a large group.

I am very comfortable in private lessons - both on the giving and receiving end.
But I agree that dancing for just 1 person is dreadful - no matter who it is.
My way out is to imagine a larger audience and certainly not look at that person all the time.

I also tell my private students (who have to dance for me all the time, the poor things) that they don't have to look at me, just keep their eyes up as if there were 10 more people around.

MEISSOUN

I like privats better b/c it gives me a feeling a security. It's just me and my teacher. She's there to help me improve my dancing and I don't have 12 or 13 other eyes POSSIBLY looking at me (even though I know they aren't).
Here, I say again, DANG NERVES!!!

Originally Posted by joanneraks

I think the hardest part is performing in front of the instructor. Two reasons - first, when I perform in front of an audience, there is an amazing adrenaline rush, I put myself into a "performer" space and somehow fill my mind and body with energy and confidence. The more people in the audience, the easier this is to do for me. In a class setting, I just can't access that feeling. I don't have any energy or confidence, I just feel limp and silly. I think it has something to do with the number of "audience members", but it's also just simply the environment. I don't feel it. Maybe it's no costume and no makeup and no energy or anticipation from the "audience", as well. The other thing is it's instantly crystal clear to me where all my problem areas are. As soon as I'm doing it in front of famous dancer X, I suddenly realize every moment of the song that I've messed up, every part of the dance that I haven't mastered (or even scratched the surface of.) So then I want to stop what I'm doing every 6 seconds, and explain that I know I did that part wrong and why I know I need to work on that. I find it hard to do it without talking over my performance and without doing it half-a$$ed.

It's still worth it, though. :)

Ha ha, I can identify completely with this post - not that I've had any privates with any famous dancers! Kills me that I can get up and speak or teach in front of an entire congregation of people without batting an eyelid but get choked up if I am dancing for people I know and the spotlight is entirely on me. However, I somehow manage to get it together if the audience is large and anonymous.

PS Love the pics in your gallery. You look fabulous - especially in the orange costume.

Originally Posted by tattood1

i've had 2 teachers who made students dance for them/the class & one was fahtiem. she just sat there with her hand on her chin STARING!!?? eep. so having teachers scrutinizing my dancing is not just something i've experienced in privates. tina

The first time I did workshops with Yousry Sharif, he taught a choreo, but then at the end he asked us to volunteer, individually, to dance a section of the choreography, without the music!!!!, so that he could coach. It really was incredibly focussed, & a joy to take part in, even if it was completely scary.

When I take private lessons I hate having to figure out what to ask for. What is the teacher's specialty, what does she have to offer that I really want - since I'm paying a bunch for it? Then I wonder what they are thinking, like that I'm not as good as they expected ("Oh *^%$, I have to fix *this*?), or that I asked for something dumb to study ("combinations? girl you need to work those 3/4 shimmies first"). I'm sure they're not really thinking that, but it does cross my mind. However, I look at all the mula I'm handing over and think something like - oh well, she's mine for an hour, I've had more bizzare requests for less, she prolly has too.

When I teach privates it's usually fun but really intense. All the responsibility is on me, and people want a specific outcome. If they don't get it, you worry they think it's a rip off. I've never had someone not really get something out of a private though. It's just an irrational fear of mine.

Over and out,

Kittie

*When I take private lessons I hate having to figure out what to ask for.*

Yes, totally! Though on my only private I have had so far, she quickly identified things I needed to work on, took notes, and gave me a bunch of exercises to practice. She did ask what I wanted to work on, and I just did not know what to answer. Even now, I wouldnt know what to answer. I guess I want her to tell me! :P

I danced in group classes for 5 years, before I even thought about taking private lessons. This year I took semi private with a friend. She ended up in a really bad car accident, three months into the lesson. So at first, doing the class by myself was a little nerve wracking. It was also making me nervous if she didn't come back and I would have to perform by myself. She came back and we did our duets, which I can't wait to see when I get my DVD copy. The audience was clapping so well, it must of been good!

With the semi-private class, I learned lots more. Plus, it was good to dance with someone who has the same experience that you do. In the group, there were so many different levels, so they always had to go over what you already new, or have improved. ..l;, This year I plan on taking them by myself and awarding myself with a costume from Dahlal, made just for me.

I think private lessons can be the very best way to improve your technique because the whole class is focused on your dance and you don't get corrections meant for other students.

It was private lessons that brought me from a casual dancer to an award winning professional. The trick is to find the teacher/coach who specializes in the type of technique you love the most and to develop a mentor-type relationship with that person.

A good private teacher will not only help you improve your technique, she/he will help you develop stage presence, learn about the business of being a professional dancer and how to develop your unique assets as an artist.

Please don't feel scared or intimidated. Remember, you hired them because you want to improve. They are criticizing you because you have asked them to. We all need eyes other than our own to examine our technique. We can't possible gain the insight into needed improvements the same way a seasoned teacher/coach can.

If you can get over your own nerves, private lessons can help you improve your technique exponentially faster than a group class. Try to think of it like working out with a personal trainer v. going to the gym on your own.

Don't be afraid. It is a fabulous opportunity. Best of luck and happy dancing!

Sabrina,

I think the "mentor" thing is crucial. That may be what I've been missing in my own thinking process as well as the relationship building with someone so that there is a comfort zone. I don't want to learn from someone who isn't dealing with me on that level. It's not just about a lesson on how to do the perfect undulation - there's way more involved where I'm concerned due to the double-edged issue of performance disinterest but need to do so to keep pushing for improvement.

I think I've found the right person to work with me. But so far I've managed to waste her time because I was so grumpy and tired of bellydance. I'm giving it another try soon.

I think the discomfort in a private has a lot to do with exposing one's insecurities. It's just you and the master teacher...and the focus is on you! Even if you are comfortable in the spotlight, it's hard to have someone you admire scrutinize you. And to think...we put ourselves in that position!

I had my first private with Zahra Zuhair one week before Cairo Carnivale and I had just picked the song I was going to perform in front of my biggest audience yet. So, I show up and Zahra wants to see what I've got so far (which is nothing). I had to improv to this song in front of my mentor for the last four years, with the expectation of being able to rock it in one week.

OMG, I broke down crying right there in the studio. But, I got the impression it wasn't the first time that a student had broken down in front of her, and ever-so-sweet Zahra waited patiently for me to pull myself together and then gave me feedback that resulted (I think) in a really good performance.

I wonder if part of the awkwardness is because teachers feel the same way...do they worry that students hold certain expectations that may or may not be fulfilled? Maybe it just gets better with time (and more privates)?

I have started taking private lessons with my dance mom, Latifa, and they are fabulous! We are working on the things she has seen in my dancing that I need to work on. I love what we have been working on and it helps that she has seen me dance enough so that she knows what my weaknesses are.

I thought they would be scary (not sure why, Latifa is not a scary person!), but they are extremely enlightening! I had some bad habits that I was not even aware of and we are working on smashing them to bits!!!

Nasila, I know what you mean...

Last week in my private I could not let go to get into my number. It was horrible to me so we stopped at my request and did something else and then came back to it a half hour later. It was really hard to perform infront of my own Instructor who I have been with for over a year. My routine is just ideas I had and Improving and there is this fear that I'm wondering if its good enough... Its hard to say this is it and waiting for a crushing blow that never comes. My ego is so fragile at times even with the most trusted friends.

I have another private today and hopefully it will go better... from the start...

i feel awkward anytime i'm not in costume and makeup...that's horrible isn't it. if someone wants me to demonstrate something in class, improv in front of people, focus on correcting me, or a friend just asks me to get up and show em some moves. i feel awkward. i've been dancing professionally a while now, and still i feel this way if it isn't a formal gig...on stage however, it's a totally different story. i have confidence and presence on stage, but my normal persona can't handle it quite as well. it's just weird.