Thread: Accepting gifts from students?

Little tokens of appreciation are very sweet, and a class pitching in to get the teacher something is fine, but is there a point where an individual's gift is too much to accept? Have you had to decline a gift?

Not bellydance, but my mom was a French teacher at a private school. Parents used to give her crystal, champagne, and one year - 2 turkeys (not living, fortunately).

My gut feeling is to decline a gift if you feel uncomfortable when presented with it. Your innards don't lie.

Slightly off topic, ok a lot off topic, but do you know why we have "gut" feelings? Because the cells in our intestines are more similar to brain neurons than the rest of the cells in our bodies. That's why we get upset stomaches when we are stressed and why we have gut reactions. True!

And now back to our regularly scheduled program..... :)

One of my students gave me a bagful of feijoas once. Best. Present. Ever.

One used to bring me bubble tea as well, because she worked at a bubble tea place.

I know my teacher refused a gift of costly earrings from someone she was getting the "single white female" vibe from.

not as a belly dance instructor, but my day -job- by -trade has very strict regulation about the ethics of accepting gifts from clients. it can be a sticky topic for sure.

on the other hand....oooh, wadja get?

Aveda Spa treatment, a fancy facial. I loved the soaps another student gave me, and I've hand-knitted stuff for some of my favorite teachers, but a gift that's worth more than half the session seems a bit much. No?

I had a bad experience with a student once, she gave me a nice pair of sandals for my birthday, the problem was that she felt I was obligated to place her in the front row of one of our group performances, because we were "friends" as I accepted her gift.
She was quite young, just a teen, but she made it a huge deal, quite a bad experience.

Originally Posted by BELLA_BELLA

My gut feeling is to decline a gift if you feel uncomfortable when presented with it. Your innards don't lie.

I agree with this.

Originally Posted by jamielynn

Slightly off topic, ok a lot off topic, but do you know why we have "gut" feelings? Because the cells in our intestines are more similar to brain neurons than the rest of the cells in our bodies. That's why we get upset stomaches when we are stressed and why we have gut reactions. True!

And now back to our regularly scheduled program..... :)

Hm, never heard that before!

Yoga places the intersection of mind with body in 7 chakras. Emotions are physical manifestations of thought, and tend to appear in the associated chakra. So different feelings cause our throats to constrict, our hearts to feel heavy, butterflies in the stomach, a pulling sensation deep in the belly, a sense of being uprooted or 'knocked off our feet,' etc. The types of emotions that manifest in specific body parts is pretty consistent... and also consistent with the kinds of chronic illnesses that result from long-term emotional distress (anger=heart attacks, nervousness=ulcers, etc)

whole 'nother topic, sorry, couldn't resist.

Originally Posted by jamielynn

Slightly off topic, ok a lot off topic, but do you know why we have "gut" feelings? Because the cells in our intestines are more similar to brain neurons than the rest of the cells in our bodies. That's why we get upset stomaches when we are stressed and why we have gut reactions. True!

And now back to our regularly scheduled program..... :)

I'll add to that little tidbit - we have alot of serotonin receptors there which is one reason that people going on or off SSRIs feel so nauseated. Lovely - you can be depressed, anxious and want to gaak all at the same time!

A student once gave me a book of her poetry, a mix cd and some crystals in a nice gift bag. I thought it was just a thoughtful gift. My Sister, who's a Lesbian said that the gift was a clear flirtation. She was especially sure after she covered my class for me once. She said the girl was clearly gay and couldn't believe I didn't notice she was into me. I just never believe women are flirting with me. I still don't know but I feel funny about accepting gifts now. She never came back to class after the series either.

Originally Posted by rakgirl

A student once gave me a book of her poetry, a mix cd and some crystals in a nice gift bag. I thought it was just a thoughtful gift. My Sister, who's a Lesbian said that the gift was a clear flirtation. She was especially sure after she covered my class for me once. She said the girl was clearly gay and couldn't believe I didn't notice she was into me. I just never believe women are flirting with me. I still don't know but I feel funny about accepting gifts now. She never came back to class after the series either.

Funny how you can total miss the signals. When I was in college, a guy on my floor gave me a pair of nunchaku he made himself. Never occurred to me......! I was clueless. [Hmmmm, not too bright is she? Just the way I like 'em......]

Originally Posted by BELLA_BELLA

Funny how you can total miss the signals. When I was in college, a guy on my floor gave me a pair of nunchaku he made himself. Never occurred to me......! I was clueless. [Hmmmm, not too bright is she? Just the way I like 'em......]

What's Nunchaku?

As a student, I've given my teacher gifts, though they are clearly for the studio and she loved it (a kick butt poster of an egyptian tomb wall). If any students read this, maybe gifts for the studio would be a good alternative?

i've been given pagan gifts & felt bad cause i'm not & they just assumed. bellydancer=pagan.

my peeps just recently gave me a cool gift of dance shoes & SOCKS for my b-day. they know my feet bother me & i thought this was very sweet.

Originally Posted by rakgirl

A student once gave me a book of her poetry, a mix cd and some crystals in a nice gift bag. I thought it was just a thoughtful gift. My Sister, who's a Lesbian said that the gift was a clear flirtation. She was especially sure after she covered my class for me once. She said the girl was clearly gay and couldn't believe I didn't notice she was into me. I just never believe women are flirting with me. I still don't know but I feel funny about accepting gifts now. She never came back to class after the series either.

that's weird i would never assume a girl is flirting with me either and would hate for a girl to assume I was flirting with them because I do compliment girls a lot and I like to give gifts ..c::
uh oh

Originally Posted by tattood1

i've been given pagan gifts & felt bad cause i'm not & they just assumed. bellydancer=pagan.

is this an american stereotype? where does it come from?
until very recently (when i got introduced to the western bd scene) every single bder I knew of was muslim lol so I don't definitely don't assume any bder is a pagan

And about gut feelings. Mine (only bad ones) have never been wrong unfortunately.
It's amazing how our bodies tell us things.
ok im done hijacking

I believe if they give you something, and don't expect anything in return, its a true gift.

I'm pretty sure I would feel uncomfortable accepting a spa package that expensive though.. soaps, food, etc, that sounds perfectly normal though!

I can't say any gift I've gotten has made me feel uncomfortable. I've gotten a basket with all sorts of yummy goodies, a pair of earrings, a bracelet. Things like that. Oh, and LOADS of chocolate, for some reason ..g.:

Originally Posted by rakgirl

What's Nunchaku?

Oops. Sorry. Nunchuks - two pieces of wood dowel or metal, connected in the middle with a short cord - you spin them and whack people. Martial art weapon. Never actually did any martial arts - just liked the spinning.

In any case, it never occurred to me that he could be interested in me. Guess I hit myself in the head a few too many times.

me and a lot of my classmates have given my teacher presents and also flowers when she was dancing in a musical. it's because we love her too much. i don't think she ever treats us differently because of the presents and we don't expect her to.

Gifts I've received from belly dance students- mostly an envelope with a card (and maybe cash- always $20 or less), or something like that. One of my students went to Turkey on a vacation and brought me back a set of zills- it was very nice and thoughtful. I've never received a gift that I felt uncomfortable with, though- at least not from my belly dance students. It was a slightly different story when I was a band director.

I've occasionaly been given a thank-you gift on the last day of class or at the year end recital... chocolates, flowers. I usually laugh because most of these women have school aged children and always give presents to the teachers.

The fanciest gift I recieved was a hand-made teddy bear dressed in a dance costume. But the giver was someone I used to work with - and because I shared my love of dance with her, she shared her talents back. Ps. She was about 70 yrs old.

I have received some wonderful gifts from my students - some individual, some that were given to me as a group gift. I cherish all of them, although I have a special place in my heart for the hand made ones.

Ha, I tried to make a fabric thing that my instructor could tuck into her hip scarf to put the CD player remote into. Nice thought, but one shimmy, and it came off, LOL. Nice thought, but it needs work ... so she still has to put the remote down all the time ... and pick it up ... and put it down ... and pick it up. And we are always at the end of her long days.

I was just trying to make life easier for her. *shrug* Not a gift that was meant for bribery, LOL. Or if it was, a big failure, giggle.

Yes, you can let your guts tell you. My experience has been: If your gut gives you the wrong message, you need to pay MORE attention it, not less.

On the other hand: has anyone resolved the remote issue?

How big is the remote? Would it fit in one of those fancy armband holstery things for iPods?

One of my students knitted a scarf for me, because I was always nagging them in the winter term to wrap up warm going out of class so they didn't get cold wind round their nice warm muscles: "If you've got a scarf, wear one, cover up your neck!"

I didn't have a scarf, and she noticed. Heh heh. I also said I liked hers, and I didn't realise she'd knitted it herself. Then I felt kind of guilty when she made me one in case my "Ooh, cute scarf" was taken as a big hint! But I say that kind of thing to anyone if I like their stuff - magpie!

Another student in the same class got me a Christmas present of a foot scrub, some nail polish and a voucher for a massage (with her - she was a masseuse/alternative therapist). It was a lovely thought and she was a really nice lady - but I admit I never took her up on the massage because it kind of felt a bit weird. ..c:: I don't think she meant anything by it at all - I just felt like it would be a weird kind of situation to be getting my kit off and getting rubbed by my student! ..l;,

Like many things - it depends. I've received gifts which were very thoughtful and appreciated. My only concern is where the teacher/student boundary lies, what happens when you tell this person No. Will they accept that because you are their teacher or because they think of you more as a friend.

Do you ever feel obliged to get them something back?

Y'know, not everyone can accept you telling them NO either as a friend or as a teacher.

I've never gotten a personal gift from one student. They sometimes give a group gift like flowers. Last year I missed the school's recital as I was ill and thus couldn't see my students on their very first stage performance. I felt really bad about missing it because they worked so hard and I wanted to be there to support them. They all chipped in to get me the DVD from the show. I thought that was a very nice gesture.

I've received several gifts from my dear students over the years: specialty teas, chocolates, flowers, home-made wine, bellydance tshirts, hipscarves, pizza and martinis, and Euros for vacations to Italy. Always very much appreciated :)

Thankfully, I've never been the recipient of an odd gift, or one which I felt crossed the line in any way. If I were presented with one, I would simply thank the donor and say I felt uncomfortable accepting that gift.


Khalida

Enjoy your gift! : )

I just got a gift today - not from a dance student but from somebody I trained at work "because it's always funny with you" (I am a trainer at a call center).
She gave me a small, very green, inflatable crocodile ..l;, I though it was really cute. And I don't see it as bribery, she's just the type of person (very extrovert and good-humoured) who would give somebody such a gift.

I have been given candles and other small items from dance students and I appreciate them.

Sometimes I also give out things, like when I came back from India, everybody at the next zills workshop got a little zill bag.

MEISSOUN