Thread: can you be a mom and successful dancer?

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

YMMV, of course...Sorry, but pregnancy will make changes to the flatness of your abdomen and the consistency of your breasts. ...How much you'll be able to regain postpartum of your old look is hard to determine, but if I could unlock the secret of how to control what happens to a woman's body after she has a baby, I'd be a millionaire.

A large part of it is genetics, yes. We can't control skin reaction etc. But a large part of it is also how much weight we gain, which with the exception of few medicals issues we are usually in control of as individuals. Eating right and exercise make a HUGE difference before, during and after pregnancy. It is more difficult- but if you're dancing a lot (as a full timer will be)- you've got the exercise component down anyway.

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

YMMV, of course. Mostly it comes down to genetics and how old you are. Young bodies tend to be more resilient, but if you have a predisposition to stretch marks, it's still going to trip you up. If you breastfeed for the recommended full year, you'll probably see more sagging down the road than if you dry up the milk supply as soon as the baby is born. And if you "eat for two" to the point that you put on a lot of unnecessary weight, you'll be paying for it later in loose flesh, just like any other overweight person does.

People have become so used to seeing celebrities bounce back from pregnancy looking perfect that it's easy to forget most of them are having plastic surgery to achieve that look (or at least they're being liberally Photoshopped). Sorry, but pregnancy will make changes to the flatness of your abdomen and the consistency of your breasts. It doesn't mean it won't still be attractive, but that's just the way the human body works. How much you'll be able to regain postpartum of your old look is hard to determine, but if I could unlock the secret of how to control what happens to a woman's body after she has a baby, I'd be a millionaire.

Your entire post really shows a lack of understanding about a basic relationship with food which most people have. Most expectant mothers I know realize that eating for two is a myth which has been debunked many times. The truth is that a pregnant woman needs about 20% more calories and then only during certain times periods. Nursing mothers - especially during early periods when the baby is totally dependent on breast milk - actually need more calories than during pregnancy.

As for the consistency of breast tissue post pregnancy, a lot also has to do with breast care. period. I breast fed my son for 16 months. I made sure that I moisturized, massaged and wore a supportive bra. At 46 I still have a rack younger women envy. And so do most of the women I know who have done this.

The fact that you are lumping women who have children / breast feed in with women who over eat really concerns me, because it shows me that you believe or have had the experience that pregnant women (and women who are large) lack discipline and are destroying their bodies. Which overall I have found to not be true.

Yes there are changes. Your hips will probably never be the same especially if you have multiple pregnancies, but realistically, we are not talking huge differences. More than an inch or two, it's a weight gain, not a skeletal issue. And weight gain can be dealt with.

{{{HUGS}}

Fahtiem has a son, hasnt seem to stop her much. Dahlena has Angie who is 2nd generation dancer/Teacher in Chicago and she has a son. Very individual thing. Shoshanna, Michelle Joyce, Lila Varese, Orit Maftsir and Oreet of NY now of San Fran.
Nadirah on Bhuz, Deborah (Casbahdance) just to list a few.

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

Your entire post really shows a lack of understanding about a basic relationship with food which most people have. Most expectant mothers I know realize that eating for two is a myth which has been debunked many times. The truth is that a pregnant woman needs about 20% more calories and then only during certain times periods. Nursing mothers - especially during early periods when the baby is totally dependent on breast milk - actually need more calories than during pregnancy.

As for the consistency of breast tissue post pregnancy, a lot also has to do with breast care. period. I breast fed my son for 16 months. I made sure that I moisturized, massaged and wore a supportive bra. At 46 I still have a rack younger women envy. And so do most of the women I know who have done this.

The fact that you are lumping women who have children / breast feed in with women who over eat really concerns me, because it shows me that you believe or have had the experience that pregnant women (and women who are large) lack discipline and are destroying their bodies. Which overall I have found to not be true.

Yes there are changes. Your hips will probably never be the same especially if you have multiple pregnancies, but realistically, we are not talking huge differences. More than an inch or two, it's a weight gain, not a skeletal issue. And weight gain can be dealt with.

{{{HUGS}}

..g.:..g.:..g.: What she said!

I dance with several women who have had multiple children who have neither stretch marks, nor saggy anything (not bellies or boobies), and whose overall hip girth has changed very little (and some of us would welcome a couple of extra inches in the hip girth arena...) These women are not celebrities who have had multiple plastic surgeries.

Looks aside, the real post was asking if it's POSSIBLE to be a mother and have a stellar dance career. The answer (not based on naive Pollyanna optimism, but based on observations of others who've made it work) is yes, it's possible. NOT easy, but possible. Then again....it is NOT easy, regardless.

I still stand firmly by the assertion that becoming a high profile dancer depends more on your talent, skills, personality, and dedication than your familial status. May also partially depend on who you know (like any field). The rest can work itself out. I also think that the younger you are, the easier building this path can be.

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

Your entire post really shows a lack of understanding about a basic relationship with food which most people have. Most expectant mothers I know realize that eating for two is a myth which has been debunked many times. The truth is that a pregnant woman needs about 20% more calories and then only during certain times periods. Nursing mothers - especially during early periods when the baby is totally dependent on breast milk - actually need more calories than during pregnancy.

As for the consistency of breast tissue post pregnancy, a lot also has to do with breast care. period. I breast fed my son for 16 months. I made sure that I moisturized, massaged and wore a supportive bra. At 46 I still have a rack younger women envy. And so do most of the women I know who have done this.

The fact that you are lumping women who have children / breast feed in with women who over eat really concerns me, because it shows me that you believe or have had the experience that pregnant women (and women who are large) lack discipline and are destroying their bodies. Which overall I have found to not be true.

Yes there are changes. Your hips will probably never be the same especially if you have multiple pregnancies, but realistically, we are not talking huge differences. More than an inch or two, it's a weight gain, not a skeletal issue. And weight gain can be dealt with.

{{{HUGS}}

Agree with Tahira re: mythology. Boobs can go either way, regardless of nursing, to kinda shrink & saggy/OR larger & robust, & stay that way. True, some factors are hereditary, but diet, exercise, attitude, lifestyle play a large part. I do not disagree that changes occur after pregnancy, nor do I have much scientific data, but I have observations from a large pool of mommies. Some share my experience, some don't. Not wishing to appear conceited, but sharing Tahirah's pride, I have a rack younger women envy. I have no stretch marks nor cellulite. My hips & butt somehow they became narrower & smaller, tighter too. I attribute that to years of shimmying & hip drops [not glute shimmies either]. Miss my bigger butt tho. I breast fed for 2 yrs. During nursing,I got slimmer because I was super active and almost not getting enough calories.
I am sharing this not as "oh, aren't I something" but to counter Tourbeau's hypothesis, that post pregnancy women cannot maintain their former bods without artificial enhancement or super genetics. Love your body no matter what; & don't buy into mythololgy.
At any rate, discussion is Can mom & "large" Bellydance career = sucessful. Basically asking = can someone with a demanding job be a good mom? First you need the qualities to make you successful at that career.
The concept of physical appearance/aging & Bellydance career...'nother thread, though I agree it touches on this one.
I for one appreciate everyone's input, good to hear different views.

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

Your entire post really shows a lack of understanding about a basic relationship with food which most people have.

The relationships people have with food can be quite complicated. Some pregnant women manifest their mixed feelings about having a child through their relationships with eating. Others simply use pregnancy as an excuse to eat with abandon because they feel they have been relieved of societal pressure to be thin and sexy for once in their lives. On the other side, women who are experiencing postpartum depression, or even just tired and stressed-out new mommies, may find it difficult to muster the energy and motivation to diet and exercise and/or may seek comfort in food, particularly if their husbands are exhibiting symptoms of Elvis Syndrome where they are having difficulty reconciling sexuality with their wife's new status as somebody's mother. LLLI | Postpartum Body Image and Weight Loss

As for the consistency of breast tissue post pregnancy, a lot also has to do with breast care. period. I breast fed my son for 16 months. I made sure that I moisturized, massaged and wore a supportive bra.

The extent of involution damage after nursing is not related to using moisturizer. It depends on the characteristics of each body--how much fatty tissue is in the breast, how the fatty tissue is distributed, how do the ligaments that support the breast work in conjunction with the breast's shape, the extent of elasticity of the various tissues in the breast, the duration of nursing, the age of the mother, and so on. Postpartum success can be intentionally diminished by poor behavior (not wearing a supportive bra, smoking, etc.), but not every woman can achieve optimal results even with the best of intentions and efforts. Sorry, but some of it is your genetic predisposition, and some women are luckier than others. You can put two guys of similar body type on the same diet and send them to the same gym to do the same exercises, but they won't have identical bodies at the end of the process.

Yes there are changes. Your hips will probably never be the same especially if you have multiple pregnancies, but realistically, we are not talking huge differences. More than an inch or two, it's a weight gain, not a skeletal issue.

This statement clearly discredits the effects that pregnancy can have on a body. Some women do go back to their original shape, but many do not, and it is not a failing of willpower--or my perception that it is a failing of willpower. Pregnancy sometimes makes permanent skeletal changes affecting the joints, and even affecting the skeletal body shape, that cannot be reversed postpartum in all women. This is scientifically documented, not my opinion.

I would love to see some of those studies. Because I believe that will be discovered is that the instances you are speaking about are very low. And if you read what you quoted, I never said that pregnancy didn't effect the skeleton. I said that more than minor changes were about eating and exercise.

When I was working in the high risk OB unit at a major hospital here in LA, every woman over the age of 35 was mandated to have an Alpha Fetal Protein test. (AFP) For those who don't know, this is a measure for the possibility of Downs Syndrome and is mandated by the state of California. A Genetic Counselor will sit down with the Client and explain to them, in detail, the chances of their unborn child having Downs simply because of the mothers advanced maternal age.

You have no idea how many women walked out of the office crying and berating themselves because they had waited too long to have a baby and now their child was doomed to have Downs.

Which was patently untrue for the vast majority of them. Because the studies show this. But because of the way the Counselors present the information, it is a scare tactic to get the women tom comeback for the tests. And all the women hear is YOUR BABY COULD HAVE DOWNS BECAUSE YOU ARE OLD AND THEREFORE YOU ARE AN AWFUL PERSON!

When you start quoting things such as Elvis Syndrome, etc., talk about women post postpartum not having will power over food, while I understand where you are coming from, it also makes me wonder about your judgments regarding human bodies in general. Because, from what you write, you appear to view other human beings in a very negative light.

Originally Posted by Sonja2

I still stand firmly by the assertion that becoming a high profile dancer depends more on your talent, skills, personality, and dedication than your familial status. May also partially depend on who you know (like any field). The rest can work itself out. I also think that the younger you are, the easier building this path can be.

"I also think that the younger you are, the easier building this path can be."

I agree with this statement, but I'd like to add that IMO it isn't the age itself or the look so much as it is the time a dancer has to become known when he/she starts at a relatively young age say, under 30.

Let's say a dancer begins her career at age 24. She has over 10 years before she really need concern herself, due to age, about having children. If she's very talented and assertive, finds her niche and maybe gets to know some folks who can help her on her way she can, by the time she's 35, have a tremendous following and take a year off for a child/more time for children and return as though she never left.

Conversely, if a dancer has a child/children at 24 she might determine to go a bit more slowly while her children are little ones but, with the same talent and assertiveness, finds her niche and maybe gets to know someone who can help her on her way so that in 10-12 years time she has a tremendous following. Since her children are older by this time, the very active lifestyle of an in-demand performer/teacher is a bit easier to handle.

(continued)

(continued)

I started as a pro dancer very young (about age 19) and gigged quite a bit. My first child was born when I was 26 and my second at 31. Between those two births and for a few years after, I did some teaching with my mom and a bit of gigging as it came my way and worked full time at a day job. My husband is as much a hands-on father as I am a hands-on mother and since, at the time, we were both holding down full-time jobs, it wasn't like one of us "worked" more, either at our jobs or at home, than the other.

My mom started gigging at the age of about 38 with children ranging in age from 13 to two. Having somewhat older children to care for the youngest one allowed her to teach and gig more easily that she might have otherwise. She very occasionally danced at restaurants at the invitation of the owners, but not as a regular thing. Parties and the like was where she worked and made (much better) money. It fit her lifestyle requirements.

I have followed pretty much the same path, just starting at a younger age. I gigged alot (mostly parties) before the girls were born, less when they were small and more again as they grew. I joined a pro dance troupe and started teaching more when the youngest was about 5 and then began producing events.

My family (including my husband) is my #1 priority and, even if age wasn't an issue, I probably wouldn't have done BDSS-type touring; it just doesn't fit my lifestyle. Instead, if I were an in-demand workshop instructor, I'd probably do as Lauren outlined: in addition to keeping up with my own training, I'd be happy doing one-off workshops maybe once a month, including travelling to do so.

My life -- and my husband's life -- will be "freer" once our youngest is out of college in two years. Well, freer in respect to responsibility for children, much more enslaved to paying for 4 years of college for each of those two children! ACK!

I don't believe that "quality time" with a child is as good as quantity of time. We parents teach our children in the smallest of moments and if we simply aren't there to have those moments, all the "quality" time reading a book or going to a museum a couple times a week, isn't going to substitute. Call me old fashioned, but I believe children need to be with and interact and learn from and get love from both their parents as much as is possible. Very difficult to do when a parent is away on the road, mom or dad, for significant periods of time. Children aren't cute little toys that we just play with; they're complex beings who (must) trust their parents to do everything in their power to raise them into reasonably healthy, happy adults.

Just my $.02.

Deborah

Originally Posted by aziyade

Keti Sharif's a new mom and it seems like she spends half her time in Cairo doing workshops.

I think she's actually taking time off (6 months? A year?) to spend more time with her little one. She's now set up to have other people teaching her workshops.

I'll have to agree with Deborah. I'm having my first baby at 33, and have had plenty of time to build a (non dance) career. It also happens that I've had 3 years of pro dancing and gigging, which has been great. So now I'm good with taking some time off to make family a priority--not that I won't continue to work in my career field (though I am going temporarily part time), or continue to dance as much as possible--just that my priorities have shifted, for sure.

I agree that the youth comment I made was more intended to imply that you had more time to build the following, not so much the link between age and looks.

Of course, like Deborah, even if I'd started BD'ing younger than I did (and I took my first year of lessons when I was 22), and had been offered the opportunity to do something BDSS style, I still probably wouldn't have because (even though I LOVE to travel)...that isn't my kind of lifestyle.

If it IS someone's lifestyle though, and the talent is there, well heck, go for it!

My two cents: yes, you can have a successful bellydance career and be a Mum. But the truth of the matter is that something has to give. You cannot have a stellar career (any career) PLUS lots of time with your kids PLUS time for yourself ... I think our societies have realised that the dream of 'having it all' and having all of it to the degree we might want is just that - a dream. Something will have to be given priority, and something else will have to give.

Having said that, building a local, non-touring career as a successful teacher/performer does seem achievable with children (and a supportive partner, and very little 'me' time... ).

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

I A Genetic Counselor will sit down with the Client and explain to them, in detail, the chances of their unborn child having Downs simply because of the mothers advanced maternal age.

You have no idea how many women walked out of the office crying and berating themselves because they had waited too long to have a baby and now their child was doomed to have Downs.

Which was patently untrue for the vast majority of them. Because the studies show this. But because of the way the Counselors present the information, it is a scare tactic to get the women tom comeback for the tests. And all the women hear is YOUR BABY COULD HAVE DOWNS BECAUSE YOU ARE OLD AND THEREFORE YOU ARE AN AWFUL PERSON!

Oh yeh, my favorite trick of the media. Blaming us all for 'waiting'. I swear to God, if anyone said this to my face I might just stab them in the eye. Then go on a rampage chasing up and biffing all the non-committal arses I wasted my childbearing years loving. Not that I'm bitter or anything...,m::

Originally Posted by jewelbellydance

Oh yeh, my favorite trick of the media. Blaming us all for 'waiting'. I swear to God, if anyone said this to my face I might just stab them in the eye. Then go on a rampage chasing up and biffing all the non-committal arses I wasted my childbearing years loving. Not that I'm bitter or anything...,m::

Yes, and whenever you see this type of pulp science, it always appears to be some subtle dig against women who....gasp....wait for it....got established in their careers, instead of settling down and having kids in their late twenties like all good girls are supposed to.

Then again, they would probably say I'm defective because I don't want to have children ..c::

You just can't seem to win.

Another good example is Shabnam, I think she was 7 months pregnant in this one. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mufryqH14ms]YouTube - Rashika Ensemble[/ame]

for the record, it isn't breastfeeding that changes your breasts - it's pregnancy. Some women don't breastfeedbecause they are afraid it will change their breasts. No, pregnancy has ALREADY changed your breasts.

And I look pretty good only 5 months after having a kid - it looks like I'll have my old body back at the end of the year, breasts notwithstanding. That's why we wear bras anyway.

The bigger issue for a bellydancing mom is taking the time away from your kid to practice, to attend workshops, to travel, to do shows late at night. I find that I do not want to do those things as much as I did before. I prioritize the workshops I do, only going to ones that will really grow me. I only do shows that will allow me to be home by 11pm. You don't have to drop out of dancing altogether because you have a kid. But I never wanted to be a touring BDSS member anyway.

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

I would love to see some of those studies.

Since apparently the La Leche League article was not scholarly enough to merit comment, okay...

Aesthet Surg J, 2008 Sep-Oct;28(5):534-7.
The effect of breastfeeding on breast aesthetics.
Rinker B, Veneracion M, Walsh CP.
Here's a study of women who sought postpartum consultation for aesthetic breast correction. Ninety-three met the study criteria. I don't have access to the full text of the article to know the size of the total pool of possible pregnant women in Lexington, KY from 1998-2006 to determine what 93 is a fraction of, but this does represent the number of women who were actually so concerned about their breast changes that they went to a doctor to discuss surgery. The researchers had no way of measuring how many postpartum women had lesser degrees of dissatisfaction and may have thought about plastic surgery but didn't make an appointment. Of their study group, 51 respondents (55%) had a documented degree of breast ptosis (drooping), independent of whether they breastfed or not. "Greater age, higher body mass index, greater number of pregnancies, larger prepregnancy bra size, and smoking were identified as significant independent risk factors for postpregnancy breast ptosis (P < .05)...The risk of breast ptosis increases with each pregnancy, but breastfeeding does not seem to worsen these effects."

Acta Paediatr, 2004 Oct;93(10):1346-8.
Breastfeeding and perceived changes in the appearance of the breasts: a retrospective study.
Pisacane A, Continisio P, Italian Work Group on Breastfeeding.

This is an assessment of interview data from 496 Italian women after the birth of their firstborns in 2002 in general healthcare centers (not plastic surgery centers as in the first study). "Seventy-three percent of the mothers reported that their breasts were different compared with before pregnancy...CONCLUSIONS: In Italy, mothers frequently report that the size and the shape of their breasts have changed after childbirth, but these changes do not seem to be associated with breastfeeding." Again, we're looking at the result that pregnancy can alter the consistency, size, or shape of the breast in the majority of women.

[Continued...]

Too technical? How about WebMD? Common Breast Problems After Breastfeeding
"Your breasts may not return to their pre-breastfeeding size or shape. Some women's breasts stay larger, and others shrink. But sagging or staying full can be as much a result of genetics, weight gain during pregnancy, and age as a result of breastfeeding....Many women have uneven breasts before pregnancy as well as after breastfeeding. It's possible for one breast to return to its pre-pregnancy size after breastfeeding while the other stays larger, or droops, or flattens more. Some women end up with one breast a full cup size smaller or larger than the other after breastfeeding and simply learn to love the body that nourished their babies -- no matter what its shape."

It's great that this was not your personal experience, but please be a little more considerate of the reality that many other women (including a few Bhuzzers who posted here http://www.bhuz.com/forum/off-topic/...-boob-job.html) have not shared in your good fortune of completely recovering their old bodies after childbearing, and this is only one aspect of that. If folks are dying to know, we could discuss the host of other possible postpartum health concerns, but I don't want to waste any more bandwidth. If anyone wants to read abstracts of journal articles discussing surgical correction of urinary and fecal incontinence after pelvic-floor trauma during vaginal deliveries, feel free to go to PubMed.gov and search--there's a ton of them.

Can you be a mom and a successful dancer?

Why not? You can have it all (you may have to work at it). Who says these terms are mutually exclusive (you can have one or the other but not both, for the mathematically challenged)?

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

"Greater age, higher body mass index, greater number of pregnancies, larger prepregnancy bra size, and smoking were identified as significant independent risk factors for postpregnancy breast ptosis (P < .05)...The risk of breast ptosis increases with each pregnancy, but breastfeeding does not seem to worsen these effects."

"Seventy-three percent of the mothers reported that their breasts were different compared with before pregnancy...CONCLUSIONS: In Italy, mothers frequently report that the size and the shape of their breasts have changed after childbirth, but these changes do not seem to be associated with breastfeeding." Again, we're looking at the result that pregnancy can alter the consistency, size, or shape of the breast in the majority of women.

[Continued...]

So what I am reading, Tourbeau, is that pregnancy itself may alter the shape or condition of the breast, but it is NOT breastfeeding that does so, according to the results of the studies.

Frankly, age alters the shape or condition of the breast. So does breast cancer. So does smoking. So does too much sun. So does poor support for large-breasted women.

Irregardless, you can still be a successful dancer and a mom. Even if you have to support your breasts with a bra....oh WAIT...we do that already ..g.:

As I recall, before we got off into the scientific realm of post-pregnancy changes to female physique, the original question simply asked if you could do it. Not if you'd have to make sacrifices, or if your appearance would be slightly altered.

The simple answer is yes.

Gotta agree with Nepenthe, though, I think you'll be less likely to WANT to do as much that demands time away from your family, because suddenly that little bundle becomes everything.

>Can you be a mom and a successful dancer?

I think so too!

Heck, I was already a mom when I learned how to bellydance :-) I was a single mom and used to bring my toddler son (now 15) to class and practice hipwork with him on my hip! And boy howdy, did I ever bounce back from pregnancy (no small feat because I gained 50lbs) a few years later I delivered my daughter (gained 55lbs with her) via emergency C-section (don't much care for that scar), breastfed for over a year (oh how I miss being a C cup) - still have no boobs after all that ..cr.: and as for stretch marks...well, call it anecdotal - but I got them on the areas I didn't slather cream all over - that is to say, I got them on my butt, my outer thighs and even on the insides of my calf muscles.

Currently, I'm a local Pro and stay pretty busy with gigs in the local area. I call that 'successful'. Am I famous? No. But that's okay - I make decent money doing what I love and I get to be home when my kids get off the school bus in the afternoon. Having a supportive spouse has really been the key.

I sometimes ponder what would have been if I had started BD before my daughter was born (she was 6 when I started). Being an admittedly ambitious and type-A kid of person, if I had had more time and money I might very well have gone for the sort of intense, top notch training that could lead to being successful outside of my local scene.

As it is, it didn't turn out that way. However, I am able to dance as my full time occupation, and based on discussions with other local dancers it seems like I'm in at least the top 5 for booking gigs. And that ain't nothing to be sniffed at, IMO.

Originally Posted by Sonja2

So what I am reading, Tourbeau, is that pregnancy itself may alter the shape or condition of the breast, but it is NOT breastfeeding that does so, according to the results of the studies.

I did come across an article that talked specifically about how nursing for a long duration (more than a year), habitual engorgement without expedient milk expression, letting the infant tug on the breasts while nursing, etc. can contribute to a stretching of the lactation mechanisms that may result in an "empty" or "hollow" look to the breast, but it was a general piece, not a scientific journal article, so I didn't link it in. The WebMD page alludes to this effect, and it's not clear whether either of the other articles differentiated between this and other types of sagging, since any of these conditions could end up in a plastic surgeon's office as a consult for aesthetic correction. It's probably difficult to isolate which things contribute, since you can't take an individual back to the end of the pregnancy and see what happens if she doesn't nurse, and there's a definite link between genetics and body resilience, so what happens to someone else may not be personally applicable.

i think as long as you have a supportvie family husband, aunts ,grandparnent then yes you can.

Originally Posted by laura 2

I sometimes ponder what would have been if I had started BD before my daughter was born (she was 6 when I started). Being an admittedly ambitious and type-A kid of person, if I had had more time and money I might very well have gone for the sort of intense, top notch training that could lead to being successful outside of my local scene.

As it is, it didn't turn out that way. However, I am able to dance as my full time occupation, and based on discussions with other local dancers it seems like I'm in at least the top 5 for booking gigs. And that ain't nothing to be sniffed at, IMO.

This is somewhat my story. I did start taking belly dance lessons before my kids were born, but any kind of professional career didn't start until after I moved from Austin to Dallas, when my kids were both preschool age. I don't yet travel for workshops, but I am a pretty successful local dancer. The kids are now in middle school, very sweet and well-adjusted, and I can foresee the time when I may pick up more workshop gigs, especially as I phase myself out of the local restaurant/nightclub scene.

So while I may never reach the heights of fame that Jillina has, I feel like I have been and will continue to be a fairly successful working dancer while raising children. And yes, having a supportive partner has been an absolute cornerstone to my ability to do what I love on a professional basis.

Regardless of being a mother, reaching Jillina status is pretty difficult. Any added responsibilities/commitments (other career, caring for a family member, child, etc.) will make more difficult. Not saying that it is impossible, just that it's, IMO, inevitably more difficult to reach big goals when there's more to the equation. You can replace "successful dancer" with getting your BA/PhD/MD/JD, becoming CEO, etc. and the difficulties are still there.

As for the consistency of breast tissue post pregnancy, a lot also has to do with breast care. period. I breast fed my son for 16 months. I made sure that I moisturized, massaged and wore a supportive bra. At 46 I still have a rack younger women envy. And so do most of the women I know who have done this.

Regardless of childbirth, I think you're very lucky. Bras haven't been proven to make a difference in breast sagging. The Straight Dope: Do bras prevent saggy breasts?

Originally Posted by indigostars

Regardless of being a mother, reaching Jillina status is pretty difficult. Any added responsibilities/commitments (other career, caring for a family member, child, etc.) will make more difficult. Not saying that it is impossible, just that it's, IMO, inevitably more difficult to reach big goals when there's more to the equation. You can replace "successful dancer" with getting your BA/PhD/MD/JD, becoming CEO, etc. and the difficulties are still there.

You are absolutely right. The idea of "you can have/do it all" can really be true . . . but you probably won't be able to do it all well all at the same time.

A simple example from my own life: my household could really use another (regular and reasonable-sized) income, but if I had a "real job" I wouldn't be available to take my mom to dialysis once a week, take both parents to the doc when they need it, pick my kid up from school and bring her home on an occasional Friday afternoon . . . or act on those crazy creative impulses that flood my brain continuously!

Time is my most precious commodity. At least until we can't pay the bills anymore . . . ,r:;

Deborah

Oh yeh, my favorite trick of the media. Blaming us all for 'waiting'. I swear to God, if anyone said this to my face I might just stab them in the eye. Then go on a rampage chasing up and biffing all the non-committal arses I wasted my childbearing years loving.

See, the trick with this one is that we made the foolish mistake of thinking we were worth much. We should have lowered our standards and kept on lowering them till we found someone, *anyone*, who would be prepared to marry us before our eggs started going off at 30. Then we should have spat out a few kids and spent the rest of our lives thanking God that, while we were miserable, at least we *had* a husband and were not tragically alone like all those other women who had strings of lovers, travelled, had careers, changed careers, chose a life with less dishwashing and more gadding about.

Yes, I'm convinced that Heidi Klum is an alien.

Originally Posted by zumarrad

Oh, Delilah has a daughter too! Serena Wilson had a son.

I think also that it's important to look at the nature of the industry and the ages of the dancers. MOST of the successful long-time dancers/now workshop teachers don't have kids that I know of; this is probably one of the reasons they continued to be able to work nights during the heyday of the clubs, without any breaks. Showbiz traditionally has a weighting towards people who don't have children (particularly gay people) because the industry is not wildly family-friendly.

Delilah has 2 Daughters Laura Rose and Victoria both Adults and She as not stopped Dancing, So Yes you Can be a mom and a dancer, life is a delicate balance.