Thread: can you be a mom and successful dancer?

Hi All!

I'm new here after having lurked for a while.

Can you give me your thoughts on this?

I wonder if it is possible to reach a high level of success in bellydance as a mother. I don't mean local gigs, I am wondering about the Jillina, Bozenka, etc. level of dancer.

I don't know of any top performer / workshop instructor today who has kids.

I have heard that dancers in Egypt have kids, but what about US, Canada, Europe.

No BDSS or big headlining teacher that I know of has kids. Am I wrong?

Can you be a mom and be a leading workshop instructor?

what do you think?

Well, Suhaila Salimpour has done all right.

I second Suhaila! Maybe it helps that her mom was also a dancer?

In the end I'd say it depends how much you like to travel away from your family. Skill level and size already disqualify me from the likes of BDSS, but there's also no way I'd want to spend that much time away from my son.

BDSS I believe, when auditioning are asked if they have children or a husband since they will be traveling away from their families a lot. I think it is a NO NO for the BDSS. Am I correct?

Amaya is an international star and raised a daughter.

Melina (Melinda Pavlata), daughter of Rhea, is succeeding as a belly dancer and circus performer while raising a daughter. I would definitely place her in the "star" class.

Also I attended workshops & a show with Dondi in Mass last year (actually it was the annual Viva la Diva Pageant show). She was traveling with her baby, as well as some family helpers.

Rosette

Perhaps the question can be rephrased to: can you be a successful mom and a successful dancer (successful dancer ala BDss/Suhaila/other big names)?

Depends upon what you define successful mom.

Deborah

Bozenka is married and has a child (a daughter, I think?) I took a workshop with her during the first BDSS tour and remember her commenting on how much she missed her husband and kid, but that she was excited for the opportunity to tour.

also depends on what you feel is a success in your dance and your soul.i am my students/dancers mom.thats what i was put here for.i would have no time for a child..and i really have no interest. i teach/coach 5 nights 6 days a week.i still perform, it fills my soul and i am content and happy.

Originally Posted by casbahdance

Perhaps the question can be rephrased to: can you be a successful mom and a successful dancer (successful dancer ala BDss/Suhaila/other big names)?

Depends upon what you define successful mom.

Deborah

I guess a mother who is there for her children and takes an active caregiving role. Successful could mean so many different things. How about not negligent?

Can you travel as much as these big name women travel and be a successful mom?

Originally Posted by Reinaa

BDSS I believe, when auditioning are asked if they have children or a husband since they will be traveling away from their families a lot. I think it is a NO NO for the BDSS. Am I correct?

I can't speak to kids, but they don't have a problem with the dancers being married. My teacher is a current BDSS member and has been married the entire time she's been with the company.

Oh, Delilah has a daughter too! Serena Wilson had a son.

I think also that it's important to look at the nature of the industry and the ages of the dancers. MOST of the successful long-time dancers/now workshop teachers don't have kids that I know of; this is probably one of the reasons they continued to be able to work nights during the heyday of the clubs, without any breaks. Showbiz traditionally has a weighting towards people who don't have children (particularly gay people) because the industry is not wildly family-friendly.

I think BDSS are on the road for months at a time, so IMO no, it's not possible to be a BDSS and a mom at the same time.

But I think being a traveling workshop teacher would certainly be possible with a very supportive husband. Teaching one workshop a month all year long seems possible, I'm assuming that would mean being out of town twice a month, once to teach and once just traveling for exposure and/or continuing your own studies at that level. Plus a week once or twice a year to go to a weeklong seminar or Ahlan Wa Sahlan, Nile Group, etc.

Teaching one workshop a month, after all your expenses, would be a pretty meager income, though. Hopefully it could be supplemented with DVD sales and some local teaching/performing?

Many, many men have successful careers that involve traveling dozens of times a year, they can do it because they have very supportive wives.

Without a deeply committed dad on your side who supports your career, it would take a real support network of loving aunties, etc.

plenty of the BDSS have husbands, and didnt amar gamal just have a baby?

i've met several name workshop instructors with children. their shedule might not be BDSS crazee, but they travel.

Orit springs to mind. had a kid last year, now is going to paris, berlin, italy, etc etc.

Originally Posted by Reinaa

BDSS I believe, when auditioning are asked if they have children or a husband since they will be traveling away from their families a lot. I think it is a NO NO for the BDSS. Am I correct?

It's pretty hard to be a high-level success at any demanding job and a mom, too. Even if you have the support to help you, many women feel conflicted about farming too much of their child rearing onto someone else. It's difficult to be a close part of a child's life when your time and energy are being divided elsewhere. Here are a few more thoughts...

Belly dancing is still not a particularly respectable profession in the eyes of the public. Family members who were tolerant of your career when you were single, may not feel it is "proper" after you are married, and they may double the pressure to quit when you become a mother. Do you really want your child having to explain what you do for a living on career day? Will your dancing cause your child embarrassment? Some choose not to find out.

Belly dancing tends to be a second-shift job. Even if you have someone to take up the childcare slack, you're not going to be home those evenings to do things together as a family. Your husband may be jealous and resentful that you are out "running around" at night, particularly if he works a day job and finds he's on second-shift duty at home. The stress may be compounded if you happen to marry another entertainer (e.g., musician) who also needs to work evenings.

Performing is a competitive business, and becoming pregnant affects your marketability. You may not feel well enough or coordinated enough to dance while pregnant, or your employer may not want you to perform after you start to show. Once you opt out, it's hard to get back in. You may also find that your priorities change after the baby is born, and riding on a wave of oxytocin, you may decide you would rather be a mother than a performer chasing after gigs.

Pregnancy changes your body. Unless you are extremely lucky in a genetic sense, or you are willing to shell out the money for plastic surgery, you will not have the same body you had before. Your body confidence may be shaken, and the fire to push yourself into competition with other dancers who still have unstretched, unsagging bodies may wane.

Teaching is more forgiving of being a mother than being a headlining dancer. Unfortunately, unless you have built the reputation in advance, you can't just declare yourself a workshop teacher after you've had a baby. As soon as you take yourself out of circulation, you reputation will start to decline, and it takes effort to build it back--effort you may not want to exert if your heart is with your family.

Leila of Cairo has a beautiful little boy. Fifi Abdo, Dina and Tahia Carioka all are moms. They don't have the travel schedule, but do/did have the late night schedule and certainly bounced back in terms of fitness.

Originally Posted by zamora

also depends on what you feel is a success in your dance and your soul.i am my students/dancers mom.thats what i was put here for.i would have no time for a child..and i really have no interest. i teach/coach 5 nights 6 days a week.i still perform, it fills my soul and i am content and happy.

Good to hear this perspective!

Yes. You need to be creative, energetic, driven, imaginative, have a good support team... and all the other traits that it takes to be a successful, touring, showbiz livin Bellydancer in the first place.

Originally Posted by sweetiepie

Can you be a mom and be a leading workshop instructor?

Well you can also shift your focus, like Nourhan Sharif. She still teaches, but I think she's spending more time organizing workshops at her school.

Keti Sharif's a new mom and it seems like she spends half her time in Cairo doing workshops.

Success doesn't have to mean extensive travel. I've seen a lot of super-famous dancers never really leave the DC area, or the New York area. Even Suhaila spends MOST of her time in California.

This weekend I took workshops with Hossam and Serena Ramzy. They brought their beautiful boy with them and someone took care of him while they were teaching. Their touring schedule is busy, but they still manage.

Lulu Sabongi seems to have it down to a fine art, but then she does have a supportive husband and team behind her when she's away teaching and performing

most of that you can replace bellydancing by just about any carreer by women that takes them away from the home, on businesstrips, for evening meetings, etc.

i think it's a choice. and men seem to have less of an issue with it still than women do.

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

It's pretty hard to be a high-level success at any demanding job and a mom, too. Even if you have the support to help you, many women feel conflicted about farming too much of their child rearing onto someone else. It's difficult to be a close part of a child's life when your time and energy are being divided elsewhere. Here are a few more thoughts...

Belly dancing is still not a particularly respectable profession in the eyes of the public. Family members who were tolerant of your career when you were single, may not feel it is "proper" after you are married, and they may double the pressure to quit when you become a mother. Do you really want your child having to explain what you do for a living on career day? Will your dancing cause your child embarrassment? Some choose not to find out.

Belly dancing tends to be a second-shift job. Even if you have someone to take up the childcare slack, you're not going to be home those evenings to do things together as a family. Your husband may be jealous and resentful that you are out "running around" at night, particularly if he works a day job and finds he's on second-shift duty at home. The stress may be compounded if you happen to marry another entertainer (e.g., musician) who also needs to work evenings.

Performing is a competitive business, and becoming pregnant affects your marketability. You may not feel well enough or coordinated enough to dance while pregnant, or your employer may not want you to perform after you start to show. Once you opt out, it's hard to get back in. You may also find that your priorities change after the baby is born, and riding on a wave of oxytocin, you may decide you would rather be a mother than a performer chasing after gigs.

Pregnancy changes your body. Unless you are extremely lucky in a genetic sense, or you are willing to shell out the money for plastic surgery, you will not have the same body you had before. Your body confidence may be shaken, and the fire to push yourself into competition with other dancers who still have unstretched, unsagging bodies may wane.

Teaching is more forgiving of being a mother than being a headlining dancer. Unfortunately, unless you have built the reputation in advance, you can't just declare yourself a workshop teacher after you've had a baby. As soon as you take yourself out of circulation, you reputation will start to decline, and it takes effort to build it back--effort you may not want to exert if your heart is with your family.

What Tourbeau said. Also I might add, it depends on when said child comes into the world :-)
I think alot if not all of those big star dancers with kids were allready big star dancers before they started having kids. It would be ten times harder to start from scratch with baby in tow. In fact it is ten times harder to brush my teeth in the morning with babies lol!
I think if you have the time management skills, and ALOT of help anything is attainable.

Originally Posted by Ahmber

What Tourbeau said. Also I might add, it depends on when said child comes into the world :-)
I think alot if not all of those big star dancers with kids were allready big star dancers before they started having kids. It would be ten times harder to start from scratch with baby in tow. In fact it is ten times harder to brush my teeth in the morning with babies lol!
I think if you have the time management skills, and ALOT of help anything is attainable.

I thought about that as well. Most of the big name BD already had a strong career when their children were born. I love Amar Gamal, and was curious of her path now that she has had a child. There's a whole blog & info about her pregnancy & birth. I don't think she has been touring with BDSS for a while now, more activities w Bellyqueen in NYC.
Your child is raised with the love & grace you give, any career impacts your day to day life but the particulars are unique to each family. Not to overstate the obvious, - I am not a big name, [nor even a small "name", for that matter ] nevertheless an active working Bellydancer since before birth of my son. I don't think he would trade me in for a "non-show-biz" mom for anything!! But, if I were something else, that would be fine with him too. We make our own paths...with help

Good to hear this perspective!

you will always get the "childlees by choice" from me. i am an only child of older parents, no cousins etc.personally, i follow the addage of old hollywood...art and kids = no.

or ..childfree by choice....!

There is also an adage here that says if you want to be taken seriously (i.e. being able to go at the drop of a hat,) don't get a cat.

I think this depends on many factors. The first is what do you feel it takes to be a successful Mom. I left the production side of the movie industry because I was a single Mom and even with a good support system, I didn't want someone I paid raising my son. I didn't feel that that choice was what was best for my child.

Which leads to the second: If I had had a spouse who was a good father and was supportive of my choices, then I probably would have been more willing to work the 16 hour days, 6 days a week while in production.

Third: Financially, is there enough money to make it worth your while. Not saying this is all earned money. You could be independently wealthy for all we know and the money isn't an issue. But if you are thinking about traveling with your child - even if s/he only visits on occasion, it still increases costs.

Those are just some thought off the top of my head. I have friends here who are professional musicians who tour frequently and are parents. As someone said, it seems to be easier for men than for women to do this, but from most I know, it's still hard.

{{HUGS}}}

Dang, Tourbeau, you make children seem like a wreck to a dance career and a body. There are lots of lovely figures and lovely tummies out there that have born children and aren't "saggy and baggy".

I think becoming a "high profile" dancer is just difficult, period. Children may add complication, but PLENTY of high profile celebrities, singers, actors, and dancers do it.

It's very possible. Suhaila is a prime example. However, it's more of a question of do you have what it takes to become a high profile dancer in the first place?

I do agree with what some others have said--it would be much easier to manage if you achieved high profile status first, before children.

Frankly, though, if you have the skill and talent and (let's face it, groan, "look") then you can do it, and screw what anyone else tells you.

Originally Posted by Sonja2

Dang, Tourbeau, you make children seem like a wreck to a dance career and a body. There are lots of lovely figures and lovely tummies out there that have born children and aren't "saggy and baggy".

YMMV, of course. Mostly it comes down to genetics and how old you are. Young bodies tend to be more resilient, but if you have a predisposition to stretch marks, it's still going to trip you up. If you breastfeed for the recommended full year, you'll probably see more sagging down the road than if you dry up the milk supply as soon as the baby is born. And if you "eat for two" to the point that you put on a lot of unnecessary weight, you'll be paying for it later in loose flesh, just like any other overweight person does.

People have become so used to seeing celebrities bounce back from pregnancy looking perfect that it's easy to forget most of them are having plastic surgery to achieve that look (or at least they're being liberally Photoshopped). Sorry, but pregnancy will make changes to the flatness of your abdomen and the consistency of your breasts. It doesn't mean it won't still be attractive, but that's just the way the human body works. How much you'll be able to regain postpartum of your old look is hard to determine, but if I could unlock the secret of how to control what happens to a woman's body after she has a baby, I'd be a millionaire.