Thread: The things students say...

...can sometimes make you sad, on the other hand...

A new student (in her second class) said to me last night.
"I tried to persuade friends to come with me and one laughed at me :saying..belly dancing:That's like stripping, no way would I do that"
She went on "Isn't that sad.?I tried to tell her it's not a bit like that"

How sad I am that her friends think like that BUT how great do I feel that after one lesson she knew there was so much more to the dance than it's only being part of the sex industry.
As you probably know I am not anti strip tease..in fact..I love to watch good "burley". But I am so pleased that a newbie (probably my oldest student) has got a grip that this is a social dance, can be a classy performance dance and is a great way to tone and keep fit .
What's been said to you by a new student that raises the hackles and/or warms the cockles of the heart?

Just last night as I was walking out of class with another teacher friend of mine, we ran into a friend of hers. She tried to convince her to take a class. The woman said "I'd throw my back out..I have too much belly in front!" :sigh: I work hard to emphasize to my students that we celebrate the body in all shapes and sizes. It's not about being thin. It's aout being healthy, walking tall and celebrating the dance. Sterotypes have not only placed a strip tease image in society's head, but also an image of a model thin dancer.

Nilaja

i've had a student from the class before mine tell me, i always wanted to take bellydancing but i heard it was really hard on your back... well.. yeah if you dont bend your knees or keep proper posture... it makes me wonder how many people don't take the class because of those misconceptions..

After one class with me... I had a student roundabout say she preferred another teacher in town who recently moved away.

I know this "Egyptian" style teacher to be a very poor dancer. She took classes for about 6 months and trained with a local teacher who dances AmCab/loose fusion before starting to teach.

She said my class was very hard even though I used the same class outline I do for other beginners, and the others in class were keeping up very well. The problem was that she thought she was an advanced dancer, and ignored my instructions. So we had to spend time correcting poor technique. I was as tender and discreet as possible, but I just can't ignore the flailing and ignoring of my instructions.

She said the other teacher's classes were really easy and that she really liked her approach. Then, she proceeded to tell me which ways to teach are more effective than mine. Oh! And what music to use, and also that I should use her old dance space because it's better.

It should come as no surprise that as class went along, she had no idea what chiftitelli, beledi, or saidi were.

She just kept looking at me like I had no clue what I was doing, ignoring my instructions and doing her own thing.

"Let's keep it slow... put your hands on your body, and follow me"

Nothing. I swear I was talking Chinese! She just kept flailing about at warp speed.

That'll get your haunches up!

*snit*

Why bother taking a class if you know everything already?!?!




Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ (Glad I got that off my chest here and not in class).

ah, the 'I know everything better because this other teacher made me feel like an advanced dancer'. It's so hard to keep correcting people that ignore your sugeestions over and over again.

I was pleasantly suprised that one of my newbie students that insists on 'dancing as she pleases' did a hipdrop correctly AND found the rythm in the music. I've been correcting her for ages and she finally decided that education will not cramp her style. Yay!

yup i've had the student with "experience" look at me like i'm an idiot phenom. all i can think during this is if your teacher is soo hawt why are you in my class?? tina

I have a very dedicated student who's been coming to me for over a year now, a dear sweet girl who's making progress and taking classes with others and really enriching herself, whose husband has a problem with her dancing. He "won't let" her perform in student shows, instructed her to cover her belly in the one show he did "let" her participate in, and told her not to tell his family about the show. It wasn't my show - it was her other teacher. She had a great time (and apparently he did too), and she came away from it glowing, with that great rush you get when you start performing, and bonding with your fellow students. It breaks my heart that the man she loves has such a dark, distorted idea of this dance, and that anyone could be subject to their husband...I understand that that's how it is sometimes, but it makes me very sad. He's not Middle Eastern, meaning that he doesn't come from a culture with those hangups, but he apparently approves of those hangups. Gahhhh!

the "won't let her dance" thing is not just a MED thing. i get it all the time. hubby won't let them dance, what would the neighbors/employers think etc. i'm covered in class & dance in appropriate gear so i ASSUME i'm modeling correct behavior & i still get this. tina

That's a shame that this student and her husband had a great time at a show but he still won't let her perform. You'd think that being at a hafla and seeing his wife's happiness would change his mind.

Originally Posted by lizajuk

.

A new student (in her second class) said to me last night.
"I tried to persuade friends to come with me and one laughed at me :saying..belly dancing:That's like stripping, no way would I do that"

This was COMPLETELY me. I literally said nearly those exact words once upon a time. But one day a friend of mine confided she had secretly been taking bellydance classes without telling me (for fear I would tease her), and wanted to tell me that it wasn't at all like I thought and I simply MUST come to class to try and it and see for myself.

I decided to go. Even if I didn't like it, at least I would have tried it.

And now it is my life's work.

Tell her friend THAT story! LOL

My favorite recent comment from a students was that my class was the high point of her week.

That makes me veddy happy!

I had a student come to me and say I WANT TO PERFORM! I was like WOW ok cool, she had taken one class before with abother teacher, so we started working on fine tuning things, and introducing her to coreograpy, she prematurely baught a costume and we were planing on doing a show in feb march (student hafla) she then came to me saying she couldnt do it any more becuse of the hubby, doesnt like the idea. I assumed it was the costume part, i said well no big deal we will just cover you from head to foot, body stocking, harrem pants, beledi dress, gwahezee coat etc..... I even sent her some of shiras articles......the next week called and cancelled and wanted her money back, I then saw her a few weeks back at a wine tasting She saw me turned pale, and I smiled and waved all excited to see her.....she turned and ran......toaly weird I dont think that Ipushed it too much.......maybe she showed her hubby the articles and he freaked, i dont know but she wont even talk to me......totaly weird.....darn hubbys

Well, to be honest, you should NOT have encouraged a student who had so little experience to perform! A gentle, "Yes, grasshopper, in time," would have done the trick. LOL Seriously, though, encouraging students to perform after so little experience, or allowing their exuberance to drive you to push them forward too swiftly, when they are really really really not ready, is a disservice to both the student and the dance form! I know it's hard to say "no" to an excited student, but much like a parent, sometimes "no" is really the best thing you can do for them. And while you risk losing that student, you can know you did the right thing by them and the art form and community at large.

It was just a student hafla though (I assume an informal setting, no gp in attendance, maybe mums/dads/husbands)- not the Albert Hall. Yeah, get them all up there, give them something to show off & get exited about ! Though you'd have your work cut out if the lady litterally only had 1 actual lesson before, I'm assuming this means she took a 1 x 10 week course or something somewhere else.

Originally Posted by annwyn

i dont know but she wont even talk to me......totaly weird.....darn hubbys

You'll never know - it could be that they mis-interpreted lots of things. Or it could be she is embarrassed as her enthusiasm and later withdrawal. Or maybe she is one of those that thinks the teacher takes it personally when someone attends or stops attending something. Keep smiling and saying hello !

OH YES YES YES only a student hafla, like a recital....i was planning one for the spring......

It seems to me that the more super-enthusiastic they are about performing, the less likely it is that I'll see them again after their first class.

Originally Posted by phillyraqs

That's a shame that this student and her husband had a great time at a show but he still won't let her perform. You'd think that being at a hafla and seeing his wife's happiness would change his mind.

Ah, but it's not about her, it's about him-his hangups and insecurities.

I had a student come to me and say I WANT TO PERFORM! I was like WOW ok cool, she had taken one class before with abother teacher, so we started working on fine tuning things, and introducing her to coreograpy, she prematurely baught a costume and we were planing on doing a show in feb march (student hafla) she then came to me saying she couldnt do it any more becuse of the hubby, doesnt like the idea. I assumed it was the costume part, i said well no big deal we will just cover you from head to foot, body stocking, harrem pants, beledi dress, gwahezee coat etc..... I even sent her some of shiras articles......the next week called and cancelled and wanted her money back, I then saw her a few weeks back at a wine tasting She saw me turned pale, and I smiled and waved all excited to see her.....she turned and ran......toaly weird I dont think that Ipushed it too much.......maybe she showed her hubby the articles and he freaked, i dont know but she wont even talk to me......totaly weird.....darn hubbys

OR, she could have been having a manic episode when she signed up.

Originally Posted by jilyan

It seems to me that the more super-enthusiastic they are about performing, the less likely it is that I'll see them again after their first class.

Similar thing with me. It seems like whenever I have a student tell me at the very first class that they love BD, have wanted to do it forever, plan on practicing every night, want to take additional classes and workshops, etc., they are 9 times out of 10 the ones who miss half the classes, or completely disappear after one or two lessons. ..c::

Originally Posted by jilyan

It seems to me that the more super-enthusiastic they are about performing, the less likely it is that I'll see them again after their first class.

With me, it's likely I'll never see them again after their first performance. I have my student showcase every spring - I work my students HARD for this show - extra practices, extra classes, etc.

The ones that are all gung-ho about the performance and class before the show completely disappear after the show is done. It starts off that they need a "break" and will be back in a few weeks - and then I never see them again....

the first to buy stuff are the first to quit. this has held true with me for 6 years. tina

I must be the exception to this. After one workshop and watching one show, I was the one saying to the teacher,"I want to join your troupe!" All gung-ho. And I stayed with it. You couldn't get me to stop practicing. A year later and I was asked to join the group.
This is why whenever I see discussions about putting students off of performing I disagree, they will find a way because they just may have gotten hooked after one class and they so desperately need guidance and encouragement. Because I was already a trained dancer in other forms, I felt challenged and excited by the technique that I couldn't get right away and needed to practice. I was intrigued by the music's timing and that I had to practice that, because I didn't get it right away either. Everything about the dance intrigued me, and I threw myself into it unlike any other dance form I've studied.
And I was performing what little I knew right away at friend's parties, open mic nights at cafes, etc., ie non-pro events because the performing aspect of it is as important as your technique classes.
If someone is serious about performing, they need to begin practicing in front of an audience to get those performance skills.

Originally Posted by laura 2

Similar thing with me. It seems like whenever I have a student tell me at the very first class that they love BD, have wanted to do it forever, plan on practicing every night, want to take additional classes and workshops, etc., they are 9 times out of 10 the ones who miss half the classes, or completely disappear after one or two lessons. ..c::

This is my experience 99% of the time, as well. I have had a few who stuck it out and are still enthusiastic, fabulous students. So there are exceptions. But in general, the more wide-eyed they are on the first day, it is a sign of them approaching it very lightly, thinking it will be easy, or an answer to some prayer of theirs, or what have you. And they are the ones who, when they discover what hard work it actually is, find that their expectations and reality are depressingly far apart and they quit.

Originally Posted by melania

I must be the exception to this. After one workshop and watching one show, I was the one saying to the teacher,"I want to join your troupe!" All gung-ho. And I stayed with it. You couldn't get me to stop practicing. A year later and I was asked to join the group.
This is why whenever I see discussions about putting students off of performing I disagree, they will find a way because they just may have gotten hooked after one class and they so desperately need guidance and encouragement. Because I was already a trained dancer in other forms, I felt challenged and excited by the technique that I couldn't get right away and needed to practice. I was intrigued by the music's timing and that I had to practice that, because I didn't get it right away either. Everything about the dance intrigued me, and I threw myself into it unlike any other dance form I've studied.
And I was performing what little I knew right away at friend's parties, open mic nights at cafes, etc., ie non-pro events because the performing aspect of it is as important as your technique classes.
If someone is serious about performing, they need to begin practicing in front of an audience to get those performance skills.

Yeah, I was one of those, too. I was really enthusiastic right from the get-go, probably because I was 16 when I started and completely in love with sparkly things. Then again, my first performance, after about a year of classes, was not my own idea -- my best friend signed me up for it without telling me until it was too late to back out. I'd still be mad at her if it hadn't turned out as well as it did. :)

Originally Posted by laura 2

Similar thing with me. It seems like whenever I have a student tell me at the very first class that they love BD, have wanted to do it forever, plan on practicing every night, want to take additional classes and workshops, etc., they are 9 times out of 10 the ones who miss half the classes, or completely disappear after one or two lessons. ..c::

Well, I have several aquaintances who are very excited, always wanted to do this, etc, can't believe that I am "still doing this at my age" (Ok, folks I am no spring chicken, but I am not even close to using a walker ..l;, )

but then never even try a first class, because they won't be "caught dead" showing their belly (literal quote), and that they need to lose weight before starting to dance. When I mention that it might be a good way to incorporate this "excercise" in a weight loss or they don't have to show anything, it doesn't convince anybody. I guess there is a lot of 'splaining Sigh!

Originally Posted by Adishakti

After one class with me... I had a student roundabout say she preferred another teacher in town who recently moved away.

I know this "Egyptian" style teacher to be a very poor dancer. She took classes for about 6 months and trained with a local teacher who dances AmCab/loose fusion before starting to teach.

She said my class was very hard even though I used the same class outline I do for other beginners, and the others in class were keeping up very well. The problem was that she thought she was an advanced dancer, and ignored my instructions. So we had to spend time correcting poor technique. I was as tender and discreet as possible, but I just can't ignore the flailing and ignoring of my instructions.

She said the other teacher's classes were really easy and that she really liked her approach. Then, she proceeded to tell me which ways to teach are more effective than mine. Oh! And what music to use, and also that I should use her old dance space because it's better.

It should come as no surprise that as class went along, she had no idea what chiftitelli, beledi, or saidi were.

She just kept looking at me like I had no clue what I was doing, ignoring my instructions and doing her own thing.

"Let's keep it slow... put your hands on your body, and follow me"

Nothing. I swear I was talking Chinese! She just kept flailing about at warp speed.

That'll get your haunches up!

*snit*

Why bother taking a class if you know everything already?!?!




Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ (Glad I got that off my chest here and not in class).

There's no getting anywhere with people like that - I have at times noticed the looks on the faces of other students when this type of person flounces about in class. Illuminating!!

Originally Posted by tattood1

the "won't let her dance" thing is not just a MED thing. i get it all the time. hubby won't let them dance, what would the neighbors/employers think etc. i'm covered in class & dance in appropriate gear so i ASSUME i'm modeling correct behavior & i still get this. tina

Yup ! men like this are all around - takes me all my time not to slap them - or the women who think similarily - perhaps I'm getting old and jaded - but it's taking more effort now to go into my " oh my goodness, (friendly giggle) where DID you see what was called bellydancing? then launch into "educational speech". grumbles !!!!

I tend to throw myself into things with everything I've got- I don't see the point in doing things half assed.....My problem has never been my problem. It has always been someone elses.

'You're not thin, beautiful and gorgeous...no one wants to see a fat chick dance no matter how good she is'....that is the crap that people drum into your head. While telling you your weight doesn't matter, its all about the dance...blah blah freakin blah....
Yeah right. If no one wants to see fat women dance- someone should tell all those BBW Bellydancers out there to not bother with costuming...save your money, just dance in your loungeroom to DVD's.
As far as I am concerned- anyone who believes that crap needs their heads read. Honestly.

For me- something positive:
As I've only been a student- one of the things thats been awesome for myself- because I love bellydance in all its forms, and my family see that- my mother (49yo) and my sister (22yo) have begun bellydance lessons too...and my 10yo daughter wants to start as well.....its awesome to have been the catalyst for them to want to do it- my mum had wanted to do it for years, but always put it off...so when she and my sister came to visit me, and we had a lesson just the three of us and my then teacher, and my mum picked up a veil- I watched her light up inside as she flung it around...I think she'd be an awesome veil dancer- it just seemed to really suit her- she just looked very natural doing it...It makes all the stress I've had in my first experiences with bellydance just that much better.

Hmmm...I don't think it came out quite how I intended, but I hope any teachers who teach the 'its all about the dance' and then refuse to put a fat girl in their troupe because they'll lose work, because "no one wants to see a fat girl dance"- will rethink their strategy. If you are going to raise a girls hopes at performing, then dash them because of her weight- be honest. Don't bull to her. If this is your rule, then stick to teaching skinny chicks who want to perform- it will save some poor girls esteem, and her confidence when you dash her hopes to nothing.

Originally Posted by tattood1

the "won't let her dance" thing

sounds like she's got much more troubling questions than "should i be a dance student?"
perhaps she should start with "why am i letting this man control my life?" wonder if she can forbid him from participating in his areas of interest?