Thread: Do you get the same wierd looks and sniggers????

I have just set up a couple of classes in a very fast paced happening part of the UK. And still the venue owners and managers give me that funny look or snigger when I mention that I want to do Belly Dance classes.

Do many of you avoid mentioning that BD word?

Or have any of you got good come backs?

Siouxsie

depending on the situation, i will say "Middle Eastern dance" (doesn't work if you do tribal) or i will say bellydance proudly and make then question why they want to snicker-since i obviously am serious and don't see anything wrong with it.
you don't want to plant bad ideas in their head, if you say "you know it's not like stripping" or something similar, they might not have had that assumption and you just made the connection for them. if they aren't coming up with any specific comments you can address, just look at them puzzled and say "what's so funny" or something like that. it will give you a place to go from, and a way to gage how much education they can take/what specifically you can address

I see you are amused, may I address your concerns or answer your questions??

No.

Me either.

I think maybe I scare them...l;,

You find zees amusing do you? Let me assure you, Der Fuhrer does NOT!

I've got a sense of humor about the image of the dance and myself...to a point and a deadly "No, you didn't just embarrass yourself by implying that" look.

Both serve me well.

Funny.

I have interviewed several key practitioners in the field and one question I pose gets a straight answer, it is related to the above.

I ask them when they are at a social party and someone invariably asks you what you do for a living, do you say Belly Dance?

They say no, I think only one is the many I have asked mentioned Middle Eastern Dance.

I wonder if that has changed over the last 5 years. Are we able to declare it more proudly?

As for the humour in your exchanges above, it is true.

I have started these classes after a good 1 1/2 year break and I just forgot the responses people give you, it does amuse/frighten and concern me in equal measure.

Siouxsie

In social situations, I tend to avoid the words "belly dance" as much as possible. I only say it when I have exhausted all of the other possibilities and the person keeps pressing the subject.

Me: "...You'll have to go without me, I'm busy on Wednesday nights. I have a class."
Them: "What kind of class?"
Me: "A dance class."
Them: "Really? What kind of dancing?"
Me: "It's folk dancing."
Them: "Oh, that sounds like fun. From like all different countries?"
Me: "No, mostly Mediterranean."
Them: "Like Italy and Greece?"
Me: "No, but sometimes we do line dances that are similar to theirs."
Them: "Well, what countries them?"
Me: "Primarily Egypt and Lebanon, but also other countries that border the southern and eastern Mediterranean coasts and the rest of the Near East."
Them: "That's not like 'belly dancing,' is it?"
Me: "Some people call it that, but there's more to the folk dancing from those countries than just what people think of when they hear 'belly dancing.'"

At this point, the conversation usually forks one of these possibilities:

Woman saying she's always wanted to take a class but never had the nerve.
Man or woman saying a distant relative once took a belly dancing class (sometimes with an added whiff of derision over such folly).
Man looking embarrassed.
Man or woman giving you a suspicious look like they never suspected you were "hot to trot" (bonus points if the man says he's tried to convince his wife to "try it," like it's some kind of kink you do to spice up your blah sex life).
Man or woman reacting with horror and winding up the conversation immediately.

I'm not aggressively looking for performance opportunities with the GP, so skirting the subject doesn't cost me business. When I am promoting myself as a dancer, I emphasize "belly dance" when I want to sell the entertainment angle, and "Middle Eastern Dance" when I want to emphasize the educational or cultural aspects, but since, as I said, I'm not hustling for restaurant or party gigs, MED is my standard descriptor.

There's no (honest) way around answering the question when someone asks what you do for a living and it's your only job. I could avoid the words 'belly dance' but, as Tourbeau describes above, that just leads to a circular conversation that winds up there anyway -- and I come off looking like I'm ashamed/embarassed to admit what I do, which only makes it worse.

Around here, the dance I do is called 'belly dance' by pretty much everyone. To call it something else in casual conversation makes it look like I'm trying to hide my shameful career.

I'm encouraged by the generational nature of the sniggering though. It's mostly folks aged 50+ who give me that reaction. The ones who remember when it was marketed in the 70s as some kind of marital aid. (not that there's anything wrong with that, it was very progressive for women in that era to take control of their sexuality and it needed to happen!)

The younger the person I'm talking to is, the cooler they think it is that I'm a bellydancer.

The only time it was a problem was when I was dating. Many men my age (mid-40s) and above don't tend to see a professional bellydancer as a serious potential mate. Just like we always hear about Middle Eastern men -- they may think it's a wonderful art form and have no issues with the dance, but not my wife or daughters, please.

For me, my problem is not solely about what/how the GP react to me being a dancer..I am also concerned about what they have seen previously and liken me to.

I do not always trust that their 'misconception' is born purely out of fantasy but what they may have seen elsewhere.

It is often waaaayyy too long winded to talk about different approaches/styles and variations within our own communities, so I generally avoid it.

I choose carefully now, and only explain when it is very important to do so.

I am interested in dancers collectively discussing wider implications in places like forums... this needs to be done inconjuction with GP education.

It can get terribly complicated! ..g.:

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

In social situations, I tend to avoid the words "belly dance" as much as possible. I only say it when I have exhausted all of the other possibilities and the person keeps pressing the subject.

Me: "...You'll have to go without me, I'm busy on Wednesday nights. I have a class."
Them: "What kind of class?"
Me: "A dance class."
Them: "Really? What kind of dancing?"
Me: "It's folk dancing."
Them: "Oh, that sounds like fun. From like all different countries?"
Me: "No, mostly Mediterranean."
Them: "Like Italy and Greece?"
Me: "No, but sometimes we do line dances that are similar to theirs."
Them: "Well, what countries them?"
Me: "Primarily Egypt and Lebanon, but also other countries that border the southern and eastern Mediterranean coasts and the rest of the Near East."
Them: "That's not like 'belly dancing,' is it?"
Me: "Some people call it that, but there's more to the folk dancing from those countries than just what people think of when they hear 'belly dancing.'"

At this point, the conversation usually forks one of these possibilities:

Woman saying she's always wanted to take a class but never had the nerve.
Man or woman saying a distant relative once took a belly dancing class (sometimes with an added whiff of derision over such folly).
Man looking embarrassed.
Man or woman giving you a suspicious look like they never suspected you were "hot to trot" (bonus points if the man says he's tried to convince his wife to "try it," like it's some kind of kink you do to spice up your blah sex life).
Man or woman reacting with horror and winding up the conversation immediately.

That looks about right, EXCEPT this summer, we went through the usual rigamarole & the guy says "oh, my wife & I just got back from Morrocco- do you know anything about Morrocan music?"

Be still, my beating heart!

& I've been getting more genuinely curious responses from men lately- & not in a skeevy way. don't know why the change, but happy for it!

so the GP can still surprise me!

GP is different from going to studios/gyms/parks & rec dept. looking for space, tho- there, if I don't say belly dance, they just get a blank look on their face. Once someone asked if I meant Israeli dance, finally I gave in & said belly dance & got an 'oh, yeah, why didn't you just say so' response. Mostly I get a positive response, because our town does have a long history of BDers in town, occasionally I get "we're not interested in THAT here" and I wonder what they think "THAT" is, but I don't press it.

LOL these accounts and thinking through the situation are great, absolute gems.

Very funny and so complicated, it is so complicated.

Siouxsie

I had really hoped that some of the lack of education about the dance and the stigma would have evaporated during the time I took off.

Alas!

Well, having a sense of humor helps. But boy oh boy some of the stuff I went through when I was performing every night. There's a social cost, sometimes a heavy one.

As far as teaching is concerned, part of the trouble is that people don't really know what I do. Is it like pole dancing? so forth.

Oy.

In self defense I decided to do some film. I lost tons of my stuff including films over the years so here I am, grandma, gonna do film.

AAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

We did a few minutes the other night in the studio, just goofing around. My students conscientiously underexposed me. I'm dark anyway. Black hair, black leotard. My face is invisible.

NO WRINKLES. Hooray.

It is to laugh...l;,

I tell people as often that I belly dance professionally as I tell them that I am an Executive Life Coach with a Sub-specialty in Anger Management. Most simply blink at both. Can't quiet reconcile either. Then to completely boggle their poor little linear brains, I tell them about my Masters in Spiritual Psychology. . .

Yes, I have my evil moments.

{{{HUGS}}}

I start dancing energetically (and with an air of confrontation) to music that is suddenly just playing, and people gather around yelling, "Aawwww, you just got served!"

Belly Dance Off.

"venue owners and managers give me that funny look or snigger "
Perhaps, look at them with genuine, deep concern and ask in your sweetest voice, " Are you OK?" then say nothing. First one to speak loses...