Thread: Mentor Questions

This might be a silly question, but I've never had a mentor in anything so I don't know how the whole relationship works. I figure that it's someone you take group and/or private classes from, someone you can come to with questions and in search of guidance. It's the second part that I'm confused about because people are busy and they cannot be expected to give way their precious time without any compensation, or can they?? So do you pay your mentor to meet you for lunch or whatever when you need help with something outside of technique?? Do you ask someone if they want to be your mentor?? Or is it something that grows out of the work you do in private lessons??
Feel free to share your experiences on either side of the equation.
Break it down to me like you would to a 5-year-old

Hmm, this is a good question, Athallia. I never had a mentor in relation to dance unless I am thinking of my adviser back in college.

A mentor can be someone you take classes from, not necessarily through a private course. I don't think you need to ask someone if he/she wants to be your mentor. There's no harm asking if wanted. I think it'll be quite a compliment for the person?

Out of courtesy and wanting to know her on a person level, I would take my mentor out for lunches here and there if I had one.Some students approach me on more personal level when they are comfortable with me. I usually don't expect compensation for the wee bit of time given to them, depending on the help they require. It could make a difference to them. In return, those who reciprocate my advice/help, they would often buy gifts as appreciation.

Hope this helps
:)

If I was a metor.......which I dont think I am at the point yet where I can mentor someone.....But I would choose the person...if they came to me, I liked them and we became freinds but I was at a higher level than them I would give my time away for free becuse I liked them and would want them to grow........but then again maybe that is why I got myself into the situation with the diva thread.....

I think that I am becoming a somewhat of a mini-mentor to one fellow student. The Japanese term of "sempai" would be closer to the fact (not instructor, sensei, but an older person/ person with more experience in the same field/club/sport who acts as big sister/brother. )We're in the same class, but there is a range of levels and styles in that class.

She's a wonderful dancer. Last year something about our similar body types (she's curvy for the average Japanese student, sort of Aziza) and general style/attitude made me realize that this is a girl I'd like to do duet work with or simply do events with. She almost always comes to shows if I am dancing and I've talked to her about the fact that, no, I really would like to work with her. It took her a while to believe me.

We tend to come to class early and sit in the changing room and catch up. She a few months ago she expressed an interest in studying from me, doing privates, or having me over for a nice meal and such to help her. I am not ready to teach, I know this and I told her this. But I also told her that I'd make a habit of coming early and going over things when I could because I realized that I could help her in small ways by introducing her a wider range of dvds, music, techniques and costuming or explaing in a combination of English and Japanese, points she might not have understood (classes are held in English)

Over the last few months I've been organizing DVD swaps with her and talking about music and costuming and what might be worth looking into. She always returns DVD's or Cds with bath products or small gifts. I give her feedback when she performs and have asked her to be one of the dancers at my opening reception, because I think that she needs to get out an perform more.

Personally I'd ask a potential mentor if he/she would mind you contacting them about issues or questions you have. If you have something that you'd really like to discuss at lenght or work on asking them if you could compensate them for their time, maybe with a nice meal as you talk or....and and see how they react.

My dance mentor is my mum, my first teacher. Our dance student/teacher relationship developed independently of our parent/child relationship. I don't take regular classes with her anymore but I work through my dance development with her through discussion and working on professional projects together.

She also took me through my teacher training (in house at the school) and provides constant support and feedback when I am developing a syllabus or teaching choreography.

The mentoring relationship developed quite without effort through long dance related association and I know mum shares similar relationships with other former students that now have their own studios and students and professional dancing life. Our dance related contact is based around email communication, phone calls, project related scheduled meetings or a casual coffee which is more of a gossip really but keeps me in touch with what is happening in the community/industry.

My teacher became my mentor in terms of she still gives me guidance and advice and lives 100's of miles away. She was always here for me when she lived here, and still is always there for me now. She encourages and helps me through weird situations, and is still very much my muse. And not for a single penny. I think if you would like a "private coach" or something of that sort, one who trains you through private lessons, and advises you, there would need to be some charge.

My thoughts, for whatever they're worth (?):
I've always understood mentoring to be something that is driven by altruistic motives (on the part of the mentor) and which develops gradually and spontaneously between the mentor and the mentoree (hmmm, is that a real word?). The degree of energy and involvement is highly variable; you could "do a little mentoring" with someone or you could be someone's Mentor with a capitol M for their whole career. The idea of "asking someone to be your mentor" sounds a little odd to me; I think of it as something that develops naturally rather than based on a formal agreement. Also I think if someone is paying you, you're not being a "mentor" but some other thing that people expect to pay for (teacher, tutor, counsellor, coach -?).
Rosette

I was all set to type an answer and Rosette did it for me. so, ditto what she said. :) I don't think you need to set out to find one specific Mentor with an M to help you out. many, many times in my dance life I have asked dancers I admire, or with experience in an area I'd like to learn more about, for advice or ideas or whatever and it seems everyone is always happy to help out if they can. I always try to return the favor anytime anybody asks me for help or advice. The situations develop naturally as Rosette describes - I've never had somebody ask me Will You Be My Mentor? - and it would never cross my mind to expect payment for it. rather, I'm honored that they asked me and happy to be able to give whatever I can.

The whole concept of a Mentoring (with an M) relationship seems to be evolving in recent years. I've heard of programs for young execs that match them up with someone who's supposed to be their Mentor, and programs in the schools that sound a lot like Big Brothers/Big Sisters where you volunteer your time to be a kids' mentor. IOW, very formalized arrangements where people are matched up with a Mentor they've never even met.

I wish this new phenom would be given a new name, because it's muddying up the meaning of the word, and I *really* liked what it used to mean.