Thread: I'm not sure how to help this student!

I got this message from a student. She had never studied any form of dance before, even casual dancing or just connecting with music by moving her body. (I think perhaps she was from a very strict religious background.) I actually thought she was doing fine, she only attended 2 or 3 classes:

"I am not going to be attending the begining bellydance class anymore this session. I took it to challenge myself, and it really has been a challenge for me, on multiple levels.

I have decided I need to work on some very basic awareness of how my body moves, as well as become more comfortable with my body in motion before i will be able to regularly attend and practice for any kind of dance class. I feel as though the begining class is simply too advanced for my skill level, I feel frustrated and confused and that hampers my ability to learn, and certainly takes the joy out of it.

I really appreciate the opportunity your class has given me to learn about myself. I am not sure what my next step ought to be, but if you have any suggestions for remedial movement and body awareness improvement, they would be welcome!"

I need to reply to her very soon. I drafted the following messsage to her:

I am so sorry that you feel that you can't continue with the class. I understand that learning to dance can be confusing and frustrating. From my point of view you were doing just fine as a brand new student. Perhaps you were over thinking? It takes thousands of repetitions of a movement to get it ingrained into muscle memory, so the only thing I can recommend is to keep moving and keep trying. It is not possible to master dance moves in a few weeks, but it should be enjoyable to make the attempt. I feel that I let you down as a teacher if the class was not rewarding or fun for you on any level. I hope that you will consider coming back or taking beginning belly dance classes from another teacher. The basic movements of the dance are excellent for increasing body awareness and control. I really can't think of anything that would be better, but perhaps you would enjoy taking a yoga class.

All my sincere best wishes for you in any endeavor that you undertake and for your journey of learning about your body and how it moves.

I don't know what else to say to her, any suggestions welcome! It kind of breaks my heart because she told me she was sincerely interested in learning to dance.

I was going to suggest that she takes a yoga class for a couple of terms or so, then try bellydance again, she may have more confidence after yoga lessons. Also Tai Chi is another form that may help her self awareness, it is gentle and slow moving and takes steady discipline.

I think your student sounds like a very nice person, and is just finding it very hard to find herself. Your teaching style has nothing to do with her her difficulties. Hopefully she will eventually return to your classes.

There is a dance/healing form called Nia that an old belly dance chum of mine was enjoying immensely that is supposed to be geared towards healthy movement and bodily awareness. I have no idea if it really is any good, and I'm always a bit suspicious of these organised cosmic things, but... it could be just what the doctor ordered.

So of course could belly dance, but it sounds like she has some emotional issues she needs to work around that are making it harder for her just to relax and let it come in time. Maybe this healing form could help?

Originally Posted by Mosaika

I was going to suggest that she takes a yoga class for a couple of terms or so,

i was gunna say yoga too

I was going to suggest that she take a year & really learn who she is as an individual. She may have been expecting too much from herself, too. I automatically thought of yoga, too, but then will she feel that that is too much for her, too? She may have some emotional issues like someone said. I would suggest meditation, a time to be quiet & listen. It would probably be nice if she simply got out more, like taking a class at adult education. Since they're only 2 or 3 classes each, she can do a variety of things & maybe find out who she is. She may also feel that everyone else in the class is doing better than she is & feel intimidated. There are a few ladies in my class & sometimes if I happen to glance over at them & they're really looking good doing the move, it kinda makes me feel like an idiot. Then I have to immediately erase that old thinking from my mind & remind myself that this is about me learning & doing it to the best that I can. She may have issues that you can't help her with but if you're in the middle of a session, I'd ask her to come back & just finish the session & then see if she feels better. Also, is she taking notes & practicing at home? The females in my class that don't practice at home, it is obvious. She seems so sincere & imagine how strong she had to be to put her feelings in writing. I'd hate for her to give up on an art form that could transform her life and her view of herself as a woman.

My first thought was a beginner yoga class, too. How old is she? Maybe something like water aerobics, or jazzercise if it's still around, might be taught at a slower pace? Or how about a very basic DVD, where she can go back and repeat things as needed, without feeling like people are watching her? Private lessons?

I do like how you stated that she was doing fine as a new student from your perspective. I think that would be good for her to hear. It sounds like the issue may be more related to something like confidence than the pace of the class.

Your reply is very well thought out and appropriate. I might add that many beginners feel the way she does, especially the ones who have no experience with body awareness.
And, kudos to her for her bravery in addressing this and writing to you.
I think it is to your credit as a teacher that she wrote to you explaining her feelings; that she wanted you to know and that you are approachable. Kudos to you too!

Sending you a PM...

I was also going to add that if you are successful in getting her to return to class, to make sure you give her a little extra encouragement when she is doing well.

...And I'm sure many of us could write volumes on this topic RE: the many types of students we encounter.
A lot of students come to us very needy and lacking in body connection and awareness. We all know the delight in facilitating the unlocking of those doors, letting the sunshine in for those students! I have a lot of confidence in my skills and experience as a teacher for all levels... yet...
I am not able to be all things to all students, nor is it healthy to try; only to be the best teacher I can be, by continuing to study both the art of dance and the art of teaching. I know that the dedicated teachers on Bhuz are like that too.
It saddens me when I see a student who really can't get past the body or whatever issues and enjoy, but that is her/his journey. It may happen later or in another way for that person.

Originally Posted by dunyah

I got this message from a student. She had never studied any form of dance before, even casual dancing or just connecting with music by moving her body. (I think perhaps she was from a very strict religious background.) I actually thought she was doing fine, she only attended 2 or 3 classes:

"I am not going to be attending the begining bellydance class anymore this session. I took it to challenge myself, and it really has been a challenge for me, on multiple levels.

I have decided I need to work on some very basic awareness of how my body moves, as well as become more comfortable with my body in motion before i will be able to regularly attend and practice for any kind of dance class. I feel as though the begining class is simply too advanced for my skill level, I feel frustrated and confused and that hampers my ability to learn, and certainly takes the joy out of it.

I really appreciate the opportunity your class has given me to learn about myself. I am not sure what my next step ought to be, but if you have any suggestions for remedial movement and body awareness improvement, they would be welcome!"

I need to reply to her very soon. I drafted the following messsage to her:

I am so sorry that you feel that you can't continue with the class. I understand that learning to dance can be confusing and frustrating. From my point of view you were doing just fine as a brand new student. Perhaps you were over thinking? It takes thousands of repetitions of a movement to get it ingrained into muscle memory, so the only thing I can recommend is to keep moving and keep trying. It is not possible to master dance moves in a few weeks, but it should be enjoyable to make the attempt. I feel that I let you down as a teacher if the class was not rewarding or fun for you on any level. I hope that you will consider coming back or taking beginning belly dance classes from another teacher. The basic movements of the dance are excellent for increasing body awareness and control. I really can't think of anything that would be better, but perhaps you would enjoy taking a yoga class.

All my sincere best wishes for you in any endeavor that you undertake and for your journey of learning about your body and how it moves.

I don't know what else to say to her, any suggestions welcome! It kind of breaks my heart because she told me she was sincerely interested in learning to dance.

ah ! i have been here !...all that you teach COULD help her with her quest. but i find it goes deeper..they have to "let it be ok" to meet their bodies...and yes, especally where i am living and teaching, ....it comes from a strict home and or religion.i have been luck to get a few as private students and then re structure all foir them to meet and get along with their bodies

Originally Posted by Callistaangel

i was gunna say yoga too

if this is due to religion, the yoga might be harder...some types of christians just can not grasp the eastern terms..some churches teach not to go "to the dark side"..there is even jesus based yoga now,,,,no "om" no chakras etc......evanglicals say yoga is occult. yep . ...welcome to my world ha ha ha .

Originally Posted by zamora

if this is due to religion, the yoga might be harder...some types of christians just can not grasp the eastern terms..some churches teach not to go "to the dark side"..there is even jesus based yoga now,,,,no "om" no chakras etc......evanglicals say yoga is occult. yep . ...welcome to my world ha ha ha .

Yes, actually I am concerned about this possibility when suggesting yoga, I've heard this a lot from fundamentalists.

I had a student who felt similarly. She switched to private lessons, and everything worked out fine. That said, she realized on her own that the real impediment was not her difficulty learning to move, but her discomfort working through it in front of other people. I don't know if that applies in this case.

Zum: I tried a Nia class at my gym, and it was okay. It didn't speak to me, but the other students clearly loved it and were getting a lot out of it. Also, the things I didn't like could very well have just been this particular instructor.

I can't say whether Nia would help this student. It's more dancey than an excercise class, but less dancey than a regular dance class. It was mostly follow-the-bouncing-body-part, and there wasn't much breakdown. (Plenty of imagery, encouragement, etc., but not much technical discussion.)

If this student is very concerned with getting it right, the lack of break-down could stress her out more. But it's also possible that she'd pick up on the "just move" vibe of the class and finally let loose. :)

i now remember a student that quit and went into theraphy!...yes, she said she had to dig for her dance...and found "stuff".

Originally Posted by dunyah

Yes, actually I am concerned about this possibility when suggesting yoga, I've heard this a lot from fundamentalists.

Pilates?

Originally Posted by zamora

i now remember a student that quit and went into theraphy!...yes, she said she had to dig for her dance...and found "stuff".

Privately, I am thinking that therapy would be a good idea but I am hesitant to suggest it to someone I barely know. Not sure how it would be received.

I was thinking private lessons too -

you know what else - this person was brave enough and honest enough to contact you.

I wonder how many students feel this way and just disappear? At least she asked for help and admitted her issues!

Originally Posted by Elibelinde

I was thinking private lessons too -

you know what else - this person was brave enough and honest enough to contact you.

I wonder how many students feel this way and just disappear? At least she asked for help and admitted her issues!

Yes, I think she is to be commended for that. I think she is probably a really lovely person.

Based on feedback from all of your posts, I revised my reply:

Dear X,

Please forgive the delay in responding to your message, I wanted to give this some thought and get feedback from other experienced teachers.

I am so sorry that you feel that you can't continue with the class. I understand that learning to dance can be confusing and frustrating. From my point of view you were doing just fine as a brand new student. I enjoyed having you in class and I thought you were making progress.

Scientific studies have shown that it takes thousands of repetitions of a movement to get it ingrained into muscle memory, so the only thing I can recommend is to keep moving and keep trying. It is not possible to master dance moves in a few weeks, but it should be enjoyable to make the attempt. I hope that you will consider coming back and finishing the session. The basic movements of the dance are excellent for increasing body awareness and control. I really can't think of anything that would be better, but perhaps you would enjoy taking a pilates, nia or zumba class.

If the problem was that you were feeling inhibited by having others in the class, you might consider an instructional DVD for beginners, or a private lesson or two. Those things might give you enough confidence to feel ready for a class situation. If you are on Netflix there are a number of belly dance DVDs available. You might try Cory Zamora's.

All my sincere best wishes for you in any endeavor that you undertake and for your journey of learning about yourself and your body and how it moves. It truly has been a pleasure to meet you and to have you in class. I appreciate that you made the effort to communicate your concerns and I hope that my feedback has been helpful. Please don't hesitate to contact me again if you have any questions.

Best,
Dunyah

I think your reply was lovely, and it was sweet that you care enough to be concerned. That you took the time to draft and refine a response speaks volumes about your character.

Clearly there is more going on here than her not connecting with this dance form and you were wise to just stick to the facts. (her concerns in her letter I mean).

I know that as a student it is sometimes so intimidating to see how beautifully your teacher (or other students) move in class and at that moment you don't consider all the hours of repetition that went into it, you just feel like a big dope

I hope she does find a way to connect to her body. Good luck Dunyah.

Great response!

*dons seldom-worn cosmic hat*

Sometimes BD in particular seems to trigger deep anxieties in people who have issues with the body and sexuality. It seems to be related somehow to unlocking the energies in that pelvic area. It is of course also the reason so many people, especially women, LIKE the dance. But for women who have been discouraged from being sensual or sexual due to the fear of rape/social stigma etc etc, OR who have conversely had some untoward sexually-related experiences in their lives like abuse or actual rape, it can sometimes be very unsettling and distressing at first.

Someone once told me we carry a lot of emotion in our hips and that it's not surprising in the early days of this dance to feel ragingly emo after a session of focused hip work.

Originally Posted by Zumarrad

*dons seldom-worn cosmic hat*

Sometimes BD in particular seems to trigger deep anxieties in people who have issues with the body and sexuality. It seems to be related somehow to unlocking the energies in that pelvic area. It is of course also the reason so many people, especially women, LIKE the dance. But for women who have been discouraged from being sensual or sexual due to the fear of rape/social stigma etc etc, OR who have conversely had some untoward sexually-related experiences in their lives like abuse or actual rape, it can sometimes be very unsettling and distressing at first.

Someone once told me we carry a lot of emotion in our hips and that it's not surprising in the early days of this dance to feel ragingly emo after a session of focused hip work.

This thread made me think of the early feminist, Ida Craddock - she studied Yoga and also defended belly dance as she struggled against the repression of sexuality but also, male domination:

http://www.tnr.com/book/review/heave...h-eric-schmidt

ETA: oops... got off phone and on computer... your response sounds fine. I really hope this works out for her.

Originally Posted by Elibelinde

This thread made me think of the early feminist, Ida Craddock - she studied Yoga and also defended belly dance as she struggled against the repression of sexuality but also, male domination:

http://www.tnr.com/book/review/heave...h-eric-schmidt

Skimmed thru this, wow! Sophia, you share the most amazing info!

On her torso work vid, Sahra Saeeda (Kent) talks about releasing emotional blocks during some moves, very matter-of-factly. :-) yea

wow, interesting book review, thanks for sharing.

Yes some people consider bellydance one of the forms of "spontaneous yoga" so to speak, the body searching for release for inner energy. So if she's not digging it, she isn't ready for it, certainly not in a group "fun" class. Maybe she could do some privates and benefit more that way. Privates for beginners is sometimes a good idea... not usually, but sometimes -

Originally Posted by LiesaB.

Skimmed thru this, wow! Sophia, you share the most amazing info!

On her torso work vid, Sahra Saeeda (Kent) talks about releasing emotional blocks during some moves, very matter-of-factly. :-) yea

Originally Posted by dunyah

Privately, I am thinking that therapy would be a good idea but I am hesitant to suggest it to someone I barely know. Not sure how it would be received.

yeah, and if indeed she IS religious...theraphy to some of the evanglical type is talking to the man of the cloth that got them in a situation in the first place...found that out from in laws...sigh

Originally Posted by anthea

wow, interesting book review, thanks for sharing.

Yes some people consider bellydance one of the forms of "spontaneous yoga" so to speak, the body searching for release for inner energy. So if she's not digging it, she isn't ready for it, certainly not in a group "fun" class. Maybe she could do some privates and benefit more that way. Privates for beginners is sometimes a good idea... not usually, but sometimes -

Yes, I have found that sometimes privates with beginners can help them get past those initial fears of self-consciousness. But, as you say, sometimes...not usually...
When we have "issues", there's not a one-size-fits-all fix, eh?
Suggesting therapy? I wouldn't, just from past experiences, thinking I was being all friendly, warm, sharing what's helped me; but intepreted as "what, now you think I'm crazy?!" Oops.

Originally Posted by Elibelinde

This thread made me think of the early feminist, Ida Craddock - she studied Yoga and also defended belly dance as she struggled against the repression of sexuality but also, male domination:

http://www.tnr.com/book/review/heave...h-eric-schmidt

Fascinating book review! Thanks for sharing.