Thread: Just had to evict a student!

I've never had to do this in 12 years of teaching, and I feel really sick about it. This is happening just three weeks before our annual student show, but I know in my heart it was the right thing to do for everyone involved and had to be done.

I won't go into a lot of detail on a public forum about why I did it, but I could use some help with what to do now.


The question is, how much should I tell the other students? I feel like this kind of situation should be kept as private as possible (at least by me, I have no control over how she handles it) but the others will be shocked, upset, concerned, and perhaps frightened that I might kick them out over something silly.

How would you handle telling the rest of the class? How do I balance this one student's right to have some ugly truth kept private with the rest of the class's desire to know what's going on?

What an ugly situation.

How awful for you. I am sure you will find the best way to speak to your students. I agree that you should keep the evicted student's s*** private, but you need to say something to the others. Let them know how difficult it was to make the decision, how rare it is to have to do something like this, and ask them to respect that you can't discuss details due to privacy concerns.

Good luck!

I have been in situations where a teacher had to expel students - maybe three over a period of seven or eight years. I would say your best bet is to say nothing unless asked directly, and keep it very circumspect with most students, perhaps say a little more to ones you trust very well.

My teacher used to say that there were a few students who were greater liabilities than assets, and these were people one had to get rid of - reasons tended to be things like routinely upsetting other students, persistently failing to respect personal boundaries, actively and persistently undermining the teacher.

One dancer was asked to leave because she started promoting herself as a professional BDer after very few lessons (and would take her top off during dances): my teacher basically said if you're going to do that *and call it bellydance* I don't want you in my classes, because I don't want people thinking you were taught to do what you're doing by me. There were other issues but that was the primary one.

Originally Posted by Zumarrad

reasons tended to be things like routinely upsetting other students, persistently failing to respect personal boundaries, actively and persistently undermining the teacher.

I guess I can be grateful we all kept our shirts on, though!

Yeah! I should point out that in these cases there were talks and warnings before any expulsions took place, as I am sure was the case here! It's never easy...

What an uncomfortable situation for you. Noone wants to have to go there.

I'd say take the high road and maintain a dignified silence. Just because they want the juicy details doesn't mean they should get them! Let her spread her stories and trust that the students who know you both can make up their own minds. If it gets to the point where whispers are getting in the way of class time then something like "Yes, X was asked to leave which was a very difficult decision for me to make and this was the only time I've done it in 12 years. Out of respect for her privacy I am not going into details. Now let's practice our shimmies!". No questions, no discussions.

Good luck.

It sound like it might be a good time to reiterate your class guidelines. As long as a student is respecting those guidelines, everything is copasetic. Then it can act as a general reminder that people have a responsibility to each other, to the art. But yeah, no need to go into detail.

I'm not sure I would say anything unless someone asked, especially if there is suspicion that she's already told half of the class offline that she won't be back. If the other students are there at the next meeting like normal, you can probably assume they think she was wrong, they don't actually care what went down between the two of you, or they think you're a good enough teacher that even if you're the one at fault, they're willing to study with you anyway. If you feel there's a possibility someone else will pick up her baton, maybe you need to lay out your class rules more assertively, but beyond that, it really isn't their business that someone else was asked to leave.

It looks unprofessional and insecure to go into too much detail about how a student basically didn't respect your authority in the classroom. You're the teacher. You don't need to explain why students are supposed to defer to you. If someone asks where this student is, simply say that she won't be attending your classes any longer, and if they press the matter, give a terse comment about how you "had creative differences" or you "suggested she would benefit from working with a different teacher" or whatever sounds like the most appropriate public-relations excuse for the situation. If other students report she's saying nasty or wrong things about you, calmly diffuse them, but don't let the class turn into a frenzy of bashing the exiled student, even if their frustration is justified and they're really glad she's gone. Not that you would probably do that, but if your patience with this person was running thin, you probably weren't the only one, and you give some of your power to her if you spend time when you should be moving on by talking about her and defending your actions.

I'm assuming that Dancer X was going to participate in the student show? Better to make an announcement from the get-go, at the beginning of the next rehearsal - e.g. "By the way, Dancer X will not be attending tonight. She and our studio have parted ways, so we will need to adjust a few of the formations." And then get down to business. If someone is bold enough to ask why, you can say, "Out of respect to Dancer X, I won't share details, but it was a decision that needed to be made." So you are letting them know that the parting of ways was instigated by you. Hopefully that will be enough to quiet the chatter at least a little bit.

Hugs to you!

Firstly, hugs. That's a sucky situation.

I don't your annual student show situation, but I'd probably say that this person isn't participating and leave it at that IF this person is in a group number and you have to plan around her not being there. Otherwise, I think just don't mention it. If they hear ugly rumors about you and ask you about them, tell them that this was a difficult decision and one you haven't had to make before but you felt it was for the best and leave it at that.

Lastly (and I know this isn't what you're asking), it probably is for the best and good for you for having the courage to do the unpleasant but likely right thing. I've been in a few groups where I wasn't in charge and someone or several someones was/were being disruptive/unproductive/etc. Nothing was done.

I'm sorry you're going through this!!!

I wouldn't give any details to the students, it might only add to the gossip, and will definetly be taken out of context, because they might want to add in their own reasons why this happened if they do talk about this to the one asked to leave.

And as for the one asked to leave....if she does ask the other students if you said anything about her, they wouldn't have any fuel to add to the fire.

Let her tell them why. If she lies, the truth will come out.
I'm sure the others have a pretty good (and correct) idea of the reason(s) why she was asked to leave.

As for fear, I think they'll calm down, once they get over the shock.

(((Hugs)))

Good heavens, another student just quit.

I want this drama to be over. I should NOT have to dread going to my own studio to teach a class.

Meanwhile, the other 8 classes I teach each week are rolling along drama-free and having a wonderful time...

If there are one-sided rumors, anxiety, and/or negative energy affecting the class as a result of person X's dismissal, maybe addressing the elephant in the room would be helpful?

I'm thinking a brief statement like, "As I'm sure you all have heard, I have had to ask person X to leave the class. I will not be discussing any details, but I do want you all to know that it wasn't a decision that I made lightly. I have nothing against X and I wish her well, but it was best for everyone that we part ways right now".

The class is bound to be thinking about it. Even if they are glad she's gone, I think addressing the situation in a brief, non-defensive manner would help close the issue and settle people down.

Good luck and good for you for doing what needed to be done.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Good heavens, another student just quit.

I want this drama to be over. I should NOT have to dread going to my own studio to teach a class.

Meanwhile, the other 8 classes I teach each week are rolling along drama-free and having a wonderful time...

Aww, just saw this. Sorry, that really sucks. Well, you can't stop the drama queens from flouncing, but hopefully the ones that are there to learn will be happy to get back to dancing.

hugs.

If it's any consolation in the midst of spewing drama, we Bhuzzers know how wonderful and dedicated Lauren is to our art form. Yet, no matter how excellent and conscientious a teacher may be, there will at times be someone who seeks to undermine her/his authority, overtly and/or covertly.

Lauren, I hope this second exit is the last. It may help to re-frame your situation and to see it as an opportunity to practice resolve in the face of adversity. Shimmy off the stress, reconnect with the courage in your heart, and move forward with confidence and conviction.

Without a doubt, Bhuzzers the world over and the vast majority of your students would gladly chime in to say, "We believe in you!"




Khalida

Awwww... thank you, Khalida and everyone else for the support.

I'm trying to look at my part in this and learn something from it. To make a very long story short, I think my biggest contribution to the problems was that I gave them too challenging a choreo to learn for the show. Not that they weren't up to it, but it introduced too many new elements (traveling steps, the idea of having multiple groups, moving in and out of formations) all at once. I'm usually more conscious in my teaching and introduce those concepts a little at a time.

The group rose to the challenge beautifully, and I don't even know if they realize how much they've learned about dancing. But the cost was that the last two sessions have not been FUN. This isn't a group of aspiring pros trying to maximize their time in the studio. They came to have fun, and would have been much happier working at a leisurely pace on a simple choreo they could do well without having to practice too much. My mistake created a pressure-cooker environment that brought the other problems going on in that class (of which there were many) to a head as the show approached.

I'm not beating myself up, just trying to learn from my mistakes.

Wait a second here....Lauren, do you know anyone named "Anonymous Habibi"?!?!?!?

Originally Posted by phillyraqs

Wait a second here....Lauren, do you know anyone named "Anonymous Habibi"?!?!?!?

Originally Posted by phillyraqs

Wait a second here....Lauren, do you know anyone named "Anonymous Habibi"?!?!?!?

I thought about that thread while all this was happening! I guess life imitates... Bhuz!

I just came on here to post the same thing. Am assuming though that you are not in the habit of stealing artwork and sending abusive emails!

I hope your class settles down and becomes fun to teach again now- maybe you need to all go out for a drink one evening to help break down the us and them mentality

Update: I met with the remaining students tonight to restage the choreo. We didn't talk about what happened at all, just went to work.

It was MAGICAL. They danced beautifully and with such joy. I was overwhelmed. Even with all the last minute restaging, they looked ready to go onstage right NOW, even though the show is still almost three weeks away.

I think we will probably just NOT talk about what happened. I know they've heard her POV, but I don't think it would be right for me to tell them my side of the story. Much as I'd love to defend myself, if they see her socially and remain friends I want them to NOT feel put on the spot if she asks whether I said anything negative about her, etc.

We are just going to move forward and enjoy the new positive energy in the class.

Wonderful! Obviously nothing needs to be said then.

I'm glad you made it through a tough situation with some positivity at the end.

<3

Originally Posted by phillyraqs

Wait a second here....Lauren, do you know anyone named "Anonymous Habibi"?!?!?!?

Ha, ha! No, I'm not her problem student.

Actually, Lauren, I want to tell you that I think you're very professional about how you decided to handle the situation. In regard to my own problem, I am going to talk about it as little as possible to people that I know in real life.

Originally Posted by AnonymousHabibi

Ha, ha! No, I'm not her problem student.

Actually, Lauren, I want to tell you that I think you're very professional about how you decided to handle the situation. In regard to my own problem, I am going to talk about it as little as possible to people that I know in real life.

I'm actually surprised we've never had simultaneous threads about the same situation from two POV! It could happen so easily, AND the stories would most likely sound so different coming from the two different angles that we'd probably never even realize it.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Update: I met with the remaining students tonight to restage the choreo. We didn't talk about what happened at all, just went to work.

It was MAGICAL. They danced beautifully and with such joy. I was overwhelmed. Even with all the last minute restaging, they looked ready to go onstage right NOW, even though the show is still almost three weeks away.

This is FANTASTIC! It also demonstrates clearly that you did the right thing, right? When the students have stress-free time to reflect on it, this is what they'll realize and remember. Well done. :)

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I'm trying to look at my part in this and learn something from it. To make a very long story short, I think my biggest contribution to the problems was that I gave them too challenging a choreo to learn for the show. Not that they weren't up to it, but it introduced too many new elements (traveling steps, the idea of having multiple groups, moving in and out of formations) all at once. I'm usually more conscious in my teaching and introduce those concepts a little at a time . . . I'm not beating myself up, just trying to learn from my mistakes.

Where I work, this is considered the best way to handle an otherwise unpleasant situation. This differentiates someone who continues to grow and develop from those who don't; so, this is the desired and rewarded behavior. That is, you are examining your role, your actions, and your reactions to this. This will allow you to act differently by not creating this situation again, and if for some reason the situation is created by another, you can see what you can control and what you cannot.

I regret that you have been through this difficult experience. But, I admire the introspection and self-awareness you have from it. All this is a fancy way of saying you have my respect.

Originally Posted by shems

It sound like it might be a good time to reiterate your class guidelines. As long as a student is respecting those guidelines, everything is copasetic. Then it can act as a general reminder that people have a responsibility to each other, to the art. But yeah, no need to go into detail.

I had a situation some years ago(having to ask a student to leave my classes for the first time)having to add info on zero tolerance for intoxication in class to my written guidelines(not on website,mailed out in "class info").

It was saddening.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Update: I met with the remaining students tonight to restage the choreo. We didn't talk about what happened at all, just went to work.

It was MAGICAL. They danced beautifully and with such joy. I was overwhelmed. Even with all the last minute restaging, they looked ready to go onstage right NOW, even though the show is still almost three weeks away.

I think we will probably just NOT talk about what happened. I know they've heard her POV, but I don't think it would be right for me to tell them my side of the story. Much as I'd love to defend myself, if they see her socially and remain friends I want them to NOT feel put on the spot if she asks whether I said anything negative about her, etc.

We are just going to move forward and enjoy the new positive energy in the class.

So good this is working out! I was thinking about this...if someone is being toxic, their mood and behavior dominates and permeates the whole group. Even if they're great people otherwise (and some people are lovely outside of some particular situation), and even if everyone's perceptions have become so colored with their viewpoint that they are "siding" with that person, once the person has left, it's like a weight lifts. Being embroiled in so much unhappiness and drama and acrimony is exhausting. OTOH sometimes toxic people really are negative and manipulative and will spread unhappiness wherever they go, and once the sense of being manipulated and having to take sides is removed, it's a big relief. Not having to talk about it -- at least until enough time has passed -- is also a big relief, since all this energy had been diverted into the melodrama, rather than what people are there for.

No telling which of these the fired student is (although in the other thread it sounds like AH's teacher is pretty clearly the latter since it reads like there's a long history of it there); that's really only going to be determined by those who continue to have ties with her.

Glad things are working out Lauren! The second student probably would have quit on her own sooner or later. Some times things which seem so awful at the start turn out for the best. I have a friend whose daughter teaches hip hop and just opened her own studio after teaching for a rec center for past 3 years. She had mutiple problems with the rec center but the breaking point came when one of the students was a problem and had a dance mother from h*ll who caused so many problems she had to get a restraining order for the mother. The rec center would not allowed her to 'evict' the problem student so she left and opened her own studio last month. Not only did all but 2 of her students followed her to her new location but she has picked up another 25 or more. I have a feeling your students are quite comfortable with you and just because of one who had problems, it won't affect you.
l

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Update: I met with the remaining students tonight to restage the choreo. We didn't talk about what happened at all, just went to work.

It was MAGICAL. They danced beautifully and with such joy. I was overwhelmed. Even with all the last minute restaging, they looked ready to go onstage right NOW, even though the show is still almost three weeks away.

I think we will probably just NOT talk about what happened. I know they've heard her POV, but I don't think it would be right for me to tell them my side of the story. Much as I'd love to defend myself, if they see her socially and remain friends I want them to NOT feel put on the spot if she asks whether I said anything negative about her, etc.

We are just going to move forward and enjoy the new positive energy in the class.