Thread: a funny thing happened at this egyptian wedding...

your opinion requested, dance elders:

so, i just did my first egyptian wedding. i've done plenty of gigs, everything from birthday parties, wedding showers, charity events, restaurant, surprise celebrations, festivals - so i consider myself able to "work a crowd" and put on an enjoyable performance - but never a wedding. i asked if they wanted a zeffa but they said nope, they just wanted me to come dance, get people up and dancing. they said it might not even run the full 30 minutes - it would depend on whether folks wanted to hear more or less arabic music.

i THOUGHT i did really well - people seemed to enjoy it. i was grooving, felt like my body was moving properly as i played my zils and did veil. but this one egyptian gentleman (who came up to me beforehand and said "oh, so you're a bellydancer. well, i own 5 restaurants in hawaii and several have dancers so i know a dancer when i see one" what the heck?) comes up while i'm dancing with a group of ladies and says to them "i dance better than her...just kidding". huh? perhaps he was joking. or drunk. but it still made me paranoid. is this normal behavior to a dancer at a wedding - do they view us differently or something? and they DID cut my music early, although the groom came up to me afterward and told me i did a good job. i made a nice amount in tips, too, which was kind of encouraging.

so, is it normal for weddings to cut your music early? i would've thought that a wedding where they were expecting dancers wouldn't, but here again many of the guests were not middle eastern. should i feel like a horrible dancer? i want to know that i did a good job and that people are getting their money's worth. there are other dancers in town, and i'd hate to think that these people are sitting there thinking "i should've hired dancer X". i'm probably just being silly, but i just couldn't judge the group. help!

::crushed::

Don't feel discouraged. She did tell you in the beginning that they might cut your music short so at least it wasn't a surprise. She probably noticed that the guests were starting to settle down and that it was time to move things along. You can always send her a thank you e-mail or letter with a small questionnaire on how you did.

As for the gentlemen who questioned your dancing ability. There is one of these in every crowd. You could be dancing flamenco at a hot club or something and someone will think they are better or have seen better. I danced at a surprise birthday party for a huge Lebanese family recently and the one Egyptian girl in the crowd kept pulling us off stage to ask where we bought our costumes because she was a dancer as well. Towards the end of the night she tied her shirt up and danced in her mini skirt and high heels. Somehow she had a hip scarf with her. It's one of those things you just laugh at and move on.

Thanks, Khaleela. And, yup, I've run into "those sorts" before (around here, we have a weekly drum circle at the beach and the untrained bellydancers come out of the woodwork! many of which are the same ladies who carry hip scarves with them in their purse, determined to whip them out and suit up at any ripe moment). For me, it was just odd that a guy did it! I know the men dance in the culture, but I found it rather odd.

Don't feel bad. Peope sometimes make jokes and it comes out differently. It didn't sound to me that he was implying that you didn't dance well.
You know if you're technique is good, and you can definitely see the audience's reaction - if everyone had a good time, and you made nice tips, just enjoy the memories of this experience and block out what the guy said.
Cutting he music early in my opinion also may not had anything to do with you. Annoying yes, but maybe it was getting long.

I agree on sending a thank you card (it's very professional) but I wouldn't ask how you did. You're a professional dancer, of course you did well. Asking them would make you seem unsure of yourself.

Marianna
www.mariannabellydancer.com

Awww, I would have felt a bit paranoid too but, it really could be just the way he expressed himself i.e., could have meant "ah yes, you are a belly dancer but I've seen a few in my day" something like that. Could be he was trying to get a "dueling banjos type of thing going".

Is there anyone from the gig you could ask? Regardless, no point in sweating it because there is no way you will ever know for sure. Dance on with joy

Originally Posted by misha

your opinion requested, dance elders:

so, i just did my first egyptian wedding. i've done plenty of gigs, everything from birthday parties, wedding showers, charity events, restaurant, surprise celebrations, festivals - so i consider myself able to "work a crowd" and put on an enjoyable performance - but never a wedding. i asked if they wanted a zeffa but they said nope, they just wanted me to come dance, get people up and dancing. they said it might not even run the full 30 minutes - it would depend on whether folks wanted to hear more or less arabic music.

i THOUGHT i did really well - people seemed to enjoy it. i was grooving, felt like my body was moving properly as i played my zils and did veil. but this one egyptian gentleman (who came up to me beforehand and said "oh, so you're a bellydancer. well, i own 5 restaurants in hawaii and several have dancers so i know a dancer when i see one" what the heck?) comes up while i'm dancing with a group of ladies and says to them "i dance better than her...just kidding". huh? perhaps he was joking. or drunk. but it still made me paranoid. is this normal behavior to a dancer at a wedding - do they view us differently or something? and they DID cut my music early, although the groom came up to me afterward and told me i did a good job. i made a nice amount in tips, too, which was kind of encouraging.

so, is it normal for weddings to cut your music early? i would've thought that a wedding where they were expecting dancers wouldn't, but here again many of the guests were not middle eastern. should i feel like a horrible dancer? i want to know that i did a good job and that people are getting their money's worth. there are other dancers in town, and i'd hate to think that these people are sitting there thinking "i should've hired dancer X". i'm probably just being silly, but i just couldn't judge the group. help!

::crushed::

It's possible the guy was just flirting with his lady friends, too. Since you were there in a professional capacity (i.e. "the help") he probably didn't think about how you would feel about his comments.

If they tipped you, they must have liked you. Be happy. :)

I agree with with what asimatiyat said. I've known a few guys that have said stuff like that before, and they never meant to hurt anybody's feelings. Its just that many men don't put much thought into what they say. My husband is like this sometimes.

thanks everyone ;) the folks at the gig really seemed to like it, i just wanted to make sure i hadn't committed a huge cultural faux paus!

maybe the guy just wanted to join you dancing like u saying "allright, so dance" and u all will have a laugh.

when i dance with a tabla player i usually pick up the tabla and make him dance haha

Having the music cut isnt too unusal. I think too that it was probably them wanting to get on with things for the eveing and not a reflection on you.
As for the man who interupted you with his opinion, remember , just because he is from the ME doesnt make him any sort of expert on the dance...
(unless his name is Mamood Reda of course)
Lots of Egyptains are "Experts" in Belly dance and want to school us poor little American dancers. Most know their social dances well but dont have a clue about why the dance in a performance differs..At any rate, just because he is Egyptian doesnt mean he a qualified judge of your performance, its just one opinion and you know what is said about opinions....

There are several reasons why your music could have been cut and some but thankfully not all have happened to me!

1. The most frequent reason is they are running out of time. (Remember 99.9% of Arab weddings run behind schedule!) Except for zeffe, you will usually dance either during dinner or immediately after. I try to avoid the dinner dance because then you don't have people's full attention and you're dodging waiters. After dinner, they have a program to follow and want to get to the depke dancing.

When I get hired, I explain to the bride and groom that 1/2 hour is too long and why. If they insist. I say okay and dance for 20 minutes! But I usually try to get them to agree to a 15-20 minute time frame, especially if I'm dancing to a live band. If I'm dancing to CD the band may be upset if I go much under a half hour because that cuts into their breaktime but in the 100's of weddings I've done about 95% of them I danced for about 15 minutes.

2. The person who hired you didn't check with the bride or mother of the bride or groom to make sure it was okay to have a belly dancer present. Often the friends of the groom hire the dancer never thinking to check with the female relatives. Some women don't want a dancer period!

3. A priest is present and/or disapproving and the family is afraid to offend him.

4. The music is inappropriate. If you dancing at a Chaldean wedding for instance, leave your Oum Khoulsoum at home. (Unless you are dancing very late in the evening and people are ready to mellow out. ) I always try to match my music to the sound of the band that is playing at the wedding. Therefore I always bring several CD's so I have a choice. People at a wedding are there to have fun and get up and dance. Pick fun, lively music. I personally love dancing to the old classics but those songs are more suited for a nightclub stage show, not a wedding. If the people are bored, they'll pull the plug and put on THEIR music.

5. The costume is too risque! There again it's the offense factor working here. I've seen this happen at Muslim weddings. Weddings are not the place to wear over revealing costuming. Beledi dresses, or a conservative skirt/bra and belt set. If you do a lot of weddings eventually you learn that certain venues/halls are ultra conservative and others are not. I had one bride insist on approving my costume before the wedding. I've had others warn me to be covered up. I've had others assure me that a caberet costume is fine then sheepishly call me back to tell me to wear a beledi dress. When in doubt, ask.

6. The dancer just plain isn't good. Doing a wedding doesn't take as much skill as dancing a live stage show. People want to have fun, it's easy to do audience interaction, so a dancer would have to be pretty darn awful to get her show cut. Usually it will be one of the above points or a combination thereof that will be the deciding factor.

Being that her best friend is Persian with a family background of Muslims and she always checks with her best friend about etiquette etc, I'm going to go with #1 being the reason. :P

Originally Posted by norma

When I get hired, I explain to the bride and groom that 1/2 hour is too long and why. If they insist. I say okay and dance for 20 minutes! But I usually try to get them to agree to a 15-20 minute time frame, especially if I'm dancing to a live band. If I'm dancing to CD the band may be upset if I go much under a half hour because that cuts into their breaktime but in the 100's of weddings I've done about 95% of them I danced for about 15 minutes.

Everybody seems to want a dancer for 30 minutes or an hour.

That is so nuts! Once it's explained to them, most folks understand that 15-20 minutes is much better.

I, too, usually bring 20 minutes of music and have a "show" that includes audience interaction for 15 minutes. If the crowd is still party-ing, I'll stay out a bit longer, until the extra 5 minutes is up. If the crowd is ready to move on after 15 minutes, I do a quick wind up and exit within 30 seconds of the beginning of the extra music.

I explain how this works with the client and most people are happy with it.

Deborah

ETA: If I can eat up a bunch of time with a procession, then I'll do 30 minutes, but that 30 minute set is 'way more expensive than a 20 minute set!

As it turns out, a co-worker of mine was at the wedding! How weird, right? He told me they thought I did GREAT and that they only had a bit of time left to party. I've had to stop shows early before (usually at charity gigs as those ALWAYS have messed up time slots) so I figured it was time, but I wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything glaringly obvious about dancing at a wedding that I somehow missed ;) I checked the music with them in advance as they requested we use their music, so I'm fairly certain it wasn't that. And costuming was VERY appropriate ;)

Thanks everyone for all the responses - I appreciate it!

Originally Posted by casbahdance

Everybody seems to want a dancer for 30 minutes or an hour.

That is so nuts! Once it's explained to them, most folks understand that 15-20 minutes is much better.

I, too, usually bring 20 minutes of music and have a "show" that includes audience interaction for 15 minutes. If the crowd is still party-ing, I'll stay out a bit longer, until the extra 5 minutes is up. If the crowd is ready to move on after 15 minutes, I do a quick wind up and exit within 30 seconds of the beginning of the extra music.

I explain how this works with the client and most people are happy with it.

Deborah

ETA: If I can eat up a bunch of time with a procession, then I'll do 30 minutes, but that 30 minute set is 'way more expensive than a 20 minute set!

It's the same thing here too... most people say they want me for 30 min or more, and that's just too long. I think they're just excited about having a dancer, are confident that people will enjoy it, and get the most for their money.

I handle it much the same way as you, Deborah... I dance for 20 minutes, and reserve the last ten minutes for Debke or Delilah's Circle Dance and that always goes over very well. I really like doing this, because then I can redirect focus back to the bride and groom by getting them up to dance first before bringing up others. Afterall, it's THEIR day! ..g.:

I'm sure your performance was just fine. It was a man who said this - 'nuff said! My husband, in passing mentioned to me the other day that I had big arms. Like it was supposed to be a compliment or something. Sometimes, they just have no clue! ..c::

Remember it still is not a "Respectable" profession to many people.
They may not have a dancer because they adore them it is an old tradition and many folks there may have no respect just because you are the dancer.
Norma made some great points.
And some people may want to make you look bad for whatever reason...Chin up! Good dancing is it's own reward!...Shah

Originally Posted by misha

thanks everyone ;) the folks at the gig really seemed to like it, i just wanted to make sure i hadn't committed a huge cultural faux paus!

don't think so - if they tipped you they must have liked you - I wouldn't worry about 1 person's comment .
I once did short workshop where a lady introduced herself as having lived in Libya all her life (of Italian extraction) and knew dancing when she saw it - of course it throws you - but then again - believe in yourself ( and your teachers)!!..g.: