Thread: Pretending to be another dancer...

I was just going to let this one go... but I decided it was important enough to at least let everyone know that this can happen to you. I wish I could figure out why someone would do this to another dancer, but I guess there are just spiteful, mean people out there even among our belly dance community.

For some reason, there is a person out there that sent an email to a local belly dance online web site/network that had my picture, class info. and link to my web site. This person pretending to be me, asked that MY picture and info./link to web site be removed due to too much spam. Surprisingly, I received a confirming email that it had been handled which is how I found out someone did this. I was shocked. Why would someone do this to me? Thank God I got the confirming email and could let them know I NEVER sent a request like this.

The only thing we could figure is that there is a dancer/instructor that doesn't want me to be out there, that someone feels threatened for some reason. I'm so sorry that someone has to do this as I am always telling my students to take class from other instructors and they do.

I hope that this person doesn't do this to any of you, but it really felt "yucky" inside. ,f::

I'm very sorry to read about this... I think it's very sad and pathetic that someone would actually take the time to do something so petty and (you said it best) spiteful.

WOW I'm so disgusted at this. Some people are insecure and jealous, and will do anything to attempt to bring you down. Just keep doing what you do; your success is the best revenge!

One time a dancer in Brazil asked to be added to the teacher/performer directory on my web site. That was back when I allowed dancers to include a couple of sentences about themselves as part of their entry. (I no longer do.)

Anyway, this dancer's request include an odd comment. I don't remember the details because this occurred about 5 years ago, but it said something like, "I work very hard and take many classes, but I'd like to be better." But I went ahead and posted it, and sent her my form letter saying she had been added.

A couple of YEARS later, I got a very nasty email from this dancer demanding that I take her entry down immediately. It seems that although the contact info was correct, the comment was NOT something she had authorized. It seems someone else had submitted her entry and included that comment.

She was really nasty. She snarled that I shouldn't post anything without phoning the dancer to confirm it. (Uh, I get HUNDREDS of requests for entry additions/updates every year. I don't have either the time or money to telephone people around the world to ask them whether they really did submit the request. Especially since listings in my directory are FREE of charge! And I DID send her a confirming email at the time I added it, so it's not my fault she ignored it.)

Okay, how about this one.....a dancer here in my area was dancing at a Persian restaurant and no one could get their foot in the door (for several reasons). One evening she could not dance there because she took another gig and sent another dancer...who could not dance....when the owner asked her who it was, she said my name (the dancer had a different name). Sooo, the next couple of years when the owner would run into my husband, he kept asking him if he knew any dancers and my husband of course mentioned my name and te owner would get uncomfortable and say "no, please not her." Wellllll, I took my husband for dinner there for his birthday one year. The owner saw me and quick asked my husband who I was and if I was a dancer. My husband who was furious at this point said "this is Khadejah, my wife." The owner turned all kinds of colors and was shaking his head. His only comment was "For 7 years I was dumb, but no more." Of course we can laugh about it now, but for someone to pawn me off for someone else...hmmmmm.

Geez, this is terrible! ,m:: People really do things like this? Man, karma is gonna be a b*tch when it comes back around. And it always does.

I had soemone take my advertising word for word and simply exchange my name for theirs. Or theirs for mine. I haven't had enough coffee yet. And they took out the link to my website.

Incredibly unoriginal. And is it that hard to write decent copy?

{{{{HUGS}}}

Can't control other people, what they do and say, but I do have control over my behavior and speech. I'll take the high road, be a better person, stick with my morals/ethics and what is right for me. After 30 years in business, I've seen everything. The nasties will get what they deserve.

As we say in in our troupe when someone feels bad, "let's dance about it!"

That has been my comfort - knowing that people who do these types of things, well, they do get what they deserve. I've had some really terrific gigs fall right into my lap because a dancer didn't show up, etc. and I have been thankful to God for these gifts. I do try to stick with my morals/ethics and what is right. Hopefully, this won't happen again or anything worse, and if it does, I guess I'll just have to take it as a sort of compliment.

Yes, you are right. My good friend told me that success is the best revenge, although I don't believe in revenge... or getting even. But, I do wish success for all dancers. I've had some low times where I almost quit dancing altogether, but somehow I've gotten encouragement to keep trucking along. It isn't always easy. It can be a very competitive thing. Thank you for your positive words of encouragement!

,m::
Some people are really horrible.

Karma doesn't always work as fast or in the ways you wish it would, but let me tell ya, it takes a really sad, pathetic, and miserable b-word to pull that kind of crap! I just can't understand why people would do the kind of things you guys are describing.

...Then again, a lot of people in a lot of places do a lot of things I just can't seem to understand......c:: ,f::

We lose class posters all the time to a couple newbies who are trying to break into teaching here in our small town. It is a pain, especially since a couple people tried their classes and got discouraged because they didn't want to be bouncing babes in slut outfits. Sometimes I don't understand people, often I don't.

"I had soemone take my advertising word for word and simply exchange my name for theirs. Incredibly unoriginal. And is it that hard to write decent copy?"

Yup, me too Tahira. Twice. By people who should know better. How stupid - did they not expect that I wouldn't find out?!! Both times I got them to change it but with no apology - the second dancer who did it actually tried to claim that she had had the copy on her publicity for over 15 years! As I said to her - what are the chances of her having the EXACT same wording that I wrote myself 7 years later, on her publicity of 15 years ago - spooky!!! She removed it from her site immediately....this woman was also calling herself a Bellydance Superstar (with capitals)! I think the nearest she had ever got ever got to the BDSS was in the back row of the stalls....some people! ,m::

I've heard of worse tho....there is a lovely dancer in London (dancer A)who is doing very well for herself, teaches and performs loads, organises shows, is very pretty and is very good at promoting herself. I've only ever known her to be proffessional, polite, hardworking and a sweetheart. Well someone jealous and twisted decided to run a hate campaign against her...they sent out emails to all and sundry with a link to, supposedly, dancer A's new website. Well, this sicko had gone to the trouble of making a webpage (with an address almost identical to the real one) which was just a page full of hate. It had some dodgy pics on it and said things like " I'm the best dancer around, well I think I am but actually I'm s**T" etc etc, totally derogatory...The hater also sent emails to all of dancer A's students telling them that all her classes were cancelled!
To her credit dancer A didn't divulge to me who it was, only that it was someone in the community who should know better...and who had also been prosecuted by the police for libel and harrassment as they had stupidly used their credit card to pay for the dodgy website - ha ha, retribution!! .p::
I really dunno what the matter is with some people...?!!.....c::

Originally Posted by jaziri

We lose class posters all the time to a couple newbies who are trying to break into teaching here in our small town. It is a pain, especially since a couple people tried their classes and got discouraged because they didn't want to be bouncing babes in slut outfits. Sometimes I don't understand people, often I don't.

Ha! I know what you meant but at a quick reading I read this as you don't understand why people don't want to be slutty babes. ..l;,

Maryon, this is just so crappy. People like this rarely have any substance, so they tend to not be successful in the long run. Small comfort right now I know. Hang in there, toots!

Thanks Andrea2!!! I will take all the comfort right now that I can get. This too shall pass! :)

I've had the RESTAURANT OWNER pull an identity switch on me.

I had been the house dancer for 3 years, The owner was thrilled because business doubled on belly dance nights, but he couldn't afford us more that twice a month.

Sooooo......he began hiring another dancer (a newbie) on my nights off and would tell people she was me.

Here's how I found out: I went for dinner one night and the owner turned all shades of purple when I walked in. He pointed to a large group (19 people) and said it was a birthday party and they had brought their own belly dancer. Yes, he knew it violated our contract, but it was beyond his control, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The owner tried to steer me to a table across the room from the birthday group, but I looked over and saw that some of them were my students. I went over to talk to them, and they asked why I wasn't in costume yet - I was supposed to be on in 5 minutes! Nope, they hadn't brought their own dancer at all. They called the restaurant and wanted to book their party for a night I was dancing. He booked someone else and told them she was me.

I stayed to watch, and talked to her afterward. She had no idea he was telling the patrons she was me, and as a newbie, she also had no idea he was paying her only one-fifth of the contracted rate. We both quit on the spot.

Even though I pulled down all my posters and quit, for several months the owner continued to advertise me on the usual nights. When people showed up to see belly dancing, he would tell them I just never showed up. ,m::

Then there was the dancer several years back who would try to get her foot in the door by telling people she was my sister. I never found out who she was, but I did hear from plenty of people who were approached by this "sister" of mine. ..c::

Someone was booked for a night at a restaurant where I dance regularly under my name.

I happened to be there that night, the MC asked me why wasn't I in costume yet? Asked her why would I be, I wasn't scheduled to dance!

After much uproar, she figured out the discrepancy. That dancer has never been back.

These kinds of stories just give me the creeps! I really don't want to believe that people exist who would do these kinds of things, but unfortunately they do. Fortunately "karma" usually does prevail, though not always immediately. Sometimes it's much later down the road - even in the form of very delayed guilt suffered by the culprit that we may never know about.

As a great example, there was a girl I knew in school who spent our entire 7th grade year harassing me in as many twisted and bizaare ways as she could think of. Many years later after I had graduated from college, I got a call from her out of the blue - she had been given my phone number by my mom who thought she was a friend. This girl then tells me that she is calling from the mental institution where she lives, and her therapist suggested she track me down because she was wracked with guilt about what she had done to me, and he thought this might help her ..c:: . This didn't make me feel "good" really, but it did illustrate that while we may sometimes never know it, those who commit heinous acts against us may really be paying for it in one way or another.

Maryon, since we are in the same area would you be willing to email me with the name of the directory this happened to you on? I'm wondering if this dancer has done this to more than one of us in the same area and I'd like to check....

I can't believe ANYONE would do such a spiteful thing, let alone another dancer.

I'd LOVE to say "trust in karma" but lately I've started to wonder whether it really does exist. ,f:: Have you ever noticed how nasty things always happen to nice people while those who deserve to be .p:: get away with murder?

Originally Posted by Lilladancer

As a great example, there was a girl I knew in school who spent our entire 7th grade year harassing me in as many twisted and bizaare ways as she could think of. Many years later after I had graduated from college, I got a call from her out of the blue - she had been given my phone number by my mom who thought she was a friend. This girl then tells me that she is calling from the mental institution where she lives, and her therapist suggested she track me down because she was wracked with guilt about what she had done to me, and he thought this might help her ..c:: . This didn't make me feel "good" really, but it did illustrate that while we may sometimes never know it, those who commit heinous acts against us may really be paying for it in one way or another.

Lilladancer, I think you bring up an important aspect of all this. The people who do these sorts of heinous things - whether it be like you experienced in school or the belly-drama kinds - the people are unwell. To commit the sort of act they do they clearly are unhealthy and operating from a place of discomfort, pain, ego, self-centeredness, lack of ethics, fear, lack of self esteem etc.
That doesn't make it OK, logical or right, but sometimes figuring out the person's dysfunction can help us deal with them unscathed. And truly- acting from those mind-sets are sometimes karma in their own way.
The really horrible ones get found out eventually by the community. Some people are SO ingrained to act out in those ways they do it with everyone. What they may perceive as self protection and the rest of the world sees as blatant dishonesty will come to light in time.

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

Lilladancer, I think you bring up an important aspect of all this. The people who do these sorts of heinous things - whether it be like you experienced in school or the belly-drama kinds - the people are unwell. To commit the sort of act they do they clearly are unhealthy and operating from a place of discomfort, pain, ego, self-centeredness, lack of ethics, fear, lack of self esteem etc.
That doesn't make it OK, logical or right, but sometimes figuring out the person's dysfunction can help us deal with them unscathed. And truly- acting from those mind-sets are sometimes karma in their own way.
The really horrible ones get found out eventually by the community. Some people are SO ingrained to act out in those ways they do it with everyone. What they may perceive as self protection and the rest of the world sees as blatant dishonesty will come to light in time.

Originally Posted by EzmaSiddiqah

Can't control other people, what they do and say, but I do have control over my behavior and speech. I'll take the high road, be a better person, stick with my morals/ethics and what is right for me. After 30 years in business, I've seen everything. The nasties will get what they deserve.

As we say in in our troupe when someone feels bad, "let's dance about it!"

These are beautiful posts that really sum up my whole personal belief system.

Karma may not always 'work' in bringing us the visible, Biblical-retribution style justice our own darker sides would like to see.

But I totally agree with Samira, people who are secure and happy and leading joyful lives would NEVER for a moment consider doing these things. These people are eaten up with anger, hate, jealousy, mistrust, and insecurity. They ARE suffering, the suffering they bring to others is just a tiny reflection of the hurt that's going on inside them -- overflowing into the outside world. So while they may appear to be enjoying success or whatever, there is a subtle justice going on.

I also agree that knowing toxic people live every day in anger and pain doesn't excuse their behavior, and we have a right to protect ourselves from them.

Wow, it looks like you are not alone! This is horrible.