Thread: Tipping

wat is the best course of action when a dancer is tipped (lets say, $1k) fm a regular customer at a restaurant? customer got a staff to pass dancer the note with his mouth....

ok, tt dancer's me....i was pretty confused as to whether to accept the note in the same manner or to just continue dancing and ignore him....but the whole thing happened in front of other audiences, some middle eastern customers were there too....

i did not want to offend the audience but neither do i want to leave the poor staff standing in the middle of the stage with a note in his mouth while customer kept urging him.....so.....i accepted it.....biting the other end of the note.....

i was shocked several ways....the amount....the manner it was given and accepted....and my concern someone in the audience will come up to me bearing a sword for my offensive action....

don get me wrong.....i really really really appreciate the big tip and the regular customer is a very nice and friendly man.....but was my action an insult to the middle eastern audience? come to think of it, i shld have taken the money by hand but i tot tt would seem like im desperate......usually when i dance, i get high just from the atmosphere, the music, the ppl and of course the dance itself....so when something like this happens, dancer need to think and act quickly and ethically......which i don think i did.....did i?

i really appreciate advice on this.....

tx

I'm not sure whether to just settle back with some popcorn and watch this thread or not. At least here in the U.S., what sort of tipping behavior is appropriate can be a heated topic. It's my understanding that this style of tipping isn't unheard-of with Turkish audiences, but Arabs, for example, might see it as odd or tacky. So it depends on you, your audience, and the venue.

As dancers we really do surrender to the moment, and sometimes this leads us (or me, anyway) to do things on instinct that we look back at afterwards and think "Did I screw up there?" When this happens I take some time to figure out what I will do if the situation arises again. I also try very hard to move on without beating myself up about it. ..g.: If we stop surrendering to the moment we'll lose our dance altogether...

Sorry - I know you're probably looking for a more concrete answer to the question of "what will I do next time". If it was a sassy Turkish performance, and the staff member wasn't uncomfortable, I don't see a problem. If it were me and I were trying to change the outcome next time, I'd stop and wag a finger playfully at the tipper(s), and then direct them to put the tip in my belt, or over my head, or however you prefer to take tips.

I wrote an article in my blog recently talking about the balancing act we go through when we aren't dancing in an ethnically homogeneous venue - we have to balance the views and expectations of our own culture, the culture of the area where we are dancing, and the multiple cultures that usually make up our audience. It's quite a challenge.

Please, let's clarify - some regular customer gave a staff person (a busboy or waiter?) a 1000 dollar bill to give to you with his mouth. You took it in your teeth, and your question is: have I offended ME clients?

Wow. I don't know enough about ME customs to answer you, but I think that if you took the bill either in your teeth or in hand with a bit of humor, most audience members would not be offended. It's not like the bill was stuffed down your bra! Just my humble, and not too well-informed opinion. Others who know more than I do can say more about the reaction of an ME audience.

From Aslahan: If it were me and I were trying to change the outcome next time, I'd stop and wag a finger playfully at the tipper(s), and then direct them to put the tip in my belt, or over my head, or however you prefer to take tips.

I wrote an article in my blog recently talking about the balancing act we go through when we aren't dancing in an ethnically homogeneous venue - we have to balance the views and expectations of our own culture, the culture of the area where we are dancing, and the multiple cultures that usually make up our audience. It's quite a challenge. - (end quote)

Excellent answer.

tku aslahan and soshannaq,

i hoped my gesture last nite seemed like i injected some humour to it....i tried fiddling with the note and showing it to other audience for a bit and tried sticking it onto my sweaty forehead. i saw mr khaled mahmoud did that when he was in town for a show some years back. he's a great master and i loved his workshop.....

back to topic.....your replies relieved me a bit......i don have to live the rest of my bellydance career thinking 'y the hell did i do tt?'...

gd answer aslahan. lets hope im sharp enuff to act accordingly the next time it happens....be it $1 or $1000......

for last nite, ill see it as a tease :-)

Originally Posted by ShoshannaQ

Please, let's clarify - some regular customer gave a staff person (a busboy or waiter?) a 1000 dollar bill to give to you with his mouth. You took it in your teeth, and your question is: have I offended ME clients?

Wow. I don't know enough about ME customs to answer you, but I think that if you took the bill either in your teeth or in hand with a bit of humor, most audience members would not be offended. It's not like the bill was stuffed down your bra! Just my humble, and not too well-informed opinion. Others who know more than I do can say more about the reaction of an ME audience.

soshannaq, he's one of the senior staff of the restaurant but i suppose it never happen to him before either cos it was quite hilarious seeing his 'r-u-kidding?' expression on his face.....heheh....

If one wanted to make this into a big fun production, one could pretend to first take a little taste of the treat offered in a pantomime - like a kid trying batter with a finger and licking it off happily and then work the retrieval of the treasured and desired treat out a bit, depending on how the mood is and how the waiter is up for it. That would open up a way to entertain the guest, show appreciation and then retrieve the bill without getting into any kind of weirdness. And, after all said and done, it may not be the worst idea to give a bit of the share to the waiter, even if the guest took care of that already. Now, not being familiar with the local currency - how much is 1000 Singapore dollars in US dollars or Euros?

Personally, I'd try to avoid putting money in my mouth, because it's money and who knows where it's been. If it happens again, what if you just laugh it off, feign wanting to give him a kiss, and then gesture toward the part of your costume where you'd rather get the tip? This probably won't work in all situations, but making a joke out of "Aren't you silly? I can't give you a kiss when you've got money sticking out of your mouth!" (even when you have no intention of kissing the guy) might be another way to diffuse the situation. Admittedly, some Muslims may be upset by the idea of a woman kissing a strange man, even if it's just a little peck on the cheek, so it depends on the crowd and you have to play it carefully. It's probably a good idea not to actually ever deliver on a kiss (the less physical contact you have with the audience, the better), but that still leaves a lot of room for puckering up and backing off flirtatiously as if you changed your mind. I know I've seen native dancers do that little trick of kissing their fingertips and flicking them at the audience, or kissing their hands and blowing kisses toward them, so those gestures apparently aren't terribly offensive in a dance context.

To be honest, I would probably lose my ME restaurant gig if I accepted a tip that way. That said, I understand the temptation to "walk the line" - especially if it is a large tip! How the heck do you think we pay for these costumes... lol!

The problem is this: you give them an inch, they take a mile. This is true of any audience, any ethnicity. Today you take a tip in your mouth, tomorrow it's in your bra - you're basically allowing the audience to set the rules regarding tipping, which can become a slippery slope. Any dancer - any entertainer for that matter - needs to maintain control with their audience.

When I've been stuck in awkward situations before regarding tips (mouth money/bra tip attempts) I try first to regain control by creating humour. I'll wave my hip at the tipper, or at the very least attempt to put my hip between the tipper and the rest of my body (which can result in some very long backbends - oye!). If they still don't get the message, there are other ways - depending on the situation - that you can still accept the tip without giving up control of the situation. Often with a mouth tipper, if they still aren't getting the message, I'll pause - give the audience a cheeky look - take the tip with my fingers, and tuck it in my belt. Done with the correct amount of timing, this usually results in roars of laughter and applause. Coming from an acting background, this is why I often suggest to new restaurant dancers to take an acting improv class - though it sounds totally unrelated, it trains you to think fast on your feet in a variety of situations, including dance.

Unfortunately, I have had to "let tips go" in the past when the tipper has been particularly aggressive or inappropriate. It's frustrating, but your dignity is worth far more than anyone could ever pay you for it.

As someone else mentioned, tipping in the mouth is grossly unhygienic too. Money is filthy! Protect your health! :)

tku all for the replies....i suppose injecting humour out of situations like this is the best idea since it looks less offensive to audences at the same time soothes off any ego from male tippers....

earlier in the nite before i got my BIG tip, a lady fm the same grp came up to me with a $50 bill in her mouth too.....she came so close to me to pass me the bill and wen i took it with my hand she took it back and put it in her mouth again....it repeated several times....so everytime i took it with my hand she took it back....eventually she just tucked it into my belt after 'consulting' with her friends :-)

steffib, $1000 singapore dollars is about 700 US or 600 euro......thereabouts.... :-)

what ever you decide is appropriate, make sure you apply it to all sizes of tips. the danger if you don't is that it becomes a game of "what's her price?" and you don't want people to think that if they just have enough money you'll do whatever they want, dot dot dot.....
depending on your audience you can give more leeway to women than to men for example some dancers allow women to tip into their bra but not men. but if the audience is likely to not understand the rules then it's best to keep it consistent. you could also possibly consider the waitstaff a separate rules bracket, depending on how it comes across.
in some venues (ie, American strip clubs) tips in the mouth can be construed as someone trying to sortta buy as close to a kiss as they can get in public. but i don't know about other cultures, someone mentioned that it's innocent in Turkish circles.
i'd also be worried about hygiene, one of the reasons i don't do floorwork at the restaurant i dance at is because i don't want to find out what was on the bottom of customer x's shoes by being diagnosed with it. it's sortta the same situation, and it's up to you what you want to risk.

happens all the time. i get up close and pretend i am going to take it with my mouth, then reach up and take it with my hand...gets a laugh.over 4 decades you find your little baog of treat to get your point there with out loseing your job.

First, my reaction to taking a tip with your mouth has a reallllly ewwww and ick factor and I'm not just talking hygiene here!,s:: If they really were serious about providing such a large tip, they would be more respectful!

I've passed up tips when the tipper is aggressive about trying to stuff it down my bra cup - usually get a laugh from a audience when I smile, shake my head and back away, shaking my finger "no, no, naughty, naughty" at tipper. ..l;,

I've even had to rap knuckles of tippers with my finger cymbals - one was grabbing my belt while the other one attempted to stuff a dollar waaaay down front of belt!

Let's face it, the whole tipping on the costume schtick is fraught with peril.......

Originally Posted by zamora

happens all the time. i get up close and pretend i am going to take it with my mouth, then reach up and take it with my hand...gets a laugh.

Okay, now I am picturing a dancer grabbing a bill out of the customer's mouth and a set of false teeth flying out, still clenching the money. Tipping Reeducation WIN!

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

Okay, now I am picturing a dancer grabbing a bill out of the customer's mouth and a set of false teeth flying out, still clenching the money. Tipping Reeducation WIN!

..l;,..l;,..l;,
like those extenda-grabber things? omg fab.

I find that humor is the best way to handle the occasional odd tipping situation.

One time, I was performing at a very large birthday party. One of the guests put a dollar bill in his mouth and offered it to me. I stopped dancing, put my hands on my hips (in a comic fashion), comically scowled at him with a look as if to say, "What ever makes you think THAT is appropriate behavior????", and shook my finger at him the way you'd scold a naughty little boy. The guy turned beet red, took the bill out of his mouth, and offered it to me in his hand. Meanwhile, everyone sitting around him was laughing loudly at him for deserving the scolding. So, I lightened up, smiled, took the tip in my hand and thanked him, and resumed dancing.

The other guests found it so entertaining that wife of the birthday boy put a tip in his mouth so that we could all re-enact the scene with the guest of honor being the one being scolded for his naughty behavior.

thank u everyone!!

i hope we can keep this thread going mainly to share experiences cos at the end of the day, different circumstances will require different actions so we can all learn fm each other :-)

in the restaurant where i pfm, sometimes i have customers waving and gesturing me with bills in their hands. its obvious they wanna tip me. do i dance over to their table or ignore them or gesture them over to my pfm area to accept their tips?

also wat do u think abt dancing around tables. to me its not a big issue cos i find its more interactive that way. i mean as bellydance artiste we love appreciative and attentive crowd and i do get that especially when i dance near my audience. its not about wanting to get tips. if they do, bonus for me. if not, im not gonna linger and beg for it...


maia