Thread: Standing up to a rude restaurant owner

Okay guys; I want to know how you would have reacted if you were in my shoes:


I have danced twice at a small Greek restaurant in my town. It's a very quiet place and the owner who happens to be a very grumpy old Greek, wanted to attract customers by having a bellydancer. The first time I danced there, it was great! The whole place was booked for a private family party and the audience was wonderful. I danced for 20 minutes, got $75.00 for my base fee plus $20 or so tips. So it was a good night, happy customers and happy me.

He then wanted to me to dance there for Christmas Eve and New Year's eve and said he could only afford to pay $40 for 15-minute show. I think this is extremely low for a restaurant gig based on my previous gigs and online research on how much gigs go for. On Christmas Eve, I was supposed to do my dance at 7 pm but he told me to wait until 7:30 since the place was empty and he was hoping for more tables to fill up.

Anyhow, this evening i went to the restaurant to go over the time for NYE and confirmation. I sat there and was chatting with him and the waitress for a few minutes and when I brought up the time confirmation, he got annoyed at me and said that he didn't need to hear it "fifty f****ing times" in order to remember. I told him the only reason I am double checking about the time, is because last time, he delayed me for 30 minutes which was not professional and fair.

So as I was heading out and saying goodbye to the waitress and asking about her plans for NYE and vice versa (maybe 30 seconds or so,) he got so pissed off and told me : "that's it, I don't need to hear about your life." and said some obsene stuff. This is when I stood up to him and said "you are being rude". He didn't like hearing that and got more angry and showed me the door. I kept very calm and said, "that's is great, because I am never coming back here" and left.

I can deal with old grumpy miserable restaurant owners and am used to it, but when he started swearing, I could not tolerate that kind of behaviour. Have any of you had to deal with something like this and would you have done the same as I did, which is not take crap from for any amount of money?

I have much better gigs anyway for double the money and amazing respectful people so I walked out. And I probably still would have walked out even if I needed the money badly.

Did I do the right thing? After all, I know that we should be proud of our art and not take abuse from people in the BD business right?

Thanks for any insight and sharing your own experience!

I would have done the same. Actually, I would have walked at $40 for holiday pay, I think.

This man either doesn't respect women, doesn't respect bellydancers, or has a problem with you personally. Doesn't matter which it is, in the end -- he's treating you with no respect and if you were to tolerate it, it would only get worse.

Hi!

His behaviour was extremely disgusting, rude, disrespectful and impolite! You've done absolutely right.
Moreover, I would tell all people I know about his horrible behaviour. Maybe, this has an effect because sooner or later, he will hear about those rumours and maybe think about his behaviour (ok, I know: Hope dies last...as we say in Germany).

Just out of curiosity: Is 75 Dollars the normal amount of money a professional dancer gets for a performance in your area? This seems extremely low to me. Here in Germany in my area I would never ever dance for such a (for me) ridiculous amount of money (although some restaurant owners try to get dancers for rates like that...)

Interesting how different rates are in different countries if this is the average amount you dancers get there.

Love, Sahira.

In my experience holiday pay is always more than non-holiday nights. And $20 in tips for a packed restaurant seems a bit low. I am thinking the owner may have set a tone among patrons re tipping dancers. I have heard of that happening when owners wanted tips to be directed to wait-staff. Dancers are often not considered as important as wait-staff.

$40, is extremely low. I knew some dancer in the 80's who got paid that and that was considered low back then. $75 isn't too bad, but I still think it is low. Most restaurant dancers command at least $100 if it's a regular gig. If you are being called in just for special parties you should charge a party rate of at least $150.

You did the right thing to walk out. You don't need to be treated that way. And it's an thing, I've observed in this dance biz, the more you need the money and are willing to compromise, the less money you are offered, and you are treated with less respect. You need to be firm with your price and be able to walk away from gigs that won't pay. Once you start compromising you go down a slippery slope and it's hard to get back up to making the money you should be.

Especially if you are in a small town or a tight knit ethnic community where word gets around.

Thanks everyone for your replies and sorry that I posted this original thread twice in two places here

Yes, even before I read your replies, I knew that that was far too low. So I will listen to my instincts and own values next time.

I have been doing lots of private events and gigs for the last 3 years, so I am still quite new to the restaurant gigs. And in other gigs, people have treated me with the upmost respect and gone out of their way to appreciate my art, having paid me generously and recommended me to others. This is the FIRST time I had to deal with such a disgusting individual. But the positive thing is: I have learned a valuable leasson for it all.