Thread: Interesting Debate: All Male Parties

I was updating my website with the "I do not dance for bachelor parties" when I thought of something that could change that idea...

Placing the "no all male parties" clause - would I feel the same way if I got a call from a gay couple asking me to dance for their "bachelor party" or an "all male" party?

So - the question is...

Is a group of men just a group of men regardless of their sexual orientation or would you dance for an all male party if you knew the party was an "all gay" male party...

Discuss....

Well I've never been asked to do a bachelor party, but I think if I were I would probably do it and charge them extra so that I could hire & bring my own security. And make it abundantly clear that certain things are not tolerated.

So if it was an all-male party of the other persuasion I would probably just skip the security & extra fee.

Gay men wouldn't be likely to sexually harrass or assault you, even if they were drunk.

I think a lot of dancers choose not to because of what they feel it would represent, also comfort zone.

Think...college students for there dorm/frat party...No. A law firm of nothing but male associates for there annual Christmas benefit...considerable. A bunch of "homosexual" men wanting to learn a few tricks of the trade...probably so. A group of sober men you actually know at least 85%...stronger possibility. All men and alcohol=I would recommend you say no even if you do know them.

As for the person who mentioned the security...I think it would be safe to always have the buddy system for any non-public event because you never know. I can't think of many men who wouldn't want to come and watch you perform and make sure nobody touches you, lol.

I used to dance at bachelor parties all the time and never had a problem. Of course, "Mr. Latifa" was part of the act. I think having another person there -- preferably an ex-special ops guy who's protective ;-) -- just puts any naughty thoughts out of the guys' heads.

I know friends who a rough time at a "hen" party so I think attitude and alcohol have to be a factor and are likely to change the nature of any party.
I suppose a gay guy is just as likely to think you might be after his partner and some might be envious.Do you know any of the party personally? I would still have an escort mind you he might be the centre of attentions and not you!

Id do a gay party... but Id definately take somebody with me.

i've never been asked to do an all male party and i dont have that listed on my website. i have been asked to give a "private dance" for one male solo and turned that down. ill usually turn down a gig if it gives me a bad vibe or make sure to take someone with me so i feel more comfortable.

Originally Posted by latriamou

i've never been asked to do an all male party and i dont have that listed on my website. i have been asked to give a "private dance" for one male solo and turned that down. ill usually turn down a gig if it gives me a bad vibe or make sure to take someone with me so i feel more comfortable.

EW.

Personally - I think I am gonna take down the "no dancing at all male parties" on my website and just filter through the calls as they come. That way - I am not excluding anyone.

Ha - I had a request 2 weeks ago to do a "private dance" for one guy. I was like - um NO!! Icky!!

As for an escort - a must no matter what the gig.

I bring my dad with me if I feel not sure about an all male party. Not many guys would try something in front of a gals dad.

I would not do any gig where I felt I had to take someone with me-I am going to work.You don't take someone with you to the office etc. i don't see why they have to pay for two people to come-unless you ladies who take a chaperone charge twice as much and pay for them out of your wages.

I don't think you can necessarily assume a party of gay men is going to be all "you go girl" and lovely. Some gay men, like some straight men, hate women. Of course one would assume they wouldn't hire a BDer in that case, but there's always a possibility a few drunken queens would be very nasty to you. I've known gay men to become very very snide towards women on occasion. Better man than you'll ever have, better woman than you'll ever be, *****, etc. I think you would have to be prepared to give as good as you got if you took such a gig.

So much would depend, as in all gigs, on why they were booking you and what kind of people they were.

I think it's fine to have a policy and yet be willing to be flexible with it based on the situation. For example, I have a policy that I don't book past 9pm, but I booked a 9:4pm slot once because it was 1) in a public place, not a private residence and b) practically around the corner of my house, so my usual travel time was eliminated.

While I have "no all male parties" on my website and voicemail, there was one situation where I would have made an exception. Someone called and was looking for a BellyGram for a naming ceremony (?) at a VFW/Moose Lodge kind of organization. According to the caller, the meeting was going to be in a nearby restaurant, in the middle of the day, with no alcohol being served, *and* the guests would for the most part be quite elderly. I think I'd have bent the rule for that sort of gig, but by the time I returned the phone call, they had found someone else.

Originally Posted by Candi

I would not do any gig where I felt I had to take someone with me-I am going to work.You don't take someone with you to the office etc.

While I certainly don't have an issue with anyone who does bring chaperones to gigs, for myself I feel the same as Candi. I've never brought anyone along with me. If I wouldn't feel comfortable being there alone, I wouldn't feel comfortable exposing anyone else to the environment either.

Originally Posted by Candi

I would not do any gig where I felt I had to take someone with me-I am going to work.You don't take someone with you to the office etc. i don't see why they have to pay for two people to come-unless you ladies who take a chaperone charge twice as much and pay for them out of your wages.

I only go alone if it's during the day and in a public place (like a restaurant). I even bring someone to public places if it's at night.

Regardless of whether or not you "feel" safe, and regardless of the fact that this is a job, you do not show up to a "normal" job at night wearing a sexy bedleh (or, at least I hope you don't show up to your day job like that!), and you know your office - it's not someone's house, or a restaurant or lounge full of people you don't know.

It's just smart to take someone if you can, regardless of the vibe you get from talking to the client.

Also, it's logistically easier - who watches your stuff while you are performing if you are alone?

I bring either my husband or my mother (I don't pay either of them!), or a student or friend (I will give them gas money if they drive, otherwise they are just coming for a free show). It's a good way to give almost-pro students exposure to performing and they help you out as well.

Slight thread-jack, but to tie it into the initial topic - I bring someone even if it's an all female party! (bridal and baby showers during the day are an exception). Any party can act wild or crazy, guys aren't the only ones who do that.

I danced at a party once that was all gay men and lesbian women. The guys were soooo into the show, getting up and dancing with me, and the women were trying to tip me inappropriately (trying to shove dollars in the boobs....). So, while I do have a policy on my website that says "no all male parties", I really evaluate on a case by case basis because it's hard to generalize.

I've done retirement parties before where it was all men - just because of the nature of the job (police, construction workers, etc) - and not because the guys were looking for a little "hoochy-koochy". They were totally respectable and fun parties.

Originally Posted by danielabellydance

I danced at a party once that was all gay men and lesbian women. The guys were soooo into the show, getting up and dancing with me, and the women were trying to tip me inappropriately (trying to shove dollars in the boobs....). So, while I do have a policy on my website that says "no all male parties", I really evaluate on a case by case basis because it's hard to generalize.
.

Good point. And I agree and have witnessed what Zumarrad said too. Inappropriate behaviour is not gender or sexual-preference specific.

I'd say do what is right for you. If you maintain a very business-forward, professional demeanor, most people will be respectful towards you. Of course you have your idiots and those that become idiots from drinking too much. But overall, I think presenting yourself with much self-respect and treating your client as just that, a client (rather than a buddy), will get you good treatment and respect of your business.

Ah I see now you are talking about chaperones for private parties- I never do them. I never go to anybodies house. Community halls or restaurants only. i've danced for all male groups when they have turned up at the restaurant but thats in a restaurant where there are women diners. If you are going to peoples houses I can see why you take someone with you.
Dancing is my day job by the way

Originally Posted by stardancer

I bring my dad with me if I feel not sure about an all male party. Not many guys would try something in front of a gals dad.

Haha...that tops 'em all.

Originally Posted by Candi

I would not do any gig where I felt I had to take someone with me-I am going to work.You don't take someone with you to the office etc. i don't see why they have to pay for two people to come-unless you ladies who take a chaperone charge twice as much and pay for them out of your wages.

You don't have to pay everyone who goes with you. Some people go because they are true friends, some go because they want to watch too, but some do go because they are getting paid.

Think of it as if you invite unnamed celebrity-you best believe they are more than likely bringing security and charging you for it if you aren't arranging it for them.

Originally Posted by danielabellydance

I only go alone if it's during the day and in a public place (like a restaurant). I even bring someone to public places if it's at night.

Regardless of whether or not you "feel" safe, and regardless of the fact that this is a job, you do not show up to a "normal" job at night wearing a sexy bedleh (or, at least I hope you don't show up to your day job like that!), and you know your office - it's not someone's house, or a restaurant or lounge full of people you don't know.

It's just smart to take someone if you can, regardless of the vibe you get from talking to the client.

Also, it's logistically easier - who watches your stuff while you are performing if you are alone?

I bring either my husband or my mother (I don't pay either of them!), or a student or friend (I will give them gas money if they drive, otherwise they are just coming for a free show). It's a good way to give almost-pro students exposure to performing and they help you out as well.

Slight thread-jack, but to tie it into the initial topic - I bring someone even if it's an all female party! (bridal and baby showers during the day are an exception). Any party can act wild or crazy, guys aren't the only ones who do that.

I danced at a party once that was all gay men and lesbian women. The guys were soooo into the show, getting up and dancing with me, and the women were trying to tip me inappropriately (trying to shove dollars in the boobs....). So, while I do have a policy on my website that says "no all male parties", I really evaluate on a case by case basis because it's hard to generalize.

I've done retirement parties before where it was all men - just because of the nature of the job (police, construction workers, etc) - and not because the guys were looking for a little "hoochy-koochy". They were totally respectable and fun parties.

Hmm...never thought about the lesbian thing-that is probably the equivalent of an all-male party, but worse because someone might get jealous over girlfriend looking at you the wrong way.

I agree regardless the situation-you should consider taking someone, as they say-better safe than sorry.

I think my site says 'no all-male parties' or similar, but it does sound like we *assume* men will behave like beasts, doesn't it?

I wonder if it would be better to say "Lauren provides family-friendly entertainment and her dancing isn't suitable entertainment for things like bachelor or frat parties."

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I wonder if it would be better to say "Lauren provides family-friendly entertainment and her dancing isn't suitable entertainment for things like bachelor or frat parties."

I would propose elevating bellydancing as an art and putting the burden of appropriateness on the hosting venue, rather than your dancing, something along the lines of "Lauren provides family-friendly entertainment at restaurants, church halls, and private celebrations. Bachelor and frat parties are not appropriate venues for this art form".


Khalida

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I think my site says 'no all-male parties' or similar, but it does sound like we *assume* men will behave like beasts, doesn't it?

I wonder if it would be better to say "Lauren provides family-friendly entertainment and her dancing isn't suitable entertainment for things like bachelor or frat parties."

I like the sound of it Lauren :). I think the partying crowd of men will read it and be like-nope, not her-we better go with some other form of entertainment, ;).

I have a caveat on my site saying that i will evaluate all male events on a case by case basis. Afterall, if the Shrines are putting on a staged variety show, Ii wouldn't want to knock myself out of the running because I have NO ALL MALE PARTIES on my site.

{{{HUGS}}}

I like that Tahira..

Gay men would probley not want a Women belly dancer ! you need to hire a body guard when you perform at a lesbian party )LOL). i have performed at both and the women scared me more then any gay or strait man. usually strait men are shy? I would dance for all male party in a piblic place or like you said hire a big male friend to go with you. but being how the belly dancer trys to sell her self as being a good girl in a bad costume(LOL) they might want to go with the exotic dancer?
Nadirah

Originally Posted by khalida777

I would propose elevating bellydancing as an art and putting the burden of appropriateness on the hosting venue, rather than your dancing, something along the lines of "Lauren provides family-friendly entertainment at restaurants, church halls, and private celebrations. Bachelor and frat parties are not appropriate venues for this art form".


Khalida

I like Khalida's approach. Well said.

Originally Posted by Nadirah007

Gay men would probley not want a Women belly dancer !

My experience has been that Gay men love belly dancers! we appeal to their inner divas! And we aren't trying to get their boyfriends!

{{{HUGS}}}

Originally Posted by catwomyn

Gay men wouldn't be likely to sexually harrass or assault you, even if they were drunk.

I would have agreed with you but... I once did a gig in an all male gay bar and as soon I came in a bunch of them started shouting "take it off! take if off!". Then they wanted to see my breasts to see if I was a "real" woman. I just acted as catty as they were and kept doing my show, but I was shaken up.

As as for bachelor parties, I once did a bachelor party for a bunch of (straight, I assume) hippies and it was great. They thought I embodied the "mother goddess" and after a short lesson they were all getting in touch with their feminine side.