Thread: day job vs. night job

how hard is it for you ladies that have day jobs as something other than a belly dancer (performing wise i mean, not instructor)? Does it at all mess w/your day job or have you ever gotten any criticism from anyone, co workers, family, friends, for doing both?

For example, if I were to ever pick up performing as a sort of "part time" thing (restaurants, night clubs, etc.) I would get a lot of criticism from the folks who would probably think I'm wasting my time and that I had wasted my time being in school if I was just going to be bellydancing in the end (they don't let me dance at restaurants now but that's a different issue). But then again, my parents are sorta old school and my culture might have a lot to do w/that.

just curious to see what you ladies have to say in your experiences :)

My parents still think that bellydancing is a "silly hobby" that I have. I mean, they love watching me and think that I'm good at it, but they always say things like "when you have a family you'll give up this dance thing you are doing." Whenever I say I'd like to quit my day job (I'm a lawyer) and just be a dancer, they tell me I can't do that because what a waste of money my law degree would have been.

So, I don't get flack for it, but they do think it's a phase or something (notwithstanding the fact that I've been dancing professionally for 6 years....)

Originally Posted by danielabellydance

My parents still think that bellydancing is a "silly hobby" that I have. I mean, they love watching me and think that I'm good at it, but they always say things like "when you have a family you'll give up this dance thing you are doing." Whenever I say I'd like to quit my day job (I'm a lawyer) and just be a dancer, they tell me I can't do that because what a waste of money my law degree would have been.

So, I don't get flack for it, but they do think it's a phase or something (notwithstanding the fact that I've been dancing professionally for 6 years....)

my parents are pretty much the same way! they love to come watch me and think it's a great hobby but they think it's silly for me to take it as serious as to perform on a regular basis. and since i've picked up other dances as well they don't see any of those any more than just a hobby j/like bd too.

the issue they would have w/me performing on a regular basis is me getting paid which they think is what strippers do. don't agree w/them of course but hey, what can ya do? and this isn't just for bd, it's for any dance (according to what they say but i don't believe that, i think they're j/a bit biased towards bd or something).

*sigh* ..c::

I can't say from a professional stand point yet (because I haven't developed into that) but as far as dancing in small shows and taking classes. I've had nothing but praise.

My family loves it. I've even gotten my 11 year old sister involved. She loves it! She has her little costumes and she just has to put on a show whenever there are people over. I've also had my other sisters (both 18) and my mother ask me to show them how to do certain things they see me doing. Even my grandma. She doesn't really understand the dance, but she'll say little things like "What was that? Show me that again!" hehe She loves shimmies!

As for co-workers. I work in a grooming salon of about 10 women. And they've shown a lot of interest. They've asked me to start teaching small classes so they can learn. But I'm to shy for that I think =)

I will admit - I live a double life. I work in "corporate America" and have found that "suits" do not understand what bellydance is. 99% of the time, people often confused bellydancer with stripper. So - I find it easier to just keep them separate.

My family and friends obviously know what I do but I leave it at that. They support me and love that I have this "creative" side.

It is hard. I have to sometimes leave the office early to teach or prepare for a performance. I usually blame it on my kid - poor guy.

Yea - it sucks but there is also a "fun" side to it.

I lead a double life. Geek by day and dancer by night. How cool is that!!

My lives are totally intertwined - everyone knows me as the bellydancing lawyer! I even put bellydance instructor on my resume! Hey, it takes a lot of organization and leadership skills to pull off my annual student showcase, among other things!

My family and friend are totally cool with me making money off of this - everyone has seen me enough to know that this does not equal stripping. And my parents are happy when I make money dancing - but they still feel like it would be a "waste of my brain" if I gave up the day job to pursue dancing. And a waste of money seeing as law school is incredibly expensive. :-(

I've always wanted to be a dancer - I've been dancing (ballet, tap, jazz) since I was two. But I always got the "You are too smart to waste your brain on dance" line from my parents. I know they meant well - they wanted me to live a comfortable life and not worry about $$, because they were always worrying about $. And let's face it, dancers aren't exactly rolling in the dough. But it was very discouraging. When I have kids, I will try to encourage them to do what makes them happy, not what makes them the most money.

My mother was actually the one who got me into dancing, so I don't have the parental dicouragement.

As far as the "day job" goes? I don't keep it a secret. Every so often someone, my boss for example when she found out, makes a comment like "you're quite a mystery" or "I didn't know you did... that" and I think... hmm, perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

I think I get a pass for being so young though. My boss will remind me 'oh well, i forget sometimes that you're new to this and that this is your first job so you don't know how to deal with x y or z' which is annoying in some respects, but also gives me the liberty to be the crazy free spirit of the office (even though i'm only like 3 years younger than anyone else)

My lives are intertwined as well---daytime bank admin job, night-time/weekend Pilates instruction and bellydance. My daytime manager places news articles on bellydance and salsa on my desk, and anyone who is injured/plagued with some joint/muscle issue at all jobs come to me for advice!! I still consider myself a dancer, even though it has gone from FT to PT for me with the bellydance (I'm retired jazz dancer of many years). That's just the way it is; dance is a part of the very basic me. Now I'm enjoying not doing it FT, though.....after having been through 3 dance injuries and currently experiencing a hip/glute problem again....makes me grateful as a single person that I do not have to worry about paying the mortgage soley off dance anymore.....but also causing me to play with the idea of going back to school for physical therapy!
It is a juggle to do it all sometimes, as well as scheduling non-dance-related socialization, but I'm learning with organization, it totally can be done.

I get riled up whenever someone someone suggests a person is *wasting* his/her education because of a choice to do something other than what the degree implies or to work *below* their capabilities.

Dang!

Don't we yet have it figured out that an education is never wasted on a productive person, regardless in what way a person is productive???

My degree in business means that I learned a whole lotta stuff, and not all of it about accounting and financial statements. I use that knowledge all the time, whether I've been a bank teller, a bank supervisor, a corporate trainer, a department manager, a secretary/receptionist, or a mom; that knowledge has been very helpful for my volunteer life, especially as an officer on a non-profit's board of directors.

My education has been invaluable in life, including BD.

Currently, I am not working a day job. When I do start one, it will not be some high-powered executive job because I don't want one. I will work part time at a clerical-type job that I can leave at the office to pursue my real passion, belly dancing!

Don't let the naysayers get you down!

Deborah
A belly dancer with a magnum cum laude bachelor's degree and proud of it!

An issue with combining the day job with the night job is also dependent on how tolerant your (day) job upper management is to your night job. In the private sector, I don't know. However in the public sector, you're (in most cases) required to disclose if you have any outside employment for which you're compensated. This is to avoid any situations of 'conflict of interest'.

A dancer I know is a district attorney. She's openly disclosed on her disclosure form that she's a belly dancer. No flak from upper management, and more than once, newspaper articles have mentioned her dance career along with the fact that she's a D.A.

When I was called for jury duty a few years ago, one of the questions they ask is "Do you know anybody in law enforcement?". I openly admitted that I knew this person and gave her name. The person questioning me (not sure if it was the defense or prosecution) said, "Oh, so you know the belly dancing D.A.". So. obviously her fame had preceded her.

Originally Posted by casbahdance

I get riled up whenever someone someone suggests a person is *wasting* his/her education because of a choice to do something other than what the degree implies or to work *below* their capabilities.

Dang!

Don't we yet have it figured out that an education is never wasted on a productive person, regardless in what way a person is productive???

Yes!! Can you please talk to my parents for me!?!?

In my current "day job" are a bunch of folks I worked with before -- they told all the other folks I was a "belly dancer" before I even got on the job, so there wasn't much choice, or control!

Frankly, it was hard for me -- not because of work criticism, but because doing Systems Administration and/or Programming tend to be jobs that eat up tons of time. At one point, I was working nearly 100 hours/week; sleep was a premium, and I can recall hoping that something would work just so I could go home, shower, and maybe even hit the grocery store for the first time in a couple of weeks. That's when I started the hiatus I'm still struggling to come out of.

But that said, I know a lot of people who can do that balance. I've a friend who's a programmer by day, but who studies this dance, works in a Burlesque troupe, and studies Bharatanatyam on the Nights/Weekends. We don't get to talk to her much, these days. :)

Don't get much slack at my day job, I work with autustic children and most staff there have another job, low pay rate. My job just cases a few smiles. When I have (rarely) taken time off for a workshop I don't mention belly dance just say "I'm going away for the weekend".
Sometimes hard to do both, work all day (demanding job), teach at night, perform on the weekends. I have a three daughters and a husband as well, so much for "when you have a family you wont want to dance" huh?
My mother is 84 and thinks I'm complelely nuts, it's really very funny! She says that all her children are "nuts" but it isn't her fault because we are all nuts in a different way!,r:; I think secretly she enjoys telling her friends about her daughter the belly dancer..g.:
I don't see the relavence of what, after we are adults, our parents feel about a chosen career? At some point I guess you just say "this is what I love, I feel I have a gift and I intend to use it. Don't worry they'll deal with it! I feel the same about my own children, they need to use what they have as gifts and do what makes them happy. God love you if you can do this full time, I can't seem to have to keep the day job.

Although I don't have any type of exciting day job---Office Manager at an Auto Dealership---they are all aware of my "2nd job" and actually very supportive of it!
Mind you automotive people are pretty open minded, but considering it's 75 men to 5 women, the only issues with people thinking it's like being a stripper has been with 2 of the women! (Let's just describe them as unhappy, bitter people that are probably just exhibiting jealousy, and leave it at that)

The owners have donated $$ money to fundraisers and cars to use for
community events......we've had customers come in that are in my classes
or have seen me dance, and the owners just love it!

My family doesn't disapprove per se, more like doesn't get. My dad is elderly, and he just somehow is stuck on the concept that it's like Jazzercise classes and I'm really involved in it! ..l;, I just finally gave up on trying to explain it...no biggie. My sister is a bit of a "square peg" compared to me, so she just kinda acts like it doesn't exist......(she won't even talk about her hot flashes, so what does that tell you )

I work in a university, so there is a little more latitude allowed for those of us employees who also have an artistic bent (when that isn't our primary job for the university). I'm sure there are some units (departments/offices) on campus that it would be harder working for, but many are quite open to extra-curricular artistic (or other) endeavors. Heck, one of the professors in my department is into burlesque (not bd burly, but straight up burly) - he's the composer and head musician. Since I also serve as an advisor to an official registered student organization (in addition to my day job of being an admin secretary *and* one of my evening jobs of teaching dance at our Student Recreation Center), there tends to be even a little more latitude as I am directly involved in student "quality of life" endeavors on our campus. This is not to say that there aren't times when I could certainly use more of my own time (time off from the job) for my dance events that I can't actually take because of departmental/university needs (like this past week), but somehow I seem to manage to juggle event preparation crises and office crises without *totally* losing my mind. Maybe. ..c::

i've noticed that, in my experience at least, my american friends tend to have more acceptance and approval from their family than my non-american friends get (that is outside of this forum)

what provoked my parents to think they way they do about me performing in a restaurant or for money is that they saw one belly dancer accept tips in her bra strap and they were like hell no our daughter is not going to do that! ..c::
now i personally wouldn't want people to touch me either but i do realize it's the choice of the dancer and in your control. however, my parents have come to generalize that it has to be that way

Originally Posted by zfejzic

i've noticed that, in my experience at least, my american friends tend to have more acceptance and approval from their family than my non-american friends get (that is outside of this forum)

what provoked my parents to think they way they do about me performing in a restaurant or for money is that they saw one belly dancer accept tips in her bra strap and they were like hell no our daughter is not going to do that! ..c::
now i personally wouldn't want people to touch me either but i do realize it's the choice of the dancer and in your control. however, my parents have come to generalize that it has to be that way

Ahhhhhhh . . . that explains alot!

I wouldn't want my daughters, no matter what their age, to be accepting tips in their bras (although I think carefully-placed strap tips are usually okay), either.

Deborah

Originally Posted by casbahdance

Ahhhhhhh . . . that explains alot!

I wouldn't want my daughters, no matter what their age, to be accepting tips in their bras (although I think carefully-placed strap tips are usually okay), either.

Deborah

yes i totally understand that and their reaction to it b/c i myself am queasy about it but the fact that they closed off their minds to it totally j/ b/c of that one scenario..that i have some trouble with

Originally Posted by danielabellydance

So, I don't get flack for it, but they do think it's a phase or something (notwithstanding the fact that I've been dancing professionally for 6 years....)

..l;, This just reminds me when I was complaining to a friend about being told that something I was interested in was "just a phase" and she said, "You know, after a certain number of years, you have to admit that a phase is, in fact, a personality trait."

Most of the people I work with know I'm a dancer, I hang posters from our shows in my office, and pics on my shelves. I don't hide it. Many of my coworkers have been to see me dance, if not at a show then at a restaurant. I do get a few raised eyebrows, but most of my coworkers think I'm nuts anyway. Well, I also work in natural resources which tends to pull in a lot of "hippies" so that helps.

As for my family, they think I'm crazy. They are what I would call "semi-supportive". They were really happy for me when I was just a student, but now that I teach & perform (especially at restaurants) they are a little less supportive. I think they, too, thought it was a "phase" and are waiting on me to have a kid so I'm not in that "phase" any more....boy do I have news for them!! :-)

My husband is supportive, but he does sometimes throw the "you spend more time dancing that you do with me"...now here's the clencher--we work together, so actually I see him 24 hours a day. *sigh* I wouldn't have it any other way, but I do need my ME time!!!!!

My day job is a web/graphic designer for a school of education at a university. Since I am on the liberal arts side here, I have yet to come across anyone who would look at me sideways for being a dancer. I also work for as a bellydance instructor for the college's fitness program.

We also have a very strong engineering program here... I am not sure if things would be the same if I worked in one of those departments, but I would imagine that a university setting in general is more open-minded about the arts.

Working here does have a lot of benefits and flexibility, and off-hand, I can't think of any time that I have had to choose between my day job and dancing.

As far as family goes, my husband, son and parents have been nothing but supportive.

I can see why, if your parents think that way about BD that they are not so supportive! maybe coming to see YOU dance as well as explaining that you were raised BY THEM to make good decisions and follow your talents would help? That and giving them the time to just plain get used to it! after a few years it will be just another part of life!
speaking of supportive: I have one sister who has attended every show since I started dancing! I have been dancing my whole life and she took interest when I started BD, she helps me at my hafla's and is just great! My husband as well is great aobut it! He comes to every gig I have, he feels like I need to have someone there, which is nice! he doesn't come in just let's his presence be known, which is great for those surprise parties! he knocks on the door and brings out the person who hired me!

Originally Posted by faaria

I can see why, if your parents think that way about BD that they are not so supportive! maybe coming to see YOU dance as well as explaining that you were raised BY THEM to make good decisions and follow your talents would help? That and giving them the time to just plain get used to it! after a few years it will be just another part of life!
speaking of supportive: I have one sister who has attended every show since I started dancing! I have been dancing my whole life and she took interest when I started BD, she helps me at my hafla's and is just great! My husband as well is great aobut it! He comes to every gig I have, he feels like I need to have someone there, which is nice! he doesn't come in just let's his presence be known, which is great for those surprise parties! he knocks on the door and brings out the person who hired me!

my parents do and have come see me dance at our big biannual showcase and they are supportive of THOSE and other gigs i have w/my troupe as far as bridal shows and other venues like that..just no restaurant dancing. so they are supportive just not for that venue..i've got 4 gigs next week actually and they think that's great but as long as their daughter is not at a restaurant..lol

and the funny thing is my mom just started bd too! she's doing it for fitness/weight loss though and has no interest whatsoever in performing lol but maybe after a couple of months of classes she'll be convinced there is nothing stripperesque about it if u're at a restaurant or getting paid (not tips even!)! lol! the only thing they think is stripper about it is 1) dancing at restaurants and 2) getting paid to dance, tips or no tips.

so they are supportive but in a limited way? lol my younger brother (he's 13) comes to watch the shows w/them as well but of course could care less about the art haha and my boyfriend of almost 3 years loves and supports this and my other dances..he's not sooo into bd or any of my other ones but he's there when he can be and he has no prob w/it whether i were to dance at a restaurant, night club, or w/e! but i do think he'd have a prob w/ppl touching me for tips, just as i would so that would be a no no for me as well! lol but yah my bf only has so much of an attention span for bd that he likes the haflas better cuz we do bollywood and polynesian as well..and he'll see me perform flamenco for the first time in may :)

When I worked full-time, I didn't tell my employer because he was a pig. But some of the other people there knew. They never saw me dance.

The last few years I have been doing a lot of childcare in religious programs and they know I'm a bellydancer. I didn't tell them at first, but they saw my name in the community center course booklet. (They weren't supposed to use my full name). But they didn't give me any problems, either because they already knew me, or they knew that it wasn't stripping-I don't know which.

And as for the "wasting your education" statements...I have a Masters in Engineering and my parents think I should be working instead of staying with my son. I've explained that my education got me to where I am now, a very good and happy place! It's too bad they have problems with it, but my husband and I are ok with my decision and that is what counts.

My day job is a Rancher/horse riding instructor. For the most part, when clients learn I am a bellydancer, they look skeptical at me because all they see is the dirty-faced horsey girl in jeans who wears glitter eye liner to teach their kids riding lessons.

I clean up well though...l;,

There's no simple answer - I think it all depends on the nature of your "day" job and the people you associate with.

Last year, I worked as a project manager for a high-end builder and my co-workers were so intrigued by my dancing. They'd always ask questions about it and loved to see pictures from gigs. Currently, I work as a sales rep for the second largest corporate radio conglomerate in America and it's an entirely different corporate culture. There's minimal chit-chat, an overall feeling of defensiveness even in social conversations, and an air of conservative formality all around. A few of my co-workers know about it and love it. The rest either don't want to talk about it, or have actually been rude about it. (One of my colleagues remarked how quiet it was in the office and suggested that I get up and teach her to bellydance. Another chimed in: "Stay away from me - I'm married!" ).

I have to say, it's much easier to be an "outed" bellydancer in a more relaxed corporate culture. My current job has been a very difficult social adjustment for me, because I feel like I can't talk about 50% of my life without fear of being ostracized or getting a slap on the wrist for being provocative. Ravena's right about the "suits," though - they just don't seem to get it ,f::

As for my family, it's gone from bad to neutral. When I first started performing, my mother commented that I deserve to be raped. Now, she isn't exactly so harsh in her verbiage - and even tells friends and colleagues where I'm dancing sometimes- but she still will never come see me perform. I have gracefully accepted this and come to terms. F*ck it, I say.

I'd suggest floating a couple of trial balloons by your family and colleagues - phrase it as "Arabic dance," or talk about the class you teach at the senior center, or something a little less loaded, and see how they react. If you still get bad vibes, then you know that the topic's off limits. But don't worry - that's still not the end of the world. Just means that you know who not to waste your breath on.

All this having been said, I am SOOOOOO thankful to be dating a guy who's the "house" photographer for the local lesbian and burlesque scenes. He's seen it all and has no qualms with what I do. In fact, he's cheering on the sidelines for me to flip the middle finger at the naysayers and get back into it again. Having one non-dancing person in your life who's open-minded and willing to champion your cause (no matter how seemingly un-P.C.) is a blessing - whether it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, a sibling, a parent or a great friend.

This was a very lengthy commentary, but here's the bottom line: "Some will. Some won't. So what?" Pursue your dreams and do what feels good, without fear of what people will think. Embrace those who accept you and, well, feel sorry for those who don't. You will be sooooooo much better off for it.

well I would love to do a whole list of things, like travel the world, that my parents don't agree with but seeing as to how i'm only 19 and still living w/them while i'm in college, kinda tough to get past that to do what i wanna do seeing as to how once i get back i probably wouldn't have a place to live lol

Originally Posted by zfejzic

well I would love to do a whole list of things, like travel the world, that my parents don't agree with but seeing as to how i'm only 19 and still living w/them while i'm in college, kinda tough to get past that to do what i wanna do seeing as to how once i get back i probably wouldn't have a place to live lol

Crazy, isn't it? How parents of young adult kids living at home (as dependents) somehow think they have some say over what their kids do?

True independence comes with true responsibility for oneself, so yeah, sometimes we have to wait it out a bit to do all that we want -- or dream about.

Actually, zfejzic, I'll be completely honest with you, as both a mom of a daughter your age who dances and as someone who starting dancing professionally at about 19: I think that restaurant work, in general, should be left to those age 21 and older. Stage work? Fine under 21. Private parties? Age 21 with a companion (actually, with a companion regardless of age, as much as possible).

And when you get that chance to travel the world? Go for it!

Deborah

Originally Posted by casbahdance

Crazy, isn't it? How parents of young adult kids living at home (as dependents) somehow think they have some say over what their kids do?

True independence comes with true responsibility for oneself, so yeah, sometimes we have to wait it out a bit to do all that we want -- or dream about.

Actually, zfejzic, I'll be completely honest with you, as both a mom of a daughter your age who dances and as someone who starting dancing professionally at about 19: I think that restaurant work, in general, should be left to those age 21 and older. Stage work? Fine under 21. Private parties? Age 21 with a companion (actually, with a companion regardless of age, as much as possible).

And when you get that chance to travel the world? Go for it!

Deborah

nah i'm not into dancing at a restaurant anyway so that part doesn't bug, it's just the part where they think it's stripperesque is what bugs me. and i don't do private parties anyway, i dance w/a troupe and we do gigs together and those are usually conventions, public things ya know?

Originally Posted by zfejzic

nah i'm not into dancing at a restaurant anyway so that part doesn't bug, it's just the part where they think it's stripperesque is what bugs me. and i don't do private parties anyway, i dance w/a troupe and we do gigs together and those are usually conventions, public things ya know?

Well, if you're dancing with a troupe at conventions, festivals, etc and you and your troupemates have never removed so much as an armband then, yeah, it bugs me, too, that they think it's stripperesque!

And as far as the dayjob goes? I don't run around shouting at the top of my lungs that I, demure-but-competent Deborah, am, by night, a performer of le danse orientale. People with whom you have a rapport will find out as you get to know each other -- just through normal conversation. Most folks will find it very interesting, some will shrug it off as some weird thing (who wants to dance for heaven's sake!) and a very few might actually find it unseemly.

The reactions would be similar for just about any activity you might do that's not the usual for the persons who are hearing about it.

Personally, I wouldn't have anything BD-related at my workstation. I have other interests (and decorations) that more suit the average business environment.

Deborah