Thread: Evaluate my biz cards

Suggestions?

First of all, they are catchy the "Use how to learn these" made me laugh.

The first card is a bit busy due to so many texts going on. I would say maybe pick one and bold or italicize what you want to stand out or have a header text with the rest the same.

The first thing my eye was pulled to was the website because it has shadowing behind the text. I would use this effect for "raq-on belly dance" and also make all the text here the same size and font.

I'm also a fan of having my contact info together rather than in 2 separate places.

I like the black & white card. i dont find the fonts too busy but at first I didnt see the arrow so I thought the learn how to use these was odd but then i saw the arrow & thought it was funny. BUT 3 things about that: a) the arrow doesn't quite point to your hip. It's halfway btwn your bellybutton & hip and my anality is tweaked by that & b) you're lying down, your lovely, round hips are not as defined in the picture & lying down just doesn't say action to me. I think the "use these" gimmick would be more effective if you were standing or dancing or even laying down but looking at or gesturing or framing your hips and C) there is a typo-o you have: Learn How to use these. You should either have caps on all 1st letters or drop the caps on "How"

I do not like the second card. Its a cute illustration but it seems very provocative. I do think that for a business card that you might hand out to JOHN Q PUBLIC it may send a mixed message. Your super curvy succulence and sultry come-hither pose looks very SEXXY to me when I see it in a cartoon characiture I'm thinking about what would happen if one of these guys got that card: http://www.bhuz.com/forum/off-topic/...hese-how-do-yo. -handle.html and http://www.bhuz.com/forum/business-b...ing-buddy.html

keep em coming ladies, a graphic design friend did these, she's learning!

Hi,
Those are some great images to work with! Very pretty!
I agree with anyadance that the first one is busy due to the text. And the text is kind of pressing in on you from all sides. I like to group text more. I agree too that the contact info could be grouped. The phone nr looks a bit out of place and sticking to your elbow. I avoid when elements are just about touching each other, because it seems a bit unintentional and irritating for the eye. Like the phone nr and your elbow and the last s in Lessons almost touching your hip. The "Raq-on.net" that cuts across your skirt is IMO well placed. Either cut over quite a lot or have space between. Am I explaining this properly? I feel like I'm rambling...
The star and arrow adds humor and a retro feel that goes well with the sepia/BW foto.
On the second card I would move the website address a little bit outwards as to not get too close to your shoulder. Maybe also up to the middle, I can't really say without seeing it...
I like how you make the text fit the negative space by the body. Maybe it could fit even better by rearranging because here too "-corporate" and "non-profit" sticks to your body and interrupts your lines.
Those are just some opinions from me. I have an exhibition flyer to design and I'm stuck, so what better than getting to give advice to others instead of making your own, right?,r:;
Seriously, those are some pretty pictures so either way its going to look nice...g.:
Gisela

I saw the arrow and "Learn how to use these" as indicating the abs and not the hips. If you mean hips then it maybe should be altered in some way.

These are totally Raq-in.

Personally, I would get rid of the "Learn How to use these!" star altogether, and right align your URL instead. When I initially looked at the card, I didn't see the arrow either. After looking at it a while, I did notice it, but I have to be honest--the first thing I thought was, "Learn how to use what? Your left ovary?" I just find it confusing. Are you advocating using lower abs? Hips? And what if someone hires you for a stage performance? Then they might just be watching you and not personally learning how to use anything. It's a cute gimmick on business cards for someone who is strictly a teacher, but not so much if you are promoting yourself as a professional entertainer for the general public. With the reputation that this dance has to overcome, when in doubt, err on the side of being elegant and respectable!

I also agree with Nayastrance. The second card is awfully "Jessica Rabbit."

More feedback:

I think you have too many words on the first card why not:
Performances, classes, workshops

That sums everything up pretty much and gives more space to focus on the gorgeous photo of you

I think if you bought up the colors in the 1st a bit more you'd have a very beautiful antique/vintage feel to your card, something that would personally pull me in.

I also do not like the 2nd, I think it's because of the artwork not neccesarily the layout. I wouldn't use it as my business card.

I agree less wordy is best! The first one for sure! You look stunning!

Are you to have seporate business cards for performance and classes?

If so I would use the "learn how to use these" on the class one. Would not want to use it on the performance one! "learn how to use these" when you think of it in terms of performance could take on a meaning you don't want?

Originally Posted by faaria

Are you to have seporate business cards for performance and classes?

Or, you could do a two-sided card with class related copy on one side and performance related copy on the other.

I agree with most of what's been written here.

The first card over the second -- the second has great visual impact, but it's much better for people to get to see a photo of you.

Fewer fonts! Something as small as a business card should use at MOST two fonts, one for big stuff, one for little stuff. One font in different sizes, even better.

Align! Raq-on, the bullet points, and the website address all *almost* align on the left, but not quite. It seems sloppy. They should be lined up, and I'd bring the word 'bellydance' over into alignment as well (and change the font to match) OR have it on the same line as 'Raq-On' since it appears that's all supposed to be read together?

Actually, I'd take 'Raq-on' offt at the top of the card and have JUST the word 'Bellydance' up there as big as possible. Raq-on is an inside joke, doesn't help sell services to anyone, and it's plenty noticeable in the web address.

I'd also bring the phone number over into left alignment, probably above the website address (which I'd make smaller) to allow some negative space on the card.

If I were going to use big white type with a shadow for something on this card, I'd do the word 'bellydance.' It's the pivotal word, really. Without it, we dancers might see at a glance that this woman is wearing a costume and look closer, but will anyone else? From the pic, this could be a business card for a boudoir photographer, a distributor of old movies, a vintage clothing shop... most people have NO idea what Raq means in this context. Bellydance is their only clue, and right now it's the hardest word to read on the whole card.


The burst is cute, but confusing.

This is my personal pet peeve, nothing to do with design. I'd rather see an action shot if you have one, or at least a pic of you upright. We often fall into this trap of really enjoying photos of ourselves as femme fatales (I know I'd enjoy it if anyone ever took a great lounging shot like that of me) and we forget that...well, it's not a picture of a dancer. When we put out these lounging-on-cushions images of ourselves, how can we possibly be so shocked and confused when clients think we're moving wallpaper, or that we should lounge around and feed grapes to someone? When we're selling party performances, I think we should put ourselves in poses we'd be willing to replicate at a show....

Both are beautiful graphics, but I prefer the card with the photo of you rather than the one with the drawing. Reason: prospective customers will want something that shows what YOU look like.

The first card has too many different fonts. I recommend using only two different fonts - one for headlines, and the other for body text. I like the shadowing behind the web url.

I'm with Anya, shorten the text on the first card. Instead of "Family-Friendly Performances", just say "Performances.

I suggest adding your name to the first card instead of "Raq-On" as the title. The public won't know what "raq" means.

I agree with Shira that the GP probably won't know what raq-on means, btu Im guessing that you're promoting yourself under the title'raq-on' because it's also the name of your website. It would be easier for someone to remember your website if you don't put a different name on thecard. It would also make it more likely for people to think of you as raq-on instead of Amity.


I have to say that both images are beautiful, but also on the sultry side because you're not dancing but posing. What do you want to achieve with your cards? If you want more students, you could use a more active card that puts the emphasis on moving around and having fun. If you want more performances, you could use a pictures from a stage show or a dramatic pose while your dancing.

I'd photoshop the background in the first picture so that it's darker and less clear, so your figure really pops. I don't want to see the draped fabrics and wrinkled backdrop...I want to see you and teh words.

I agree with Lauren on the first card--I'd remove the "Raq-on" at the top of the card. The card's a little busy with text and only belly dancers get that play on words anyway. If you nixed that and moved the "Belly dance" up and to left, made it larger, I don't know if it would bug me so much to have the phone number separated from the url.

I also agree, the bullet list feels a little...redundant or like it could be tightened up.

The starburst (learn how to use these) is cute/funny...not sure if I'd use it, but it's cute. If you do keep it, though, fix the arrow. Right now, as others have mentioned, can't tell if it's the hip, the abdomen, or the left ovary and fallopian tube that you're going to teach them to use.

The second card...honestly, I'm sorry, but I just don't like it at all--not for a business card. First and foremost, it's not you. If you're going to use that, you might as well use a picture of a flower or a horus eye or a belly dancer silhouette because even though it's an illustration of you, it doesn't *really* give the person any idea what you look like or help someone you met remember what you looked like. People want to hire a dancer, not a toon. Also...the pose, the stylized face and body shapes, the colors, even the bursting rays and "neon" font for your name...it reminds me of ads I've seen for certain strip clubs, sex shops, and other stuff designed to titillate men. That seems at odds with your text (and I don't think it's what you're going for.)

i really like this picture of you....sorta off topic

I love the "Learn how to use these!" - unexpected and cute. I would agree that it does seem a bit busy - I have double-sided business cards - if you could put anything on the back to save the amount of text.

I also like the second one. it's rare for someone to have such cute comic-book style art on a business card and that makes it stand out. However, the only worry I'd have is if the customer - if they haven't seen you personally - would be wondering "Why doesn't she put her real picture on here?" Because so many customers worry that we'll show up and be old & fat (nearly everyone booking me has asked me if I really look like the pictures on my website and/or if I recommend someone else to them - is the person I'm recommending young-looking and pretty). In one case I said "Look, I'll level with you, I'm 32." And she said "Oh no, we were worried about a sixty year old coming" (to a teen's birthday party).

I agree with Lauren, Shira, Ozma, and Aamel. I have always LOVED your black and white pics, so that's a great choice, but the lettering, background, and layout does need some fine tuning/adjustments, and do dump the arrow/quote thing - save that cute idea for a website link under class instruction.

My only thought to add to these is that I didn't see your name on the card anywhere. I've noticed that people are often uncomfortable calling/emailing if there is no specific contact person listed.

I like both as well, but the first looks more professional, where the second one looks more personal and something you should keep for yourself. I think it's too fun for business. LOL!

I would:
Take off "RAQ ON" at the top, and put your phone number in the star at the bottom, and get rid of the arrow. It's cute but not absolutlely necessary. I also think there are too many words on the side. LESS IS MORE!!!
Over all I like the card though. Pretty!!!

Thanks ladies! Actually this is a back and front card in one. Can I pay or swap anyone to design this for me better?

Sorry if any of this is a repeat, I haven't read all the posts.
But figured I'd throw in my two cents since I do some of this type of work.

I would keep your website and phone number together in the same spot.

I also think the variety of fonts is a bit busy (esp. in combination with the what is going on in the photo--all the folds in backgrounds) and all the wording kinda crowds in on you in the picture a tad to tightly.

I would also be interested in seeing if there were other photo choices in this shoot. Something about the angle is a bit to extreme for me, usually you shouldn't be looking up someone's nose in a picture. And it's a little flat (not a lot of contrast), yet all of your skin is washed out (which could have been what you or the photographer was going for) but doesn't help the flatness look.

If that is a front and back of the same card, it's also a little too jarring of a difference. And though the back graphics are great, they look a little more like comicbook than cartoon, which I would think something looking more cartoony would at least have more of a "logo" or "mascot" look even if that wasn't the purpose.

But mainly about the two sides, if you get to have a two sided card, then I would use one side to be more about listing what you offer and other wordy info with maybe just a website on that side with it. And then the front just have the photo and website/phone number on there with your picture. Then your catch phrase, learn to use these would have more room as well.

Originally Posted by amity

Thanks ladies! Actually this is a back and front card in one. Can I pay or swap anyone to design this for me better?

If you give me an idea of what format/size you need it in and send me images on my ozmaofjapan gmail account...I could play with it for a while...

Do you have any blinged-up costumes that are getting too worn out and might need to be sent to Ozma's Home for Wayward Costumes/Parts-Shop? Any lovely to-sell costumes that I might like a discount on?

They are both really good (and I know nothing about designing cards!) but I really really like the first one you look like an old time movie star. It classy!

I think they are supercute!

I think both are nice.
because of their different designs, they will atract different people, your second card might be more appealing to a younger crowd.