Thread: I have to fire a dancer at the restaurant! Help!

Help!
I hope some of you wonderful ladies are still online this late at night. I need advice/help/guidance!

I just got a call from the owner of the restaurant where I dance and I am the scheduler for all of the dancers. He said one of the dancers, a woman I have never personally met but whom I inhereted when I took over the scheduling, said inappropriate comments to him.

The owner said that last weekend at the restaurant the dancer said things to him that were "flirtatious" and his daughter overheard and told his wife. He said is wife has insisted that this dancer be fired. He, of course, called me and told me to do it.

He said his wife is insistent this dancer never go there again and the owner never speak to her again.

Okay, so the whole soap-opera-ish-ness of this aside, I stil have to fire someone.

I have never done this before. I do not want to hurt her feelings. I also don't want to get involved so I don't want to know anymore about the situation. Is that wrong of me?

I am generally fairly low-key. I stay out of other people's business and prefer it that way. I don't want the details. But still, I have to take her off the February schedule and tell her something about "why" I am doing this.

What should I do?

Thank you!

Could you tell her that the owner asked you to take her off the schedule, and refer her to the owner for more details?

Wow, that's are hard one - you could take the truthful approach or maybe a fib like we think you are a beautiful dancer but not quite what we are looking for at this time. Or a fib like the owner cannot afford another dancer at this time and since you were last hired we have to let you go. I don't know - that's tuff!

Be factual.

"The owner has asked me to notify you that he no longer wants you to be one of the dancers at his establishment. It appears to have something to do with something that happened the last time you danced there. If you need details, I suggest asking him."

:( This is always so hard. I think I have a good idea of who you are talking about... She is a very sweet and outgoing person, but I can see how the owner's wife would not approve of her "joking around". I would be super up-front with her about exactly what happened and why she is not invited back.This way it is in no way damaging to your relationship (present and future) with her.

Side-stepping the issue will only lead to her being suspicious and lying awake in bed trying to fill in the blanks with whatever crazy drama possible of why new girls were hired after her, but she is the one being released.

Like BintBalad said, you could also refer her to the owner for an explanation, but he might worm out of it with a different reason that could point the "firing" finger back at you. I don't know the owner well enough to make a character judgement though.

sigh....

LOL Shira beat me to it!

I like the idea of just being honest and referring her to the owner for details.

ETA: Crystallized is right, the more forthcoming you are with her about why, the less likely it is that she'll construct an imaginary scenario where you tried to get rid of her, or that she'd talk to the owner and he'd pass the buck.

Since you've never met her and haven't heard her side of the story, I'd be very cautious not to accuse her of anything and I'd try to extend some kindness.

I've never been a restaurant scheduler, but I just don't understand how someone winds up in this middle-management headache of a position for no pay. I recognize that this is how it's done -- but I don't get it.

Are schedulers ever tempted to put their foot down and tell the owner that supervising/reprimanding/firing is outside their (unpaid) responsibilities?

Thanks, everyone. The feedback is helpful. I do want to maintain a relationship with this dancer. In our telephone conversations over the past few months, I really like her, plus she is really reliable.

But, the owner specifically told me to tell the dancer not to contact him about this, so . . .

I think I will have to be somewhat factual, but not accusatory. And just explain that "perhaps personalities don't mix all the time. It is not her fault and I am sure she is a lovely performer. This particular owner just is looking for something else."

Does that sound reasonable, or wormy? I don't want to sound wormy because, as Lauren said, I don't get paid to do this and now I have to act as management and actually fire someone. Crap. I never expected that when I agreed to be the scheduler!

Oops, I got off on a tangent there. I apologize.

What I meant about "wormy" is that I think the owner is being wormy for not discussing this with the dancer personally. Seems to me that if he thinks she was too flirtatious and wants to let her go, he should tell her that. But then again, that is just me in my "I don't want to have to fire her" world.

Okay, well the dancer happened to email me tonight about her next scheduled night, so in addition to calling her tomorrow, here is what I sent in the email -

"I got a call from the owner of (restaurant) tonight. He asked me to notify you that he no longer wants you to be one of the dancers at the restaurant. It appears to have something to do with something that happened the last time you danced there. He asked that you not contact him in anyway.

I don't know what happened and don't actually want to know. I have liked our conversations and found you to be a reliable, kind, and thoughtful person. This in no way adversely effects my view of you as a person or performer and I am happy to give you a reference for another restuarant if the occassion arises."

I hope this wasn't cold or heartless. I really do. I don't even think I'll get much sleep tonight. I have difficulty ever hurting anyone's feelings. Ever.

very nicely done

Can I congratulate you on being honest and straight forward about it?

I have been let go from a few places (not for these reasons, dance style not gelling with management, PhD worries making me a miserable dancer etc), one place the scheduling dancer went so far as to take me out for a drink to talk over it whereas other places just mysteriously forget to add me to the rota or just don't contact me at all. Guess who I think was the most 'professional' and have the most respect for?

Z

It is best you were upfront with her. If she comes back saying, 'but why' you may want to gently explain what you were told. I know you don't want to get in the middle of all of this but if she insists it is best she understand the reason and can choose to see it as a flare up between husband and wife over her perceived flirtatiousness or recognise that her behaviour (even though it only sounds like joking) can be misconstrued and she might want to 'pull back' slightly in future.

I do not think it would be good to refer back to the owner. If you were a Manager of a company and had to fire someone, you wouldn't refer that person back to the CEO, would you? Just my opinion.

Good on you for being honest. I know it was difficult and uncomfortable, but it was the right thing to do. Your email was very well worded, too.

Originally Posted by jasani

I do not think it would be good to refer back to the owner. If you were a Manager of a company and had to fire someone, you wouldn't refer that person back to the CEO, would you? Just my opinion.

If you were the manager of a compny the CEO would be *paying* you to take those responsibilities away from him/her. If you were the manager of a company, there would be a formal dispute procedure that had to be followed when an accusation is made against an employee, that would give that employee the chance to give their side of the story.

Vahana, I think you handled this as professionally and kindly as anyone could have, given the difficult position the restaurant owner put you in.

if i was the girl i would probably call you. if i then was you, i would tell her exactly what owner said (wife not being happy at her being flirtatious)... she would need/want to know for future jobs that what to her is "harmless", in a middle eastern restaurant might be problematic...
if i was again the girl, i would be upset right then, but gratefull in the long run, for someone having TOLD me.

Originally Posted by artemisia_danst

if i was the girl i would probably call you. if i then was you, i would tell her exactly what owner said (wife not being happy at her being flirtatious)... she would need/want to know for future jobs that what to her is "harmless", in a middle eastern restaurant might be problematic...
if i was again the girl, i would be upset right then, but gratefull in the long run, for someone having TOLD me.

I agree wholeheartedly with this in my experience some owners can be flirty with you (after all you are a dancer-their view not mine) and she needs to know not to make the same mistake twice.Like its best not to flirt to stay friendly but distant.

I think your response was honest and kind. How can anyone learn from their mistakes if no one explains to them what their mistake was? Honesty may sometimes be uncomfortable but usually works out for the best in the long run.

I think your response was spot on *except* I think you need to follow up with a phone call. That is a really harsh message to read via email. Even though its pretty messed up of the owner to put you in this position & even though it is very awkward for you, IMO it is unprofessional to deliver that message via email. Since its already been sent, I think you owe her a phone call to clear the air & reinforce that you do respect her as a professional & hope to maintain a friendly relationship with her.

Originally Posted by Candi

I agree wholeheartedly with this in my experience some owners can be flirty with you (after all you are a dancer-their view not mine) and she needs to know not to make the same mistake twice.Like its best not to flirt to stay friendly but distant.

i agree...this is a prime example of 'professional behaviour' discussed in other threads, as well as 'hanging out' or 'mixing' with staff and customers.....

our connection with both HAS to be friendly, but distant, and not TOO gregarious....for bubbly, outgoing people, this is tough, tamping down a part of their personality...........but as we see, and this is NOT an isolated incident, it happens all over, a lighthearted comment can be taken seriously by someone else, and that can affect one's job.............

aside from doing it personally (via phone or better, IN person), i think your response was well worded, kind, and professional....i agree, you may want to follow up with a phone call, and DO back up with referrals, so she knows you respect and like her, and chalked it up to an unfortunate misunderstanding, that likely won't be repeated in her next location.....it would be very helpful for her to know the 'why'...............

Kudos to your honesty and compassion.

I second the phone call. Especially b/c it had "something to do with something that happened". She probably has no idea why and so 1000 things from the color of her costume to that one slightly botched hip drop are going to plague her.

Also, she won't repeat the mistake again. It's understandable that he doesn't want any contact with her if it's causing strife at home, but it's totally unfair to be fired with no reason provided.

I have nothing to add, but I think you handled it very well. Did she call you after receiving the email?

Hmmmm. I can believe this dancer may have done nothing inappropriate. Suppose the daughter saw, or thought she saw, signs that her father is attracted to this dancer, and she warned her mother about it, and so on. He can't very well say, "My wife insists this dancer can't dance here because she found out I have a thing for her" . . . so the safest explanation he can give, including to the wife, is that he's innocent and it was the dancer coming on to him because she's just a wild bad girl.
This is just a theory of course but I think it fits with the story you got.
R

I think you did a great job.

I agree wholeheartedly that IF you were being paid to supervise the dancers, you wouldn't refer back to the owner, but since you're not a manager with this company, it makes me angry that he's using you to do his dirty work in this way.

I'm not sure how you're supposed to stop her from contacting him, but since he said that he's obviously not prepared to answer her questions honestly.

Rosette has a really good point with her counterstory.

If she calls, I'd tell her the truth and let her know that *I* know that this is only his side of the story and that I consider the whole thing very unfortunate. I wouldn't, however, go as far as saying anything that I wouldn't want repeated. I'd explain what I was told and then listen sympathetically while she vents, I think.

tell her the truth so it wont happen again.we have resturants with "wives". it can be very hard to understand the culture, but it is most likely what she said would have ment nothing to us, but interperated in another way by them

I think your response was clear but thoughtful and sensitive at the same time. Excellent job!

how did it turn out?

I have to agree with others who mentioned that a phone call would be nice. Your wording in the letter was very good. But this is the sort of message that should come by phone, or even in person.

I agree that following up with a phone call would be nice and in order in such a sticky situation. I do have to say, though, that the whole thing sounds a bit fishy to me. I agree that the daughter of the owner could have overseen something that was not the fault of the dancer and that the wife got really upset and made her husband have her fired.

Whatever actually happened, it stinks that you were put in this position. I think you handled it well.