Thread: What do i do about this

E mail-


We are having a Belly Dance show if you can make it. We supported you
by coming to watch your show with 10 people. Do you want to support us?
Also, At end of summer do you want to do event together for a good
cause?

Reply-

Hi,
Thank you for writing, where is the show? and when will it be? It depends on these 2 things if I can make it. I have been very busy with classes and shows myself, as long as it isn't at the same time as one of my events ill make every effort to be there. As far as the show at the end of the summer, Absolutely. Though i will need to know very soon when and where it will be held so that I may make arrangements to be there. Thank you

E Mail-


Good Afternoon,

Our show is July 14th. 8:30pm. Hope you can make it!!

If you can’t make it perhaps your students and friends may be able to. It’s really nice to connect with others that dance. (I do not accept any students now so please do not worry about anyone trying to bogart your students.) I felt I had to say that as Okinawa is very small and full of belly dancers that worry unnecessarily about such things.) I work full time and just have no time for dance like I would like. So, I would rather perform periodically instead of teach.

At this event we just want to have the joy of other dancers around that understand and support belly dance. I have sent several more friends to Istanbul to watch you dance. I believe strongly is the sisterhood of dance and support of others. I go to all shows of other dancers on island I can.



As far as the event, I’m not sure but possibly in August. I am trying to fly in my friend from Osaka to dance, I would like to have 3 different dancers, that would be a wonderful experience! I will keep you posted now that I know you may be able to that.



I will include a flyer in the next email. Please send the flyer to your students and friends if you would. I forwarded your website to my dancers and friends as well. It’s good that they get exposed to different dancers, costumes, etc. It helps everyone grow from being exposed to different styles, hearts of dancers, etc. Take care!!!

XXXX


SOOOOO weird huh? I felt yucky after the first e mail I think i handeled it well but i should i send her flyer out? Very demanding hhhmmmfrump, thoughts????

Not to jump the gun, but it sounds like shes using you to get an audience that she is having trouble drumming up herself. I don't know, the way its worded, even I'm offended a little just reading it, she just sounds so pushy.

I agree that her quid pro quo attitude is inappropriate. You didn't ask her (presumably) to drum up an audience for your event, so it strikes me as very impolite of her to suggest so strongly that you now owe her for what she's done for you.

But, before you jump the gun, do you know whether she is American, Japanese, or another nationality? I wonder if it may be a cross-cultural problem -- etiquette is very culturally contingent.

Your right i never asked her to get me an audience, Infact I dont even know this woman. I met her at a resturant show when she brought her maybe 6 (not 10) friends I instantly knew she was a dancer from the kuchi necklace she was wearing, I introduced my self durring a break, she then promptly insulted my BELLA by calling it a topkapi (rarrrrggg no dissing my bella.) I gave her my card and havent heard from her. This is the first time she has contacted me.(3-4 months later)

Oh and she is American

I think it's better not to do a joint event with this lady. The thing is, we're all nice people, and we are always looking not to offend anyone. You don't have to do a joint event with someone just because they ask you. It also doesn't mean that they will hate you ! (I've both declined joint events, and also have people decline my offers of joint events, and there was no bad feeling). If you felt yukky at the first email, I'd suggest *not* going to the show, or supporting the event. I feel that people should trust their gut, and make their dance special and sacred to them where possible, even if it is a business. I never attend anything I don't want to, even if the reason is that I'm just too tired !

There's no need to be rude to her, or to explain too much either. Practice saying "no", you'll love it !!! Given that she is american, I feel that the first email should have been worded less agressively.

Oh, she sets off aaaaaalll sorts of warning bells for me...like WTF is the "good cause" she mentioned in her first email and never alludes to again. Tons of warning bells...but.

Thank her for her support. Don't address the whole pushy "now come support me"" **** at all, just thank her.

Ask her for information about where and when she performs in general. If you are available to see her sometime, then check out the show. She might be crazy and manupulative, but you may also meet other local dancers at the event who are not. It'll give you a better idea of events and the dance community in Okinawa. Tell her that in some ways you're still getting settled in and getting to know more about the local scene and can't make any comittments just yet. You're under no obligation to spam your students with it and make no such promises... at most say you'll mention it to your students.

Hold off on making any commitments. Say you need more information.

Oh Ozma gave much better advice than I did. Listen to her !!!

Tell her you will be glad to get the word out about her event if she can send you something to hand out or share about it. Dont give her your student list or contact lists or anything like that. Post the info and let people make up their minds on their own to attend or not.
Do you remember contacting her with anything but the usual show info?

Oh i never contacted her, she just showed up at the resutrant i dance at, I gave her my card that is how she got my e mail


P.s. Thanks guys!!!

I don't trust anyone who comes at me with the "sisterhood" stuff, or who tells me they aren't trying to take students away from me and cites a million reasons why. Oh, and she insulted the Bella.... was it one of my former babies? *snort* Your better off distancing yourself from this person.

It is good to be supportive of the BD community at large, just be sure that they are worthy of your endorsement.

HAHAHA of course it was who else do i get my bellas from......grrrrrr

anyways i havent done anything with it yet. I have just been thinking about it. I think i may try to go but i dont think ill tell any one about it. Ill go and see how she treats me. Then see how i feel.......

Rule of thumb: Don't trust any "professional" who can't tell a Bella from a Topkapi --..l;, ..l;, ..l;,

Originally Posted by naiyahayal

Rule of thumb: Don't trust any "professional" who can't tell a Bella from a Topkapi --..l;, ..l;, ..l;,

i agree!!!

i would definitely shy away from doing an event with this person. Pragmatically, it is one thing to team up with someone who is pushy/lacking in social skills... IF they are also someone who brings other talents (like being highly-organized, loyal, has a good heart, etc).... After all, none of us is perfect.

But this lady sounds not only pushy and *very* high-maintenance, her emails are also extremely chaotic and disorganized, suggesting that collaboration would probably not be worth it. Plus, she might act this way to everybody, alienating people - which reflects badly on anybody partnering. One of the benefits of being a dancer is the independence. If I wanted to get bogged down into an aggravating timesuck, I'd be working a corporate dayjob, lol!

On a personal note, it is a huge pet peeve of mine when people do something, supposedly out of niceness and then tell them that you owe them. Especially when it's something they volunteered to do. It's not like you phoned this woman and demanded she bring guests. so how come she feels comfortable giving you a guilt trip now?