Thread: Call me Ishmael, I've caught my Moby...question?

I have caught a whale of a job in my area, one that has never been able to be touched in it's 40+ year history. I am so honored the owner chose to work with me and and after a lot of hard work we have contracted the details/dates already lined up starting next month. Also I am to be the one to introduce any new dancers to the venue if there is a future need.

I know that many have tried to be hired there and after the word is spread some dancers will ask me to think of them for future events or try going through the venue to be hired. My number will be given to the dancer for the latter. If I don't know the person or have experience with them, an audition in another public venue will be necessary before adding to my consideration list. As it is I have few people in mind that I would consider bringing in per his and my standards, and I have talked to them about this prospect already.

Problem? I have some good friends and acquaintances that I wouldn't consider. I realize business is business and push come to shove I will say no, but if asked how do I respond in a way that is still keeping to the "code"? I know some people will be touchy and feelings hurt no matter what, but I'd still like to keep a community with them.

Wecome to the wonderful world of being an "employer". Uphold your standards, and let the chips fall where they may, as there is nothing else you can do. Some of your friends will understand and some of your "friends" wont. This is business, and it may seperate the women from the girls.

Should there be any need for explanation of their non-hire, I believe that you already "have" it. You might want to think about putting down all the specific items of his and your standards that you will be considering into writing (for your own clarification if nothing else). Though this might just be my own retentiveness speaking as I like the clarity of thought that this process brings to me when I do it (for any reason, even for standard gig preparation - I'm a great one for lists, just ask my troupe mates). ..l;,

Originally Posted by AlimaD

<snip> per his and my standards <snip>
Problem? I have some good friends and acquaintances that I wouldn't consider. I realize business is business and push come to shove I will say no, but if asked how do I respond in a way that is still keeping to the "code"? I know some people will be touchy and feelings hurt no matter what, but I'd still like to keep a community with them.

Just remember..Ahab didnt know when to let go....
Not saying you should release the job...just the drama.

I'd try to respond as honestly as possible, but gently. So my response would vary a lot, depending on the person.

I'm thinking things like:
"You know I love to watch you dance, because your spirit always comes through. But to keep this venue, I have to hold up really high standards for technique. I think you know you still have a few issues with posture, arms and transitions. Once you get that worked out, let me know and I'll be happy to take another look at your dancing. I know it's hard to hear these things, and I hate being in this position. I hope you understand and we're still friends after this."

Or:
"I think you're a wonderful dancer. This is a really hard thing to say, but for this venue appearance matters as much as dance skill. The patrons there don't know much about the dance, but they do expect that classic 'belly dancer' look. (then you have to talk about what the specific issues are - weight, costuming, etc - and whether there's anything the dancer can do to correct the situation).

I'd end most of these conversations by setting a lunch date or something as soon as possible, at least with the dancers who are my friends. They need to get together and talk about OTHER things with you ASAP so they'll feel that your friendship really is still on.

It's hard to be honest, but in the long run it causes less problems than being vague or dishonest and leaving people to try to guess at the truth of why they were rejected. Most people can handle the truth when it's told in a loving, nonjudgmental way. If you leave them to guess, they'll get together and decide you're a terrible, jealous nasty person and THAT'S why they can't dance at your venue.

Of course, a few people can't handle the truth at all and will be furious no matter what you do. There are always people who will be angry any time they don't get what they want, doesn't matter how well you handle the situation. Short of giving them everything they want and becoming their slaves, you'll never make those people happy anyway.

you'll never make those people happy anyway

Word

Originally Posted by anala

Some of your friends will understand and some of your "friends" wont. This is business, and it may seperate the women from the girls.

Thank you for the advice! I guess in my perfect world I don't loose anyone along the way. I tell ya, humans are a tough species.

Originally Posted by TediThomas

Should there be any need for explanation of their non-hire, I believe that you already "have" it. You might want to think about putting down all the specific items of his and your standards that you will be considering into writing (for your own clarification if nothing else). Though this might just be my own retentiveness speaking as I like the clarity of thought that this process brings to me when I do it (for any reason, even for standard gig preparation - I'm a great one for lists, just ask my troupe mates). ..l;,

OMG I'm a list freak too! More often then not, my newsletters or emails come in standard bullet form. Yes that is a great idea! thank you :-)

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I'd try to respond as honestly as possible, but gently. So my response would vary a lot, depending on the person.

If you leave them to guess, they'll get together and decide you're a terrible, jealous nasty person and THAT'S why they can't dance at your venue.

Short of giving them everything they want and becoming their slaves, you'll never make those people happy anyway.

Yes yes yes! Thank you for all that! Those are my sentiments exactly. The lunch is a great thing for my good friends. I don't want to leave at least my close friends bitter with guessing.

This is all great

1. know everyone will have some sort of upset
2. make detailed lists of expecations and standards
3. Lunch or tea with good friends
4. Be honest and upfront
5. again keep in mind, not everyone will be happy - some mad - some speculating no matter what.

Originally Posted by AlimaD

... bitter with guessing.

What a great phrase!

(and what a great list, you weren't kidding about yourself!)