Thread: Horrid Gig at Nursing Home....

I have been debating posting this, but here goes:

I do alot of old age homes, retirement homes, etc. All word of mouth. I usually charge $150 for a gig, but for them I charge $100. I've been doing them for years. At least one a month, no joke.

Okay, so, get a call from one I've never done before.
Quoted $100 for 20 " to 1/2 hour. Fine.

Gig was for 3:15 pm,it's 10 minutes to 3, I'm about 10 blocks away, my phone rings.

Entertainment Director: "Hello, is this Maria"
Me: "Yes, may I help you"
ED: "Are you coming?" said in a rude voice
Me: "Yes, I'm on my way, I'm about 8 blocks away. I'm so sorry, was the time not 3:15 p.m., am I late?"
ED: "No, just wondering"
Me: "I will be there in 2 minutes, I'm very close"
ED: "Click"
Me: to myself, WTF?

Okay, show up, ED is waiting by the door, grabs my boom box and says, hurry up.
Me: Of course, no problem. (trying to be nice and smily)

Go into room where all the old people are, a dining room. It's supposed to be a party, I don't see any food, no decorations, nothing.
Okay, fine, whatever.
Now, I've done lots and lots of old age homes, and it's always warm, but there was NO air conditioning at all, on a 90 degree day - hot as he!!.

I turn on the music, start dancing.
After about 5 or so minutes, I start to smell something, well, something like human feces. I know lots of the old people wear depends, so, okay. I'm a mom of 4 also, so I'm not squeemish (sp?) about it -

However ~ while I'm dancing the next song, I look over to stage left, and there is an elderly lady, with feces all over her hands, rubbing it all over her pants and shirt. The smell started to get unbearable.

I tried to get the nurses and ED attention, but guess what, they were no where to be seen.

I finished the song, did the next quick 1 1/2 minute drum solo. Shut my music off - said thank you and left.

As I was walking off, just so upset and appalled, the ED director, (let's just call her b%tch),
comes out of her office, and says,
"you are done already?".
Me, "I danced 15 minutes, and yes I'm done. "
Just when I was about to tell her about the woman in feces, she said to me really rudely,.
"You were supposed to dance one hour!"
Me: "An hour! I don't dance an hour straight anywhere. I have the contract and it's 20 minutes to half an hour".
ED: Here's your check, which she practically threw, literally, at me.
and walked away.
I just left the premises, and was so upset and shaking.

This was Thursday, and I'm thinking of filing a report.

I was just so disgusted and appalled.

Report the facility. Here is a link to file complaints for adult care facilities in Colorado:
http://www.cdphe.state.co.us/hf/static/ncfcomp.htm

The fecal matter situation probably isn't unusual, but the fact that NOBODY seemed to be minding the store...THAT is unacceptable. They left the clients alone in a room with you (not that you're an axe murderer, but still, you could've been doing something inappropriate and the residents should be supervised by SOMEBODY!).

The staff response to you scares me--imagine how that person treats the residents?

My goodness, how sad.

Exactly right, the staff response was unbelievable, and I immediately thought,
"How must they treat the residents"
My old age home gigs are usually my happiest, I always go to lovely places, with happy fun staff, that always gets up and dances with me,
one home, that I go to quite regularly, the cooks are Moroccan, and they always come out and dance with me, it is so fun....
This gig,
was HORRENDOUS. I couldn't sleep that entire night - I was so upset.

Off to report, thanks Mish Mish!

If my mom or dad lived there, I'd want someone to report it.

I have no patience for this kind of thing--we have to protect our children and elderly people from these kinds of situations.

Good for you Maria on reporting this. It is a shame that Americans can dump there family in nursing homes. I am all for helping family out without nursing homes. Many many people don't want the "BURDEN" of taking care of there moms and dads who spent there early years raising their children through sickness and health BUT we children can't take care of our aging parents. So many other countries care for the elderly when they aren't capable of caring for themselves anymore.
We bite, hook, line and sinker the idea that we are NOT capeable of caring b/c we aren't EDUCATED. BULL CRAP!!! If your a mom, you can care for your sick parents. I'm probably going to be taking on the responsibility of my grandmother soon b/c other members don't want to. It makes me sick to here that.

I'm going to call the number on Monday morning, and make my report.
It was just so sad, the energy of the place was weird, and sad, and negative.
It was strange that nothing was festive, decorated, I didn't see any food or drink, and usually, when I go to these, it's all decorated nice, there's cake, and food of some sort or punch.......

My first reaction when I saw the title of this thread was "How in h*ll do you have a horrid gig at a nursing home?".

I do a lot of nursing home gigs too, and have never seen this kind of situation - but with a RN wife, I've certainly heard about them. There's always at least 1, often 2, and sometimes even more staff on hand.

uumm wow. i do about 5 of these a year. there are always staff with the residents. everybody is always really nice. tina

Originally Posted by tattood1

uumm wow. i do about 5 of these a year. there are always staff with the residents. everybody is always really nice. tina

exactly! It was really upsetting.

Sounds like that your performance was asked for just because there were other problems (like unexpected shortage of staff, money, time) that the staff had to concentrate on exactly at that moment. Like they had to have an important meeting (1 hour ) and you were there just to keep the oldies out of the way with your performance.

So it was definitely you who had a bad gig, but I think they have much bigger problems in house, maybe the whole nursing home was cut out of budjet or something, because the behaviour of the staff there does not sound normal.

I feel sorry for those living there..cr.: , but I still think all the staff cannot be that bad.

They seem to need some kind of other help than dance performances.

I don't care that the gig was bad for me, I was upset about the residents!
well, I'll make my report on Monday, and then it's out of my hands and into the state's.

You've done enough nursing home gigs to know that something is *seriously* hinky with this place. Good for you for calling - so many people just don't want to get involved.

Sorry about your experience, Maria. And good on you for making a report.

And not to hijack the thread but:

Michelle, please don’t be so quick to judge. Sick elderly people are much harder to care for than babies, and doing so can exact a heavy financial, physical, and emotional toll, often on people who are themselves entering retirement age. Good for you for taking care of your grandmother, but in fact for many, caring for the elderly at home IS a burden, and one they don’t get much help for, either (as you know) from other family members or from the government.

So often a nursing home is the only rational choice. It’s best to leave the judgement aside and work to ensure that NHs are safe and livable for their residents.

That's terrible, I'm sorry for you and the facility's clients. You're doing the right thing by reporting it.

Originally Posted by Michelle75

Good for you Maria on reporting this. It is a shame that Americans can dump there family in nursing homes. I am all for helping family out without nursing homes. Many many people don't want the "BURDEN" of taking care of there moms and dads who spent there early years raising their children through sickness and health BUT we children can't take care of our aging parents. So many other countries care for the elderly when they aren't capable of caring for themselves anymore.
We bite, hook, line and sinker the idea that we are NOT capeable of caring b/c we aren't EDUCATED. BULL CRAP!!! If your a mom, you can care for your sick parents. I'm probably going to be taking on the responsibility of my grandmother soon b/c other members don't want to. It makes me sick to here that.

Being a mom doesn't have sh*t to do with it. My father had 2 strokes, a heart attack, dementia, diabetes, early stage emphysema and rheumatoid arthritis that left his hands so misshapen he could barely use them. He was incontinent and in a wheelchair after falling and breaking a hip. He needed 24/7 supervision and medical care. The fact that my mother and I had managed to give birth did not magically transform us into a full time staff capable of that level of care.

It makes me sick to hear people so damn quick to judge when they don't know what they're talking about.

~~Kimahri

I swear to God, if my mother or father ends up having to go into a home later on, and I found out either of them was being left to smear themselves in their own body waste, I would go in there, find the nurse responsible and cut off their damn hands.

My family will be the scourge of any home. We'll be in there constantly, tormenting the staff. The thought of putting either of them in one horrifies me, especially given the stories of abuse, but I don't doubt it might have to happen one day. And there will be none of that kind of treatment being meted out to my parents. You were right to report them, Maria.

Originally Posted by Kimahri

Being a mom doesn't have sh*t to do with it. My father had 2 strokes, a heart attack, dementia, diabetes, early stage emphysema and rheumatoid arthritis that left his hands so misshapen he could barely use them. He was incontinent and in a wheelchair after falling and breaking a hip. He needed 24/7 supervision and medical care. The fact that my mother and I had managed to give birth did not magically transform us into a full time staff capable of that level of care.

It makes me sick to hear people so damn quick to judge when they don't know what they're talking about.

~~Kimahri

I don't think Michelle meant that we should all take in our older relatives when they suffer from severe dementia or a medical condition that requires constant professional care. I don't think she's judging those cases.

I agree that some people have very questionable attitudes towards elders in need. I can't believe that some people can't find a way to fit an aging parent relative in their huge houses just because it will be slightly inconvenient. Some people just need a watchful eye when they get older, and it's very sad that their family isn't willing to provide that help.

I don't think anyone is judging people who can't personally care for an older relative who needs constant medical attention.

Where were the staff in this nursing home? I agree: report them!

Report them!

Michelle

i understand your sentiments, but what you are saying might be hurtfull to many people on here. many people whose parents are in a nursing home did not simply "dump them" there, there are many reasons why you might need to have a parent taken to a nursing home, as that they need medical/nursing care that you cannot provide (like round the clock watch, cant be left on there own, while you might be working full time and do not have the option to stay at home to care for them), or you may simply not have anough living room for them in your tiny appartment. etc etc.

i have done volunteering work in a nursing home, and the ladies i visited often did not HAVE relatives to care for them, or had relatives who simply could not. i also have friends who's parents are in a nursing home, and it most certainly was a difficult decision for them to make, not made lightly and made as a last ressort with pain in their heart.

Artemisia

Originally Posted by Michelle75

Good for you Maria on reporting this. It is a shame that Americans can dump there family in nursing homes. I am all for helping family out without nursing homes. Many many people don't want the "BURDEN" of taking care of there moms and dads who spent there early years raising their children through sickness and health BUT we children can't take care of our aging parents. So many other countries care for the elderly when they aren't capable of caring for themselves anymore.
We bite, hook, line and sinker the idea that we are NOT capeable of caring b/c we aren't EDUCATED. BULL CRAP!!! If your a mom, you can care for your sick parents. I'm probably going to be taking on the responsibility of my grandmother soon b/c other members don't want to. It makes me sick to here that.

Thank you for reporting the facility. I do not know the ratio of patient to trained professional in your state but I do know each state has a minimum. The elderly are at the mercy of their care-givers - whether they are family, loved ones or a faciility. In the past I would drop by nursing homes and help feed residents. After I while I noticed many staff members would leave the room when volunteers were there. I spoke with the person in-charge and was told 'that's when the staff takes their breaks'. I explained the residents needed professionals in the room at all times and she became quite indignent. I left and never returned. Plus I reported the facility. The facility was closed within a few months, seems they had a bad track-record and were already operating under a warning.

The residents suffer more if they complain so it is the responsibility/duty of those aware of mistreatment to 'do the correct thing'. Again, thank you for reporting the facility.

Originally Posted by Taj

Sorry about your experience, Maria. And good on you for making a report.

And not to hijack the thread but:

Michelle, please don’t be so quick to judge. Sick elderly people are much harder to care for than babies, and doing so can exact a heavy financial, physical, and emotional toll, often on people who are themselves entering retirement age. Good for you for taking care of your grandmother, but in fact for many, caring for the elderly at home IS a burden, and one they don’t get much help for, either (as you know) from other family members or from the government.

So often a nursing home is the only rational choice. It’s best to leave the judgement aside and work to ensure that NHs are safe and livable for their residents.

I agree--if someone has to work and care for a child or an elderly relative, they need help. My grandma couldn't be left alone all day once her alzheimers got really bad. She would forget to eat and she would wander. My mom lived 800 miles away and my grandma didn't want to move--she had her church, her friends, and her singinging activities. All of those would have been gone from her life if we moved her to California. We found a situation for her that worked--an adult care facility in Sun City, AZ where she lived already that was still near her friends, who visited her and took her to church, singing, etc. As her friends got older, many of them moved into the same facility and had their meals and outings together.

Yes, I am aware there are cases were Nursing homes are needed. What I'm saying is families make sacrifices for one another. I QUIT working to care for family. It was a sacrifice that needed to be made and we struggled financially b/c of it but I wouldn't concider putting a family member in the nursing home. My great grandmother was in one when I was a small girl and I have horrible memories of the nursing home (people moaning, crying, sitting in urine and feces, etc..) and I can't imagine a family member suffering like that. My grandmother suffers from severe alzhimer (sp?) and my family is taking care of her. She doesn't drive anymore and she CAN'T be left alone. I'm IN NO WAY criticizing people for putting family members in a home. I'm saying that if you are concidering doing it really think about making a sacrifice first. Concider the fiancial burden of monthly fees and so forth. I cared for my brother who is bed ridden and blind b/c of AIDS. It is very much a full time job. I had no life but I wouldn't put him in a home b/c he didn't want it and I was terrified to put him in one. He is in and out of the hospital and now is living with my mom in Indiana who is closer to a hospital than I am.
So for those who think I was quick to make a judgement I wasn't. I've had my fair share of caring and I won't stop as long as someone in my family needs me.
We are NOT rich by any means so when I quit working it was felt IMMEDIATLEY and I had a very young son to care for at the same time. It's all about having a schedule and sticking to it just like we would for a regular job. I've learned so much about nursing it's crazy. So if you are ever put in the position to put a family member in a nursing home please don't be scared b/c you don't know what you're doing. You learn practically over night.

I think that making general statements about what people "ought" to do with their elderly relatives is a pretty bad idea. There are so many variations on family dynamics, health situations, money concerns, et cetera, that nobody can pronounce what "everybody" ought to do.

The other thing to keep in mind when dealing with older folks is that they have been self-sufficient adults for many years! That makes it impossible to care for them as if they are little children, because they don't WANT to be. It's often much easier for them to accept "embarrassing" care from strangers then from their children, because they feel they are losing the respect of their family by appearing weak.

As somebody who is now dealing with my 84-year-old recently widowed mother, I have one piece of advice to pass on: as your parents get older, keep a close eye on how well they are able to keep up their own houses. The longer you wait to suggest a smaller condo or apartment, the harder it will be for them to actually bite the bullet and move. My parents originally intended to move several years ago, but my dad's health took a sudden turn for the worse. Then they were literally trapped in the old family homestead (full of stairs and other hazards) because they had no energy to make the move elsewhere.

Whew. I guess this is a topic on everyone's minds at some point in life.

Hi tiger. we posted at the same time. See my comment above.

You say we "dump" them there, don't want the "BURDEN", don't take care of parents that raised us, and that it's "BULL CRAP!!!" that we think we can't care for them...that people do it without thinking of making a sacrifice?!

Good Lord if that's what you call "IN NO WAY criticizing people" I can't imagine what kind of judgmental guilt trip you're saving for your actual criticism.

~~Kimahri

Well, I think I would be happier in a well run place than knowing that I made my children have no life.

My gran in currently being cared for by my family, they are so frazzled they end up telling her off like a naughty child a lot of the time. It makes me so sad, as these are her last years, and I feel she'd be happier with visits/professional care.

Hi Kimahri,
You took what I said out of context and read what you wanted. I never said not taking care of our parents is BULL CRAP. Please read my quote below.

We bite, hook, line and sinker the idea that we are NOT capeable of caring b/c we aren't EDUCATED. BULL CRAP!!!

I'm sticking up for the thought that we ARE capable of caring for the elderly when we don't have a nursing degree of certificate. I'm not saying the Bull crap is not caring for family. I'm saying we have bought into the IDEA that is shoved down our throats. The idea that if we are NOT TRAINED NURSES we can't care for our elderly. The BULL CRAP is THINKING we can't care for family b/c we feel we aren't educated enough. This is how nursing homes stay in business. It's their job to make us feel we can't care for the elderly like they can. When in turn, alot of times we can care for them better. We only have one person to care for versus their hundreds. I KNOW there are situations beyond our control when these homes are the last resort. I know not every person in a nursing home is DUMPED there but MANY are. ..c:: As far as my comment on dumping. That is said with personal expierence from visiting the old folks homes and speaking with them. Those were the exact words of a resident of a nursing home. She raised three children on her own when her husband was killed in war. She was put in the home b/c none of the kids wanted to take on the responsibility of caring for her when all she needed was help being mobile and she needed companionship, someone to talk to b/c she still has the ability to carry on a conversation.
Not all nursing homes are sunshine and glory like the ones mentioned buy Maria in her years of visiting.
I apologize if I made you take this PERSONALLY b/c it was not meant to demoralize anyone on here.

Yes, Maria, report them. Thsose people there are someone's parents and grandparents and probably had hard lives. It's unfortunate that they have to live in those homes away from their family, but I assume this was the right decision made for them.
I would never let my parents put in homes (unless there was a medical reason that I could not take care of and they would need trained professionals), but if I ever did I would make sure I'd find the best possible one and would not let them be treated that way.

I don't care if the staff had an emergency and they needed a baby sitter (belly dancer?) - they need to take care of their problems. If I had an emergency and left my baby alone for an hour, would that be ok?

Hi Michelle -
Look, I really admire you for what you've done in taking care of your family when they've been ill. I too, moved interstate to take care of my mother when she was terminally ill with cancer. It did, however, get to the point where we had to put her into a respite hospice. I was 19 when this all happened, and I'm pretty slight. Even though my mum weighed very little, as her strength waned it was getting harder and harder for me to get her onto the commode or the bedpan. Simple physical issues like that meant that she had to be taken to respite care, and in all honesty, it killed me. I hated that I couldn't take care of her anymore, that I wasn't capable of it. It was a crushing blow, but if I had kept her at home, I probably would have injured her by dropping her or something.

Yes, we are capable of taking care of our parents, up to a point. It wasn't an issue of me not making sacrifices or not having the skills - I learnt a lot in those months. I simply couldn't get her onto the bedpans by myself anymore.

Sorry for hijacking the topic. Maria, no wonder you had trouble sleeping. Good on you for taking a stand. I'd love to know how seriously the authorities listened to you.

Sorry, Michelle, but some of us have had to go through months of torment to realize that our relatives needed round the clock nursing care that we weren't qualified to provide. Most people who've had to place a relative in a care facility have suffered with that decision and shed a lot of tears, and wrestled with a lot of guilt. It's an incredibly difficult thing for a family to go through, and I don't personally know anyone who made that decision casually.

Your comments are very judgemental and bound to hurt people whose pain is still raw. Pretend you've finally had to place a relative in long-term care at the insistence of the doctor and read your comments again -- how would they make you feel?