Thread: would you charge for a private lesson somebody you know?

Hi ladies,
I was wondering if somebody can give me some advise on this...
I've recentely met this girl on one of the bellydance festivals and we sort of connected right away. It just happened that she and I started also talking about the business and maybe organazing some belydance events together, or maybe a duet, trio etc.
I am sort of more experienced compared to her in Egyptian style and in belly dance in general, so she asked me if I can tech her the essential of Egyptian style, khaligy and maybe some other styles. She want's me to teach her for free.... I told her that all the knowledge I got (which I was collecting from all around the world) I paid for and alwayd paid to my teachers even those who I met socially. It is a really awkward situation. would be interesting to hear anybody's opinions on this. Mane thanks in advance!!

I wouldn't expect my friend to give me free lessons.

Time is valuable. You can spend it, save it, waste it, but you can never get it back.

(((Hugs!)))

Is she willing to trade? Maybe she knows some things that you would like to learn. Then you could trade skills for skills ;-)

Ravena's suggestion of trading is a good idea. If I wanted to take private lessons with a friend, I would pay her for her time and knowledge. Because we’re friends, I would want to show her that I value her by supporting her business.

Friendship doesn't work like that. I would never ask a friend to give me extensive private lessons -- or anything else of value -- without offering something in return.

Besides, even if you're not asking for something the person normally gets paid to do, people's time is valuable. Asking a friend to teach you, babysit for you, help you move, etc. is usually done very delicately, only when necessary, and with the expectation that you're going to reciprocate in some way at some point.

My friend and I trade quite a bit, and we also pay each other when trading is not an option.

If you are teaching, especially in a sustained way, some form of payment other than "warm fuzzies" is necessary.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Friendship doesn't work like that. I would never ask a friend to give me extensive private lessons -- or anything else of value -- without offering something in return.

As usual, Lauren took the words right out of my mouth.

It's very awkward, but .... I trade lessons for hair color (which I couldn't afford otherwise) for lessons with my best friend, and trade BD lessons for aerobics classes with another friend. Otherwise, I would be charging just like anyone else....

It doesn't sound like she's an old friend of yours that you can trust to be around for the next few years.

I'm not usually a pessimist but let's just pretend for a minute that she will take those lessons for free and in half a year she will move on and not be your friend anymore... How would that make you feel?
If she paid for the lessons, it will be OK. But you taught her for free, you will feel used, and rightly so.

There should be a balance in a friendship of giving and taking - even if it means asking money for a service.

MEISSOUN

I've had many bad experiences with situations like this, when teaching "friends" or family members.
I used to give free lessons and/or huge discounts to friends. And I really damaged my business, I ended up working very hard and getting very little money. Like teaching 3 classes a day and just getting paid for 1!
I think that people should understand that for some of us this is how we make a living, and even if we love dancing and teaching we can't do it just for the love for art, as our time is valuable just as theirs.

Never give away your expertise--doing so devalues what you have to offer.

Think of it this way: which do you value more, something you are given or something you have to spend (time, money, effort) in order to attain? Most often, it's that which we have to work for that we value most.

You've worked hard to develop your craft and your base of knowledge. Don't give it away. A good customer will respect you more for asking for fair compensation, and you'll respect yourself, too.

Add one more "feel free to take her money" to the opinions posted thus far. I have a friend (and fellow dancer, we met through dance) and we bounce off each other all the time. I had her look at my daughter's most recent competition ideas and I paid her. Other times, we've just swapped "bouncing" sessions or I've provided my make-up/skin care products in exchange.

Always, always, get something in exchange for your expertise or, as others have mentioned, you will feel used after awhile -- and get nothing for something valuable.

Deborah

Also, you just met this person and she stepped right over an important boundary at the get-go. This would raise several red flags for me.

Working together on something is one thing - but if you are teaching her, then of course you should be paid for doing so. And yes, paid in one form or another - either cash or trading in skills/time etc.

I had a good relationship with a woman who became a private lesson student when the classes I'd encouraged her to go to didn't suit her needs. It was a little odd as we became really good friends all the while our teacher/student relationship went on, but she'd never have expected me to have taught her for free. That really would have been taking advantage.

I don't teach her any more, but we're still friends. If and when she came back to dancing, I would absolutely teach her again if she wanted me to be her teacher. I would still charge her for my time, and I know she'd be expecting to pay.

It's difficult to do, but I would breach it quite simply with your friend: "Of course I can teach you Egyptian/Khaleegy... what day/time were you thinking? My rate is $x an hour, so..." If she balks at paying anything and doesn't offer any kind of trade, I'd be gently declining until she's better placed to reimburse you.

Don't feel obliged to teach her for free just because you want to be "nice" or be a good friend! A good friend wouldn't want to take advantage of you.

OMG Ladies, thank soooo much to all of you for your advise! Sounds like this issue came across not just for me. You are all right the reality is that as artists (who are often not that rich) we need to charge if we want to pay our bills.
I've basically met this girl only once just last week at this festival. We connected quickly because we both rusian speakers and live in a foreign country so it sort of makes you closer I supposse... And then after she saw me performing at that festival and talking so passionately about Egyptian dance she asked me that I should teach her about Egyptian dance ,etc. She didn't specify for how long, but she mentioned that she already found a studio with a free rent, etc so it sounds like we are not talking about a simple 30 min feedback session...
She also proposed to do some business together and that she has a very good experience in organizational skills, which is fair enough but outisde of the dance life I'm a business person too so I can do a lot of these things as well.
In terms of trading (which is a wonderful idea), she sort of mentioned that I want her to teach me something, she will be pleased to do so. The problem is she is much less experienced and I'm afraid there is not much she could teach me... And I am not being a snob, it's just a reality. I guess I'm just trying to hard to make friends :) As I mentioned before in my experience I always paid to ALL my teachers and really valued the experience.
Thanks for listening ladies
xoxoxoxo

She really might not understand what she is asking of you, too. She sounds very earnest, but some folks think 'the basics of Egyptian style' means one lesson to say 'these are the 6 moves that will really give you an Egyptian feel' (slight exaggeration, but you get the concept- it should be easy to just pick up the feel for a different style, right?) or she may have an inflated view of what she has to offer. Or she may have more to offer than you realize in other areas. If you have time and she has free studio space, maybe you could suggest she set up a workshop or class series for you in her area- as in she is sponsoring you (& therefore paying you) in a way that benefits her as well. If she is thinking private lessons, I would meet the 'free studio space' comment with 'great, that will cut down on the cost of your lessons' implying I care about saving you money but not so much that I will jeopardize my income stream. I wouldn't completely ignore the new friendship or the possibilities, just proceed with caution and approach it as a business deal as well.

I have had these conversations in other avenues of life too- sometimes folks are over eager and have ideas overflowing that never go anywhere, but I keep the lines of communication open and every once in a while something really great does come out of it. For example, my kid's store is now fairly well established locally- & I now have some super fantastic photos of my kids wearing my products that I can advertise with & the photographer has their name plastered all over my website, store, my ads, etc- which is an *amazing* deal for me! I hope she feels the same way! I had talked with someone else about this kind of swap years ago, but I think because we weren't as established at that point, that photographer didn't think it was a good deal on their end- which is fine, we still communicate and I still think they are great people who I respect personally and as business owners. Lines of communication open.

If I were you, I'd focus on trying to build the friendship outside the studio. Meet for coffee or lunch, get together and watch each other's videos.

As far as working together, I might tell her honestly that I'm pretty independent and usually prefer to work as a solist, but I'd love to have her for a friend and maybe someday a joint project will come up.

I totally agree with everyone here that say you should charge.

My dad - he was my dance teacher for 14 years (and still is)- used to say: dont be more generous than you can stomach to be. Meaning, dont overextend yourself to the point where it compromises you.

Friends dont ask friends for free rides. Friends want to give each other free rides and then fight over who gets to give the free ride first.

I'm going to be brutally honest, anyone that asks you to give them your talent for free is looking to use you and your talent as a springboard to excel themselves. They have no interest in being your friend...

General rule: Keep business and friendship separate. In order to mix friendship and business you need a longstanding friendship that can sustain the...complications business can bring with it.

:) Dont try so hard to be friends that you end up with enemies :)

I can totally understand the relief to find someone with a similar understanding of things, language and background. I can understand the bonds we imagine may be obvious from these similarities. Also in dance, it is a relief to find someone that we "connect" with.... I think we as people sometimes can look at these commonalities as a free ticket to a long and happy relationship without the time otherwise invested into getting to know each other better, but - it really isn't a free ticket. Sharing statistic facts doesn't really give us anything in common past just statistic facts.

From what you describe - I would not feel comfortable in the situation and I would find it necessary to explain that I do keep my business and friendships separate. I would further explain that I would be happy to take paid and pay for any services exchanged between you. This way, if you do not feel that she offers a service you would like to take advantage of - you can choose not to take advantage of it.

Your presentation of the situation makes me feel like there isn't a pursuit of knowledge and growth for self-fulfillment, but a strategic pursuit of a service/product for commercial gain.

I may be wrong, but that is the impression I get. :)

thank you so much for your feeback Lauren and David and everybody else thanks again! After I read all you said I wrote that girls a nice and streight email to clear things out. Hopefully we'll stay friends but regardless I'm not going to struggle to keep it this way.
This forum community is so helpful, it's amazing. Thanks's guys. You should read the Russian forums, ehhhheeemmm, no comments :))

Is there anything comparable you could barter for? Does she know something you'd like to learn?


duuuhh. Sorry, guys; I posted this after reading the OP because for some reason it looked like there weren't replies and I thought I was the first person responding. *forehead smack*

If it's a case of both of you hiring a room, exchanging ideas I probably wouldn't consider it a private lesson. If it is her wanting to learn from you then it's a private lesson. I wouldn't expect to have a free lesson because I knew a teacher. I'm taking up their time, if they took me on for free they are losing time when they could be making money from another student.