Thread: No thank you.... I'm not hungry...

I was just wondering....

Am I the only one who's being offered to have a drink or eat a piece of cake (or even dinner) after (or sometimes even before) your performance?

I'm being asked almost all the time... I'm not thát skinny, am I?..l;,

I always say that it's really kind of them to offer, but I always refuse...
I do socialize a little after my gig (like 10 minutes or so and with a drink occasionally) and hand over some business cards, but staying for dinner with the other guests just seems weird to me .w.:

Am I being impolite by refusing?

i accept something, it's just part of belgian culture, you dont need to drink alcohol, you dont need to eat dinner, the the whole cake, but i try to make it possible for them to give me something...

so, "oh, thank you, i dont do food well straight after dancing, but i'd love a glass of lemonade", well, i usually even accept a glass of wine. if it's the party where mingling/socialising would be akward, have them bring it to your dressing room.
walking around with it in the dance hall, while getting your cd, slooooowly, is a great opportunity for handing out businesscards though

"bourgondisch" is what we are,

and part of the job is going along with that

one of my first teachers didnt approve of this, she was very much dance, get paid, get out, but i think, especially at private parties in belgium, this is considered "rude", they mean it when they offer you something, and i try to organise myself that i except. when the kids come and offer you an icecone, you accept... doesnt mean you need to eat the whole thing... and you can "safe the cake for ride home"... but well, it's more about their need to be hospitable, and this is part of their customers experience as far as i'm concerned

At private parties people think it's polite to invite the dancer for a bit of food. I often tell them no or take a tiny slice of cake to go.

At restaurants I will eat if hungry and have the time. As for alcohol no, never. I will ask many places to provide me with a bottle of water after a performance or hot tea before.

I don't eat before a performance it would make me

and there are places where i have accepted dinner, it depends on the set up and how akward it would be (brought up to my dressing room after the gig, in a fancy hotel and i'm starving anyway, yep, i'll take it)

I did a bridal shower once and was offered food. I gladly took them up on the offer. 'Course I LOVE food almost as much as dancing, so . . . ya know . . . I'm from South Louisiana, so food is pretty much the focal point of every event. lol! I figured it was super nice of them to offer and the food was delicious! I was in my cover up for this . . . might look a little weird filling your belly with food while it is exposed. lol! I guess it would depend on the venue and the vibe I got from the audience . . . I would probably play it by ear. You can usually tell if it is appropriate or not.

Deleted. Accidentally posted twice!

I get this all the time, too - but I'm a skinny, skinny girl ,r:;

I don't see anything wrong with entertaining 10-15 mins of chitchat after your set, even if you choose to have a small bite of food. Sometimes, guests like to squeeze in a quick group photo op or two. Shaking hands and kissing babies is part of my business strategy, after all! (Though I understand it doesn't work for everyone).

That being said, there is an art to lingering. Obviously, don't overstay your welcome. Don't curse, drink or smoke. (One glass of wine probably won't kill ya in the right environment, but use your discretion). Wear your caftan, or cover up with a veil. Don't hand out business cards in an overly solicitous manner - I only give out my card if somebody asks. Remember you're in character even when you're not dancing

One thing that bugs me is when restaurant/club owners encourage you to "mingle" for an hour or two after your show or between sets. A quick meet-and-greet is one thing, but cursing, drinking and smoking hookah with the boys 'til closing time is just Bad News Bears ..c::

I think courtesy requires them to offer food, and the same courtesy requires that I refuse it. I accept food at the restaurant, but that's a negotiated part of my pay. I will ask for water if I think the hostess sincerely wants me to accept something.

There are exceptions. I just danced at an event where I was invited to the sit-down dinner before my presentation and accepted. But I was invited by a long-time student and I believe she sincerely wanted me to be there. I also had the impression this was the usual way of things for hte entertainment at this group's meetings.

I don't really feel comfortable accepting food or drink at a gig (I don't dance at a restaurant anymore, I just do private events), nor do I stay any longer than it takes to pose for a couple of pictures, thank the guests and hosts profusely for being so lovely, and get my pay. If they offer, I usually say "That's so sweet of you to offer, but my husband is holding dinner for me at home" or, "I would love to, but I really need to get home to put my daughter to bed." Occasionally I've forgotten my water bottle, and if they offer me a glass of water in that case I'll gladly accept it and take a few swigs while the client is making out the check or whatever. I usually give a few cards to the client upon leaving, and leave it to them to hand out my card if anyone is interested in lessons or a performance.

I don't think there's anything inappropriate about other dancers doing things differently, but I personally hate making small talk with strangers and prefer to just glide out the door leaving my fabulous performance as a last impression.

To me this is a situation-by-situation issue. Generally I think it is best to dance and bow out, but I've been in a few situations where it was obvious that the hostess was not going to take no for an answer when it comes to food. In that case I think it is best to take a small taste of whatever is being offered, linger and socialize briefly, and then leave.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I think courtesy requires them to offer food, and the same courtesy requires that I refuse it.

Yes! Beat me to it. This is precisely how I would read most of these situations.

Oh, unfortunately, I am not a skinny one, but I like to eat at the restaurants where I perform AFTER the show.

At private parties, I do not so. Here in Germany, it is kind to ask the artist if he/she wants to eat something but it is not really meant honestly. So here it is better to refuse.

well, Belgium and Germany is not tooooo far away from each other;-)

In general, I drink water or tea and no alcohol at all.

Good night (on my clock it is 00.24 h)
Salma

Satin...stop it!!!! You are not a skinny skinny girl! You are a lithe, fit and nubile young woman with a body like an anaconda that just shed its skin. Can I see your feet? ;)

Without fail I get food. Most times I take it but I've been told it is rude to take it to-go. I also told one guy I was vegan and he made me meat sticks anyway and when I would not eat them he got soooo mad he started to tell me how much it all cost him!

People frequently offer and I almost always politely refuse with something like, "That's very kind of you, but I really do have to be going."

I like to keep things on kind of a "warm but professional" basis - I will hand out a few business cards on my way out, answer a few questions and thank the hosts, then I'm on my way.

I agree that it is a case by case basis. One woman I know who has been dancing in LA (and through out Greece) told me that when she does a wedding, she insists that part of her compensation is that they feed her. Especially if she does a Zeffa, because they will be there all night!

I have several times danced at parties at restaurants and the manager has packaged up food for me at the ed of the night. There have been parties where they have insisted that I stay afterwards - many times these are ME or Indian families. I usually will stay for a cup of tea and a pastry, and then go.

Of course, I have also been known to be chowing down on hummas and flat bread when the stage manager finally calls me on stage. There has been more than one waiter who has had their lives threatened if they touched the mesa!

{{{HUGS}}}

I think it's rude to not accept something. At least water but that's part of southern (American) culture and my Mom is from Louisiana. So I always feel bad if I don't accept at least a little something. I wouldn't drink alcohol or have a whole meal though.

Originally Posted by Ahmber

Without fail I get food. Most times I take it but I've been told it is rude to take it to-go. I also told one guy I was vegan and he made me meat sticks anyway and when I would not eat them he got soooo mad he started to tell me how much it all cost him!

Usually telling people i'm a Vegan makes them try to figure out what to get me and then I really feel like I have to eat what they come up with.

It´s often part of the deal in resturants that the dancer gets coffee/tea/soda to her changing room.
Before the smoking ban also ashtray/cigarettes and/or argile.

Also I don´t think I *ever* left an arabic/turkish/kurdish/armenian gig without a big box of food+dessert...
(no,I´m not a skinny girl)

Never sat down to dinner or stayed around longer than posing for pictures/handing out cards for interested though.

I've learned that if you hire someone, you feed that person adequately. When we have family parties that include dinner and a band, the band gets a plate of food. You also give them beer, coke and rum. If you hire a driver, you buy him lunch. But they would have their own place to sit, you don't expect them to have dinner with you or tell you about their personal life.

I'm offered food on a regular base, sometimes it's a good way to pass the time after you changed and before you get paid. I had a performance on a Hindu wedding a while back and the lady in charge of the money sat me down with a plate of food and made smalltalk with me. After I finished it, she thanked me for my performance and the talk and handed my payment to me. Refusing to eat would be rude and awkward.

At corporate vents, I usually don't because I feel it is not offered from the heart. At a new years party the person who hired me brought a plate with desserts to my dressingroom, I think it's very thoughtful.

Originally Posted by mekyria

Refusing to eat would be rude and awkward.

This is how I feel, especially if the food is homemade. Perhaps, it was the way I was raised - but I've always understood it to be rude to refuse a gift or an offering.

Then again, etiquette can be more of a personal/regional/cultural thing than a universal standard...

Originally Posted by anala

Satin...stop it!!!! You are not a skinny skinny girl! You are a lithe, fit and nubile young woman with a body like an anaconda that just shed its skin. Can I see your feet? ;)

That just made my day! Thanks! And, well....if you insist....*wiggles toes seductively* ..g.:..g.:..g.:.w.:

I think it's a case by case thing too- If I didn't eat at the Greek restaurant locally, I'm not sure I'd be asked back! If I don't want to stay, I can plead off on allergies (egg, soy, milk pretty much covers everything!) but it is easier to just ask for water ("A glass of ice water would be wonderful" usually comes with a cookie anyway tho...) so they feel like they are helping me anyway, and yes, even the allergy plea doesn't work all the time (kind of like the vegan thing mentioned above & it makes me think of My Big Fat Greek Wedding "you no eat meat...it's okay, I make you lamb!") In those cases (since I really don't want to break out in hives) I just take a little bit "for the ride home." I think the ice water ploy is the most effective tho- despite the fact that I hate ice, apparently just plain water doesn't cut it on the hostess end! you need ice, a cookie & a napkin.

I see some restaurants always offering my gf drinks and food and stuff, some don't offer any of the dancers anything. Some even offer me food, which I decline because I feel weird being that I'm not the performer.

Although one guy forced some cake on me even after I said no. Which I was glad because that cake was AWESOME.

Half the time though my gf seems like she can't really eat right away unless she is starving. She just takes water.

Originally Posted by Ahmber

Without fail I get food. Most times I take it but I've been told it is rude to take it to-go. I also told one guy I was vegan and he made me meat sticks anyway and when I would not eat them he got soooo mad he started to tell me how much it all cost him!

meat sticks lol ..l;,

I had a stuffed mushroom popped into my mouth WHILE I was dancing once. Very odd.

Originally Posted by SandraDances

I had a stuffed mushroom popped into my mouth WHILE I was dancing once. Very odd.

Odd. And usually, they ask us to feed morsels like grapes to the birthday boy. How's that for reclaiming the power balance?

ETA: Just to be clear, I don't hand-feed grown men as part of my act. But enough customers have asked me if I would...

One graceful way to back out is to simply say "thank you so much, I'd love to but I have another show to get to." This works when you have another show. It works when you want to go home and get in comfy PJs, it works when you simply don't want to stay.
I think there is a balance though- and many of the people we work with come from cultures with such rich hospitality traditions. I have enjoyed food before at gigs (mmmmm! Especially desserts!). If they keep offering (3 times) I give in and have a bite. BUT, I don't linger and mingle long.

I usually takes Samira Shuruk's approach. "Thank you, but I have another show to do tonight." This allows me to chat for a few minutes, pose for pics, and get home! I never accept alcohol at a private party (personal choice), but I do have the occasional glass of wine in my dressing room at my regular restaurant gig. Though there have been more than a few times over the years when I've gladly accepted a to-go bag from a persistent customer! I love that people offer; it's very thoughtful.

I do break my food policy when I perform at my Lebanese friends' parties. She invites me for the whole party, dinner and all, and she's an amazing cook! The problem is that she always wants me to dance after dinner. Even though, for me, full belly + dancing = sick, I will never say no to homemade dolmas & svihah!