Thread: Another tipping question

Hi everyone,

I've danced at an Afghan restaurant for over a year where body tipping is expected and part of the job. Last week, I started dancing at an Indian restaurant (that has lots of live music, but has never had a dancer before). It's going great- I've danced there twice, and people have been really nice and happy. Lots of nice feedback, and the restaurant seems happy with the job that I'm doing.

My question... tips. When interviewing with the manager, I brought up the question of how tips would be handled. She asked a couple of questions (basic- would it be body tipping, where are they allowed to tip you, how do you keep from getting groped...) and then basically said that I could handle it however I wanted- either body tipping or a tip jar. I decided to start out with body tipping, because I was afraid a tip jar would look like begging- and logistically, body tipping is what I'm used to, even if it isn't my favorite thing in the world.

The first time I danced there, a guy asked me if it was ok to tip me- would I accept it? (This was after my show, after I had changed into my street clothes and went to the bar for a glass of water. I said yes and he handed me some money. We chatted for a few minutes while the chef prepared my food. The second time (tonight), after my show was over and I was leaving, a very nice couple came up and told me that would've liked to tip me, but they didn't see any place to tip me ("and dear, I'm sure you wouldn't want people to stick money in your costume" followed by a look of horror.) We chatted for a minute and then they left- without tipping me.

So obviously, people don't know that it's ok to tip me. I'm thinking of getting a "plant" in the audience who'll get the tipping started. Or would I do better with a tip jar? My impression is that this is a place that maybe shouldn't have body tipping- it's a business-meeting type restaurant with belly dancing on Tuesdays. People are excited to see me and they watch me, many of the tables are conducting business meetings. So it seems weird to ask them to stick money in my skirt.

If I do the tip jar, I'm wondering about logistics. An actual jar? A basket with a "tips for the belly dancer" sign? And where does it go? This is a very long, narrow restaurant (think long hallway with tables on both sides and both ends, with a bar in the middle.) If I put a basket or something at the host stand, nobody will see it. If I put it on the bar, am I encroaching on the bartender's "turf?" For some reason, I am not comfortable with the idea of carrying a basket (or balancing it)- seems too pushy to me. Maybe I should just be ok without getting tips- after all, the restaurant is paying me MORE than what I asked for (my area has a Guild of Oriental Dance, and I asked for the standard Guild rate). But both weeks there have been people who want to tip me, they just don't know how.

What about dancing with the basket during the "tip" music of your routine, balance it on your head as you maya down to table level, hold it out to people as you dance, put some "seed" bills in there, people will get the idea.

It's interesting that dancing around with a basket makes you feel bad. You prefer to be tipped sponteneous, even if it's with less comfortable body tipping. Someone on bhuz made small flyers that were put on the tables at the start of the vening. It contained information on what bellydance is and appropriate behaviour for the audience, including possibilities to tip. That might help you solve the problem of how people know it's okay to tip you and steer them towards your prefered method.

what about a tambourine? you can do a nice travelling step accompanied by clapping with the tambourine for the first 30 seconds of the song and then you can use it as a tip basket in diguise...

Dancing with basket on head has been daughter's preferred method of accepting tips for years; she does not allow body tipping under any circumstances and has no trouble making that plain. So I've come to the conclusion that the most effective method is the one you really believe in. Daughter is very good at dancing with stuff on her head and enjoys the challenge of keeping a basket on her head during the entire song, therefore the customers do too. She has several ways of bending down to accept a tip and the tipper always feels honored by this. If no one is waving her over for a tip (and sometimes there will be several trying to get her attention at one time) then she just dances around with a happy grin on her face. Seamless, smooth and fun for all.

Yes, someone to prime-the-pump can be handy on occasion. Also the right basket is important - wish someone sold baskets that were balanced for dancing like they do swords; but then again, visits to the mega-markets wouldn't be half as much fun if I didn't spend time in the basket aisle balancing prospects on my head :)

I've seen them pass a plate (at an Indian restaurant) or a basket around to each of the tables (kind of like an offering plate at church). You just have to hope no one swipes any money.

I'm with anyone who's said that passing a jar or basket looks too much like begging. If I'm gonna get tipped, I'd rather give the impression that others have decided to show approval on their own accord. I don't want to look like I solicited anything.

I like the idea of making little table talkers to put on each table, maybe with a catchy little title like "Tips on Tipping," and explain how tipping makes the show fun and authentic, with a few little suggestions - how to start a money shower, the appropriate way to body tip, etc. People generally think tipping adds to the fun of a show, once they know that they can do it, and how to do it.

Also, I float some trial balloons on my own website. My FAQ's section addresses the topic of tipping in full, and I've made sure to load up my photo gallery with candids that show lots of money on the floor or in the sides of my belt. At one point, I actually had a really funny candid of a guy slipping a $20 into my hip, but I caught a little flack for it on Facebook (even though the photo wasn't unkosher!), so I took it down from my website .w.: Even so, I'm all in favor of subliminal messages!

In conversations I've had with many Indian restaurant owners, it seems that body tipping is not considered proper in their cultural view. Even if you're comfortable with it in other situations, your Indian audience doesn't seem to be.

I do prefer a money shower myself, but only certain audiences are educated enough to do that. I feel that I manage the body tipping situations well and with a firm hand on appropriateness and a sense of humor as well. That definitely takes some time to develop that skill LOL. (side note... I think my "people reading skills" have improved immensely through dancing out!)

I like the idea of the table tent info in concept. I just don't know how cooperative some venues would be in getting it out there. I certainly don't want to have to walk the audience and do it myself before the show. That would be second only to picking up my own money from the floor - no way!

As with others, I just can't do the basket thing. I do feel like that is begging and I much prefer the spontaneous tip out of gratitude for a performance well done.

Mahin
Bellydance with Mahin - Homepage

There's always the consideration that the Indian restaurant customer feels ambiguous about the tipping issue (although they gave you the go ahead) which is contributing to your difficulty in deciding what to do. I personally would feel a table tent FAQ on tipping was a bit too pushy, like a hip in my face during the entire meal, unless it was part of a FAQ on the entire 'experience' the restaurant was trying to present. But a performer who believed in the table tent might very well be able to pull it off.

Having a lot of info about tipping on my website has been really helpful, in my own experience. In several of my recent pre-gig conversations, a client has explicitly made a comment like "I see that you encourage tipping. I bet my friends will have fun with that!"

Goes to show that people really do read my blurb! And they actually do follow through, which is nice ..g.:

My troupe performs at a local Indian restaurant once a month. We live in a pretty rural area, where quite a few members of the audience are still surprised to see us at all, much less know how to handle tipping!

I start each of our shows with a quick introduction of the troupe to the audience, and usually end with a phrase like, "Please enjoy the show and the wonderful food, and please be sure to tip your waitstaff...and the dancers, if you are so inclined!" We always get smiles from the audience at that. Then as we come out to start the performance, one dancer does a small wave of our tip basket, and then places it in an accessible spot.

I know this may not be a viable option for everyone. It does help that we are in a small, casual venue, where most everyone can obviously see our tip basket (which, by the way, we adorn with a silk scarf and fill with a few "starter" bills), just to get the ball rolling. ,r:;

Hello amara!
It all comes down to personal choice...finding the way that makes you feel comfortable, happy and good about what you do. Some prefer the jar/basket, some the money shower and others body tipping… and sometimes dancers choose the method that feels will make the most $$$, even if they don’t “like it”. I know that for many dancers this is their only way to pay the bills, which I respect and understand, but we also have to keep in mind that what we choose is part of the way we promote this art and how some will view us as a whole. Also, the venue is key! It’s a huge factor on the way of tipping. I love the idea of having the table flyers/cards. It’s a great way to educate the GP about how to tip and why we do it. I actually have a section on my website titled “Tips on Tipping”…I always make sure those who want to hire me for any venue read it before signing a contract…

I personally do not like the “feeling” of body tipping…definitely didn’t feel classy…and It wasn’t until about over 1 year ago that I realized just because everyone else did, I had to…I was thrilled when I first encounter “Money Showers”…It became my personal choice. Now, do know that I dance for the love of it not the money…and I do not have a price…so just because it is a $20/$50/$100 and not a $1 bill you won’t be sticking anything into my costume ;)
I love feeling like a queen when I’m showered with money! But I guess if I had no other choice, then I’ll rather feel like a beggar than a stripper ;) But again…It is just “Personal Choice”… I’m sure you’ll find a way to match the venue and make lots of tips!

I think with body tipping, execution and intention play a major role.

Money showers seem to be common in my region. Or people will often slip me a $20 discretely after the show and thank me for a job well done. On the rare occasion that somebody wants to tip in my costume, I like to guide the process along, gesturing toward a "safe" area - usually an armband or the hip. If the dancer takes the lead, that eliminates creepy vibes and foul play virtually every time. If anything crazy happens, which has only happened to me once, you do damage control. Simple.

At one of my recent gigs, an 8-year-old boy came up to me and slipped a tip in my bra strap. Soon, the boy's friends came over and were tipping me. I was a little bit horrified, yet amused. After my set, I was chatting with an Albanian woman, who told me that was her son! She said, "I told my son, 'Here's a $20. Go place it in the belly dancer's bra strap. It's nothing to be ashamed of. That's the polite thing to do!'" What initially seemed a little odd and uncomfortable made a lot more sense from that perspective.

Just goes to show, there are all sorts of cultural nuances to consider, many of which we learn as we go along. What one culture considers stripperesque, another culture might consider standard procedure - or even common courtesy. I find body tipping to be common when I dance for Turkish audiences or even some Americans. So it's best to be open to a variety of options.

It would be interesting to do a spin-off thread on tipping variations from culture to culture...

I created a spinoff on this thread that might be helpful, "Tipping Traditions by Culture." I'm really interested to see if we can pool together an informal breakdown of how different cultures handle the delicate art of tipping!

Originally Posted by PepperLotus

I start each of our shows with a quick introduction of the troupe to the audience, and usually end with a phrase like, "Please enjoy the show and the wonderful food, and please be sure to tip your waitstaff...and the dancers, if you are so inclined!"

Pepper Lotus's lovely deft intro: Very fine, to include the waitstaff in the intro!

There are venues where tipping is not desired, and it is impossible to predict until you ask. Quoting prices that are independent of whether tips are okay or not takes some of the sting out of no tips. Money to the dancer may be seen by the customer as money that is not being spent on food or used to tip the wait staff, causing problems in that quarter. Or as not classy, or as pressure on the customers. Others insist on it as providing ambiance or even a party atmosphere.

Originally Posted by maurazebra

Then I read Pepper Lotus's lovely deft into. Very fine, to include the waitstaff in the intro!

I went back and re-read that, too. I really like that!

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

I think with body tipping, execution and intention play a major role.

Money showers seem to be common in my region. Or people will often slip me a $20 discretely after the show and thank me for a job well done. On the rare occasion that somebody wants to tip in my costume, I like to guide the process along, gesturing toward a "safe" area - usually an armband or the hip. If the dancer takes the lead, that eliminates creepy vibes and foul play virtually every time. If anything crazy happens, which has only happened to me once, you do damage control. Simple.

At one of my recent gigs, an 8-year-old boy came up to me and slipped a tip in my bra strap. Soon, the boy's friends came over and were tipping me. I was a little bit horrified, yet amused. After my set, I was chatting with an Albanian woman, who told me that was her son! She said, "I told my son, 'Here's a $20. Go place it in the belly dancer's bra strap. It's nothing to be ashamed of. That's the polite thing to do!'" What initially seemed a little odd and uncomfortable made a lot more sense from that perspective.

Just goes to show, there are all sorts of cultural nuances to consider, many of which we learn as we go along. What one culture considers stripperesque, another culture might consider standard procedure - or even common courtesy. I find body tipping to be common when I dance for Turkish audiences or even some Americans. So it's best to be open to a variety of options.

It would be interesting to do a spin-off thread on tipping variations from culture to culture...

I've thought about that...but it just seems like a lot of work to me…he he… I rather concentrate in my dancing/performance than worry about where the next person is going to stick the bill...and how I’m going to approach it. I've gotten the "tip after performance" many times...Isn’t that great??!! I like it because it always comes accompany with some great comments about your performance and how much they like bellydance, etc…

Wow…that's interesting; really don't know of that many cultures where body tipping is the "polite" thing to do… Great topic Carrara! Would love to hear more on that…or maybe it’s not a cultural thing, but just a personal one? I do recall my Albanian girlfriend not liking the idea of body tipping the first time I took her to a show with me…she was also Muslim…and wasn’t too happy when one of the dancers danced to a song she said was “sacred”…like one dancing to “Ave Maria”… I had a lot of defending/explaining to do…he he

Originally Posted by Sahari

I've thought about that...but it just seems like a lot of work to me…he he… I rather concentrate in my dancing/performance than worry about where the next person is going to stick the bill...and how I’m going to approach it. I've gotten the "tip after performance" many times...Isn’t that great??!! I like it because it always comes accompany with some great comments about your performance and how much they like bellydance, etc…

I almost NEVER get tipped in my costume, so on the rare occasion that this happens, there's always that moment of panic .w.: But then I realize that maybe they're feeling just as bewildered as I am! Incidentally, I've never been body tipped while wearing an Egyptian pull-on costume. Only when I'm wearing a bedlah and 2 layers of skirts. Psychologically, it feels like there's a world of difference between a dollar bill going between a belt and 2-3 layers of fabric, and the bill touching my skin.

And it's nice when they tip after the show! That's always discrete and tasteful, no chance of a SNAFU, and they always have something really nice to say!

Wow…that's interesting; really don't know of that many cultures where body tipping is the "polite" thing to do… Great topic Carrara! Would love to hear more on that…or maybe it’s not a cultural thing, but just a personal one? I do recall my Albanian girlfriend not liking the idea of body tipping the first time I took her to a show with me…she was also Muslim…and wasn’t too happy when one of the dancers danced to a song she said was “sacred”…like one dancing to “Ave Maria”… I had a lot of defending/explaining to do…he he

It took me aback when the singer said that. I'd never heard of body tipping being polite, per se, but I thought it was kind of sweet that she was teaching her kid a lesson on how to show gratitude. I'm sure waiters and barbers and bellhops will love him someday! I'm interested to see how my thread goes. How you accept tips is a personal thing, indeed, but how tips are given may be more cultural. And I'm with ya. Always get a translation on anything you dance to!!!

I myself don't like the basket - type tipping, whether your have on your head or in your hands. I can see someone really making it look good, and part of her dance, and that can work, but I think that's the exception. One of the posters said that her daughter does it - it probably comes off really nicely.

A lot of time people don't know that they can even tip a belly dancer in general, or how to do it or that you accept it. You can have someone in the audience tip you, or have the staff do it. The staff-tipping-you doesn't seem as good as when someone in the audience does it (even if you planted them there), but it does work. I have seen many many lightbulbs go off in people's head (oh, that's how you do it! oh, ok, she accepts tips!) and everyone started tipping. You can also have the owner money-shower you, that can be a fun part if everyone participates.

On the other hand, plenty of times people didn't tip me during my performance, they wanted to, but didn't know if it was allowed. After my performance they would each come up to me with the money. Those are the times I made a lot more, because each person would give me a $5 or at least a few dollars rolled up. I guess they would have felt cheap coming up to me with a single dollar.

The best is to go with what you feel best, and try different approaches, see what works. But if you don't feel comfortable with something, I would say don't do it, because it will show, and it will look awkward.

Am I the only one who thinks money showers are dangerous? I slipped and almost fell on the stage while carrying a sword recently because of all the money left on the floor from an enthusiastic tipper. (Although in terms of hazards *too much money on the floor* does fall on the high end of the glamour scale..l;,)

Originally Posted by Marianna

On the other hand, plenty of times people didn't tip me during my performance, they wanted to, but didn't know if it was allowed. After my performance they would each come up to me with the money. Those are the times I made a lot more, because each person would give me a $5 or at least a few dollars rolled up. I guess they would have felt cheap coming up to me with a single dollar.

The best is to go with what you feel best, and try different approaches, see what works. But if you don't feel comfortable with something, I would say don't do it, because it will show, and it will look awkward.

Sooooo true...that's why I love when they use this method...saves a lot of awkwardness.....g.:


And I'm with you 100 % on the "feeling" comfortable thing

Originally Posted by deelight

Am I the only one who thinks money showers are dangerous? I slipped and almost fell on the stage while carrying a sword recently because of all the money left on the floor from an enthusiastic tipper. (Although in terms of hazards *too much money on the floor* does fall on the high end of the glamour scale..l;,)

I rather take the chance of slipping on the "sea of greens" than somone touching me in the wrong place...the "crazy B****" in me might come out ..l;,

Originally Posted by Sahari

I rather take the chance of slipping on the "sea of greens" than somone touching me in the wrong place...the "crazy B****" in me might come out ..l;,

The one time this EVER happened to me, I lightly slapped the guy's hand, shook my finger as if to scold him, and gave him this stern, condescending look that conveyed "Your mama would be VERY disappointed in you, Mister." And then floated away like a butterfly while he scampered back to where he was sitting ..l;,

He's lucky I was only a mildly wacky beeyotch instead of a full-blown ninja beeyotch! But the latter isn't exactly good performance juju ..l;,

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

I
At one of my recent gigs, an 8-year-old boy came up to me and slipped a tip in my bra strap. Soon, the boy's friends came over and were tipping me. I was a little bit horrified, yet amused. After my set, I was chatting with an Albanian woman, who told me that was her son! She said, "I told my son, 'Here's a $20. Go place it in the belly dancer's bra strap. It's nothing to be ashamed of. That's the polite thing to do!'" What initially seemed a little odd and uncomfortable made a lot more sense from that perspective.

I'll remember, first gig with my first troup, it was a libaneese wedding, me and the girls did our cute choreography in the center of the ballroom dancefloor and then it was our teachers turn and we stayed to watch our teacher on a real gig, suddenly we saw about 20 people (men and women) going on our teacher starting to put money in her bra and belt we were .w.:..c:: (that's faces of the 4 of us) and we were "Oh my God"ing, saying I wouldn't do this. We were so surprised that our teacher who usually shows modesty and good taste looked confortable with all these people hands around...

and then we saw a grandpa holding a young kid to make sure the kid can reach the bra strap with his bill...and all womens around encouraging the boy to put the money in the strap that kindda calmed down our shock and made us realise that it must have been a custom.

Originally Posted by malika_baladi

and then we saw a grandpa holding a young kid to make sure the kid can reach the bra strap with his bill...and all womens around encouraging the boy to put the money in the strap that kindda calmed down our shock and made us realise that it must have been a custom.

That's a really cute story! It just goes to show...

If you go back to the days of Aristotle and ancient rhetoric, the term "decorum" actually comes from the ability to garner respect by assimilating yourself seamlessly into your audience's ways, mannerisms and customs. That being said, I think being a classy dancer has a little more to do with reading each situation on a case-by-case basis than by applying your own morals to every scenario. I don't really encourage body tipping - but if that's how everybody in my audience wanted to tip me on any given night, I would feel like I was being rude or uppity if I refused. Like, "Pff, I'm too GOOD for your money!" Now, if I were at a corporate event and somebody came at me with a dollar bill in his teeth.....w.:

The craziest tipping I ever encountered was at a Turkish wedding. They did money showers *and* body tipping primarily in my belt and armbands. The only one who went near my bra was an elderly lady who stuffed a $20 in my bra strap and then patted my cleavage as if to say "There you go, dear." ..l;,

Before the gig, my teacher told me not to be surprised if someone stuck a bill to my sweaty forhead. No one tried to, but I was glad she gave me the heads up, 'cause I would have been like WTF???? if it had happened.

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

That's a really cute story! It just goes to show...

If you go back to the days of Aristotle and ancient rhetoric, the term "decorum" actually comes from the ability to garner respect by assimilating yourself seamlessly into your audience's ways, mannerisms and customs. That being said, I think being a classy dancer has a little more to do with reading each situation on a case-by-case basis than by applying your own morals to every scenario. I don't really encourage body tipping - but if that's how everybody in my audience wanted to tip me on any given night, I would feel like I was being rude or uppity if I refused. Like, "Pff, I'm too GOOD for your money!" Now, if I were at a corporate event and somebody came at me with a dollar bill in his teeth.....w.:

Uhmmmm...why would someone have to adjust their morals for others? ..c:: We live in the "today", in the 21st century we have a choice...I won't change my standards to make others happy while I feel uncomfortable...that's why you make things clear before you sign a contract ...And see, even you have a choice on how you like to approach it on a case-by case basis...which is great, whatever makes you happy...at the end it is just your personal choice

Originally Posted by laura 2

The craziest tipping I ever encountered was at a Turkish wedding. They did money showers *and* body tipping primarily in my belt and armbands. The only one who went near my bra was an elderly lady who stuffed a $20 in my bra strap and then patted my cleavage as if to say "There you go, dear." ..l;,

That is adorable. Gotta love old Turkish ladies!!! They're the most ballsy. ..l;,..l;,..l;,..l;,

Originally Posted by Sahari

Uhmmmm...why would someone have to adjust their morals for others? ..c:: We live in the "today", in the 21st century we have a choice...I won't change my standards to make others happy while I feel uncomfortable...that's why you make things clear before you sign a contract ...And see, even you have a choice on how you like to approach it on a case-by case basis...which is great, whatever makes you happy...at the end it is just your personal choice

I'm just saying, what's tacky or uncouthe among one group of people might be the norm among another group. And I personally think it's advantageous to be able to read a room, anticipate your audience's needs, and relate to any group of people on their level. Of course, anyone should do this within reason.

I was scolded as a baby-dancer for not accepting a tip in my costume. My teacher told me that it was generally considered rude in Arab culture to not accept a tip, because the person was trying to show their generosity. That's one example where what I thought was decent contrasted with what my audiences thought was the right thing to do. That's when I decided I might want to take a more adaptable, case-by-case approach to tipping.

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

I'm just saying, what's tacky or uncouthe among one group of people might be the norm among another group. And I personally think it's advantageous to be able to read a room, anticipate your audience's needs, and relate to any group of people on their level. Of course, anyone should do this within reason.

I was scolded as a baby-dancer for not accepting a tip in my costume. My teacher told me that it was generally considered rude in Arab culture to not accept a tip, because the person was trying to show their generosity. That's one example where what I thought was decent contrasted with what my audiences thought was the right thing to do. That's when I decided I might want to take a more adaptable, case-by-case approach to tipping.

I totally understand where you come from...and respect it of course! Like I said we all have our standards and reasoning for why we do or don't do things...body tipping included
...Plus I'm on a mission: finding out how many damn post I have to write in order to get my first freaking star on Bhuz!! ..l;,..l;,..g.: