Thread: Who to trust???

After the whole "auditions" thread here and the latest soap-opera in my area, I am left feeling really sad for the struggling dancers who really, really, want (need?) to perform.

I, for one, love to perform, but I have put the rest of my life before my dance "career" and would usually rather snuggle on the couch with my man, boy, and cat and watch G-Force than put on a bedleh and earn $200. But I remember the days when I desparately wanted a venue to dance at and just didn't know how to go about it. I didn't know who to trust or who to talk to. My teacher ended up being one of those who hoards her students and hates all other teachers, so it wasn't until I made a clean break from her and found a true professional that I learned how things really work.

I learned that if I couldn't trust my dance friends, I needed new dance friends.

If my teacher didn't help me become professional in a way that "felt" right, I needed a new teacher.

If the musicians or restaurant people made me feel icky, it was their fault, not mine.

The best way to find out how to do things right is by asking and by being friendly, kind, available, and never presumptious.

Who do you trust? You trust your teacher or mentor. After that, you trust dancers who care about our art form and how it is presented. There is never an instance where I would put an owner, customer, or musician above these two groups.

There. I feel better now!

Very good idea for a thread.

Even though I think I was talked into going pro a little too soon, I always trusted my first teachers for input, and I still trust them today as friends and business peers. One of my first teachers was brutally honest in her input, and I usually seek her out first when I'm in a jam.

I trust my clients and value their input, but I've also learned that I draw the line at the end of the day. If I'm not comfortable with the parameters a restaurant owner or even a private client set, I now know that it's OK to walk. If I can't talk a client out of some silly idea (like feeding grapes to a birthday boy - ick!), I have no problem with referring the gig to somebody else.

I don't trust ALL dancers, because not all compliments are really warranted ("Your dancing is perfect! I wouldn't change a thing!" or "No, you DON'T look like a stuffed sausage in that costume!") and not all criticism is completely objective, either.

I hate to say it, but I don't always trust my photog boyfriend to tell me to suck in my gut or stand taller when he's photographing me, nor do I trust his costuming input. His handicap is that he'd think I was hot even doing frog with boobs pose in an Airport Special! Unconditional love is beautiful, but it's no substitute for sound business advice!

I do trust Bhuz to give me an array of opinions to choose from. Even if I don't always agree with all of them, I can respect them!

I didn't mean to imply that I trust ALL dancers. I meant those who are obvious leaders in the dance community and have good reputations. And even then, it is hard to know for sure.

Originally Posted by SandraDances

I didn't mean to imply that I trust ALL dancers. I meant those who are obvious leaders in the dance community and have good reputations. And even then, it is hard to know for sure.

I know whatcha mean. I just thought I'd go ahead and overstate the obvious for you

Bravo! Well-said! :)

Excellent thread, Sandra.

One excellent thing for new performers to do is to figure out their own standards. What are your parameters for pricing (which are I hope in line with your area's norms)? How long are you willing to wait to perform at a party or restaurant, or to hang around afterwards for pictures or chatting? What kind of behavior will you tolerate in others (like venue owners and folks who hire you for parties), and what's "over the line" for you?

If you figure some of this stuff out ahead of time, it makes everything easier.

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

Very good idea for a thread.


I hate to say it, but I don't always trust my photog boyfriend to tell me to suck in my gut or stand taller when he's photographing me, nor do I trust his costuming input. His handicap is that he'd think I was hot even doing frog with boobs pose in an Airport Special! Unconditional love is beautiful, but it's no substitute for sound business advice!

Well, I would think you were hot then, too, and I don't even know what that meant. ..g.:

We all need fans like that!

Grain. o. salt.

I try to recognize when valuable information/feedback/etc. is coming my way or even just out in the ether.

But I know that not everything necessarily applies to me and to trust my own intuition if it's telling me something is not quite 100% right. I would probably apply this to everything - teachers, coaches, clients, peers, friends...

Originally Posted by SandraDances

The best way to find out how to do things right is by asking and by being friendly, kind, available, and never presumptuous.

Great points all. If I had to pick just one for framing and universal distribution, it would be the quote from Sandra above.

I'd also add:

Listen before you talk. Ask questions and apply your critical thinking skills to the answers you get. If you don't have critical-thinking skills, develop some.

Understand the difference between a fact, an opinion, and conjecture. If you're thinking of presenting a piece of information as a fact, verify it. Then verify it again. (Measure twice, cut once.) Feel free to argue your opinions, but don't retail them as facts. And keep your conjectures to yourself, particularly if they're potentially damaging to other people's reputations or your own.

Understand that this is a real business made up of real humans with experiences and feelings and interests and concerns of their own. Approach people with respect and a good-faith attempt at understanding, even if your self-interest doesn't suggest an immediate reason to do so. Do it mainly because it's the right thing to do. Also do it because it might pay off in unexpected ways, and if you don't, it might unexpectedly come back to bite you.

Be confident, but not so confident that you can't admit even to yourself that you've made a mistake.

Refine your judgements based on new knowledge and experiences.

Never stop learning. The minute you think you know it all is the minute you start dying.

Originally Posted by Zana

Great points all. If I had to pick just one for framing and universal distribution, it would be the quote from Sandra above.

Couldn't you have picked a quote that had all the words spelled right???,r:;
Time for me to go back to school.

oh-you fixed it for me! Thanks!

Once an editor, always an editor. I've got your back.

1) I would also add "know your sources." Pay attention if you start to notice inconsistencies.
2) Black and white proof with your own eyes, not hearsay.
3) First hand experience not "well, my friend (or the owner) says..."
4) Don't *assume* other dancers better or worse than you are or will undercut or otherwise take your job or opportunity. I've seen insecure dancer assume someone stronger than them will take their jobs- when there is no logical reason for them to think so. There are some wonderful, ethical dancers out there.
5) Like attracts like. Sometimes one friend is snowed by another, even though it's often just temporary. Those who have long standing friendships, often have similar outlooks on common behavior. Bullies attract other bullies. Liars generally hang out with other people who put up with dishonest behavior and who engage in it themselves. Undercutters hang out with others who endorse their rationals.
BUT, this also means we can choose to hang out with people who work hard to maintain and/or raise rates, we hang out with people who consistently work to educate themselves in the dance, people who are ethical, people who believe in the same causes or charities... people who indulge in costume lust... whatever.
For me, I've learned to *really* take my time getting to know people and I try to do so on a first hand basis. If I haven't had a chance to do so - I don't make assumptions positive or negative about a person.

This is an excellent thread and really touches on what I have been thinking too....

Very timely as I have been thinking this stuff myself as of late.

Wow! It's nice to hear that I'm not alone with the problems I am having here. I also view my old studio owner as one who does not encourage her students to study with others and downplays other many excellant teachers and performers abilities. I felt in oder to dance with them that I was required to dislike this entire list of dancers in the BD community that I didn't even know and had certainly never done anything wrong to me. Just being around them begun to go against the grain for me. I am greatfull now to have many new friends in the community that I felt like I would be "in trouble" for associating with before. Evrything is working out for the best. I concentrate on enjoying and feeling the music now than I ever have before (which was already alot)LOL. Thanks so much for Sharing.

Originally Posted by Michelliea

Wow! It's nice to hear that I'm not alone with the problems I am having here. I also view my old studio owner as one who does not encourage her students to study with others and downplays other many excellant teachers and performers abilities. I felt in oder to dance with them that I was required to dislike this entire list of dancers in the BD community that I didn't even know and had certainly never done anything wrong to me. Just being around them begun to go against the grain for me. I am greatfull now to have many new friends in the community that I felt like I would be "in trouble" for associating with before. Evrything is working out for the best. I concentrate on enjoying and feeling the music now than I ever have before (which was already alot)LOL. Thanks so much for Sharing.

I can relate to this. I was in a similar situation a while back, but it led me to a new teacher who has introduced me to a new group of people who I feel comfortable with. Honestly, I think that the members of Bhuz are more truthful and straightforward than anyone in my local dance community except for my teachers. I'd rather come here and ask for an opinion that go to some of my acquiantances locally. Sometimes a screen name (and the privacy that comes with using one) makes people more honest.