Thread: "Did you learn bellydance to dance for your man?"

Originally Posted by eden_eyes

Re: sequins everywhere

my roommate woke up one morning with a sequin on her face lol! not sure how it got there!!

but i've had people ask me that and just say "no". didn't happen recently so i haven't had the opportunity to say something witty. the man had some people tell him he's "lucky" (in the inappropriate way) and he once said, "Why??!! She forces me to follow her to all her events, listen to tons of arabic music, and tries to get me to play rhythms for her! The luckiest I get is to occasionally see her get out of her costume, but even then it's followed up by a t shirt and pajama pants!" His friend was like
Oh...uhhh...."

i gave him a kiss after that :)

This is the real thing!

Originally Posted by roguepen

Yeah, like hanging out in a class full of sweaty, crazy women in yoga pants will get me laid.

*snicker*

When people say to hubby, re Bellydancing Wife, "lucky guy," or whatever... he says "I sure am to have such aa intelligent, beautiful & talented wife." Awww. We are partners in dance and music, so we get to give out a variety of snappy answers:
"No, he learned to drum to please ME" for example. Or "Sigh, I know everyone is jealous of us because we are so hot, are you jealous?" [If you know me, it really annoys me when people use "jealous" as a motive...but my irony may be lost in this comeback]

As others have said, depends on my mood. Sometimes I do realize that I have asked dumb questions about areas I am not familiar with, or have fallen prey myself to stereotypes, so I am a bit more kind in response, I might say "Don't you feel that is a cliched comment?"
If the question is not really innocent and meant to needle me, then the person gets the snarky me: "No, I already know how to please a man if I feel like it, can't you tell that? I learned to dance because it is so beautiful, don't you think it's beautiful?" "Why are you asking me about pleasing men anyway? " If you are trying to make me feel uncomfortable or to feel silly, then shame on you and I'll give it back. I find giving a question back is a good way to have snappy "answer".
And, of course, a simple "No" is fine.

Someone once asked me if my husband enjoys that I take belly dance lessons. I said, “Yes, he gets to watch whatever he wants on TV when I’m at class.”

Originally Posted by Karnak

Someone once asked me if my husband enjoys that I take belly dance lessons. I said, “Yes, he gets to watch whatever he wants on TV when I’m at class.”

Lol. I love this.

Originally Posted by ozma

You'll have to pry him from my cold, dead, zill-attached hands.,m::

..l;,

:) glad to see I'm not the only one, at least. lol!!!

haha i actually did a private performance for the man a few weeks ago for the first time, EVER. all though I was in full Ren Faire costume and had to practice at his place because the gym studios were taken and I wanted him to critique my zilling lol. I said, "Steven, I'm actually giving you a private performance...of belly dance!" He pryed his eyes from the South Park marathon and said, "Yep."

Epic. I actually asked him if you ever actually wanted me to BD for him privately in an intimate fashion and he admitted "Not really." Upon asking him why, he said the following (sorta haha, but in more of a guy language): "I think most everything you do is beautiful and sexy, especially your BDing, but I would much rather prefer more sexual dancing if we were getting intimate because I know how much BD means to you. Plus you wear less."

Gave him another kiss, haha. He's so sweet. I don't think I would be able to BD intimately for him, I just wouldn't be getting into the mood bahahaha! Besides, he likes Rammstein more than Hakim ;)

Originally Posted by yasmindiab

:) glad to see I'm not the only one, at least. lol!!!

Knowledge is sexy.

Eh, with a question like that I just say "no"; end of story.

It bugs me a lot more when people make stupid, obvious jokes about my real name (shimi) and the fact that I am a bellydancer. But even in that case I have to acknowledge that I have made it all too easy for them ;)

Actually if they keep pushing abt the man thing, I say that these days my husband only gets to see me dance if he pays like everybody else! LOL

Here is a funny related episode from last week: A bunch of my husband's friends and colleagues asked me why I was accompanying him on a business trip. I told them that I had come along to take private bellydance lessons with a famous teacher. And, all these educational psychology people started commenting how much more effective one-on-one tutoring is than classroom instruction, especially for motor skills. Gotta love scientists and how their brains work!

Maybe this makes me a terrible person, but that was one of the things in my mind when I decided to start dancing, although quite a bit below general 'wow, that's amazing, I want to be able to do that'. And I think my boyfriend to begin with was quite excited about me learning to dance. So I did do a 'private dance' for him on a few occasions in the beginning, the very thought of which now makes me cringe, mainly because of how awful my dancing must have been! These days he'd rather go in another room and write an essay whilst I dance, and sits stoically at haflas taking photos and looking a bit lost and not making eye contact with all the other awkward men dotted around the room, although he always claims to be enjoying it. In fact, I feel quite bad about spending so much time doing something that we can't do together, so I'm thinking of coercing him into tango classes ;)

Anyway, if someone asked me if I danced to please my man, they'd probably just get a puzzled stare. Although maybe "he stopped being pleased when he realised I enjoyed dancing more than ****ing him" would be an effective comeback if you were going for a reaction of stunned/embarrassed silence...

It doesn't make you a terrible person, Serpentina. We all came to the dance for separate reasons and it's only once you're in it that you understand all it has to offer. And part of its appeal can be that it makes one feel sexy or powerful.

Originally Posted by Serpentina

Maybe this makes me a terrible person, but that was one of the things in my mind when I decided to start dancing, although quite a bit below general 'wow, that's amazing, I want to be able to do that'. And I think my boyfriend to begin with was quite excited about me learning to dance.

This is no way makes you a terrible person - it's not the actual act of doing a private dance for your significant other that is obnoxious/offensive/tacky/whatever - it's being questioned in public by complete strangers about what a dancer does behind closed doors that is pretty tacky and silly. I just can't imagine approaching a complete stranger and making weird assumptions about their sex life. And when this question is asked, it's usually in order to be "funny" or cheeky. The result is more than likely an annoyed bellydancer and a guest that just made themselves look like an ass.

I am lucky enough not to really get asked this sort of thing very often. I imagine it has a lot to do with the fact that in full makeup I may perhaps look 16 or 17.

On the rare occasion that I do get asked, I usually just tilt my head to the side and say "No, where on earth did you hear that?" Usually this is enough to get people to knock it off.

Although I ought to know better, I sometimes wonder what professional acrobats and contortionists do in the bedroom ... really, you can paint some colorful mental pictures! Then I snap out of it and think, "why would they do that for fun when they do it all day for work?" And I'd certainly never ask!

I usually get those sort of comments from folks with "regular" jobs who don't work with their bodies or who aren't professional/serious performers in some capacity.

Originally Posted by Serpentina

"he stopped being pleased when he realised I enjoyed dancing more than ****ing him"

..l;,..l;,..l;,..l;,..l;,

Originally Posted by Khalilah

This is no way makes you a terrible person - it's not the actual act of doing a private dance for your significant other that is obnoxious/offensive/tacky/whatever - it's being questioned in public by complete strangers about what a dancer does behind closed doors that is pretty tacky and silly. I just can't imagine approaching a complete stranger and making weird assumptions about their sex life. And when this question is asked, it's usually in order to be "funny" or cheeky. The result is more than likely an annoyed bellydancer and a guest that just made themselves look like an ass.

YES!!

Maybe the best response would be to calmly display open shock at the question. "Wow, do you often ask your acquaintances such personal questions?"

I'd probably still feel compelled to follow that up with a statement like "Actually, I fell in love with this dance form because of how closely tied it is to the gorgeous Arabic music." I like to dispel myths where I can, but I try to do it graciously. People are much more open to absorbing new concepts if they're not being insulted at the same time.

Our whole society is full of misinformation about this dance. It gets very frustrating for us, but where is a random person on the street supposed to have gotten any real information before they meet us? There's no point being angry at them, but there is value in calmly and pleasantly correcting stereotypes wherever we find them.

I totally agree with you about not getting angry - what's the point? It's wasted energy and gives the impression of divatude.

I also find my reaction to silly questions is to not waste my energy on the answer. They usually get a "no" or "nope" and that's it. I might laugh if I'm in a decent mood. When asked a thoughtful and sincere question, I respond in kind with a thoughtful and sincere answer.

Originally Posted by Nabila-Nazem

Although I ought to know better, I sometimes wonder what professional acrobats and contortionists do in the bedroom ... really, you can paint some colorful mental pictures! Then I snap out of it and think, "why would they do that for fun when they do it all day for work?" And I'd certainly never ask!

I usually get those sort of comments from folks with "regular" jobs who don't work with their bodies or who aren't professional/serious performers in some capacity.

Because some of them a big showoffs..........

You know when I get asked this question it actually doesn't bother me that much because I hear a lot worse stupid questions when people find out I took Tae Kwon Do for 10 years. I just say no and then leave it at that. Man, the stupid comments I still get about Tae Kwon Do annoys me more than the belly dancing for your man comment ever will. I also think a lot more people are into S & M than they care to admit because of the stupid comments that are made to me regarding Martial Arts.

KDizzle,
Not to throw the thread off track, but now I must know what are the stupid martial arts questions?

Who needs to take bellydance to dance for any man? You can spice up any dance if that's what you have in mind! LOLOL!

Originally Posted by rachelw

KDizzle,
Not to throw the thread off track, but now I must know what are the stupid martial arts questions?

LOL-
1. So do you want to kick me right now? (why yes I do want to kick you just to get to stop asking stupid questions),
2. Do you go around beating up people (yup that is the first thing we learn to do)
3. Do you beat up all your boyfriends?
4. So are you like the karate kid, wax on wax off.
5. And since I am also a twin, if I kick you will your sister feel it?
6. And soooo are you a violent person? is that why you take karate?

Wow, KDizzle, those are doozies, especially the one about your being a twin.

Originally Posted by rachelw

Wow, KDizzle, those are doozies, especially the one about your being a twin.

i have to admit, i used to think the reason Veena and Neena were so popular was because they were two fetishes in one (twins and bellydancers). of course at that time i also thought bellydancers were contortionists..... it's funny because i knew about bellydancers as a young kid and, being young, there was nothing sexual, so i went from being right to wrong and back again. hehee

Oh boy let's not even get me started on the doozies I've heard since I am a twin. I turn into a person who is determined to make the offending party cry as much as possible. Mainly regarding the fetishes when it comes to twins. Keep dreaming buddy.

Originally Posted by KDizzle

LOL-
1. So do you want to kick me right now? (why yes I do want to kick you just to get to stop asking stupid questions),
2. Do you go around beating up people (yup that is the first thing we learn to do)
3. Do you beat up all your boyfriends?
4. So are you like the karate kid, wax on wax off.
5. And since I am also a twin, if I kick you will your sister feel it?
6. And soooo are you a violent person? is that why you take karate?

So are these comments coming from guys trying to flirt with you?

I don't how true this is but I read somewhere that in men, the are of the brain that controls aggression is next to the one that controls sexual impulses. Which is why guys get excited watching girl fights and jelly wrestling! ..l;,

Ok I am dense as it never occurred to me that these guys were trying to flirt with me. Or is it they were that bad at flirting? LOL. Either way the stupid questions is not the way to get my number. LOL. Though your theory Hubic totally makes sense to me. LOL!

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Our whole society is full of misinformation about this dance. It gets very frustrating for us, but where is a random person on the street supposed to have gotten any real information before they meet us? There's no point being angry at them, but there is value in calmly and pleasantly correcting stereotypes wherever we find them.

I feel the same way.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

Our whole society is full of misinformation about this dance. It gets very frustrating for us, but where is a random person on the street supposed to have gotten any real information before they meet us? There's no point being angry at them, but there is value in calmly and pleasantly correcting stereotypes wherever we find them.

And then sadly sometimes you are talking until you are blue in the face because some people's mindsets will not budge. So you just have to shake your head at them.