The "Dear Customer" thread!

[sblanck]

I am guilty of not getting up when prompted by dancers I know. So sorry ladies!!

S

[zorba]

Dear customer:

I think its really sweet that you want a male dancer for your grandma's 80th, just like she had for her 50th so many years ago. But please don't act shocked and hang up when I quote an extra $400 to cover the FOUR HOUR EACH WAY drive I'd have to make to perform at your event. Trust me, its a bargain. (I've had variations on this theme several times!)

Dear restaurant customer:

We all really appreciated it when you stayed late and ordered dessert so you could watch the rest of our show that you didn't know anything about when you walked in. That was sweet - and we really appreciated the tips too!

Dear restaurant owner:

We really appreciate it that you're our biggest fan and love to watch us dance around your almost empty restaurant. This is a two way street - we need YOU to include us in your advertising. A sign at the door "Belly Dancing first Saturday of the Month" would go a LONG way. We can't bring our friends and dance sisters EVERY time...

[Viv]

Dear Potential Customers,

Please, I know its standard practice out here to decide at the last minute, (like the week of), "hey I want a bellydancer", but honestly I have a life. Don't get offended when I tell you I am already booked for the day/weekend/entire month. It's not like you don't know this birthday/anniversery/wedding/retirement is coming up. These things don't just spring out of no where. I hate turning down the job as much as you hate having me turn it down. Work with me please and call more than 3 days before!!!

[SatinWorship19]

Dear Potential Customers,

Please, I know its standard practice out here to decide at the last minute, (like the week of), "hey I want a bellydancer", but honestly I have a life. Don't get offended when I tell you I am already booked for the day/weekend/entire month. It's not like you don't know this birthday/anniversery/wedding/retirement is coming up. These things don't just spring out of no where. I hate turning down the job as much as you hate having me turn it down. Work with me please and call more than 3 days before!!!

Yes, yes, YES!!!!!!!!

[Nabila-Nazem]

Dear Mystery Client:

It's great that you wanted me to dance at the big-bash themed birthday party you were throwing for your young relative. You just HAD to have me and my big silver wings, and wanted to send me a deposit RIGHT AWAY (!!!!!) so that you could nail down the date. We spent time on the phone checking the ceiling height at the venue, the color theme, the timing of my entrance, and on and on. You were so excited!

Then no deposit check arrives. Two days before the event, I call you, at work and on your cell; You are nowhere to be found. The day before the event, I try again, to no avail. Just for laughs, I call the venue and ask if the XYZ party is happening. They say no.

You waved money in front of me and made me set aside time. I turned down other gigs, and then you left me hanging. Did the party get cancelled? Postponed? Perhaps you found another performer? For crying out loud, I'm a big girl, and I will be disappointed but I will live through it. Sometimes plans change for understandable reasons, maybe you're bipolar and got carried away with grand plans and a not-so-grand budget before your pill kicked in, maybe there was a death in the family, or maybe the idea just died.

Please, next time communicate with me. Don't leave me hanging. You're supposed to be a responsible adult. Act like one.

[laura 2]

Dear Potential Customers,

Please, I know its standard practice out here to decide at the last minute, (like the week of), "hey I want a bellydancer", but honestly I have a life. Don't get offended when I tell you I am already booked for the day/weekend/entire month. It's not like you don't know this birthday/anniversery/wedding/retirement is coming up. These things don't just spring out of no where. I hate turning down the job as much as you hate having me turn it down. Work with me please and call more than 3 days before!!!

Ooh, I got one of these last week!

Dear Potential Customer:

From the sound of what you wrote in your email, your Turkish-themed party is going to be quite a shindig. I'm sure it took you quite a while to plan the menu, decorations and music for the event, so why are you waiting until less than a week before to hire the belly dancer? Especially since you are a TWO HOUR drive from the nearest dancer, which a quick Google search would have shown you immediately.

-Galatea

p.s. I am sorry you are "greatly upset" that I'm already booked the night of your party. I'm also sorry you think it's "outrageous" that, had I been available, I would have charged a hefty mileage fee to spend 4 hours of my life driving back and forth to your party in costume.

[laura 2]

maybe you're bipolar and got carried away with grand plans and a not-so-grand budget before your pill kicked in.

I vote for this one. At least, it seems to be the one I run into the most when really enthusiastic clients suddenly go poof.

This is why I'm very up front with clients that their date is not reserved until the deposit is in my hot little hand. If I get a call for another gig in the meantime, I will call and let you know, but the first one to get me a check or put money in my Paypal account is the one who actually gets to have me perform that night.

[maurazebra]

On the whole.. the more front-end enthusiasm, the more likely the poof.

[hollyraqxanc]

I am guilty of not getting up when prompted by dancers I know. So sorry ladies!!

S

Sean, I'm sure you politely decline, which is totally cool. Some people are just too uncomfortable with the idea, and that's okay.

The negative responses that disappoint come in the form of venomous eye-daggers or "Why would I want to do that?!?" These usually come from really insecure girlfriends, and I've learned to smile and move on.,r:;

[Fahimi]

I'm just a baby dancer so no customers but....

Dear Community:

Thank you for embracing us! Thank you to the local paper for putting us on the front page when we do local festival performances. Thank you for stopping us in the store and saying "Are you a belly dancer? That is so cool!" Thanks to the moms who are enthusiastic about taking belly dance lessons, especially with their daughters. Thanks to the dads who spend hours helping their daughters get ready for the big recital. Thanks to the husbands who are there for every performance. Thanks to the friends who drive two to six hours round trip to see us dance. Thanks to the venue that hosted our very first hafla - you took a gamble and saw your busiest night ever! Thanks for being there for us because we are there for you!

Fahimi et al

[NancyAsiya]

Dear Customer,

Thank you assisting in putting my sword back where I'd placed it and taking it out of the hands other another enthusiastic guy who wanted to play with it. You seem to understand the idea of if its not yours, you don't touch it.

Dear DJ,

Thank you for the brilliant way you brought my music set into and then transitioned out of the set you were playing. Despite having no plan and flying by the seat of our pants it went off really well.

[Veil_Dancer]

Dear Inebriated Egghead,

Yes I'm 'F88k she's fat!' I don't seem to be able to hide that in costumes. When your cute girlfriend got up to do her showoff 'I can do it better' dance, you telling her to "sit the F88K down, you're nowhere near as good as she is" was simply priceless.

The mastercard moment was your apology for your earlier comment and explanation of "you changed my perception of big ladies. Thank you!"

It was lovely to see you 6 months later with a new girlfriend around my size and smiling like a Cheshire cat. I hope you are both very happy and have a prosperous life!

[laura 2]

Another last minute Nellie:

Dear College Organization,

I am so happy that you are interested in hiring a belly dancer to perform at your fund-raising event. Unfortunately, your event is less than 24 hours away! I cannot possibly clear my schedule, make two 25 minute sets, figure out costuming (since you want a costume change between sets), directions, etc., and get a deposit and signed contract from you by 11am tomorrow morning. And even if I could, I wouldn't be doing it for the $100 you offered me.

And a nice one:

Dear Customer,

5 years ago, you were my very first solo private party gig. You were so hospitable and kind, and gave me a huge tip! It's because of you that I wanted to go on and book more private parties on my own, and probably was instrumental in my business being where it is today.

I am so thrilled that you want me to come back again for another party, and that you don't have a problem with the fact that I've raised my package and mileage rates substantially since then. I'm glad that you were happy with me back then, but I know you're going to be thrilled this time around!

[salomestar]

I just had to post this:

Dear restaurant customer,

During my show, your fellow M-E patrons show there appreciation by tucking bills in my belt and bra straps. I understand that you would like to join in but throwing your spare change at me is not the way to go. Quarters to the head really hurt...

[BreaMorgiane]

Another last minute Nellie:

Dear College Organization,

I am so happy that you are interested in hiring a belly dancer to perform at your fund-raising event. Unfortunately, your event is less than 24 hours away! I cannot possibly clear my schedule, make two 25 minute sets, figure out costuming (since you want a costume change between sets), directions, etc., and get a deposit and signed contract from you by 11am tomorrow morning. And even if I could, I wouldn't be doing it for the $100 you offered me.

This happened to me, too! .w.:

Dear Busking Audience:

STAY OFF MY RUG! You don't look cute or funny sticking your butt out and dancing very poorly to a whole song, knocking into me while doing it. And seriously, I ought to charge for photographs.

,m::

Dear Everybody:

Please, please, PLEASE stop using that 'I have a belly! I could bellydance' joke, or any variation thereof. *sigh*

Dear Former Boss:

Thank you so much for letting me dance for your family, and for dancing with me yourself! You were a great boss, and I learned a lot about Egyptian culture from you. ..g.:

[SamiraShuruk]

From Saturday: With all that I deal with I'd never guess that I could be creeped out by a table of thirteen year olds. Your Moms let you watch too much TV unguided, read too much TextFromLastNight and don't teach you proper manners. There was something intangibly almost disrespectful; and this with your moms at the next table - I dread to think what you'll be like at 18.
...but...
last night's gig made up for it. I LOVE big, enthusiastic Indian parties. The audience (during the appropriate songs) made it like being in a joyful, chaotic Bollywood- without the organization of group choreography. FANTASTIC!

[Roshanna]

Dear drunk guys in black tie at our last troupe gig:
No, we won't pay your drunk friend 'special attention', we are not lap dancers.
And it definitely is not OK to stand at the back of the audience during our choreos throwing grapes at us. You were rude, disrespectful and pathetic. And telling my troupemates afterwards that it was a sign of appreciation? Could you not have brought yourselves to at least apologise?
Rachael

(Most of our gigs are for students at my university, and I find it somehow particularly icky when guys from my peer group start treating us disrespectfully just because we're bellydancing at their formal dinner)