The "Dear Customer" thread!

[SamiraShuruk]

Many of us have experiences with customers that just HAVE to be shared because they are so wonderful, OR just have to be vented about.
While we can (and I'm sure many of us do) express the positives to party clients, the "not so positives" we have to keep under our hats.
SO, here's our chance! Restaurant clients, party clients, gig phone calls, owners...whatever, it's all fair game. Just be sure to keep out identifying details.
..g.:

Here's my inspiration for starting this thread.

Dear Customer,
Dancers are not deaf when we are performing. Our ears still work quite well. Many people say wonderful things. "Aiwa!", "Assel" are fantastic. "Oh my God that's impossible" is also REALLY fun to hear.
If however the dancer makes you feel competitive and insecure, it may not be wise to open your mouth. You loudly proclaimed to your whole table "well, MY teacher would never take tips. It's too much like stripping", "It's easy, I can to that, it's ALL in the knees", "I'm not impressed, look at this!" (demonstrates weak tummy flutter), "Sword? Well, I've never balanced a sword on my head, but I can balance a bottle of iced tea", "I should take a couple more classes and start working here". Yes, I heard these things. I figured I'd let you have the attention you craved and got you up to dance.
What's sad is you didn't realize you couldn't dance your way out of a paper bag. I would not equate "arching, flailing hot mess" with "well, I do Egyptian and Turkish style". Your teacher whom you studied with and whom you seem to think knows everything about the dance - never made it out of my pro level teacher's beginner 1 class- even after two years of trying. Of COURSE you equate tipping with stripping and you can't tell the difference between a hip drop, a down hip, different shimmies etc. Your teacher (whom I know and who is very nice) has no professional experience and was/is a beginner level dancer. Then you tell me you taught at your college... (frozen smile on my face)...THEN you told me about your troupe you ran. Oh, how the images hurt my brain, but I still managed to smile.
Your drunken mother got up to dance and yelled for the WHOLE restaurant to hear (mostly Persians and quite a few children) "I can't shake just my belly, cos my ASS shakes too much". Also, with her legs spread wide she did a hip grinding circle all the way to the ground. I nicely said "oh, no, keep your legs close together in this dance" and mom responded, and I quote "yea, RIGHT". I see where you get your refinement and manners.
I think some of your table mates were embarrassed on your behalf. They had very kind words and tipped generously. I hope before you go to see another belly dancer that you learn from their example.
sincerely,
Samira

[kina]

Dear Customer,

No. I will NOT do a private bellygram with a stripper. I keep my costume on, thank you for the offer.

No, increasing my fee will not induce to me do so, my costume cost more than this one particular gig and what makes you think I will take my clothes off for you and your nasty man?

eeeewwwwwww.....

True story

[faaria]

Sorry just LMAO over here! I feel your pain but your letter is GREAT!

[BELLA_BELLA]

Dear customer,
When I gracefully tossed my veil to the side, it did not become YOURS. Nor did my tips. Or my cane.

And just because my sword is "not real", you are not qualified to touch it either.

You may not try on my costume, and no, I will not rent it to you.

If, however, you try to touch me in a way that you would not touch your mother and your grandmother, I WILL teach you how to swallow a "not real" sword.

[Nabila-Nazem]

Dear Customer:

I think it's great that I saw you at that live music gig I did a year or so ago; after all, it's great to see other members of our local dance community, be they musicians or dancers, male or female, teachers or students, patronizing the places we dance and being financially supportive of them.

... and part of that "being supportive" is getting up to dance with me during the audience participation part of my show. That's not my strongest talent (yet! but it's getting much better), and when I saw you, I was really thrilled ... "great, I know (your name here) will get up and dance with me!" But you didn't. You sat there with your group of friends, refused to get up (did I see you pointing to a cast and a pair of crutches? No, I didn't), despite my pleading eyes, made me look lame. You didn't set a good example for the rest of the audience, showing them that they don't really have to dance well, just stand there and boogie a little for a few seconds, and letting everyone know I don't bite, and how much fun you are having. Instead, lots of other people fell right in with the herd mentality and sat glued to their chairs, not wanting to be the one "sucker" who got up, while I became more and more desperate, and prayed that live band would READ MY MIND and move on to the next song.

Do you know how wrong that was?

[gretchendances]

Samira your beginning entry JUST made my day! Hilarious and oh so true. You handle it with such style and grace!

[RaqOn]

Dear "Sunny",

I will not show your "girls" how to dance. If they were cute and age 7, yes, but when you tell me they "Oh yes, don't worry, they're all over 18. I just need them to learn how to loosen their hips" that's a different story. No matter how much money you offer or promise me they won't incorporate Belly Dance into their "routines" I won't budge.

[gretchendances]

Here's mine.

Dear Customer:

Please do not interrupt me during my show to ask me to get you more hummus.

Yeah just go ahead & wave that dollar bill around in the air and tell me "get'er on over here". Riiiiight like I'll rush on over there... I don't need it that badly.

Don't tell me that the other dancer gets up on the table just for your group and does special shows just for you & your friends. Have you stopped to think I might know her and talk to her regularly about jerks like you?

Lastly... do you have to just spontaniously get up in a drunken stupor and attempt to do your best Michael Jackson impersonation to call attention to yourself or to get me over there to dance on your side of the room. Grabbing your crotch and doing the moonwalk only makes me move further away.

Sincerely,
Gretchen (The dancer who does not give a rats ass what you think... mmmmmmmmkay)

[tabitha]

Dear Customer,

I heard you when you shouted to your friend, "put it in her boobs! She wants it in her boobs! Hey move your hair! HEY!! Move your HAIR!" Didn't you think it was cute how I picked up the ends of my hair, shook it around and then placed it back over my cleavage? Your male friend was very polite and embarrassed by then and just handed me the money, and you lost your hilarious photo op! I really wanted to shove it back in your boobs! :D

And:

Dear Customers,

Thank you so much for hanging around in the restaurant, after your dinner was over, just to watch my second show. It really meant a lot since I was having a bad week.

[ZanaRaqs]

dear hafla guests (these creepos were unrelated to any dancers at the hafla),

no i will not, nor any other dancer there, call u when u give me ur card. dont u see 99% of the dancers are there with their S.O.? do me a favor and save ur breath, go to the local strip joint and have ur fun there. im a lot tougher than i look and am very protective of my dance sisters and can surely kick ur ass when provoked. i hear ur nasty comments under ur breath and see the way u and ur dumbass friend stare at the other dancers, dont make me whip out my sword

sincerely,
Zana :)

[Nabila-Nazem]

I love this thread!

On a balancing note:

Dear Group of Customers 12/31:

Thank you for being there at your Arabic family restaurant at 10:30 pm with Mom, Dad, the kids, grandkids, and the whole family and participating with me. Thank you for watching my show intently, so intently I was getting nervous, and then later asking me if I was from "over there." No, I've studied with some pretty hot teachers, here in the US, but you just asking gave me the best "I've hit a milestone" moment I could have wished for. Maybe you were being sarcastic, having pegged me for an American poser; if so fine. I'm not sure, but I'm gonna take it at face value, as a compliment. Your momentary favor represented some fruition for my labors and has helped to nurse me through later moments of self-doubt and struggle. Thank you!

[calianaamar]

Hilarious thread! :-)


Dear weird not-quite-right-in-the-head customer,

While I appreciate your support, please don't feel the need to frequent all the restaurants I perform at, particularly since you can't seem to afford to purchase a meal at any of them and would "just like a coke". The restaurant owners do not appreciate this.

And again, thank you for your support, but please, do you thing you could take lessons in zaghareeting? Your current turkey calling is so loud and obnoxious it startles the other customers.

And finally, yes thank you for the tip, but could you please refrain from patting my belt after placing a dollar in it? It's a little odd....

Thanks for the support....

Sincerely,
Caliana (all with a smile on my face....)

[laura 2]

Dear Mother of 50 Year Old Man with Boundary Issues:

Thank you for hiring me for you son's 50th birthday party. In the future, could you please inform him that taking off his shirt, gyrating wildly in the corner by himself and fingering his own nipples a la Austin Powers is NOT appropriate behavior during a Belly Dancer's performance? You might also want to purchase some brain and eyeball bleach for the party guests, many of whom looked quite appalled, and pre-pay for future therapy for the children in the room who had to witness his jackass-ery.

[SamiraShuruk]

Dear Mother of 50 Year Old Man with Boundary Issues:

Thank you for hiring me for you son's 50th birthday party. In the future, could you please inform him that taking off his shirt, gyrating wildly in the corner by himself and fingering his own nipples a la Austin Powers is NOT appropriate behavior during a Belly Dancer's performance? You might also want to purchase some brain and eyeball bleach for the party guests, many of whom looked quite appalled, and pre-pay for future therapy for the children in the room who had to witness his jackass-ery.

Laura! Omygoodnesss! You poor thing! I think *I* need therapy after just READING about it. That's SO disturbing!

On a positive note...
Dear customers at (insert name of restaurant), Thank you to so many of you for regularly bringing your children to the restaurant to enjoy the entertainment that you KNOW is family friendly. Now that I think about it- your children are all well behaved- maybe because of the bright and sparkly distraction! lol Regardless, Thank you for not buying into ignorance and thank you for exposing your children to fun, cultural entertainment (not to mention fabulous food). ..g.:

[ZanaRaqs]

a more positive one from me too:

dear friends,

thank you so much for commenting that i am "middle eastern/egyptian at heart". it really brings a smile to my face when i know you're saying that i bring elegance and class to your culture and dance, something that truly is important to me. and i also loved that u were all pleasantly surprised that this tall, white blonde with hazel green eyes can not only dance but understand the songs she's dancing to, is learning arabic, and is not shy to request "tannoura" in the berlin arab clubs :)

with love,
Zana

[laura 2]

Laura! Omygoodnesss! You poor thing! I think *I* need therapy after just READING about it. That's SO disturbing!

If there was ever a time that I had to put my game face on and draw upon all of my acting skills, it was that night. I was willing to walk if he tried anything or came anywhere near me, but he literally ignored me the whole time while he got his groove on in the corner. ..l;, I really kept going for his mom and the other guests, because they seemed grateful to have something else to look at.

I assume he must have been drunk, even though it was only 7:30pm!

[LeylaFahada]

Dear Customers,

I was surprised to find out that your behavior is not unique! The glaring, eye rolling, whispering, and (worst of all) loud exclamations of "oh my god" "i can't believe she's dancing to *this* song" (an owner favorite btw) and "yeah, whatever" is apparently a common language spoken by those with bad manners and a low self esteem. I'm not sorry to have ignored you in favor of the many, many customers who enjoyed the show, but you may want to rethink where you eat, if Arabic music and belly dance are so very offensive.

Hoping for your education,
Leyla

[maurazebra]

Dear Southern Conservative Christian Male Dufus:
As you embark on the life-long adventure of marriage with your lovely, vibrant, well-educated Persian-American bride, you might want to LOOK AT the dancer that she hired for your wedding as her gift to her groom and SMILE while the dancer performs instead of staring at your roast beef. This is good preparation for the mutual cooperation and compromises that a marriage involves... unless all the compromises are supposed to be made by her, of course...

[I've never forgotten that horrible event. I wonder how that marriage worked out?]

[phillyraqs]

Dear customer,

You brought your adorable twin 4 year old boys to the restaurant this weekend, dressed in the cutest matching outfits with matching little eye glasses. They were sweet, danced with me several times, and politely would hand me tips and say, "Thank you Ms. belly dancer, that was fun." When I said thank you to them, they responded with "You're welcome!" I had so much fun dancing with such polite, well mannered and sweet children, and enjoyed having my photo taken with them and know that it will be an awesome story and fond memory for your family for years to come. Your respect meant a lot to me, and you are raising your children so well, I wish that half my customers were as great as you.

[dancingstar]

Dear Little Dancer,

I very much enjoyed dancing with you after my show. It was so much fun! I love that you told your family you want to become a belly dancer. Did they put you in classes like they said they would? I'm pretty sure that you asked them about it all the way home.

[Rya_of_Indiana]

I want to go a different direction as a dancer in the audience of another performance but I wanted to ask permission first. Or, we could do a spin off thread.

On second thought, I'll just start a spin-off thread. Don't want this one to go off topic.

[eden_eyes]

Dear Customer,

I'm not taking the money out of your teeth. And please don't think I'll laugh at your cheekiness, I've seen it before. You're not special.

Thank you.

[shems]

Dear Customers, thank you for wanting to have a good time as much as I want to have a good time!

Dear Customer who seems to be the only one not having a good time and is acting like a jerk, shut the f*** up, nobody wants your sh** in their sundae, especially not me.

With Sincere Affection,

Shems

[eshtabellydance]

OMG this is the funniest thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[eshtabellydance]

Dear Customer,
When your husband said he didn't like belly dancing that was probably a good indication that you shouldn't have hired me for his 50th birthday bash. And insisting on my show starting in your living room while all your guests were outside at the pool was really awkward and only got worse when your husband turned red in the face and ran from the room when I wished him a happy birthday. I really like dancing around your house while you and your husband fight in the next room. Him yelling about how much he hates belly dancing really made me feel extra special.
My favorite part was how you then drug me into your kitchen and forced me to shimmy for your totally freaked out guests in front of your dishwasher as it whirred around drowning out my cd which was stuck in your living room stereo.
I couldn't get back into my car fast enough.
So glad I learned to get payment up front.
Sincerely,
Eshta

[ZanaRaqs]

Dear Customer,
When your husband said he didn't like belly dancing that was probably a good indication that you shouldn't have hired me for his 50th birthday bash. And insisting on my show starting in your living room while all your guests were outside at the pool was really awkward and only got worse when your husband turned red in the face and ran from the room when I wished him a happy birthday. I really like dancing around your house while you and your husband fight in the next room. Him yelling about how much he hates belly dancing really made me feel extra special.
My favorite part was how you then drug me into your kitchen and forced me to shimmy for your totally freaked out guests in front of your dishwasher as it whirred around drowning out my cd which was stuck in your living room stereo.
I couldn't get back into my car fast enough.
So glad I learned to get payment up front.
Sincerely,
Eshta

omg how horrible!

and along the lines of the one posted a couple of posts above..

dear biggest little fan,

i love that u keep asking ur mom to take dance classes and being so amazing while i was performing for u and ur family. u were completely hypnotized when i was dancing and i totally appreciate ur love and support. u even helped me pick out my makeup! i hope u start taking classes soon and i know ur mother and the rest of ur family would LOVE it as well (who were all awesome during the performance as well).

much love from your future sister in law,

Zana :)

**true story, my bfs little sister who is turning 6 in may was sooo enamored by me dancing, it was adorable. and his whole family rocked as an audience when we were in brazil this past dec-jan.**

[SatinWorship19]

Dear Customer,

I appreciate your willingness to book your party entertainment before heading out for work. But please find it in your heart of hearts and try not to call before I've had my coffee

Love,

Carrara

[rachelw]

Dear Customer decked out in ME garb at the Ren Fest,

Thank you for meeting my eyes and winking at me during the floorwork part of my solo, as well as the zaghareet. It made me ecstatic to have my effort recognized my someone who seems to know what she's looking at. It made up for the crappy weather.

[laura 2]

Dear Customer,
When your husband said he didn't like belly dancing that was probably a good indication that you shouldn't have hired me for his 50th birthday bash. And insisting on my show starting in your living room while all your guests were outside at the pool was really awkward and only got worse when your husband turned red in the face and ran from the room when I wished him a happy birthday. I really like dancing around your house while you and your husband fight in the next room. Him yelling about how much he hates belly dancing really made me feel extra special.
My favorite part was how you then drug me into your kitchen and forced me to shimmy for your totally freaked out guests in front of your dishwasher as it whirred around drowning out my cd which was stuck in your living room stereo.
I couldn't get back into my car fast enough.
So glad I learned to get payment up front.
Sincerely,
Eshta

.w.:

[LotusNiraja]

Yeah just go ahead & wave that dollar bill around in the air and tell me "get'er on over here". Riiiiight like I'll rush on over there... I don't need it that badly.

Gretchen
Yup, that one is a hoot! Been there and watch them get an attitude when you breeze right by them!


Lotus N.