Thread: Private Parties-To do or not to do?

Hi Everyone,

What is your opinion on performing at private parties? Do you perform for a private party, why or why not? What are some things a young dancer should be aware of? All ears for some advice on whether or not I should do them. I've only danced in the restaurant/cafe scene. Thanks!

the big "rules" (imo)
1. nonrefundable deposit
2. bring someone with you
3. no all-male parties
4. check the local rates and charge a reasonable local professional rate
5. bring 2 copies of your cd
6. private, secure dressing area if you don't arrive dressed
7. contact phone number for host. call when you arrive.
8. get paid the balance due before your show
9. smile and be ready for anything!
10. leave immediately after the show. its not professional to "hang around" after souvenir pictures have been taken

i'm sure you'll get tons of good advice in this thread.
good luck!

Of COURSE you should do them. I second all those "rules." I was VERY fortunate in this: I had a car, and my teacher/mentor didn't, so I got to drive her to an assortment of gigs and act like an assistant (a "fly on the wall.") That experience saved me LOTS AND LOTS of trouble and made me much more confident than I otherwise would have been. If you can rig up a similar experience for yourself, do it.

Definitely search for threads on contracts and policies. You'll learn a lot and save some headaches.

Make sure you have a booking sheet - a list of questions to ask the client - ready to go so you can get all the info you need upfront. This might help you get started: PRINCESS FARHANA: THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE BOOKING A SHOW

Good luck!

I don't actively seek them out. Generally speaking, I don't think they are a good fit for me as an individual or for what I want to accomplish as a performer, but they can vary quite a bit in experience. Some are actually quite lovely, while others are a bit of a nightmare. You'll want to try to do as much groundwork as you can up front to avoid the latter ones if possible, although some dancers have a higher tolerance for putting up with rowdy drunks, fearful people who don't seem to understand why you're there, and being ignored (three examples of what might happen at a less enjoyable gig) than others. For many, they can be a solid source of performing experience and revenue. If you are less traditional in your approach or appearance, you may find the road to a party-gig career more challenging than others who look and play the part. The competitiveness of your local market may also play into how much you enjoy the experience.

Wonderful advice above. I suggest finding a reputable mentor who can help you through as well.
Some of the following links may prove useful:
Performing and Professionalism
Rates Article
Belly Dancer Rates

private parties are typically where the money is, and the suggestions above are all excellent...be very mindful of your area's pricing minimums, your level of expertise, and the demographics of the party folk (are they conservative, of arabic/persian/etc. origin, age range, kids?) as this will determine your costuming, musical choices, where you will dance (which will determine props, if any), spacing, etc......

Try it! I think it's good to do a variety of gigs. You'll probably enjoy some kinds of gigs more than others and it's important to do what you like best. For example:

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

Some are actually quite lovely, while others are a bit of a nightmare. You'll want to try to do as much groundwork as you can up front to avoid the latter ones if possible, although some dancers have a higher tolerance for putting up with rowdy drunks, fearful people who don't seem to understand why you're there, and being ignored (three examples of what might happen at a less enjoyable gig) than others.

I totally would have said that about the restaurant scene LOL. I think as you do more gigs you will figure out which ones you love, which ones are acceptable, and which ones are "oh no! never again!"

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

... but they can vary quite a bit in experience. Some are actually quite lovely, while others are a bit of a nightmare. You'll want to try to do as much groundwork as you can up front to avoid the latter ones if possible ...

True!

Most of my experience has been doing private parties, and almost without exception, they have been excellent. You never know what to expect, and having the ability to "roll with the punches"--and enjoy it--is a big part of being a success in this arena. Get a lot of information up front so you can tailor your show to the situation, and always have a "plan B" in case something's unexpected. I always feel like a secret agent operative when I show up; how big is the performing area? Where is the DJ? Where will I stow my sword? How is the floor surface? (slippery? carpet? outdoor patio?) Are there any obstacles to be careful of? How long do I have to get to the main performance area during the intro of my music? If I have to shorten my show, what would I cut? Okay, I have to kill 5 minutes of sword music, and I can't do floor work, but I'm gonna make it work anyway! Oh great, there's a FIREPLACE! Oh, the gig's on a BOAT, with low ceilings ... and so on.

I enjoy the challenging aspects of these gigs, and being prepared for just about anything is key. Keeping a good sense of humor will go a long way for both you and your client and audience.

hey BettyDances, I was just wondering the other day why "bellygrams" are so seldom heard of anymore. THAT's where it's at for the working dancer (meaning the Pro).
They are short, happen anytime not just weekend nights, you don't have to deal with managers, the money is way better, and they lead to more & more gigs.

After many years and hundreds of 'grams, I wrote down a lot of my personal approach and tips here:
Bellygrams - Advice From a Pro

Let me know if you have any questions -

Thanks for that link, Anthea - it's great!

Most of my gigs are private parties and I love them. I've never had one that makes me feel uncomfortable, I get good "word of mouth" from them and I have as much fun as the guests. My parties are usually girls' nights, but I've also done bridal showers, bachelorette parties (in fact, I'm doing one tomorrow), birthday parties, fundraisers and baby showers.

Originally Posted by anthea

hey BettyDances, I was just wondering the other day why "bellygrams" are so seldom heard of anymore. THAT's where it's at for the working dancer (meaning the Pro).
They are short, happen anytime not just weekend nights, you don't have to deal with managers, the money is way better, and they lead to more & more gigs.

Seriously!

I stopped doing restaurants and have focused my efforts on private parties. What a difference! Half the aggravation, and more than twice the pay. What's not to love?

Originally Posted by anthea

hey BettyDances, I was just wondering the other day why "bellygrams" are so seldom heard of anymore. THAT's where it's at for the working dancer (meaning the Pro).
They are short, happen anytime not just weekend nights, you don't have to deal with managers, the money is way better, and they lead to more & more gigs.
After many years and hundreds of 'grams, I wrote down a lot of my personal approach and tips here:
Bellygrams - Advice From a Pro
Let me know if you have any questions -

I don't know the "global" answer to that, but I can share why I don't use the term.
"Belly grams" were traditionally shorter than a full show (sometimes about half?)... and also a good bit less money. I'd only be saving ten minutes of my time in the two (or more) hours of my time invested specifically for this gig. Financially it makes sense for me to price $XXX and up for shows "up to 25 minutes. "
I'm also not comfortable with the "embarrass Uncle Bob" atmosphere that some of these gigs seem to have. So I really just market the full show. Sometimes they want only half the time and still pay the full price. I'm OK with that. ..g.:

Originally Posted by anthea

hey BettyDances, I was just wondering the other day why "bellygrams" are so seldom heard of anymore. THAT's where it's at for the working dancer (meaning the Pro).
They are short, happen anytime not just weekend nights, you don't have to deal with managers, the money is way better, and they lead to more & more gigs.

I would say about 75% of my paid gigs are BellyGrams. I enjoy doing them, and I enjoy being in and out in 10 minutes and watching TV in my jammies less than an hour later even more!

I have to admit, I don't do a whole lot of "bellygrams," either. My bellygram bookings have been on the rise lately, but it's still mostly full sets for this chica.

Bellygrams are an excellent choice when I have a client who wants to get the party going, but doesn't want to create a big diversion with a full-length show.

As for clients who want a bellygram so they can save money? My bellygrams aren't really cost-effective, since I still charge accordingly for prep and travel. They'll save maybe $35 or so. By that point, they'll usually go for any of our local "friendly" undercutters, who will dance for an hour and charge half of my rate.

Not to mention, the "embarrass Uncle Bob" factor usually skyrockets, often in tandem with the PITA factor and the "helter-skelter clusterf*ck factor."

I really WANT to like bellygrams! Maybe I'm just not marketing 'grams correctly? Somebody help me see the light ,r:;

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

As for clients who want a bellygram so they can save money? My bellygrams aren't really cost-effective, since I still charge accordingly for prep and travel. They'll save maybe $35 or so. By that point, they'll usually go for any of our local "friendly" undercutters, who will dance for an hour and charge half of my rate.

I actually talk people out of the slightly more expensive Full Set if I know that they want a belly dancer for Uncle Jerry's 50th birthday, in the living room of his daughter's house, where everyone is GP family and friends. In my experience, anything more than 10 minutes and people start to get itchy - they are there to have some food and drink with family and friends, not watch a floor show. The attention span for that kind of event is just not there, and frankly I'd rather make less money and leave them with the memory of the "fun and awesome Belly Dancer" than "that Belly Dancer who went on forever".

Perhaps some of this is because of my locality (fiscally conservative Midwest), but I don't get a lot of gigs for fancy events with large performance areas. Most of the time, I dance in living rooms and rec rooms (by the time you stuff all the guests in there I have maybe a 6' x 6' square to perform in), with people coming and going to the buffet and makeshift bar in the kitchen, and even guests sometimes leaving and arriving during my performance. It is really hard to keep people who are not BD aficionados entertained for 25 minutes when you can't use props safely because there's no room, people are sticking their fingers in their ears when you zill because it's such close quarters, and traveling steps are extremely limited.

For most of my clientele - blue collar Midwesterners who have never seen a Belly Dancer in person before - a BellyGram is the best fit for the client, the audience, and myself.

Originally Posted by laura 2

I actually talk people out of the slightly more expensive Full Set if I know that they want a belly dancer for Uncle Jerry's 50th birthday, in the living room of his daughter's house, where everyone is GP family and friends....
Perhaps some of this is because of my locality (fiscally conservative Midwest), .... Most of the time, I dance in living rooms and rec rooms (by the time you stuff all the guests in there I have maybe a 6' x 6' square to perform in)...
For most of my clientele - blue collar Midwesterners who have never seen a Belly Dancer in person before - a BellyGram is the best fit for the client, the audience, and myself.

This makes a lot of sense and I totally understand.
I tend to live dangerously- even in small spaces- with American audiences I use veil and sword. It helps with that "attention span" deficit, which makes my life easier and circumnavigates the "she went on forever" thought process.

This is exactly why I like the *idea* of a bellygram! Some parties just aren't suited to an extended show, and I don't ever like to feel like I'm commandeering an entire party. Most people go to parties to eat, drink and be merry - and a belly dance show should be a fun, exciting icebreaker, not something that detracts from what would otherwise be an intimate gathering.

People are looking to save money these days, so I've been doing a lot more shows in people's homes rather than big banquet facilities. I'm finding that there's a lot less you can do in a smaller space. So it's all something to consider.

I just have a very hard time convincing clients that they might want less. Even a 25-minute set can be a tough sell sometimes. I get a lot of calls from people who want a 45-minute (or longer!) show. Then again, there are some people in my area who dance really, really long sets - so they might base these numbers on quotes from other dancers ,r:;

It's all very market specific and I'm sure there's no silver bullet!

Yes! Private parties are where the money's at!

I've never been a "restaurant dancer," not because it's a bad thing, but because I came up doing private parties and enjoying the income. On-the-schdule restaurant dancing doesn't pay nearly as much of my least expensive private gig; restaurant pay is much less than half of private gigs here in the greater Los Angeles area known as "the entertainment capitol of the world." Another reason I enjoy private parties is that you can turn them down if you need (or want) to; regular restaurant gigs really are too confining for my lifestyle.

Learning to work in very small space is an art in itself and definitely a skill to possess; some parties will be in big rooms, but many, many will be, as described by Laura2 upthread, in somebody's living room from which the coffee table has been removed. You have to work with low ceiling, those now-famous ceiling fans, an audience literally inches from you and personalities that run from "hey, isn't this great!" to "this is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." It's not like a restaurant which advertises its entertainment; there will be people at private parties to whom you will be a complete surprise . . . for good or for ill.

I loves my private parties; I really like the bellygram . . . short, sweet and (like Laura2) in my jammies an hour later. I price my bellygrams to be attractive as compared to a 20+ minute set, but my gram fees are still higher than some dancers charge for 30 minutes . . .

*skips off to check out Anthea's site*

Deborah

Originally Posted by casbahdance

Yes! Private parties are where the money's at!

Learning to work in very small space is an art in itself and definitely a skill to possess; some parties will be in big rooms, but many, many will be, as described by Laura2 upthread, in somebody's living room from which the coffee table has been removed. You have to work with low ceiling, those now-famous ceiling fans, an audience literally inches from you and personalities that run from "hey, isn't this great!" to "this is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen."
Deborah

That's a good point. Grams give you SO much "producer" experience.

You get experience in "handing the situation". You get good at walking in and assessing everything that impacts you & your show, in the blink of an eye.

You get good at taking phone calls and getting pertinent info, IMPARTING pertinent info TO them, selling your service, getting them excited, etc. etc. etc.

You learn to give a good show and leave them wanting more - & promising to tell their friends all about it.

But they are different in feel & execution than a restaurant show, or a theatre show. Grams are practically their own genre!

I had a GREAT teacher for them, Bedia. She had it down & shared it all with me. She was the best!

i think someone mentioned that Michelle volunteered her contract for a base that people can use? please correct me if that's wrong, i don't want to start a rumor!
i've generally found in life that having expectations in writing helps to clarify misunderstandings that you didn't even realize existed. ask a lot of questions to figure out what they want/expect. the secrets of the stage vol 2 has great info about questions to ask before a new gig (about space, who it's for, etc)

Originally Posted by raqFariha

i think someone mentioned that Michelle volunteered her contract for a base that people can use? please correct me if that's wrong, i don't want to start a rumor!
i've generally found in life that having expectations in writing helps to clarify misunderstandings that you didn't even realize existed. ask a lot of questions to figure out what they want/expect. the secrets of the stage vol 2 has great info about questions to ask before a new gig (about space, who it's for, etc)

I don't know if she has granted blanket permission, but she gave me permission when I asked. Don't be shy about asking her yourself; she's really nice.

Private parties can be fun and they certainly are good money as long as you keep your rates sustainable (covering your REAL costs and labor). Take a helper with you whenever you can and for the first several times for sure; they can help you run down a checklist (you'll be nervous) and navigate to the location and hold your business cards and make sure you gather everything you brought with you when you leave. Plus you'll then have at least one attentive member in the audience and that can mean a LOT.