Thread: Advice on a bar mitzvah gig?

I haven't done one before.

The dad is looking for a 'rite of passage' experience for his son. The family is of Persian descent, they've seen bellydancers at Persian restaurants and thought this would be perfect.

He's picturing the boy in a chair in the center of the room and three bellydancers dancing around him -- yes, he even mentioned a turban and some real harem scene stuff *shudder* -- immediately preceding the hora dance.

His goal is to keep the focus on the son.

He wants to hear my ideas and price in a couple of days.

I'd love to steer him away from the sultan schtick, but I need to be able to present some other ideas that keep the boy as the center of attention and nod to his 'awakening manhood.' (pun unavoidable)

Anyone?...Anyone?

All I can think of is how embarrassed that 13 year old boy would be if that were to happen.

What about some sword stuff? Teenage boys love pointed implements right?

Other than that I don't know...hopefully someone can come up with something good.

Yeah, if I was a kid, I'd be pretty embarrassed if some strange lady was dancing around me, shaking her hips at me. lol.

I kinda like the sword idea.

You could also stand him up after the sword bit and have him dance next to you or something... not facing you, but get everyone clapping and get him dancing a little.

I've rarely done a Bar-Mitzvah where the boy of honor wasn’t totally shy and embarrassed, poor things!

I usually focus my attention on him yes, try to make him dance with me but when everyone sees how shy he is they usually don’t mind me focusing my attention else where... thus the proud papa! It makes everyone laugh and people usually join in pretty quickly.

Keep in mind that the majority of guests will be 12-13 year olds...It’s a very joyous, one in a life time occasion, so you don’t want to scar the poor kid for life... LOL

All his little friends will want to come hug you after the show ,r:;

13 year old boy being embarassed? Unfortunately Unavoidable, poor little guys.

(I have a 13 year old, he's fine around the dancers he knows, he even has his favorites that he loves to tip; 'mom, can I have another couple of dollars?' BUT he would be mortified if he was featured at a party)

The parties I've done have had mostly adult guests; I'd try to get the "guest of honor" to dance with me, he would do so dutifully at the urging of his father. Usually after that the grown men step up to dance and show him how it's done, and they get all the adults going, and it becomes a regular party.

I've never had a host make any special performance requests so I'll be interested to see what our learn-ed Bhuzzers recommend!

Originally Posted by salomestar

I usually focus my attention on him yes, try to make him dance with me but when everyone sees how shy he is they usually don’t mind me focusing my attention else where... thus the proud papa! It makes everyone laugh and people usually join in pretty quickly.

Yes! That's it!

I can't decide which would be worse--dancing for some poor, embarrassed teenage boy, or dancing for some horndog teenage boy who wasn't embarrassed by being the subject of attention in a belly dancing show. I have no idea what the parents are thinking, and the whole thing sounds like something that would be pitched to MTV as a reality-show.

Personally, I would try to steer them toward something folkloric, but it sounds like they want the kitsch. I can't imagine going all hootchie-kootchie harem girl on a kid, and the folkloric stuff has considerably fewer squicky overtones. Still, if they've got their hearts set on going that route, could you get a brass lamp or a fancy box and play up something else instead of the turban/sultan thing? I'm picturing you being a genie who "grants wishes" by pulling out a string of magician scarves with words like "Happiness," "Prosperity," "Success," "Good Health," etc. on them. That would sort of keep the theme without being too embarrassing for all involved. You'd need to run it by them first, though. I wouldn't expect someone who was hiring a belly dancer for a bar mitzvah to be unusually conservative, but you never know if playing on superstitions will offend.

Three dancers? How about one soloist in a masculine or ghawazee coat garb dancing with a stick... make enough noise with it and the boy might actually enjoy it. This is the dancer that represents the boy: strong, graceful and commanding attention. Then two dancers as a dance and rhythm chorus in masculine or feminine garb, drums and/or their own sticks. This would represent the admiring audience but not a hareem fantasy: make more noise, bang more sticks :)

Originally Posted by maurazebra

make more noise, bang more sticks :)

LOVE this idea! *now wants to advertise exciting noisy stick banging gig option*

The idea with the handkerchiefs is also very unique and I think would be very cute and fitting for a bar mitzvah

Ok, so it sounds like dad is requesting the harem schtick as further show that his son is now a man. Maybe meet dad halfway on the Hollywood harem bit - a turban or fez or whatever for the son to wear & let him sit center or wherever to 'preside' over the entertainment, aka you.

My idea: if they want 3 dancers, how about each dancer doing a short routine all in very different costumes & with different props? Stick, sword (or candle tray), and end with zills to get everyone dancing?

I also very much like Tourbeau's suggestion of words on scarves. I think something like that would keep with such a symbolic occasion really well, and the guests would appreciate it - probably more than full on harem schtick.

im reminded of the quincienera (sp?) post where someone was asking how to price private lessons to teach the girl and her friends a routine to perform at her coming of age party. what about teaching him a short tatib routine? or teaching him the chorus for a song that you do assaya to? you dance all the verses for variety and entertaining everyone, and he jumps in with something manly that can be the same each time he does it and doesn't require much skill?

Whether there are three dancers or one, I generally (regardless of reason for the party) keep my distance from the object of attention.

#1: it's alot easier to dance when you give yourself some room

#2: it's alot easier for the object of attention to look at you when your several feet away as opposed to inches from his face

I've done several bar mitzvah's over the years and they really were like most other parties, except for the obligatory hora/Hava Nageela at the end.

Deborah

ps: one nice thing about schtick is that it can be used to waste -- I mean, use up -- alot of time: making a big fuss over the hat/fez/turban/whatever or "dance with me" is fun for (most) folks and reduces the "harem dance" discomfort for the dancer 'cuz she's not dancing as much.