Thread: Tip Tips for a new bellydancer

Hello,

My name is Chantel and I started bellydancing for fun a few years ago and recently decided to make a little extra income after my hours were cut at my real job. I was really excited because I got hired by a local restaurant to fill in when one of their regular bellydancers is out. One is going up north for the summer and so I have the whole summer to make a name for myself. I would like some advice from the more seasoned dancers on the issue of tips.

I had assumed that tips would be collected in a copper pot or a hat as I'd seen done at some places overseas and even on a cruise ship. I talked to one of the other dancers (there are typically three of us on busy nights) and expressed my concern. She told me to accept tips in my arm band or on my hip (tucked into my skirt). She said that is the only way she takes tips. However that was not the case. I had arm bands and only accepted tips in my arm band. I noticed she was accepting tips in her skirt, but not only on her hip. Many men slipped bills into the back of her skirt and even a few in front. I asked her about it later and she said she doesn't accept them that way, but occaisonally someone is too quick for her to get away. The next night I watched again and the same thing happened and it obviously wasn't accidental because if a guy had a big tip (no pun intended) she would chest shimmy as he stared at her cleavage and tipped her in her skirt. When we finished our set I noticed the other dancer had a few bills sticking out of her bra as well. She said she tucked in bills that were handed to her, but that some came out a bit and were sticking out.

I don't know what to think of all this, but this is the only restaurant in 50 miles of us that has bellydancers. I don't know if I would be comfortable getting tips like this, but I am afraid they will stop calling me if I don't. Also I made only $24 in tips and they made more than five times that amount. My friend was searching online and found a number of videos of tipping bellydancers this way, so I am not sure if this is common practice:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3fomybW2Y4&feature=related]YouTube - TURKISH BELLY-DANCER OF THE NEW YEAR 2007[/ame]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYzFsFLV7zk&feature=related]YouTube - Belly dance[/ame]

The second one I see the guy out the tip in her bra, but seems to avoid touching her. Is this culturally acceptable in arab countries. Am I being an "American prude" as one of my male arab acquaintances called me? I dance this weekend (Saturday) and next weekend (Thursday - Sunday) so I really am hoping for some help and advice before that.

Everybody has their own personal comfort zone when it comes to tipping. I caught a bit of flak awhile ago for posting a cute candid shot on FB of a party guest slipping a $20 in the side of my belt. I never thought there was anything wrong with body tipping until recently - now I know that a lot of dancers refuse to take tips in their costumes. I can see valid arguments on both sides.

Personally, I prefer to have the money thrown over my head in a "money shower," or discretely handed to me on my way out of the party. However, body tipping seems to be customary in a lot of cultures - Greek, Turkish and Albanian, in my experience. So even though it's not my favorite, I'll do it anyway if that's how people in the crowd are tipping. After all, tipping is a sign of generosity. Both of my teachers encouraged appropriate body tipping and yelled at me if I didn't accept a tastefully delivered tip in my costume!

When I take tips in my costume, it's always in the side of my belt or in my armbands. I direct them to the appropriate areas and take control. If they act out of turn (which has only happened once) I scold them, turn down the money and move on.

That being said, I think we all can agree that the center-front and center-back of the belt/skirt are no-no's, as are the bra cups. You also have no obligation to take tips from anybody who's holding the bill between their teeth or waving at you while making snide remarks. Common sense!

Hopefully the restaurant is paying enough to make the gig worth your while, whether or not you get tipped. There are lots of reasons that the other dancers may be getting tipped more, not the least of which is that they presumably have fans who come to see them perform.

If you don't see patrons tipping the other dancers in their costumes, it's hard to say how the tips got where they were. I've seen dancers "compact" tips into a less-desired-tipping area, presumably to leave more room in the preferred-tipping area (upper bra strap, side hip, etc).

I think you should concentrate on your dancing and your interactions with customers. If you expect respectful tipping, and use the right body language to help the customers decide whether and where to tip, most of the time you should have good tipping interactions. Concentrate on doing your thing, and pay attention to how the guests and staff treat you. If the gig just doesn't feel right for you after a few performances, you can give your notice.

I don't know if you noticed if on the second clip the belly dancer is dancing for all-male party?? She's probably treated as "something" else and not just a dancer???

Anyway, I used to dance at a Greek restaurant, and they LOVED to tip!! People would shower you with dollar bills, which was my preference ;) or, they would tip in my belt or arm band... I NEVER accepted tips in my bra!!! Though they were few attempts, but that's not my style and always told them NO, NO and danced away... I don't need a dollar so bad!!! I'm glad that today, at least in my city, the trend is to shower the dancer with money, yay! ;)

My advice is that you don't do anything that makes you unconfortable, you can "teach" people how you want to be tipped... I prefer to get make less $$$ on tips, than have to shake my boobs in front of somebody's face, in order to get better tips!

I've been taught to never dance for an all-male party and to never accept tip in the bra. It is fine to step away and hand signal "no". Side of the belt or skirt is apparently fine.

I hope the restaurant you dance at do pay you well enough to not have to accept "cleavage" tipping?

I have not seen money shower tipping, but that does sound like fun. Then again, I was told not to pick up any tip on the floor...just leave it there.

Are you asking whether you have to let people tip you in ways you're uncomfortable with? Or whether you should, to get more tips?

No.

You are in control. You'll SEEM more in control if you don't get angry or upset. Just be playful but FIRM. You can turn your body, block them with your hands, waggle a no-no finger at them in time with the music while covering your cleavage with your other hand, etc. You can also dance away and not dance near that person again.

I haven't had very many 'naughty' tippers, and I"ve never had one try to follow me around. If that happened, I'd look to a waiter or manager for help and if no help was coming I'd end my set early.

Under no circumstances should you ever have to receive tips in a way that feels uncomfortable to you.

I walked away from a guy waving a $20 bill at me last time I danced because I didn't like his attitude (his Arab girlfriend was really upset with the amount of attention he was paying to me, and he was milking it and trying to get me to collude in making her jealous on purpose. *******. I'm not selling my sister out for $20.)

Some dancers make more tips than others. Those who are interactive and not afraid to get close, clown around, laugh and play with people will always make more tips than those who are more stand-offish, regardless of dance ability. People don't tip (usually) because of your great dancing. They tip because you're making it fun for them to interact with you.

There may also be situations where people are tipping extra in order to get to touch a dancer's 'naughty bits.' I wouldn't participate. Let the others do what they want, I try not to judge other people's choices. But if I was required to play along, I'd quit the gig, even if it was the last gig on earth.

hahahaha Bhuz censored my language!!??

You don't have to accept tips in your bra or any other inappropriate place if you don't want to. If you want to, then that is also your right to do so, as long as it is your choice. Which, in the first video, it looks to me that the dancer is NOT making her own choices. She doesn't look like she enjoys her job at all, she is forced to follow the drummer around the room and dance for whomever he chooses. Fortunately her bra was very large so the men who were stuffing money into her bra probably never got the cheap feel they were looking for.

Gabykings is probably right about the dancer in the second video. The professional bellydancers I know do not accept bookings for all male parties, however some dancers may. I just personally don't know any who do. I'm not a pro, but if I were to become one I personally would not, but that is my choice.

Love Lauren's response to the $20 bill and the P.O.'d GF. Great move Lauren! When I used to cocktail in a nightclub I always took care of the GF's and they made their BF's tip me well.

da Sage is right about the interaction and entertainment factor too! The more comfortable and relaxed you are the easier it will be to loosen up and enjoy dancing, making it easier to interact with the customers. Which should lead to more tips, whichever way you decide to accept them!

There are many ways to be tipped and many feelings about it.
I remembered a particularly good thread on tribe.net. Turns out it was from 4 years ago. TONS of helpful advice here:
tips for tips! - The Biz of Belly Dance - tribe.net

One thing that hasn't been brought up about money showers. 1) have a staff member pick up your tips (and tip them out if appropriate) and 2) sometimes some of a money shower disappears.
When there are bills bigger than singles, I'd much rather have it in my costume. BUT, as described in my old tribe.net post, I take costume tips without getting touched at all and I take tips in the side of my belt, up on my shoulder straps and in arm bands.
The dancer has to totally be in charge of the situation, not just stand there like a passive receptacle or as if it's a "boob shimmy in face/money exchange".
I don't stand there with my hands up and let them put the money in. I'm not even comfortable watching that as to me (and this is just my opinion) that is more objectifying and more likely to lead to an attempted grope.

money showers can be tricky too....if done where the body of your dance is done, it gets slippery.....i dont like to think about where i am stepping. but on the most part, old school dancers find tips as just part of the job. in this town one can get fired if they dont accept them. i agree with samira on the most part....but if i THINK someone want to do something naughty, ...i'll take the tip out of their hand and put it "there" by myself and wink. you never want to piss off the owners pet client.or offfend a big tipper. if they think they are cute and hold up a credit card, i slide it ... and hand it back !have fun!...they will come back if you make it fiun for them.

BTW. i dance at islamic all male parties...and they think of me as a great dancer...nothing more.i sincerely do not understand the young dancers lament...it is part of the job! it is all in how you do it!

Originally Posted by zamora

money showers can be tricky too....if done where the body of your dance is done, it gets slippery.....i dont like to think about where i am stepping. but on the most part, old school dancers find tips as just part of the job. in this town one can get fired if they dont accept them. i agree with samira on the most part....but if i THINK someone want to do something naughty, ...i'll take the tip out of their hand and put it "there" by myself and wink. you never want to piss off the owners pet client.or offfend a big tipper. if they think they are cute and hold up a credit card, i slide it ... and hand it back !have fun!...they will come back if you make it fiun for them.

Yes, money showers CAN make the floor slippery.
Cory, the tuck the money yourself (in "questionable" area) and winking is PERFECT in that situation. It's playful, shows appreciation while remaining in control and dignified.
I think the hardest part for many western dancers to get over is the "strippers take tips" concept. But we're *not* doing a western dance, and in the cultures from over there, showing appreciation to the entertainer by tipping is part of the celebration.
Some people "show off" with it (hey, that can work in our benefit) and for some cultures it's also a way of literally demonstrating their wish for "many, many more" or "much happiness and health" in whatever it is that their celebrating. I've had it explained this last way exactly by a couple different Indian people. So, for example at a child's first birthday, lots of tipping is like saying with money "and many, many more happy and healthy years filled with abundance." At a 50th wedding anniversary, the man tipping the dancer a $100 bill can make the wife very happy as he is demonstrating he wants so many more happy anniversaries with her. It's sweet.
Watch out for Grandmoms. ..l;, Sometimes they're the grabbiest!

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

I think the hardest part for many western dancers to get over is the "strippers take tips" concept. But we're *not* doing a western dance, and in the cultures from over there, showing appreciation to the entertainer by tipping is part of the celebration.

Bingo. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Those videos creep me out. The first dancer looks miserable, and I don't like the type of "party" it appears the second dancer is there for.

I take body tips. I would rather them be in my costume where I can keep an eye on them then on the floor. I will take them in my bra but ONLY in the neck strap or the back strap. NOT in the boobies. And my back is so sweaty while I am dancing, if you feel the need to touch it, more power to you.

I have had the occasional perve tipper slip in while I am preoccupied with someone else and cop a feel of a boob while slipping a bill in there. It is disgusting and make sure to show that that is not acceptable and steer clear of that person the rest of the night. But for the most part, you can redirect any rougue tippers to a more appropriate place.

I like to make a came of it when getting tipped in my hip - I shimmy like crazy and make it hard, so they literally have to "chase" my hip around with their money. Everyone gets a kick out of it.

The only people I will let tip me where ever they want are the little old Korean ladies at one of the nursing homes I perform at. They are the cutest, 4 four feet tall little things and for some reason they want to tip me EVERYWHERE. But that's ok :-)

I had a group of Bosnians once who thought it was super fun to aim money showers at my cleavage. They were big tippers and didn't try to touch me, so I chose to allow it, but I made a point of playfully covering my cleavage with my hand and making silly 'oh dear' faces -- gets the message across that this is as naughty as I'm going to let them be, while making everyone laugh and creating more fun at the same time.

People like it when you react to their tips, especially in surprising and unexpected ways. Dipping under a money shower and pretending to wash your hair, hip-dropping and making them chase you, taking a tip in your shoulder strap and then blowing a kiss over your shoulder at the tipper, offering your sleeve and then starting a snake arm, etc. It's like putting money in a jukebox, they just want to keep giving you more money to see what you'll do next!

Originally Posted by danielabellydance

I like to make a came of it when getting tipped in my hip - I shimmy like crazy and make it hard, so they literally have to "chase" my hip around with their money. Everyone gets a kick out of it.

The only people I will let tip me where ever they want are the little old Korean ladies at one of the nursing homes I perform at. They are the cutest, 4 four feet tall little things and for some reason they want to tip me EVERYWHERE. But that's ok :-)

Hee...hee, shimmying like crazy to chase your hip, that's a great idea and fun too.

Hmm...I am unsure if the nursing homes here will accept belly dancers, but little old ladies tipping sound harmless.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I had a group of Bosnians once who thought it was super fun to aim money showers at my cleavage. They were big tippers and didn't try to touch me, so I chose to allow it, but I made a point of playfully covering my cleavage with my hand and making silly 'oh dear' faces -- gets the message across that this is as naughty as I'm going to let them be, while making everyone laugh and creating more fun at the same time.

People like it when you react to their tips, especially in surprising and unexpected ways. Dipping under a money shower and pretending to wash your hair, hip-dropping and making them chase you, taking a tip in your shoulder strap and then blowing a kiss over your shoulder at the tipper, offering your sleeve and then starting a snake arm, etc. It's like putting money in a jukebox, they just want to keep giving you more money to see what you'll do next!

That interaction with the customers sound great! A belly dancing jukebox! ..l;, Love this idea. Thanks!

What if tips were given to the servers to be given to the dancer later? Would it be customary to thank the customer then?

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

Watch out for Grandmoms. ..l;, Sometimes they're the grabbiest!

It's stated in my contract I accept audience tips in the sides of my belt only, along with money showers and in my hand. Most of the audiences I perform for have no idea they're allowed to tip, so my experience with "naughty" tippers has been rare. The one time someone did stuff a bill in my bra though, it was indeed a little granny at a Turkish wedding! ..l;,

I get nervous when anyone starts going towards my bra because all I can think of is possible costume malfunction if they decide to start yanking at the straps (I wear my bras super tight). In reality, I'm sure my bra is quite secure, but I can't seem to shake the fear that the hooks might accidentally come undone.

Most of my tips are just the client giving me their own extra cash at the end of the gig.

aww, there's some cute suggestions here and good advice too! :) Just wanted to add my little bit.

About waiters-- I don't trust 'em! haha I've only been dancing in restaurants for a couple years now, but oddly I've NEVER had a boss come up to me and say 'here, the customers included a tip for you w/ their bill, or here the customer wanted to thank you w/ this' and much less waiters- but I KNOW it happens... get where I'm going? I know that's another reason why money showers can make dancers nervous

1. the waiters/workers aren't always trustworthy.. especially if the bills are bigger than 1's
2. particularly w/ american audiences, leaving money sitting on the floor FREAKS them out! They feel the need to yell at you and pull on you to collect it (which I don't do myself) or they pick it up and try to tip you again w/ it for the next set.. or just pocket it again. They really dont' know how to handle it sometimes.

BUT money showers are my FAVORITE way to be tipped, it's the most fun and least questionable. I also take body tips, on the side of my blet, arm bands, and sometimes the upper bra strap (upper upper, now the cups at all). But it's true,, especially since a place where I work is SO teensy that you have 5 ppl trying to tip you at once, sometimes they do put it in the back of my belt (so sweaty and gross, btw!).

I also make a 'game' out of body tipping, I like shimmying my hips right when they're about to tip or do a big hip circle or spin to throw them off... it usually gets a good laugh and makes others want to join in the fun (and tipping!) too. However, I do think sometimes I get carried away... thinking back I realize I should do more just hip drops, bumps, and shimmies/spins instead of anything snaky... the snaky moves during tipping might giv off the wrong impression to some customers.
I tried NOt accpeting body tipping for a while, just taking it w/ my hand.. and people do feel offended! Like.. I'm accusing them of being perverted when they just meant to show appreciation the way the other bellydancers take it.. so that phase didn't work out well for me.

And just remember if someone does tip you, return the thanks a little more by giving them a cute glance or hanging out at their particular table for a few extra minutes to show you do appreciate the tip.

*** oh.. and about the waitstaff not always being trustworthy... alot of the places we work tend to be family-run.. so even if you're not aware alot of the workers are paid a set rate every night, they don't keep ANY of their tips no matter how busy they are, how much they're sweating their butts off, or working extra hard...even though most places automatically charge 20% gratuity.. so just keep that in mind too ;)

there's also good info on the secrets of the stage dvd, although im not sure anything on it hasn't been covered here.
if the crowd at the restaurant is used to body tipping you'll have a hard time changing their habits, but you can absolutely, and should, control where they tip and who you accept tips from.
here's an example of how one dancer handles acknowledging tippers who used the waiter as a proxy (so jellous of a crowed that does money showers!) [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f07S-hK2lo8&feature=related&fmt=18"]YouTube- belly dancing at Carousel Restaurant 1[/ame]

Oh, and of course... if at all possible. it's always best to have a mentor for these sort of issues. If you're not sure on tipping policy ideally you should tag along to different pros shows to observe how they deal w/ these kinds of issues, and be comfortable before you own encounters.... but I think you mentioned not having time before your show... so in that case.. you tube. :)

Shiraz, yes! Very important tip. :) ALSO- know that tipping laws are different from region to region and usually under the control of the local liquor board. It can be very handy to know the local codes. :)

So I danced again, and I wanted to let you know I was a bit more comfortable with your advice. Everything was fine until Sunday evening when a drunk guy tried to stuff money down my bra cup (I didn't see him coming) and ended up flashing my breast to his group (mixed company). I just don't know what to do because it was a Turkish guy too and most people seem to have problems with Americans. I did see that bellydancers over there have that issue on occaison and it even makes the news.
Video : dansöze taciz - Vidivodo

Originally Posted by ChantelH

So I danced again, and I wanted to let you know I was a bit more comfortable with your advice. Everything was fine until Sunday evening when a drunk guy tried to stuff money down my bra cup (I didn't see him coming) and ended up flashing my breast to his group (mixed company). I just don't know what to do because it was a Turkish guy too and most people seem to have problems with Americans. I did see that bellydancers over there have that issue on occaison and it even makes the news.
Video : dansöze taciz - Vidivodo

If that restaurant is not working out, maybe it's time to find something else.

How long did you have to look to find that clip? It seems pretty obscure to me.,r:;

That clip looked like a pack of wolves bringing down a deer. I do not like body tipping at all. Sorry...Grandma has spoken.

i hate body tipping too. armbands are ok...but nothing else.

Originally Posted by ChantelH

So I danced again, and I wanted to let you know I was a bit more comfortable with your advice. Everything was fine until Sunday evening when a drunk guy tried to stuff money down my bra cup (I didn't see him coming) and ended up flashing my breast to his group (mixed company). I just don't know what to do because it was a Turkish guy too and most people seem to have problems with Americans.

Don't treat the customer any differently because he's Turkish! What would you have done if he was American? If someone grabbed my bra cup at a restaurant where I was performing, I would stop dancing and leave. I would change clothes and then talk to the manager and explain why I was leaving. The managers at the restaurants where I've danced didn't want that kind of behavior any more than I did, and would have respected my choice. If the manager didn't support me, I would assume they WANT a rowdy, sexualized environment and I wouldn't want to perform there.

I did see that bellydancers over there have that issue on occaison and it even makes the news.
Video : dansöze taciz - Vidivodo

If I had been the dancer in this video I wouldn't have swatted at the man as if he were a mosquito. WTH? I can tell by her face and demeanor that she was annoyed, but from his point of view it would seem like she's playing.

I would have stood up and walked away from him instantly, taking his money in my hand and dropping it on the floor. Also, if anyone somehow managed to sneak tips into the front of my bra (how does someone sneak up on the front of your bra?) I would have pulled them OUT and dropped them on the floor as I danced, sending the message that this is unacceptable and I'd rather not have the tip at all. Dancing around with money hanging out of your bra, staying within arm's reach of someone who's already manhandled you, these are invitations to further problems.

Not saying this dancer asked for it!!! She seems more flabbergasted and inexperienced than anything (although most women would respond more strongly to being touched in this way, I think, on pure instinct!!!). Just saying it would have been possible to send a much stronger message.

Lauren-it is actually easy for someone to sneak up to the front of your bra. Say you are at one table dancing and turn around without realize the dirty leech is behind you. It happens, I have always grabbed their arm and very loudly so no. They never get a chance to get to my bra. They usually get so startled that I grabbed their arm that they back off. Off course, I have little old ladies do it because I always forget that they are the sneakiest.