Thread: Got Sent Home from a Gig!

Well, I guess tonight I made another notch on my "not-so-pleasant-things-thet-happen-to-Belly-Dancers" belt.

I was hired by a guy who had hired me a few months ago to dance as a surprise at his friend's birthday party. He hired me again for tonight to dance at another friend's retirement party, but wasn't able to be there himself. He paid me in advance for the gig. I get to the party tonight, and it turns out to be this HUGE corporate event - the GOH was apparently retiring after 30 years with a plumbing supply manufaturing company. I was given the name if a contact person, so I ambled up to the name tag table with my bag and boom box, told them I was hired to Belly Dance (mentioning who hired me and the contact person's name) briefly at the party. Not only did I have a cover up on, I had a black coat on over the coverup, since it's so chilly.

The name tag person goes to find the contact person, and returns quickly to tell me that there's a program starting in 20 minutes, so they think this is cool 'cause it will get everyone's attention. Suddenly, the contact person shows up with this *look* on his face. He tells me that the president of the company does not want this to happen. After gaping for a moment, I try to assure him that there would be nothing inappropriate about my performance - i.e., no touching or seductive movements. He says it doesn't matter, the president wants no part of this, and I need to leave ASAP. I felt like Scarlett in Gone With the Wind when she shows up at Ashley's birthday party after being caught kissing him earlier in the day. I told the contact person that I had been paid in advance, and that I needed to call the client to advise him what was going on. Of course, my client didn't answer the phone. ,m:: So I left him a message relating the details and mentioning that there would be no refund.

I'm 100% sure that the president was afraid someone would scream sexual harassment over my performance. The contact person told me his exact words were "I'm not touching this with a 10-foot pole." Coming from a business background, I really do logically understand his concern and resulting action. But non-logically, I was really hurt and felt like I was being called a slut in front of a bunch of strangers. ..c:: What a fabulous end to a wonderful week. ..cr.:

I'll get over it, but now have a new policy - if the person who hired me is not going to be at the event, I need them to guarantee me that they have gotten approval from the host before hiring me. I've done this before when I was asked to dance at someone's workplace, but I just didn't think it was necessary for a party. Now I know better, I guess.

Please feel free to share your stories about being booted from gigs, too.

Oh Laura, I'm sorry. You did nothing wrong and you just stepped into a situation. Many businesses are very conservative about anything that could have harassment overtones.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Big Hugz

What a bummer! I'm sorry you had to put up with that nonsense. I've driven to restaurant jobs a couple of times, only to find they either don't have any customers or they've closed down without informing me! At least you got paid to dress and drive for this one !

Wow - What a horrible thing to have to go through. But, at least you were paid in advance...

Thanks for sharing this with us all - we can all learn from one another's experiences.

Their loss!

I am really trying not to take it personally - heck, it's not like they saw any of me except my big hair and stage makeup. I think if I had known it was going to be a big corporate party, I'd have thought to mention to the client that they should probably run it by the boss first. In these days of business expense cutbacks, I was just picturing "retirement party" as some friends getting together casually for drinks and fun.

I also emailed the client as well as leaving him a VM message. I related the details again, reiterated the no refund, and added at the end:

I am so very sorry that your thoughtful and well-meant retirement gift to Bob was percieved as something shameful or inappropriate for a work function. Unfortunately, there are misconceptions about Belly Dance that we professionals have to struggle against from time to time. I was so delighted to have you as a "repeat customer", and feel just terrible that it turned out this way. I hope that this unfortunate situation would not discourage you from contracting my services in the future.

Oh, man. That sucks.

I've had a similar experience. My old troupe was hired to dance at a "company party" that was being held at a church's social hall. The church's pastor got wind of it and, just as we all arrived, in full BD regalia, told our troupe leader that no way were we permitted to perform on the premises. The woman who had hired us was aghast, but she couldn't change his mind, and we all had to go home. I felt really bad for her and her coworkers; they were looking forward to our performance.

So sorry, Laura. It's not *you*.

What a horrible thing to have to go through!!!

Horrors. I do like your note to your client. What a damn shame.

Oh my goodness....that's a terrible experience. Sorry to hear to your story. But it seems like you handled yourself pretty well.

You know, now that I'm insulated with a glass of wine, I'm realizing that the person in this whole debacle who deserves the most sympathy is probably the contact person. Here he was, obviously a friend of my client, stuck between the president of his company (who he was visibly scared to death of) and some strange Belly Dancer (pissed as Hell and likely looking ready to start screaming at any moment). I'm willing to bet he'll have a word or two for my client when he returns from his weekend trip up north.

I was hired to do a birthday party bellygram (via my agent) at microsoft, and when I drove up and parked my car, there was a man waiting for me who looked like he'd just swallowed something very unpleasant. he was SO apologetic as he explained that a couple of the women in the office objected to a bellydancer and he couldn't let me perform. he paid me in full and was so sorry, sorry, sorry!

another time I arrived at a restaurant to do a gram, and the asst. manager on site freaked out and didn't want to let me dance. this was another gig via my agent. the policy at the agence was to *always* ask the client to clear the gig with management if it was going to be in a public place. apparently it was ok with the other asst. manager, who was not working that night! I just got pushy and talked my way over the guy and did my gig and it was fine. :)

note that I used to do hundreds and hundreds of bellygrams (I stopped counting years ago at 1000) and this only happened a couple of times. but it *does* happen. try not to take it personally. it's totally a reflection on the other person's ignorance (or business policies!) and not on you! BUT: take it as lesson learned and put it in your contract that you need to have your performance cleared, and that you must be paid in full if you are cancelled with no notice.

maybe the company had been sued before for sexual harassment or maybe the guest of honor had a super jealous date? who knows. at least you got paid. don't take it personally. some people are just weird. their loss.

I once showed up to dance at a Persian family wedding, having been hired by the family of the bride. I met with the contact person, got dressed in the changing room, went downstairs and was standing and waiting in "the wings" for my cue, only to be informed that the minister, who was the uncle of the bride, was pitching a fit. Apparently he found out there was a bellydancer, and threatened that either the dancer goes, or he goes. One family member after another came over to me to explain the situation and express their frustration that he was "doing this" to them, because "everybody else" wanted to see bellydancing. I stood there for about 10 minutes watching people argue, debate as to whether they should "do it anyway" and let Uncle So-and-so leave already, or if they were required to give in to his drama.

At one point one woman came over to me and was saying with a very annoyed tone, "He's my brother. He's being a total jerk. He does this all the time. It drives the family crazy, but there's nothing we can do about it. If we let him leave it will cause big problems." She threw up her hands and walked away. I was really fighting hard not to smile by this time - it was really hilarious. Finally, the brother of the bride or something came over and told me that they were giving up, they were so sorry and of course I would be fully paid, but I could go ahead and leave if I liked.

I did feel a bit rejected, but I think in this case because I could visibly see so many people upset that they wouldn't get to see me dance, I just felt bad for them, and a little guilty for getting paid to stand for 10 minutes, but it really was only fair. So I tried to just tell myself that I got paid a lot to do practically nothing....

Originally Posted by laura 2

some strange Belly Dancer (pissed as Hell and likely looking ready to start screaming at any moment).

he should thank habibi you didn't have a sword with you! ..l;, ..l;, ..l;, ..l;,

Our troupe was cancelled for a seniors function because the minister didn't feel that we were a suitable act for these senior cits. Mind you one of the ladies dancing with us is 81 years young and boy was she p...ed off about it.

People have such horrid misconceptions.
Your email to your client was gracious and lovely. :)

Whenever doing corporate gigs or events I feel might be more conservative we very clearly go over costuming- so they know in advance how much skin I'll be showing. Sometimes they have whole committees vote and decide! Many people ARE really afraid of harassment lawsuits. In business settings when possible I arrange to do a little "talk" first (in cover up). This sets people more at ease which makes for a more pleasant experience for me and for them. :)

I'm sorry to hear about that, how uncomfortable.
Speaking of uncomfortable gigs, I now have a policy that I don't do surprise performances for weddings (duh). I was once hired by a sister-in-law as a special gift for the (ahem) happy couple. It was *so* uncomfortable for me that I wish I'd been sent home. I got the drop-dead look from the bride the entire time.
Now I'll take a gig that is a surprise for the guests, but never for the bride and groom.
-Hannan

That's good to keep in mind, Hannan.

And Laura, at least you got paid first and don't have to around and around about the money.

I was a surprise for a baby shower (and was warned that it was a conservative crowd, so I wore a dress. But I was also assured that it would go over well for welcoming the little girl into the world.) Well, it went over like a lead balloon. As soon as I started dancing, all the men - who were seated on one side of the room - got up and walked out. So one of the ladies got up and shut off my music and asked me to leave. I was humiliated at first but since I still had another gig that night I figured that at least I would not be sweaty and I got paid.

Hey Laura, we'll have to get together one night over a bottle of vino and exchange similar stories. I did a gazillion belly grams, corporate parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs, birthday parties, yadda yadda, for over 10 years. There were a few times, maybe more than a few, where I was not allowed to perform for one reason or another -- all of the reasons everyone else has already mentioned. The final straw was a Lodge of some kind in Calumet City where the bartender gave me grief because apparently he was in charge and the person who hired me (who was not there) hadn't cleared it with him. He said he ran a "straight" bar (whatever that meant) and he didn't allow anything like "that" while he was in charge. I looked him straight in the face and said loudly so that the 20 drunks sitting at the bar could hear, and said, "Sir, I have been thrown out of MUCH better places than this!" ..l;, I don't know what I meant by that, but I felt better on the long drive home. ,r:;

Point is, never take this kind of thing personally. Those people don't know you, and no matter what you say to try to change their minds, it won't do any good. Best to just take your money and go home, and chalk it up to one more experience.

Come up early for the Ava Fleming show and hang out with us -- I'll tell you all kinds of stories you can roll your eyes over!

I travelled 4 hours with a few troupemates to a wedding where we were hired by the father of the bride. When we were waiting for them to arrive for the zeffa, we found out that the bride did not want us there. Fortunately after hours of wedding guests working on her, we got to perform an abridged version of our show. They ended up LOVING it! People are weird. It's so unfortunate that we have to deal with these things, but the best you can do is continue to be a class act and hope you change at least one mind about what bellydance is all about.

My favorite happened years ago. My old troupe did lots of bellygrams back then, and we were well known and liked. The top three restaurants in town were so used to us showing up for parties that we told clients to just leave the fee with the hostess! Which was wonderfully convenient.

One day, we got a call to entertain at a party at McDonalds! I went with a couple of friends as backup and the manager refused to allow us to dance! Said they were a family restaurant and couldn't allow such things. WOW! Allowed at the really expensive places and banned at Mickey D's. What a world

Kitty

Goodness, I can't belive so many of us have been thrown out of gigs! I remember seeing an article not so long ago on the front page of our city's leading newspaper. Apparently someone had hired burlesque dancers to perform at a scientists' conference and all hell had broken loose. The female scientists no doubt felt that, once again, they'd been ignored or belittled by their male counterparts. I just felt so sorry for the dancers. I can't believe it made front-page news! But I guess it just goes to show that maybe these companies are right to have concerns....not that I think there's anything wrong with artistic bellydancing in a workplace, but you've just got to be so careful and politically correct...especially given that, in some industries, women are still up against obstacles to being on an equal footing.

Come to think of it, when I worked in Japan years back I was livid that my male colleagues had sexy women on their screensavers in the workplace! (That and the Partner was sexually harassing a junior female, they didn't take us females seriously and all went out to strip-clubs together...ugh!)

Originally Posted by donnadiva

I looked him straight in the face and said loudly so that the 20 drunks sitting at the bar could hear, and said, "Sir, I have been thrown out of MUCH better places than this!" ..l;,

OMG, that is a riot! It sounds like something Mae West would say! ..l;, You're on for pre-Ava vino...

I was thrown out of a pizza joint once . . .

Deborah

I had something "kinda-sorta" like this happen once...

I was dancing at a "Seniors day at the Mall" put on by a local senior's group. I actually had 2 spots, one to dance for the audience, then a short time later to dance for the guest of honor.

The "dance for the audience" part went well - I did a bunch of veil stuff and some general dancing. I had a lot of bright eyes in the audience - the LOLs (as they generally do) loved me!

... But - I got called off of the "dance for the guest of honor" thing because one or two old *MEN* complained. As usual in our increasingly theocratic society - one person doesn't like something and instead of simply LEAVING, ruins it for everyone else!

*I* *WAS* *STEAMING* *MAD*!!! ,m:: ,m::

But, in the end it worked out as another branch of the same senior's group invited me to come dance for their weekly luncheon. I told the lady who contacted me what had happened at the mall. She told me "don't worry about it".

So I went - and have been back TWICE since! They're good tippers and a TON of fun!

And the laugh of the whole thing is that this luncheon is held at a local church. Some questions were asked about the "appropriateness" of the whole idea before my first gig there (good thing they didn't know I'm a Pagan!) - as a result the story made the local paper. As a result of THAT, the local TV station did a human interest story on me! You can't BUY advertising that good!

Unfortunately, in our world there are all kinds of people.

Some of them have deep rooted prejudices, who only think that you're nothing more than a glorifed and gussied up tramp, slut, whore (and a few more that I can't mention here) who's sole job to seduce their loved ones and take them off the trail of righteousness and their places in good parts of the afterlife.

Too bad for them. But do they have to ruin other peoples enjoyment?

I had to cancel a workshop event that I had arranged at my very conservative office's gym premises. I had spent 3 months arranging it, and they gave me 2 weeks notice to move. It was an administrative nightmare, and ended up with 'people' from my office browsing my website, and 'not being too happy' about how I'd named the venue in my publicity. I had listed it as The Gym at the "Happy Company", Road Name, Post Code. Grrr.

I had no idea this kind of thing happened. I have never been thrown out. I guess if it happens I won't be surprised. I'm sorry this happened to you guys.

A long time coworker of mine was retiring. She had always wanted to see me dance, so I said I would dance for her at her retirement party as a gift. Showed her what I would be wearing (long paillette dress that covers everything) and would be doing something folkloric in nature that everyone would enjoy. She loved the idea. The day before the party my director called me into her office and told me that I was not to dance at the party as it was inappropriate. Now, my director has been to many performances where I have danced with a troupe and enjoyed them all. My only thought was that somehow it word had gotten out higher up and was quashed.

Not long after that I was asked by the wife of another retiring coworker to dance at his retirement party. He had been stationed in the middle east for many years, spoke Arabic, and years before had given me a copy of the Koran. I know he would have enjoyed the dance surprise. But this time the HR department got wind of it and said they thought it was inappropriate. Again, all these people know I dance. I was disappointed but won't fall into those traps again.

Souzan