Thread: Crazy, Deluded and the damn right dangerous in Belly dance private hiring

I once got a phone call, from a very Irish sounding bloke (I'm English), with a request to fly to Northern Ireland and perform for his mate. He asked me my rates and then I mentioned the flight and costs, "All would be taken care of " he reassured me.

I then mentioned that I was unavailable for the date he requested, "No problem" he replied "we can change the date." I then asked about getting to a hotel, his response was quick, "All will be taken care of, you will be met by a limo at the airport, taken to the event and then driven to my hotel."

It looked good, the money was excellent, the provision of flight, transportation and hotel impeccable.

Then I enquired further, how many people in the audience, "Just the one" and then the coined dropped, "Just the one" he repeated, "just one man it's his birthday."

I said I would need time to think. I put the phone down, calculated the numbers, it looked good on paper. Then I trusted my instinct and my gut was telling me I would be flying into some sort of strange, possibly dangerous scenario. I thought I'd phone my mum, 'cos mum's usually know best!!! My mum is a business woman, a very good one, and certainly knows when there is profit to be made; basically she is not shy about coming forward in business. Saying that, she surprised me, she did not mention the money, infact she just remarked on a feeling that something was not right. We chatted and laughed and I did a great interpretation of his thick Belfest accent and left it at that, it was my decision. She advised me to sleep on it.

The next day she called bright and early and resolutely resounded down the phone with "Do not agree, do not get on that flight, do not go whatever you do." I asked her why the change of tone and she said she had slept on it and knew something was not right.

To be truthful, I had the same nagging feeling, so I called him and recommended other dancers in the North and North West region of the UK. He persisted to the point of cracking under the pressure and blurting out only "I would do." That sealed the fate of that business deal, there and then, it was NO GO.

Anyone else had similar mishaps, dealings and decidedly dangerous openings in "Private" performances and the like?

Siouxsie .w.:

No private performances. Ever. Period. No exceptions. No one hiring a dancer for a private performance is looking to admire her dancing skills. Money, however good it may be, is not worth my self respect.

Wrong perception for belly dancers. If the public think that we are for hire for a 1-man audience then they called the wrong number.

Well, let's start with some language things. "Private Performance" can well be "Family Party with 500 guests." Or it can be a "one on one show." When getting a call for a private party and discovering that it's a one on one, I would simply say, I'm sorry, I don't do that type of private show.

(I have had those calls now and then. Most people are very understanding.)

{{{HUGS}}}

Originally Posted by supercooper

I once got a phone call, from a very Irish sounding bloke (I'm English), with a request to fly to Northern Ireland and perform for his mate. He asked me my rates and then I mentioned the flight and costs, "All would be taken care of " he reassured me.

I then mentioned that I was unavailable for the date he requested, "No problem" he replied "we can change the date." I then asked about getting to a hotel, his response was quick, "All will be taken care of, you will be met by a limo at the airport, taken to the event and then driven to my hotel."

It looked good, the money was excellent, the provision of flight, transportation and hotel impeccable.

Then I enquired further, how many people in the audience, "Just the one" and then the coined dropped, "Just the one" he repeated, "just one man it's his birthday."

I said I would need time to think. I put the phone down, calculated the numbers, it looked good on paper. Then I trusted my instinct and my gut was telling me I would be flying into some sort of strange, possibly dangerous scenario. I thought I'd phone my mum, 'cos mum's usually know best!!! My mum is a business woman, a very good one, and certainly knows when there is profit to be made; basically she is not shy about coming forward in business. Saying that, she surprised me, she did not mention the money, infact she just remarked on a feeling that something was not right. We chatted and laughed and I did a great interpretation of his thick Belfest accent and left it at that, it was my decision. She advised me to sleep on it.

The next day she called bright and early and resolutely resounded down the phone with "Do not agree, do not get on that flight, do not go whatever you do." I asked her why the change of tone and she said she had slept on it and knew something was not right.

To be truthful, I had the same nagging feeling, so I called him and recommended other dancers in the North and North West region of the UK. He persisted to the point of cracking under the pressure and blurting out only "I would do." That sealed the fate of that business deal, there and then, it was NO GO.

Anyone else had similar mishaps, dealings and decidedly dangerous openings in "Private" performances and the like?

Siouxsie .w.:

Oh BE CAREFUL. Really, this is no joke. Never, ever go anyplace even in town if you are unsure of the people involved and never ever do a "private performance" like this.

There are seriously dangerous people in the world and they will take advantage of women.

Hugs!

Ditto on the No One-on-one private shows!

No hotel rooms, no dark places, and in our town I don't do shows where the audiance will be all men. We also don't send anyone alone, another dancer or my drummer hubby goes with.

These things also apply to any gig... restaurants, hooka bars, clubs/bars... if it does not feel right, get out! Your saftey is more important.

Oh...and the guy at the night time, community show that asks "Would you mind coming over here (into the dark alley) for me to take your picture?" ..c:: When we said "NO!" he got upset, and tried to be pushy. We got the Police on him and he was gone in a flash.

Be safe out there!

This sounds completely sketchy! DO NOT do it!

first off - no matter what the amount of money, I would NEVER do a one-on-one show for just one guy. He probably thinks bellydancer = hooker or stripper and has very wrong intentions.

Secondly, I never do gigs for "men only" (whether its one or one hundred) - it sends the wrong message about our dance... At least that is my opinion.

Stay safe, always trust your instincts.

Here's a fun story about a client that told me that he didn't want anyone else for his gig, just ME, and ONLY ME.

The gig was for a birthday party, and the caller was the birthday boy himself. He started the call by telling me who referred him to me - it was someone who had hired the troupe I was in to perform for a party at a private club. That gig had been great, and I appreciated the fact that "Buck" had passed my name along. I was on the phone for some time with the birthday boy asking my usual questions, and all was well.

But then I asked him about the date of the party, and it turned out to be in 2 days. At this point, I regretfully said that I already had a prior commitment and couldn't do his party, but said I'd be happy to refer a friend.

At this point, he insisted that he didn't want me to refer a friend, he wanted ME, and only I would do. Surprised, I asked him where he had seen me perform before. He confessed that he never had. And then he admitted why he wanted only ME. That private club where I had danced before was a clothing optional resort (ie, nudist gathering place), and the birthday boy himself was a nudist. The overwhelming majority of his guests were practitioners of social nudity, and therefore it was likely that there would be a lot of nudity at the party. The reason he wanted ME was because the referrer had told him I had previously danced for nudists and been fine with it, and so my caller wanted someone experienced who wouldn't be weirded out by the nature of his party situation.

I had to laugh. The instant he'd told me who referred him to me, I'd assumed this party would be populated by nudists, and I was fine with that. So, understanding that it was important to him to have a dancer who was experienced in dancing for nudists, I promised to rearrange my schedule to do his party.

It was a fabulous party, the guests were a fabulous audience, and he tipped me DOUBLE my fee! I have many fond memories of dancing at that party, and I'm glad I did it!


That said, I too would decline a "gig" that involved dancing for a party of one. That's not how I want to market our art form.

I also agree that if anything about the gig sounds dodgy, it's best to decline. I always keep my prospective clients on the phone a while, asking a bunch of questions. If it's a weirdo, he might be able to pretend to be normal for the length of a short conversation, but if the conversation keeps going a while he's more likely to show his true colors.

Originally Posted by *Shira*

Here's a fun story about a client that told me that he didn't want anyone else for his gig, just ME, and ONLY ME.

The gig was for a birthday party, and the caller was the birthday boy himself. He started the call by telling me who referred him to me - it was someone who had hired the troupe I was in to perform for a party at a private club. That gig had been great, and I appreciated the fact that "Buck" had passed my name along. I was on the phone for some time with the birthday boy asking my usual questions, and all was well.

But then I asked him about the date of the party, and it turned out to be in 2 days. At this point, I regretfully said that I already had a prior commitment and couldn't do his party, but said I'd be happy to refer a friend.

At this point, he insisted that he didn't want me to refer a friend, he wanted ME, and only I would do. Surprised, I asked him where he had seen me perform before. He confessed that he never had. And then he admitted why he wanted only ME. That private club where I had danced before was a clothing optional resort (ie, nudist gathering place), and the birthday boy himself was a nudist. The overwhelming majority of his guests were practitioners of social nudity, and therefore it was likely that there would be a lot of nudity at the party. The reason he wanted ME was because the referrer had told him I had previously danced for nudists and been fine with it, and so my caller wanted someone experienced who wouldn't be weirded out by the nature of his party situation.

I had to laugh. The instant he'd told me who referred him to me, I'd assumed this party would be populated by nudists, and I was fine with that. So, understanding that it was important to him to have a dancer who was experienced in dancing for nudists, I promised to rearrange my schedule to do his party.

It was a fabulous party, the guests were a fabulous audience, and he tipped me DOUBLE my fee! I have many fond memories of dancing at that party, and I'm glad I did it!


That said, I too would decline a "gig" that involved dancing for a party of one. That's not how I want to market our art form.

I also agree that if anything about the gig sounds dodgy, it's best to decline. I always keep my prospective clients on the phone a while, asking a bunch of questions. If it's a weirdo, he might be able to pretend to be normal for the length of a short conversation, but if the conversation keeps going a while he's more likely to show his true colors.

OK so I HAVE TO ASK.

If the guests were nude you were wearing what?..l;,..l;,..l;,

Seriously- *never* would I do a 'one-on-one' show. and I do *not* dance for men-only parties. ever. To me belly dance is high-end classy art.

I also agree- if you *ever* have a 'bad feeling' or your gut tells you somethings up-- it's usually right, so follow your intuition!

Is there a particular reason that it's important the bloke was from Belfast?

To me this is common sense. Someone flies you somewhere out of the way for a one-on-one show, well they clearly have far too much money and their expectations are going to be full-service.

It's very easy to say no. Just say no to any gig you think sounds sketchy. Any gig where they're going to fly me somewhere just to perform once is sketchy.

I'm not sure, part of me thinks it might have been a prank, a Belfast accent is very strong and many English people can imitate it. I have had competitors do this, misdirect my energies towards gigs that do not exist, etc. I have not proof but there was one dancer who obviously was not happy about my appearance on the scene.

The other aspect for English people is that there are political tensions between the English and Irish and you cannot tell on the phone if someone is republican or unionist. So it sort of adds to the unknown.

You are all right about the one to one, I usually assume it is a party. And I have had many experiences of good parties, private functions, events etc. And when you are busy you keep it professional and you know your way around what you can provide and sell. So when I'm dealing with an enquiry I go into professional sell, design and feel good mode. Sometimes, too quickly without asking the right questions.

I think there are many stories like the one I have and Shira, I know it might sound like "think it through before you agree" but sometimes you get mixed up in the flow of the dance, the fun and the money to be made.

Saying that I have heard some really chilling stories.

Siouxsie

The other aspect for English people is that there are political tensions between the English and Irish and you cannot tell on the phone if someone is republican or unionist.

Well you can make a pretty solid educated guess based on the name.

and yeah, I'm sure a lot of English people think they can imitate a Belfast accent.

"just say no!" (did they use that anti-drug campaign in England?)
i wouldn't even refer them to another dancer, because that implies that even though you're not available other bellydancers do offer "happy endings", which is clearly what the guy is looking for, and so not true (well not of dancers, anyway)
if you know a prostitute who does a harem stick then by all means, refer away, but im glad you declined and stayed safe.

It's gonna happen. All you have to do is put "I only do mixed-group parties" in your sales pitch, and that should take care of most "misunderstandings".

Originally Posted by supercooper

I'm not sure, part of me thinks it might have been a prank, a Belfast accent is very strong and many English people can imitate it. I have had competitors do this, misdirect my energies towards gigs that do not exist, etc. I have not proof but there was one dancer who obviously was not happy about my appearance on the scene.

The other aspect for English people is that there are political tensions between the English and Irish and you cannot tell on the phone if someone is republican or unionist. So it sort of adds to the unknown.

You are all right about the one to one, I usually assume it is a party. And I have had many experiences of good parties, private functions, events etc. And when you are busy you keep it professional and you know your way around what you can provide and sell. So when I'm dealing with an enquiry I go into professional sell, design and feel good mode. Sometimes, too quickly without asking the right questions.

I think there are many stories like the one I have and Shira, I know it might sound like "think it through before you agree" but sometimes you get mixed up in the flow of the dance, the fun and the money to be made.

Saying that I have heard some really chilling stories.

Siouxsie

People actually do things like this? Try to fake you out etc?

Wow. I thought I'd heard everything. I mean I work in a tough town and that's no joke but THIS has never happened to me, ever.

Yikes.

OK come to think of it I take that back. Some of the dancers I worked with back in the Good Old Days could be downright dangerous. I never got sent on a fake gig or anything because I was always working in a club and didn't go on party dates unless I knew the people and/or they had been vetted - such as a political event, wedding or cultural event.

Nevertheless there was Big Trouble - I actually hadn't realized until now that some of the other women might have been behind it...c::

PS - I quit drinking, period, and of course no drugs. You have to keep your wits about you ALL THE TIME.

Originally Posted by zumarrad

...It's very easy to say no. Just say no to any gig you think sounds sketchy. Any gig where they're going to fly me somewhere just to perform once is sketchy.

Not necessarily so. Egyptian dancers get flown all over all the time. For amazing amounts of money. It's just part of the business. I've done so several times as well (for less amazing, but still quite respectable amounts) - BUT before doing so consulted my mentors on how to best go about the booking and what questions to ask to assure my safety.
That being said- I NEVER dance "one on one." That has implications I'm not interested in.
Ditto on what everyone is saying about avoid the Sketchy. If it sets off your red flags, don't go!

In Britain and Ireland, though? Seriously?

I of course am three or four hours from any other country, so anything that involves international travel is going to be extremely expensive for the client, so expensive that it would make very little sense. But then I'm not famous.

Originally Posted by zumarrad

In Britain and Ireland, though? Seriously?

I of course am three or four hours from any other country, so anything that involves international travel is going to be extremely expensive for the client, so expensive that it would make very little sense. But then I'm not famous.

The famous ones are flown all over Europe and to Britain, most definitely.
Lucky them. :)

Originally Posted by zumarrad

In Britain and Ireland, though? Seriously?

I of course am three or four hours from any other country, so anything that involves international travel is going to be extremely expensive for the client, so expensive that it would make very little sense. But then I'm not famous.

I had an event planner how lives in both LA and Spokane decide that she wanted me to dance at her birthday party. The birthday party was at her beach house in Washington State. The package offered included airfare for me and a companion, accommodations, a car, etc. I believe that she was completely legit. Problem was that her party was the same weekend as my school Lab. So I couldn't take her up on the offer. (I did try to line her up with some of the dancers I know in WA.)

Aradia and her troupe flew to Omaha, NE to dance at a Iraqi wedding a few years ago because the bride has a particular look and style she wanted and didn't feel that the local dancers could fulfill her vision. So it does happen even if you are not famous. Aradia reported back later saying that it was a great experience.

{{{HUGS}}}

I got flown to Peoria once.

..cr.:

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

Aradia and her troupe flew to Omaha, NE to dance at a Iraqi wedding a few years ago because the bride has a particular look and style she wanted and didn't feel that the local dancers could fulfill her vision. So it does happen even if you are not famous.

LOL -- I would consider Aradia pretty famous :) But probably only in our market. I always imagine the paparazzi chasing down dancers on the street, but I guess that doesn't actually happen.

Originally Posted by tahiradancer

I had an event planner how lives in both LA and Spokane decide that she wanted me to dance at her birthday party. The birthday party was at her beach house in Washington State. The package offered included airfare for me and a companion, accommodations, a car, etc. I believe that she was completely legit. Problem was that her party was the same weekend as my school Lab. So I couldn't take her up on the offer. (I did try to line her up with some of the dancers I know in WA.)

Aradia and her troupe flew to Omaha, NE to dance at a Iraqi wedding a few years ago because the bride has a particular look and style she wanted and didn't feel that the local dancers could fulfill her vision. So it does happen even if you are not famous. Aradia reported back later saying that it was a great experience.

{{{HUGS}}}

That's true Tahira, they were wonderful and really spoiled us! My dance company and I have traveled to several area's for theater shows, University lectures/dance demo's etc, I just flew to Winnipeg to perform a Turkish/Egyptian wedding, because they wanted a dancer fluent in both styles, so it does happen, I'm actually responding to this from NY, with 2 of my dancers crashed out in the room,..l;,..l;, the NY Humane society fly's us iin every year for their annual gala fundraiser...... but this thread, for the one on one dancing, oh hell no! I won't do all male parties either! ,m::

Originally Posted by Elibelinde

OK so I HAVE TO ASK.

If the guests were nude you were wearing what?..l;,..l;,..l;,

..l;, Lots of people have asked me that! ..l;,

I wore a normal belly dance costume, of course!

As the guy who hired our troupe for the original gig at the clothing-optional resort said, the flowing skirts, the swaying fringe, and the jingly coins are all part of the "look" of belly dancing. Of course we should wear our costumes!

Originally Posted by *Shira*

..l;, Lots of people have asked me that! ..l;,

I wore a normal belly dance costume, of course!

As the guy who hired our troupe for the original gig at the clothing-optional resort said, the flowing skirts, the swaying fringe, and the jingly coins are all part of the "look" of belly dancing. Of course we should wear our costumes!

I don't suppose it was a "nude Bella?"..l;,..l;,..l;,

I would have asked the gentleman for airfare and accomodations for your very large, very scary body guard.

Shira, I love that you have the (pardon my language) balls to do a show for nudists. I imagine it would be very difficult for a group like that to find entertainers who didn't think they were being creepers. I applaud your open-minded and amiable consideration.

But back to topic, yeah one-on-one performances... ewwwww. Even IF they just wanted dancing that would be soooo awkward.

Originally Posted by Doozer

I would have asked the gentleman for airfare and accomodations for your very large, very scary body guard.

he'll need two seats, because his arms won't fit into one chair on a plane.

Originally Posted by diyung

Shira, I love that you have the (pardon my language) balls to do a show for nudists. I imagine it would be very difficult for a group like that to find entertainers who didn't think they were being creepers. I applaud your open-minded and amiable consideration.

But back to topic, yeah one-on-one performances... ewwwww. Even IF they just wanted dancing that would be soooo awkward.

My old teacher did a show for nudists once as well - several of them subsequently came to classes. They're incredibly good at keeping naturism in the naturist setting - I often forget till one of them says something like "sun club" and then I remember, right, you're a naturist! And I subsequently found that numerous people I know grew up in naturist households. Again, really quite modest people. I've not met a naturist yet who just rips it all off in the dressing room.

I am sure there *are* naturist creepers but most of the ones I have met are totally not.

[quote]

Originally Posted by zumarrad

In Britain and Ireland, though? Seriously?

It actually happens quite a bit. I had a job with a friend in Monaco, another friend flew to Gambia (Lebanese Diamond Merchants) for a New Year party with another dancer who came from London, Kay Taylor from Northern UK with some friends did the Hilton in Algiers for New Year about 2 years ago.. you would be surprised how often this happens.